View Full Version : Anxiety back with a vengance- Neighbours etc
Hi all,
It's been a while since I posted but really need some support. :weep:
My anxiety was non existent until about 3 months ago. A neighbour moved in upstairs, a drinker who had constant parties etc. She even had homeless stay with her etc and had a tenant which is illegal. We had an attempted break in a few weeks ago as well as well as other issues. The council and housing association just don't help no matter what we do, it takes years to evict someone. She admitted everything to them. I can't rent because of my credit etc and just don't know where to turn. The lady has kept the noise down but stays up all night and every step is noisy. My son has trauma anxiety and hates sleeping, this was diagnosed by the doctor and my wife has had weeks off work so we are losing money. This lady does not work and it's just not fair. I need to work on my anxiety (heart going) every time I hear a step but do not know what to do. I am going to talk to 'Time to talk' about CBT again but just feel like i'm going back to how I was years ago with depression and panic attacks. We have cockroaches due to the boiler people making a leak and the damp is awful. Just need some help.
Can anyone help?
I am waking up to any silly noise and feel sick to every little noise. She has made an effort so maybe im being unfair, I can't tell her to sleep early.
Short of moving the only thing I can suggest are ear plugs. My wife snores and our ceiling fan sometimes makes a clicking sound. Both wake me. I bought foam ear plugs and ZZzzzzz :)
Positive thoughts
GiantMogwai
19-07-18, 13:21
Earplugs help to muffle the noise. Try out a few different brands of ear plugs to see which work for you. Foam are better than wax in my opinion. I sleep with foam earplugs every night. I roll the foam ones so they are thin, push them in my ear gently, and then hold them in place as they expand. Happy to recommend some if you want.
You can also put ear defenders over these when not sleeping to increase the muffling of noise even more. Ear defenders are not that expensive.
The challenge with both of these techniques is that although they muffle the noise quite a bit some noise and some vibrations will still get through.
Also for your son maybe he can listen to music with headphones to help him get to sleep. I used to do this a bit when I was a kid. He could also potentially put some ear defenders on when he is reading at bedtime.
Apart from this you could try a few things.
1. If the upstairs floor is wooden and your neighbour wears shoes in the house ask her if she wouldn't mind not wearing shoes in the house. This can make a big difference.
2. If the upstairs floor is wooden ask the housing agency if there is anything in the lease relating to noise reduction such as the upstairs flat having to be carpeted. Our flat has to be carpeted because of downstairs neighbours. That is in our lease. It helps a bit.
3. If you can bear to move, put your name on the waiting list for a top floor flat, so you won't have upstairs neighbours anymore.
4. Make sure you go out to a quiet place with your family as often as you can to get away from the noise.
Thanks both of you, will go down that route. Everyone else sleeps apart from me, bloody anxiety. Fishmanpa, hope you are well.
Edit- Have ordered some foam earplugs of Amazon. Trying to make myself feel better by thinking it could be worse and atleast she has made an effort. Just need a lottery win.
GiantMogwai
19-07-18, 17:40
Thanks both of you, will go down that route. Everyone else sleeps apart from me, bloody anxiety. Fishmanpa, hope you are well.
Edit- Have ordered some foam earplugs of Amazon. Trying to make myself feel better by thinking it could be worse and atleast she has made an effort. Just need a lottery win.
"Laser Lite" are my favourite - £3.56 for 20 pairs on Amazon UK.
I've tried the earplugs and although they help it's my anxiety which is terrible. My neighbour is being a lot more quiet and now it's just footsteps and cupboards in the night. My wife and kids sleep through it but if I hear one noise even during the day I get this horrible anxious feeling. She spoke to me yesterday and although she's an alcoholic is trying. I was thinking about buying a white noise machine but I'm really hoping someone on here can help? How can I learn to ignore the noise and just see it as a normal noise like a car going by etc....I feel sick coming near the house even although it's not even that bad.
Another night where I haven't slept although she hardly made noise. Whenever a cupboard shuts or anything this sensation I get is horrible.
GiantMogwai
28-07-18, 10:15
Have you always had this sensitivity to sound or is it recent? Are these reactions to sound just in the house or also out and about?
