Am thinking I would be better off dead than existing like this

[willieverbefree]

I was married for 20 years - since my marriage ( unexpectedly for me) ended ...My life/world seemed to turn completely upside down - I seemed to enter a world full of dishonesty, lack of care/consideration in all/any areas ( health included) ( male/s that really do not care) .My health anxiety has now reached a stage whereby I am paralysed by it, fears of having caught viruses etc - not knowing for sure etc...I am now at a stage where I have considered taking my life - because this is no way to live/exist ...What is the point of trying to be a decent/honest/caring and loving person - only to be/feel taken advantage of and for our health to be put at risk.. I loathe the way some people behave today - they destroy peoples lives ..

[12daughertye]

You're not alone.
I'm right with you.

[katniss]

Before I say anything- PLEASE seek help.

You are important. Your life is important. You WILL find happiness. It’s out there. It will take some time but light and happiness will come. Just hold on tight. I’m not a professional and I do think you need professional help. We all do really. Every single person can benefit from therapy. Life can be so hard and people can be cruel but there is lots of good out there.

Please update us. Hugs to you.

[ClipClop]

Hi there,

I have a similar experience. My dad suddenly left after being married to my mum for over 40 years. No-one saw it coming, we had even had a happy family dinner the night before. It was so unforeseen, we thought he must have had a nervous breakdown or worse. No, he just wanted to leave for someone else. It didn't matter that I was a young adult, the life of my mum and I broke into a thousand pieces and I developed severe anxiety symptoms (less so than depression). It was so bad I suddenly found I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without my heart racing that the ground was going to fall beneath me. My health anxiety sky rocketed and I started to experience severe panic attacks. Like you, I felt like giving up. I could see no life, not just without my Dad, but also with the anxiety which was just getting worse.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, after the worse Christmas ever and wanting to take my own life, I started therapy through Anxiety UK. Within a few months, I felt like my life was starting to turn around and I was slowly starting to win over the anxiety. A year later, I had reached a point where I could talk to my Dad (albeit crying and ranting!) but talking nonetheless. I'm just saying all this because I know a little bit about how you feel, I know the crippling anxiety and wishing you were going through a death bereavement because then people might understand. I also know that is IS possible to find some kind of life again and to beat the anxiety. So much of mine was wrapped up in anger which I unravelled with my therapist.

For what it's worth, my mum seems more confident now than she was when she was with him (but again, this was achieved with help over time).

Please hang in there and seek help. It is worth it. You are worth it. I promise. xxx