View Full Version : Do you ever feel like ?
Cause you know it wont get any better?
I think about it all the time, have never went through with it though (obviously).. only because of my cat. I know it sounds daft but if I did, there would be no one to feed her.
Thats all thats stopping me.
Hi KittyKate
Yes, I have on many occasions.
When I was in my teens I tried on a number of occasions between the ages of 12 and 18. I'm not sure at that time that I really wanted to die as such, although I was extremely despressed and unhappy but I certainly wanted to do something to change how I was feeling and that was the only option I thought I had open to me.
Over the years I have felt suicidal on numerous occasions but have not acted on those feelings. I have engaged in other forms of self harm but now realise it is a way of dealing, or probably not facing, painful emotions that are still hurt too much that I cannot talk or let my feelings out or deal with them.
Currently I suffer from an eating disorder. I have thoughts of suicide and often I don't care if I die from this illness. Many refer to it as a slow form of suicide. I'm not sure that's true as there are much quicker ways if I was determined to go that route.
So, what I am saying really I guess is to look at your life and consider where the suicidal feelings are coming from. What would help to change the way you feel? What practical steps would help? Are you receiving professional help? Do you have friends, family and/or professional to talk to?
Suidice is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Recovery might not be straight forward and there are bumps and twists and turns along the way, but it is doable. You can get there.
We are here for you too.
Karen xx
groovygranny
04-08-07, 07:23
Suidice is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Recovery might not be straight forward and there are bumps and twists and turns along the way, but it is doable. You can get there.
We are here for you too.
Hello KittyKate
Wise words from Karen, and if the truth were known more people have these thoughts than probably would care to admit. But, having the thoughts doesn't automatically mean that they would attempt to act upon them. I'm so glad you have your cat!
We are all here on nmp to help, support and comfort each other - so don't stop posting eh?
This 'solution' will always be the result of crossing the line from thought to action - and is obviously irreversible.....no second chance if you change your mind afterwards.
Oh, and it's not at all daft for you to be considering your cat so highly - I reckon he/she is lucky to have an owner like you, because many poor mites don't have that sort of love bestowed upon them.
So, big hugs for you I think
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
:flowers:
Ho but you can get better Kitty Kate, millions of people do all the time. The problem with a lot of people is that they feel they have lost all purpose in life, and that is the key to recovery – you have to find a purpose in life. Find something to get excited about, something that is much stronger than the negativity that you are feeling right now. It won't change your life overnight. It's a bit like climbing a hill, you might keep falling down, but if you persevere, you will reach the top. I know it's easier said than done when you are at a low ebb, but you have to keep pushing yourself.
I'm sorry peeps.
Yesterday I went to see my nephew in hospital, hes not very well at all. As soon as I went into the hospital I new I could feel a panic attack coming on. I made it up to the 4th floor and got to his bed when it came on fully. I just made an excuse and left.
I was sweating and acting strange, everyone was looking at me, I just feel I have totally embarrested myself. Hes so ill and I'm too scared to go back and see him. Why is this happening to me. I just fel like such a fool.
I'm only 26 and feel my life is over.
I had a drink last night and I probably shouldnt have. If I had pills in the house I would have taken them.
groovygranny
04-08-07, 22:15
Hi KittyKate,
First - Well Done for getting to your nephew's bedside, and on the 4th floor of the hospital no less! You kept going even after the attack started.:yesyes: There's no shame in that at all.
Ok, you're scared about going back, that's understandable, but try anyway? Maybe next time you'll be able to stay just a few minutes? Push yourself yes, but not beyond what you can endure - you've made a positive step by going to the hospital and getting to your nephew's bedside already!
Your life's not over pet, it's just pretty pants at this time. Yeah maybe the alcohol wasn't such a good idea but hey, I've made that mistake too many times to mention!
Try not to worry about what people think when you feel peculiar - you don't know what they may be trying to hide themselves eh?
Tom's right - you have to find a purpose in life. Perhaps that purpose at the moment is your nephew.
Bug hugs for you now
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
:flowers:
Thanks you. You are so kind, you dont know how much your words have helped me.
I will try again, I've got to.
I hate living in the city, I want to be out in the open, in the countryside. All my panic attacks are because I feel closed in or theres too many people around me.
I filled in 3 applications of housing today all in rural locations, I hope I get something x
groovygranny
04-08-07, 23:38
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
" I will try again, I've got to."
That's the spirit! Remember, we're all here for you.
Good luck with your housing applications KittyKate - let us know how you get on ok?
night night :flowers:
Thank you xx
You know something silly, I think my cat was sent to me to watch over me. When I cant be bothered getting out of bed, she licks my nose, purrs and follows me everywhere I go.
