Quiet-Lift
09-08-07, 00:00
Hi everybody...
I haven't been using NMP for awhile but have decided to take a chance and post something to try and distract myself and get a few things off my chest.
Today is the 8-month anniversary of my decision to stop smoking. I'm pleased with what I've done so far, but it has'nt been easy and I still crave the fags through boredom or the mistaken belief that they will soothe my anxiety or worries.
I've had another really bad day. A lot of crying and mental anguish which mercifully seems to have drifted away for the time being. I'm just not comfortable in myself at the moment and the useless guilt is giving me all kinds of difficulty.
Managed to visit my CMHT office today. I'm a member of the newsletter group but haven't been going for a month. I'd received a letter from the OT who runs the group and this must have encouraged me to return. There were only three of us but I did manage to make a contribution of sorts despite the way I was feeling. I was very slowed down because of my depression.
Afterward, the OT asked me if I was going home and asked if I would like her to call me. I said I thought it would be a good idea.
Unfortunately, she didn't call. I was a bit disappointed and am doing my best to rationalise the reasons rather than allowing paranoia to take over.
My agoraphobia seems to have grown more acute recently and my anxiety is more keenly felt. I have to force myself to go out sometimes and even then I can only go to relatively nearby and familiar places. I find this really gets me down because I don't want to stay at home. I don't think the isolation is good for me. Can anyone else relate to this?
If you have managed to read this to the end...many thanks. Sorry it's not more cheerful or optimistic. I don't want to go into too much detail for fear of boring anybody or even myself! It's not easy to keep it all together in a coherent and readable kind of way when everything seems so overwhelming.
I haven't been using NMP for awhile but have decided to take a chance and post something to try and distract myself and get a few things off my chest.
Today is the 8-month anniversary of my decision to stop smoking. I'm pleased with what I've done so far, but it has'nt been easy and I still crave the fags through boredom or the mistaken belief that they will soothe my anxiety or worries.
I've had another really bad day. A lot of crying and mental anguish which mercifully seems to have drifted away for the time being. I'm just not comfortable in myself at the moment and the useless guilt is giving me all kinds of difficulty.
Managed to visit my CMHT office today. I'm a member of the newsletter group but haven't been going for a month. I'd received a letter from the OT who runs the group and this must have encouraged me to return. There were only three of us but I did manage to make a contribution of sorts despite the way I was feeling. I was very slowed down because of my depression.
Afterward, the OT asked me if I was going home and asked if I would like her to call me. I said I thought it would be a good idea.
Unfortunately, she didn't call. I was a bit disappointed and am doing my best to rationalise the reasons rather than allowing paranoia to take over.
My agoraphobia seems to have grown more acute recently and my anxiety is more keenly felt. I have to force myself to go out sometimes and even then I can only go to relatively nearby and familiar places. I find this really gets me down because I don't want to stay at home. I don't think the isolation is good for me. Can anyone else relate to this?
If you have managed to read this to the end...many thanks. Sorry it's not more cheerful or optimistic. I don't want to go into too much detail for fear of boring anybody or even myself! It's not easy to keep it all together in a coherent and readable kind of way when everything seems so overwhelming.