GrafGrau
31-07-07, 15:23
Hello,
I have not really been sure what to write so I keep changing it.
I started suffering from anxiety about 2 months ago. I think at first it appeared as health anxiety/hypochondria, but there were concerns about the obsessive aspects of it and being me I blew it up into more worrying obsession. I am still in two minds as to whether it really is OCD or not, it does not follow the classic examples that one reads about.
The thoughts are health related and for a while I thought it was Panic Disorder, though I have not had many attacks. Still the thoughts have been extremely obsessive, we are talking about from several hours a day to several days continuously and these are that there is something wrong with my health and predominately they are heart related. Since the thoughts have started I found that tactile contact (sorry I feel that the word touch has freaky connotations) with my chest tends to alleviate the anxiety and to stop the thoughts, and that’s why I think it is OCD. Whether or not it actually is is besides the point for me, having the problem identified makes it easier for me to deal with. Its when I am faced with ambiguity and uncertainty that I start to worry.
I am blessed and cursed by working for the local CMHT, helpful to get some action, had a referral to Occupational Health for counselling the same day I told my manager, but conversely for long term care it is difficult because our NHS Trust runs all of the teams in easy travel distance to me.
The counselling has helped a bit, particularly for the week or so afterwards, but it was mainly centred on trying to find ways of distracting me from the thoughts. Given how low my motivation has been in the past few months, the only sources of entertainment are TV/DVDs and upon occasion online computer games and that is pretty costly. I know that sounds terrible, but I never really do much with friends anyway, and after work I am too tired for anything else. Anyhoo because things weren’t improving fast enough I went to see a GP (had to register with one first!) and he prescribed me Citalopram.
I have only been taking it for 6 days and am getting some nasty side effects. At first it was not much, felt the heat a bit more and suffered the occasional brief dizzy spell. Then I have had panic attacks each night since Saturday, though they are lessening in intensity and easier to handle. On Monday I was having muscle spasms or something similar all day, it was like someone was trying to push me over with my shoulder blades. It was not fun sitting down for long. Thankfully that has gone away. Today my head feels very hazy and heavy like you get when your nose is really congested. That I can live with, if that’s all I get. My real problem has been the lack of sleep. I am the kind of person who likes to squeeze every minute I can from the day, but I don’t like to be up in the early hours, I just hate the silence. Today, I am finding I also feel really heavy, now I know I carry too much weight, but it is something more than that, its like parts of my body are dragging down, very odd. All in all I feel like I am getting to see many of the reported side effects one after the other.
The most apparent thing for me is how fidgety I have become. I wasn’t consciously aware of it before, but I hate to be still, even when sitting I find I leg jiggle, or do something with my hands. Since being on Citalopram, a lot of my anxiety has been when laid down in bed and I find that my jiggling is even more pronounced, one of the reasons sleep is so hard is due to the conscious effort of being a perpetual motion device. And so yeah, basically I am just trying to get by day to day, hoping that with a bit of work I will eventually be able to get past this.
Sorry, I guess this a rambling summary of all sorts of things, but I find that passing it on really helps. I have kind of run out of people I want to tell who I know so its handy to have another outlet.
I have not really been sure what to write so I keep changing it.
I started suffering from anxiety about 2 months ago. I think at first it appeared as health anxiety/hypochondria, but there were concerns about the obsessive aspects of it and being me I blew it up into more worrying obsession. I am still in two minds as to whether it really is OCD or not, it does not follow the classic examples that one reads about.
The thoughts are health related and for a while I thought it was Panic Disorder, though I have not had many attacks. Still the thoughts have been extremely obsessive, we are talking about from several hours a day to several days continuously and these are that there is something wrong with my health and predominately they are heart related. Since the thoughts have started I found that tactile contact (sorry I feel that the word touch has freaky connotations) with my chest tends to alleviate the anxiety and to stop the thoughts, and that’s why I think it is OCD. Whether or not it actually is is besides the point for me, having the problem identified makes it easier for me to deal with. Its when I am faced with ambiguity and uncertainty that I start to worry.
I am blessed and cursed by working for the local CMHT, helpful to get some action, had a referral to Occupational Health for counselling the same day I told my manager, but conversely for long term care it is difficult because our NHS Trust runs all of the teams in easy travel distance to me.
The counselling has helped a bit, particularly for the week or so afterwards, but it was mainly centred on trying to find ways of distracting me from the thoughts. Given how low my motivation has been in the past few months, the only sources of entertainment are TV/DVDs and upon occasion online computer games and that is pretty costly. I know that sounds terrible, but I never really do much with friends anyway, and after work I am too tired for anything else. Anyhoo because things weren’t improving fast enough I went to see a GP (had to register with one first!) and he prescribed me Citalopram.
I have only been taking it for 6 days and am getting some nasty side effects. At first it was not much, felt the heat a bit more and suffered the occasional brief dizzy spell. Then I have had panic attacks each night since Saturday, though they are lessening in intensity and easier to handle. On Monday I was having muscle spasms or something similar all day, it was like someone was trying to push me over with my shoulder blades. It was not fun sitting down for long. Thankfully that has gone away. Today my head feels very hazy and heavy like you get when your nose is really congested. That I can live with, if that’s all I get. My real problem has been the lack of sleep. I am the kind of person who likes to squeeze every minute I can from the day, but I don’t like to be up in the early hours, I just hate the silence. Today, I am finding I also feel really heavy, now I know I carry too much weight, but it is something more than that, its like parts of my body are dragging down, very odd. All in all I feel like I am getting to see many of the reported side effects one after the other.
The most apparent thing for me is how fidgety I have become. I wasn’t consciously aware of it before, but I hate to be still, even when sitting I find I leg jiggle, or do something with my hands. Since being on Citalopram, a lot of my anxiety has been when laid down in bed and I find that my jiggling is even more pronounced, one of the reasons sleep is so hard is due to the conscious effort of being a perpetual motion device. And so yeah, basically I am just trying to get by day to day, hoping that with a bit of work I will eventually be able to get past this.
Sorry, I guess this a rambling summary of all sorts of things, but I find that passing it on really helps. I have kind of run out of people I want to tell who I know so its handy to have another outlet.