When I go to the toilet she even follows me then LOL
She is such an affectionate wee thing, I would truly be lost withought her. Even when I'm upset, she comes over and sits on my lap wanting petted.
Evertime she goes out I worry about her, but she always comes home x
KittyKate, a few years ago, I was walking along a road and I saw a middle aged woman acting very strange and crying. Then I realised the pigeons had landed near to her (because of my own panics) I recognised what was happening and was able to comfort her BUT for a moment I was afraid that she would reject my help, and I would look foolish !!!
was sweating and acting strange, everyone was looking at me, I just feel I have totally embarressed myself. Hes so ill and I'm too scared to go back and see him. Why is this happening to me. I just fel like such a fool. Maybe there was someone there who was afraid to help?
Maybe buy yourself a little toy cat that you can keep in your pocket to remind you of your own cat's support for you ? this might help at least worth a try??
All my best wishes to you
june
Aww KittyKate, that's lovely about your cat :)
I think it helps to have a special cat or a pet because it gives us a reason to carry on - another living being relies on us to look after it. So your cat gives you a reason to get up out of bed and to carry on trying to get well and to carry on living :hugs:
I hope the housing applications work out for you.
Karen xx
groovygranny
05-08-07, 18:41
Hi KittyKate,
I think your cat is a very special cat too - and you are both lucky to have each other.
How are you today? Saw this and thought of you!
http://www.tonyamemory.homestead.com/files/BigHugs.gif
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
:flowers:
Hi KittyKate,
Well done for carrying on at the hospital despite feeling an attack coming on. Yes you had to leave but there is now a post for you to aim for next time. Nobody will have noticed you felt anxious and you certainly didn't embarrass yourself. I hope the housing applications go well, maybe you could also try getting out into the countryside for walks so you can take a break from anxiety.
Take care,
Mike x
Well done babes
I have felt like it many times but haven't gone through with it i am p#ssed off with it now.So i am off to Morrisons on my OWN.I am full of anger to day and if i do have a panic attack it can go and kissmy ar#e
SORRY FOR THE LANGUAGE
Good luck at Morrisobs Gary.
Kate - Where do you live in Scotland ? Im in Central region.
I think that very few people would have noticed how much you were panicking, but like the others said. Well done for making it there
Take Care
Hi KittyKate, yes it always comes to mind but what stops me is my mom it would be to sad for her, i know her and i know she would just fall apart and i don't want that.
Hope you're feeling a bit better now.
As others have said it's unlikely that anyone actually noticed you were feeling bad. I've sometimes felt aweful when someone has visited yet they later said I seemed to be feeling OK!
However if people did notice then, if you think about it, Hospital is a pretty good place to be when it happened!
Pets definately seem to help, I know my parrots do.
Thanks for all your replys, I feel much better about everything now.
I dont think the vodka is good for me, when I have a drink it feels like one step forward two steps back.
I only have a drink about 2 days a week, but I look forward to those two days as I have nothing else going on. Its sounds silly I know and wish I could stop.
groovygranny
09-08-07, 22:20
Hello Kittykate!
Oh I'm so glad you're feeling better - well done you eh?!!
Nothing wrong with having a drink - as long as you remain in control of how much you have.
You don't say exactly how much you're having on these two occasions but I would hazard a guess it will be over the limit that you can personally cope with?
How about reducing the amount by maybe
a) just drinking less (easier said than done!)
b) having half a tot of vodka to the same amount of mixer?
c) alternating between a vodka drink and just mixer/soft drink every other drink?
Don't know - it may work it may not. Just thought I'd give my two pennyworth lol !!
hugs :hugs::hugs::flowers:
Groovygranny I trully beleive you are an angel as your words have helped me so much and many others I can imagine!
Yes I prolly drink too much, about a bottle each time! I feel really ill the next day, its awful.
Today instead of buying a bottle, I have bought a half bottle so even if I wanted to I cant go out and get more cause I will never drink and drive.
If I keep buying the half bottle, I Ithink things will improve, hopefully x
groovygranny
10-08-07, 01:12
Ooh, I'm no angel love :noangel: - but it's very kind of you to say so!
Today instead of buying a bottle, I have bought a half bottle so even if I wanted to I cant go out and get more cause I will never drink and drive.
See? You're doing it KittyKate !!
You're taking control back - that is such a strong move, well done!!
Now you'll only feel half awful the next day lol !! But that's got to be better than 'all' awful eh? !!!
You can do this you know, ok?
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
:flowers:
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