Kris b
08-07-18, 15:05
Some weeks ago I visited my GP because I had a viral infection. During the examination of my lungs, she told me to let a mole checked that is not as the other atypical moles I have. I know this mole. It was ripped when I was a teenager while sporting and it healed but the mole became dysplastic and have grown. The area wher it has grown was light brown anf got some darker speckles and the gp told me that it was fine and might become one color again. At my mid-twenties it became my obsession after an ingrown hair was causing an inflammation for 3 days, after that it healed nicely in a couple of days. The GP assured me all was still fine as it healed real quickly. It had two shades of brown but was quite symmetrical, although a bit irregular looking border. He called it mildly displastic and nothing to worry about as long as it did not start to grow black on one side, chronic itching or bleeding spontaneously. He told me again it might still become a single darker shade mole. But since then (10 years ago) it did not changed in my opinion.
Now i have a new GP since 8 years (I moved to another town). She has seen the mole in the past without making comments during those 8 years. And all of the sudden she asks me to visit a dermatologist to check it out with a dermascope. She asked me if it changed to a darker color and told her it is still the same for at least 10 years, no itching, etc. She said it was not urgent but adviced to let it check anyway. It completely freaked me out a couple of days later I had my first panic attack in 10 year I think. I am so scared I even don't dare to make an appointment. I'm so scared for bad news. And dr Google also tells me a melanoma can stay unnoticed for lots of years and there are images of melanoma that just seem like an atypical mole (rational thought; these are most likely new moles that grew in a couple of months and are still in situ). Then I started checking, using my cellphone macrolens, magnifying glass, lights.... and yes there are 5 needle sized dark spots in it. :scared10: Chances are these spots are there from the beginning but I never had a macro lens on my cellphone back then. And yes also two tiny white spots (rational thought: flake of loose skin maybe, we loose skin flakes all the time).
I really thought I was over my health anxiety. Not...
I raised my medication I was still taking from 10 to 15mg ecitalopram.But it will take time to kick in. Trying to get distractions but hot weather, weekends, etc makes it even harder. I'm tired of fighting OCD.
Today i bought passiflora and valerian tabs to calm me down. I hope this gets my thought-train stopped. Tomorrow I call for an appointment (if I find the courage) And I might call my therapist I haven't seen in 3 years.
Now i have a new GP since 8 years (I moved to another town). She has seen the mole in the past without making comments during those 8 years. And all of the sudden she asks me to visit a dermatologist to check it out with a dermascope. She asked me if it changed to a darker color and told her it is still the same for at least 10 years, no itching, etc. She said it was not urgent but adviced to let it check anyway. It completely freaked me out a couple of days later I had my first panic attack in 10 year I think. I am so scared I even don't dare to make an appointment. I'm so scared for bad news. And dr Google also tells me a melanoma can stay unnoticed for lots of years and there are images of melanoma that just seem like an atypical mole (rational thought; these are most likely new moles that grew in a couple of months and are still in situ). Then I started checking, using my cellphone macrolens, magnifying glass, lights.... and yes there are 5 needle sized dark spots in it. :scared10: Chances are these spots are there from the beginning but I never had a macro lens on my cellphone back then. And yes also two tiny white spots (rational thought: flake of loose skin maybe, we loose skin flakes all the time).
I really thought I was over my health anxiety. Not...
I raised my medication I was still taking from 10 to 15mg ecitalopram.But it will take time to kick in. Trying to get distractions but hot weather, weekends, etc makes it even harder. I'm tired of fighting OCD.
Today i bought passiflora and valerian tabs to calm me down. I hope this gets my thought-train stopped. Tomorrow I call for an appointment (if I find the courage) And I might call my therapist I haven't seen in 3 years.