intrsrchng
21-07-18, 04:40
Hi there,
Briefly: I have had Schiz OCD since about age 13. I am now 26. Never had a psychotic episode, but have had many, many, MANY moments where I was convinced I was on the brink of psychosis. It was always anxiety.
However, a year ago I started using marijuana. It became a daily habit quickly. I stopped a week ago, because the last time I got stoned, I panicked and started imagining demons in my mind of some nature. I knew they were not real, but my stoned, panicked state made the mental images quite vivid. It was as if I was aware of a parallel world, while still being fully in touch with the real world.
I imagine this was anxiety aided by an overdose of high-thc marijuana.
But, since quitting weed a week ago, I've had weird moments when on the verge of sleep. It could be hypnagogia, where dreams cross into waking consciousness. I've had that before. But this time, it's a bit different.
For example, I was falling asleep while watching the news. My mind started imagining, for a split second, "Eh, the news are fake anyway." "What if Trump is causing me to believe the news are fake?" Seems to resemble paranoid psychosis symptoms. When the thought popped into my head, I felt panicked, woke up fully, and was again totally aware of reality.
I know no one can control anyone's thoughts, but the mere possibility that I could go there mentally terrifies me. My brain starts to play tricks on me and it's sort of like: "What if you believed X?" for essentially every psychosis symptom in the DSM.
I could be having worsened Schiz OCD because I am having cannabis withdrawals (daily smoker for a year), but I may also be having prodromal symptoms and, being very familiar with the DSM (psych student in uni and new psych grad student), am simply picking up on their development.
What do you all think? Thank you so much for any and all input.
P.S. Unfortunately I do not have healthcare (I'm a part-time teacher in SF so I can't afford it) and I am afraid that if I did develop psychosis, I would be unable to access treatment.
Briefly: I have had Schiz OCD since about age 13. I am now 26. Never had a psychotic episode, but have had many, many, MANY moments where I was convinced I was on the brink of psychosis. It was always anxiety.
However, a year ago I started using marijuana. It became a daily habit quickly. I stopped a week ago, because the last time I got stoned, I panicked and started imagining demons in my mind of some nature. I knew they were not real, but my stoned, panicked state made the mental images quite vivid. It was as if I was aware of a parallel world, while still being fully in touch with the real world.
I imagine this was anxiety aided by an overdose of high-thc marijuana.
But, since quitting weed a week ago, I've had weird moments when on the verge of sleep. It could be hypnagogia, where dreams cross into waking consciousness. I've had that before. But this time, it's a bit different.
For example, I was falling asleep while watching the news. My mind started imagining, for a split second, "Eh, the news are fake anyway." "What if Trump is causing me to believe the news are fake?" Seems to resemble paranoid psychosis symptoms. When the thought popped into my head, I felt panicked, woke up fully, and was again totally aware of reality.
I know no one can control anyone's thoughts, but the mere possibility that I could go there mentally terrifies me. My brain starts to play tricks on me and it's sort of like: "What if you believed X?" for essentially every psychosis symptom in the DSM.
I could be having worsened Schiz OCD because I am having cannabis withdrawals (daily smoker for a year), but I may also be having prodromal symptoms and, being very familiar with the DSM (psych student in uni and new psych grad student), am simply picking up on their development.
What do you all think? Thank you so much for any and all input.
P.S. Unfortunately I do not have healthcare (I'm a part-time teacher in SF so I can't afford it) and I am afraid that if I did develop psychosis, I would be unable to access treatment.