Fertility advice please

[Insomniac]

OK, I'm not sure where to start....

I have a daughter who's almost 9 years old and she's lovely. My hubby (not her genetic father) had vasectomy years ago and we've been told reversal would not work as the sperm are now too lazy to swim anywhere...

IVF is so expensive it would cost us £4,000 just for one single attempt, which is completely out of the question and only has a 20% chance of working.

I didn't know where to post this, and I'm not sure what I want to ask exactly (don't worry I'm not looking for volunteers), and I do hope I don't offend anyone..... Can anyone think of what we could do next, bearing in mind we dont have a lot of funds? We have thought about adoption, but I wonder about how the anxiety would be considered? Or maybe we should go for sperm donation? But how do you know what you're getting (e.g. nasty diseases).

We both love out daughter and appreciate her so much, we know many people have no children at all. I lost a child to miscarriage before I met hubby, and feel the loss so much because I can't have more. But I feel so empty and we both want our daughter to have a sibling. I have 2 sisters and hubby has sister & brother, we both get so much from those relationships. there's so much involved in this.

Hope I havent posted inappropriately.....but the sadness, leads to depression, leads to more anxiety........:wacko:

[kazzie]

Hi Ins:D

Dont think anx would be held against you re adoption!!!

I have no personal experience but I believe sperm donors are screened for nasties etc!!! I also think you can choose certain aspects of who donates sperm ie skin tone eye colour etc!!!

Hope you find a solution:yesyes:

Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:

[Insomniac]

Thanks Kaz.

I guess its the anxiety and self-esteem issues that make me worry about it!

Thanks for your fast reply.

[mucky]

Hi Lisa, you sound like a great mum.
I really think that you should try to enjoy what you already have, life really is is too short to worry about what you don't have.

Enjoy your family, your daughter is 9 she will soon be a teenager then she will have far more important things to worry about like friends, lol believe me its true.

Whatever happens, I believe our life plan is already prepared for us all.

Good luck. love yourself and your family, you deserve it.

Muck

[Piglet]

I would make a doctors appt and ask them to refer you to someone that could give you proper advice on all the alternatives both medically and otherwise.

Best of luck hun. :hugs:

Piglet :flowers:

[kate]

I'd still go for the vasectomy reversal as my brother in law had a vasectomy about 20 years before he met my sis in law. He had his reversed and was producing sperm again. Unfortunately, they didn't get pregnant but it was due to my sis in law not producing "good" eggs not bro in laws vasectomy reversal!

They ended up going down the IVF route and had 3 attempts before they got pregnant with twins. I know the cost is very high though.

Kate

[Insomniac]

We've seen our GP (about as useful as a chocolate fireguard!). But we have also seen IVF consultant. They checked Daryl's sperm to see about reversal. He was pleased to hear he's still producing sperm but was told they would be unlikely to swim anywhere (too lazy after all this time resting).

IVF is totally out of our league. We can't get funding because of already having our daughter and because Daryl chose to have his vasectomy. So I guess we're stuck again.

I know our girl wouldn't appreciate a noisy attention grabbing baby in the house... but we both get ever so broody, and we have great relationships and support from our brothers and sisters that we would really love our daughter to be able to have that when she's older.

thanks again for your advice, and thank you Kate for your message of hope.

[angiebaby]

There is no harm in a vascetomy reversal anyway if that is an option, worth a try - one option.
Another is IVF but of course the expense is out of the question.
Adoption is a great idea but how about trying fostering first. This is a slow process anyway and will give you the opportunity to discuss things, options and that, with the professionals involved in the fostering and adoption processes. And foster families are always desperatly needed. This can be a short term or long term arrangement and there is the prospect of adoption also. We have looked into this but have never contacted the social worker to get the ball rolling. You can apply on line, send for a pack and read all about it and then decide what to do. I know a couple of foster carers and they have done it for years and they love it, one has even gone onto adopt one of the children that she fostered.
On a more personal note, from my experience, i am an only child and i always wanted brothers or sisters but my husband is one of seven children and i thought it would be wonderful to join such a family, i was mistaken. There is always nothing but trouble and arguments, so i don't suppose you can win.
I have three children who are growing up fast and my youngest is 9 now. I would love more but i carry badly and have lots of problems giving birth so my husband had a vasectomy so that i wouldn't have any more problems. But i was born to be a mother and i still get so very broody, don't think it will ever go away. When ever your children grow up, no matter how many you have, you still have trouble remembering how it was when they were little, hard for me even though i look at the pictures. It is difficult to remember holding your little baby and now looking at them being so big and grown up and not really needing you as much now. This will always happen anyway, they grow so quickly! I think my children would love me to foster a child, they would spoil them rotten. They are proper little mothers too, they always help the little ones at play centres, and my two youngest are boys!
Why not send for a fostering pack online, no harm to read about it and see how you feel then. Let us know how you go on and i wish you all the best.xx

[Insomniac]

Hi Angie

We have discussed fostering and I really don't think I could cope with it emotionally. It would be so hard t let go each time. That's why we thought of fostering as a better option. That way we could give a permanent home to a child who really needs that stability.

I have to say I haven't always got on perfectly with my sisters, but in the end we all know we are there for each other if we need anything. And Daryl is the same with his brother and sister. Thats what we want for Hannah as much as anything.

Thank you so much for your supportive and honest reply. I know its not strictly anxiety, but it has a serious effect on my emotional stability (or lack of it!).


:flowers: :flowers: :flowers:

[celia davies]

I think you should go for the sperm donation the people who donate have to b screened before,you are not ready to give up motherhood just yet it sounds,be happy xceliax