---------- Post added at 10:11 ---------- Previous post was at 09:24 ----------
I use ear defenders over ear plugs in house when too many noises are bothering. Try to get out to quiet places more. Have fixed bed time for everyone or at least a no banging about in kitchen after a certain time.
---------- Post added at 10:15 ---------- Previous post was at 10:11 ----------
I think what you are looking for is desensitization. I have no experience of this and in my personal experience the more sound I expose myself to the worse it gets. Some others here may have more experience of that kind of approach. I hope this gets better for you. :)
I've tried the earplugs and although they help it's my anxiety which is terrible. My neighbour is being a lot more quiet and now it's just footsteps and cupboards in the night. My wife and kids sleep through it but if I hear one noise even during the day I get this horrible anxious feeling. She spoke to me yesterday and although she's an alcoholic is trying. I was thinking about buying a white noise machine but I'm really hoping someone on here can help? How can I learn to ignore the noise and just see it as a normal noise like a car going by etc....I feel sick coming near the house even although it's not even that bad.
You really shouldn't be able to hear footsteps above you in a flat, Willous. Is it a conversion? It shows that there is obviously no sound-proofing to floor, in which case it's not appropriate to have wooden flooring, unless it is of the "floating floor" variety which has rubber underlay. Otherwise, the flat should be carpeted in bedroom/s and lounge. I would definitely look into this.
I have similar problem with sensitivity to noise and the only advice I can offer is to use earplugs at night as GM suggests. I find certain anti-anxiety/pain meds (eg Pregabalin) also help to take edge off anxiety caused by sudden sharp noises - but you would have to speak to your GP regarding this.
I'm not sensitive to noise usually and the old neighbour used to have her TV loud and I never cared. It's because of the crap we had with this neighbour that it's constantly on my mind. My wife doesn't worry about it now and says she heard footsteps etc with old people. I just need a way of trying to focus away from it so the footsteps don't bother me. The housing association are terrible and don't help. The ear things work but make me anxious as it makes me think noise is there when it isn't. The lady upstairs has carpets but the floors are thin.
I'm not sensitive to noise usually and the old neighbour used to have her TV loud and I never cared. It's because of the crap we had with this neighbour that it's constantly on my mind. My wife doesn't worry about it now and says she heard footsteps etc with old people. I just need a way of trying to focus away from it so the footsteps don't bother me. The housing association are terrible and don't help. The ear things work but make me anxious as it makes me think noise is there when it isn't. The lady upstairs has carpets but the floors are thin.
Then you must treat your anxiety so you can tolerate the noise. Short-term that means meds. I could tell you to sit there in the lotus position meditating but doubt that will help :shrug:
Thanks KK, I'm on citilopram, maybe I should make an app to see the GP?
I think that would be a good idea. Perhaps an increase in dose would help. You can't let this carry on though because it's obviously having an impact on your mental health.
It really is, I feel like I'm going crazy because of it and I just can't live a normal life. For ages I felt so much better.
We have relapses and blips, Willous. Not our fault - and all we can do is try our best to tolerate what we cannot change.
Thanks KK, appreciate it.
GiantMogwai
28-07-18, 21:45
My neighbours kid was out with his basketball on concrete today. Parents were encouraging him to bounce the ball as much as possible. Could hear it throughout our flat. Earlier some scaffolding was being laid across the road by neighbours. They were using those really noisy screwdriver drills. I couldn't handle it so yelled at them to shut up, closed my balcony door, drew the curtains and went to kitchen where I could still hear the drilling through earplugs and ear defenders. Had a meltdown - loud screaming. Went out to a quiet spot in a park for an hour. Came back home and there is a loud music event in the park nearest home. Noise and bass coming through windows. Hope it calms down soon. Will try and get lie in tomorrow if I can to recuperate. Anxious about neighbour kid and his basketball. They can start really early morning. Feel like utter crap. Other neighbours had visitor who said he was from council about the noise but think it was friend of theirs cracking a joke. Now slightly paranoid I'll get letter from environmental health about my screaming. Have been wearing ear plugs and ear defenders a lot this week. Generally a lot calmer. If these can block noise then I don't worry about noise. They can't block basketball or drilling though. Fingers crossed tomorrow is Sunday so hopefully I'll get more peace.
