Doll84
09-07-18, 20:14
A little background. I have suffered from anxiety since I was a child due to a pretty crappy childhood. In my early twenties it got much worse and manifested into OCD. I went through a really rough period with it but got some much needed help and relief with a really good CBT therapist. I have also been in talking therapies for a lot of my adult life. I got married and had 2 children and after my second child was born I got post natal depression. Again I sought therapy and this resolved itself after a while.
Sadly my 3rd child was stillborn last year at full term due to a cord accident. It completely devastated me and I was in shock for a very long time. About 3 months after he died I began to experience severe anxiety about something happening to my other 2 children or my husband. Then I began experiencing twitching in the arches of my feet and convinced myself I was dying and it was the onset of ALS. I went to my GP and she told me the twitching was anxiety related and given the trauma of the loss of my son diagnosed me with PTSD. The twitching continued for 3/4 months on and off and nearly drove me crazy.
I have recently had my rainbow baby and while that has been immensely healing, I now have full blown health anxiety. In the last 3 months I have been scared I have cervical cancer. The twitching is now back. I feel them all over but recently it is concentrated on my face. Twitching eyelid, chin, under eye etc. I have also been having a sore jaw. Yesterday I found a lump on my gum and my mind straight away is convinced I have oral cancer. I’ve booked an appointment to see my dentist tomorrow.
I am so SICK of it all... the constant worry and the constant catastrophising. I feel like I can’t live my life like this and I would just rather die. Was I just put on this Earth to suffer?! I play over in my mind what would happen to my children if I die suddenly and I can’t just enjoy being their mother at all. Some days I drive along thinking I could just crash my car and finish it and it would all be over. I just want some lasting relief from all the worry. I’m sick of therapy as well and talking the death out of things.
I wonder is it worth going back to CBT? In your experience has it been helpful??
Many Thanks for reading his far!
Xx
Sadly my 3rd child was stillborn last year at full term due to a cord accident. It completely devastated me and I was in shock for a very long time. About 3 months after he died I began to experience severe anxiety about something happening to my other 2 children or my husband. Then I began experiencing twitching in the arches of my feet and convinced myself I was dying and it was the onset of ALS. I went to my GP and she told me the twitching was anxiety related and given the trauma of the loss of my son diagnosed me with PTSD. The twitching continued for 3/4 months on and off and nearly drove me crazy.
I have recently had my rainbow baby and while that has been immensely healing, I now have full blown health anxiety. In the last 3 months I have been scared I have cervical cancer. The twitching is now back. I feel them all over but recently it is concentrated on my face. Twitching eyelid, chin, under eye etc. I have also been having a sore jaw. Yesterday I found a lump on my gum and my mind straight away is convinced I have oral cancer. I’ve booked an appointment to see my dentist tomorrow.
I am so SICK of it all... the constant worry and the constant catastrophising. I feel like I can’t live my life like this and I would just rather die. Was I just put on this Earth to suffer?! I play over in my mind what would happen to my children if I die suddenly and I can’t just enjoy being their mother at all. Some days I drive along thinking I could just crash my car and finish it and it would all be over. I just want some lasting relief from all the worry. I’m sick of therapy as well and talking the death out of things.
I wonder is it worth going back to CBT? In your experience has it been helpful??
Many Thanks for reading his far!
Xx