My Anxiety - Worrying about my Son.

[Forsh75]

Hi everyone,

I've been suffering from Anxiety for about 12 months now and it's largely based around worrying about my 16 year old son. I don't want to go into the detail but we found a few things on his iPad that were quite worrying. We confronted him about it and everything was fine. He really is a very good lad, lots of friends, excellent at school, sporty etc etc. But now I find myself constantly seeking assurance that he is ok, feeling happy etc. As soon as I get it my Anxiety fades away, almost completely sometimes and I feel "normal", but shortly after, hours rather than days, it creeps back in and the cycle starts again. I've had counselling that helped but I'm defo not "cured". I speak to my wife about it and that really helps, but again it's just temporary. We're going on Holiday soon and he isn't coming, his choice and I'm fine with that but I'm almost certain that I won't be able to enjoy myself, even though I know he's with family and will probably be having a great time.

How on earth do I recover from this when it's based on a genuine worry. When I see him laughing, joking etc all is fine, as soon as I don't the dreaded fear, churning stomach, racing mind etc etc all comes back.

Sorry for the rant, typing this is difficult for me as I'm quite a private person but sharing your worries is meant to be good for you so I thought I'd give it a try.

Thanks for reading.

[venusbluejeans]

To be honest, this sounds really quite normal...... your son is growing up and going to be into all sorts of things and also experiment with things such as sexuality and that you will worry about.... that is normal, you are his parent so you will worry about him.

I think you have to keep telling yourself that it is just normal for a parent to worry especialy when a child gets older and wants the freedom to explore the world around them more.....I think it is hard to let go of that and allow them the freedom to do this and it is very stress inducing.

By the sounds of it your son is a good lad and would tell you if there was anything wrong.... just make sure you are available and open for him to come and talk to you....which I am sure you do anyway.

Good luck :)

[Forsh75]

Hi thanks for your reply.

I agree with what you said and I do tell myself exactly the same but I'm slightly worse than just "normal". For example he's at home alone today as he's just finished his exams. From the second I get to work I think about txting him about football, music etc, not because I really want to know his thoughts but more just for me to check that he's ok. I gauge how well he's feeling by the tone of his reply. How silly is that. If he doesn't reply quickly (he always has his phone with him) I immediately begin to fear the worst. When I eventually get a reply I feel relief spreading through my body.

It's a constant battle talking to my own brain telling it that I'm being stupid and that everything is ok.

[Sleepy]

I’ve been there too. My anxiety in the past has pushed me into panicking about my sons, texting them if they’re 5 minutes late, insisting on texts to let me know they’ve arrived somewhere safely, not wanting them to do any ‘risky’ pursuits like kayaking for example.

I’ve been like this forever, but cbt has recently taught me that I have to trust that they will be ok. I do not catastrophise everything now, and have stopped saying ‘drive carefully’, ‘take care’ etc. It was a ritual I followed, believing if I didn’t say it something terrible would happen.

Your son can take care of himself much better than you think. Also, if you pass on the message to him that the world is a terrifying place and it’s much better to stay at home, he may himself become fearful and not get as much out of life as he should.

Don’t make your peace of mind dependent on your son’s perceived happiness. Teenagers change their moods like the wind. You’ll drive yourself mad! I also know from personal experience that if you’re over-solicitous it really gets on their nerves and they will get pretty sick of you.

I really sympathise: we’re parents and we suffer from anxiety, what a combination.

[Forsh75]

Thanks for your reply. You offer some excellent advice and I agree with everything you say. I know I'm being silly but sometimes you just want the relief so you look for the signs that all is ok.

He went out playing football with his mates last night, came home about 9:30 and sat in the lounge with my wife and I telling us all about it. He was buzzing and obviously I then felt "normal" I should add that he broke his leg playing football 2 years ago and shortly after suffered another serious injury on the same leg. He's only just started playing again. As much as I want him to play I get so nervous when he does.

Kids eh :-)