---------- Post added at 21:45 ---------- Previous post was at 21:20 ----------
Am now reading about Sectioning on the Mind web site and getting even more scared. I'm getting scared police officers will show up at my door tomorrow for shouting "shut up" at the scaffolders, that I'll be sectioned, forced on medication in hospital, fight back, and then be abused/killed by mental hospital staff. Yup, worst case scenario I know. Time to watch some crap TV and try not to think about any of this. Feel really terrible.
My neighbours kid was out with his basketball on concrete today. Parents were encouraging him to bounce the ball as much as possible. Could hear it throughout our flat. Earlier some scaffolding was being laid across the road by neighbours. They were using those really noisy screwdriver drills. I couldn't handle it so yelled at them to shut up, closed my balcony door, drew the curtains and went to kitchen where I could still hear the drilling through earplugs and ear defenders. Had a meltdown - loud screaming. Went out to a quiet spot in a park for an hour. Came back home and there is a loud music event in the park nearest home. Noise and bass coming through windows. Hope it calms down soon. Will try and get lie in tomorrow if I can to recuperate. Anxious about neighbour kid and his basketball. They can start really early morning. Feel like utter crap. Other neighbours had visitor who said he was from council about the noise but think it was friend of theirs cracking a joke. Now slightly paranoid I'll get letter from environmental health about my screaming. Have been wearing ear plugs and ear defenders a lot this week. Generally a lot calmer. If these can block noise then I don't worry about noise. They can't block basketball or drilling though. Fingers crossed tomorrow is Sunday so hopefully I'll get more peace.
---------- Post added at 21:45 ---------- Previous post was at 21:20 ----------
Am now reading about Sectioning on the Mind web site and getting even more scared. I'm getting scared police officers will show up at my door tomorrow for shouting "shut up" at the scaffolders, that I'll be sectioned, forced on medication in hospital, fight back, and then be abused/killed by mental hospital staff. Yup, worst case scenario I know. Time to watch some crap TV and try not to think about any of this. Feel really terrible.
You know that's your anxiety speaking, GM, and not surprising after the day you've had. Try and recharge your batteries tonight - tomorrow is another day...a better one for all of us I hope!
GiantMogwai
28-07-18, 22:47
You know that's your anxiety speaking, GM, and not surprising after the day you've had. Try and recharge your batteries tonight - tomorrow is another day...a better one for all of us I hope!
Agreed and thank you. :)
Hope your ok GM.
I came home today after staying away last night. I try to find any excuse. I hate the fact that I know I'm being dramatic but can't help the feelings. It's 6pm and I heard her walk upstairs and my heart went funny with this anxious feeling. Is there any tips to helpe forget about it.
Try using white noise vid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ec2RxsPp8vg&t=9s
---------- Post added at 19:44 ---------- Previous post was at 19:09 ----------
I hope you had a more relaxing day too, GM.
GiantMogwai
29-07-18, 23:38
Thanks guys :)
I woke up really stressed that the basketball would start bouncing, or somebody would start hammering. Took me hours to calm down just from the anticipation. Went out to have Japanese chicken curry for lunch and when I got home was feeling better.
The rain today kept the neighbours indoors and I think they are jet lagged so they are quite quiet today, and my flat has been pretty quiet, so been an ok afternoon. I hope it rains a lot this week.
---------- Post added at 22:57 ---------- Previous post was at 22:52 ----------
p.s. that white noise video is not bad - not a noise that irritates me so far. Might try it next time a sound is getting to me and see if it counterbalances it.
---------- Post added at 23:07 ---------- Previous post was at 22:57 ----------
This one is even more relaxing.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A75PQLV-Nck
Reminds me of air conditioner noise I slept to a lot when I was a kid. Nice. :)
---------- Post added at 23:38 ---------- Previous post was at 23:07 ----------
I feel like listening to that just gave my brain a gentle massage.
I really need to sort this. My neighbour upstairs has been walking around since 7 in the morning and every footstep I hear gives me this horrible sick feeling. She can't stop walking just because of hat it does to me but I don't know what to do. Making myself ill
Trying breathing techniques when I hear noise.
Why does she walk around so much? Or do you think it's because you're so sensitive to noise and it just feels that way?
Catherine S
04-08-18, 21:25
Some people just don't get it, that having a hard wood or laminate floor...basically any floor that isn't carpet means you take your shoes off if you live above another flat, you don't clip-clop around in outdoor shoes. We had the same problem in previous accomodation, and once when visiting my hubby's sister in her top floor flat, she walked around making such a bloody racket in her heels that I asked her to take her shoes off! Absolutely no consideration for the people living below her. There should be a law against it as it causes so much stress for those who have to live with this kind of noise every day !
I hope you find some peace soon.
Cath x
Hey. I just wanted to give my input. I am going though this exact thing.
I live in a flat and the downstairs tenants are horrible. The woman loves to have loud arguments at 1..2..3 in the morning.It got pretty heated with me and them once.
The thing is, you have attached an anxiety to sounds. This means your body will go into "Fight or flight" mode and sent panic,worry and that sinking feeling all though your body. This is what causes your worry. Its like health anxiety. You feel a slight pain on your body, and your body goes into fight or flight mode.
The best thing I do is get up early, stay away so I can sleep at night. I highly recommend the "Laser Lite" ear buds people have recommended on here. I own a few pairs and will be getting more.
The BEST bit of advice I can give you is not to pay attention to it. You have a fear from it, so your will naturally hear more if it. When I put the ear buds in I only hear it when I listen out to it. Trust me, when you are asleep, you will not wake up with the ear buds. Its almost silent.
Thank you so so much PanicBill, you've got it and understand exactly what I'm saying. My wife doesn't pay attention to it so doesn't even hear anything as such. I am going to try the laser lite ones. I slept with the fan on all night last night but kept thinking I heard noise. Thing is, the lady has been quiet apart from footsteps in the night lately. Even if I hear something in the day I get the horrible feeling. If I hear other noise, like the bin men, birds (whatever it may be) I don't care, it's like my body wants to hear something from her to harm me and give me that feeling.
I'm trying Headspace to see if that works.
---------- Post added at 20:45 ---------- Previous post was at 20:44 ----------
Thanks for your post too Cath!!
Thank you so so much PanicBill, you've got it and understand exactly what I'm saying. My wife doesn't pay attention to it so doesn't even hear anything as such. I am going to try the laser lite ones. I slept with the fan on all night last night but kept thinking I heard noise. Thing is, the lady has been quiet apart from footsteps in the night lately. Even if I hear something in the day I get the horrible feeling. If I hear other noise, like the bin men, birds (whatever it may be) I don't care, it's like my body wants to hear something from her to harm me and give me that feeling.
I'm trying Headspace to see if that works.
---------- Post added at 20:45 ---------- Previous post was at 20:44 ----------
Thanks for your post too Cath!!
Pleasure mate! Anxiety can really make us worry about some strange things at times. Even if they are very quiet, to us, it means "trouble is coming" crazy huh.
Hi, some may have read my post on my neighbours. They have been ok but the anxiety of what happened has built up and now I can't cope. My next door neighbour has some drunk/druggie type round and it's set me off. Why can't I be like my wife who doesn't care or notice it. It's ruining our relationship, she doesn't get anxiety. I need to clear this worry straight away. I just want to sleep and can't rest at work. If I hear or see upstairs or next to be then I get this horrible feeling.
---------- Post added at 22:13 ---------- Previous post was at 20:54 ----------
Please can someone tell me how to stop this feeling. I'm listening out for any noise I can...footsteps TV etc
Please can someone tell me how to stop this feeling. I'm listening out for any noise I can...footsteps TV etc
Ear buds + music or a movie.
Positive thoughts
Thanks. I put earplugs in and think I hear something then take them out and drive myself mad. I don't know what to do. They have to live and the walls are just very thin. It's driving me mad.
---------- Post added at 11:12 ---------- Previous post was at 09:26 ----------
just need to be able to go home and enjoy life again
I am making myself so ill. I am constantly listening out for any noise I can. I use earbuds but keep taking them out in case I hear anything. How do I stop this, I really need some advice. I dread night times!
What do you fear exactly?
nomorepanic
28-08-18, 21:05
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
Thank you. I am not sure what I fear which makes it worse. I could have anyone upstairs or kids running about but fear the smallest noise only if it's from her??
I have found out I can do CBT from work which starts next week and I have an anxiety group thing which starts next week too. Doctor has also given me some diazapam whilst I'm starting this. Praying o can start feeling better.
I have found out I can do CBT from work which starts next week and I have an anxiety group thing which starts next week too. Doctor has also given me some diazapam whilst I'm starting this. Praying o can start feeling better.
There ya go! Good going on recognizing you need help and seeking it out. You did it before, you can do it again.
Positive thoughts
Back home tonight and straight away all I want to do is sleep. Neighbour was out when I came in and I just keep checking every noise etc to see if she's back in, it's messed up. She talks loud and is up late but has changed dramatically so why can't my brain see this FFS. When I'm out I can forget about it. I've even gone to the extremes of booking a hotel with the family somewhere to avoid being here for the night....it's my bloody home. It's the horrible constant feeling of fear that's the worst and it's affecting the relationship with my wife. She says it's just part and parcel of living in a flat now and she barely noticeable the noise. Sorry for the long post but it's good to put down somewhere
---------- Post added at 19:23 ---------- Previous post was at 18:16 ----------
Really need some help tonight :( feel so sick they are enjoying being noisy but have teenagers there banging around.
Please can someone help. I was at my parents all weekend with my family in one room. I have a constant sick feeling, tight chest etc. My neighbour has not even been that bad but my anxiety/brain has just overtaken and I cannot go back to my own home without crying and feeling sick. I am stuck and now off work,the council won't do anything and it seems nothing can be done. I am at the end of it now. Will Propranolol help the horrible anxious feeling in the stomach?? My life is ruined all because of my neighbour, even if she moves and I hear it I didnt know how to cope, now its just being in the flat. What do I do?
Please can someone help. I was at my parents all weekend with my family in one room. I have a constant sick feeling, tight chest etc. My neighbour has not even been that bad but my anxiety/brain has just overtaken and I cannot go back to my own home without crying and feeling sick. I am stuck and now off work,the council won't do anything and it seems nothing can be done. I am at the end of it now. Will Propranolol help the horrible anxious feeling in the stomach?? My life is ruined all because of my neighbour, even if she moves and I hear it I didnt know how to cope, now its just being in the flat. What do I do?
I had that for a while when I had a heavy walker above me. So annoying and the walking and banging of some stuff on the floor would wake me up in the mornings and I guess annoy me during the day if it was excessive.
Anyway, all I did was when I was home and doing work or house work and it got annoying....boom, I'd put on my headphones and listen to music or the radio on my phone. If I was watching TV, I used wireless headphones and listen to the TV. At night when going to sleep, I'd use my ear plugs connected to my computer and listen to Youtube rains sounds. I never woke up early because of the loud sounds. I never heard the annoying upstairs crap anymore. Peaceful. If no one was home upstairs....great no headphones ha.
They have since moved. Next couple put in the required carpeting without complaining. So it's very quiet now.
Hey. I just wanted to give my input. I am going though this exact thing.
I live in a flat and the downstairs tenants are horrible. The woman loves to have loud arguments at 1..2..3 in the morning.It got pretty heated with me and them once.
The thing is, you have attached an anxiety to sounds. This means your body will go into "Fight or flight" mode and sent panic,worry and that sinking feeling all though your body. This is what causes your worry. Its like health anxiety. You feel a slight pain on your body, and your body goes into fight or flight mode.
The best thing I do is get up early, stay away so I can sleep at night. I highly recommend the "Laser Lite" ear buds people have recommended on here. I own a few pairs and will be getting more.
The BEST bit of advice I can give you is not to pay attention to it. You have a fear from it, so your will naturally hear more if it. When I put the ear buds in I only hear it when I listen out to it. Trust me, when you are asleep, you will not wake up with the ear buds. Its almost silent.
I know this thread is a few years old now, but this post did get me thinking that many houses and flats, especially semis and terraces, have never really been designed and built with neighbour noise nuisance in mind, often with very poor soundproofing in between individual properties, whether above, below or beside (or all 3).
An issue that's sadly often been overlooked by architects and builders pretty much since time immemorial.
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