View Full Version : Fixated on going blind, life is hopeless.
So here's my story.
I am now 21 but have developed a huge fear of going blind in the future probably in my 30s or 40s or even sooner. During my younger days probably 13 14 years old I used to sneak my iphone in bed and play games before i go to bed. I used my phone in darkness as I didn't want my parents to catch me.
So now here I am, worried sick everyday and have been living in regrets since. This sucks because I have no one to blame but myself if I go blind one day due to glaucoma or macular degeneration or other eye diseases. All I do is beat myself up and overthink and think till i can't sleep or function properly even though my eyesight is fine right now. I've been to the ophthalmologist at least 3 times in the past few years just to reassure my fears, but still I can't help but to think that I'll go blind soon, maybe in a few years and GOD it takes the life out of me now. I want to gain my motivation back, I want to fight this and enjoy life at the moment but I can't as I am obsessed with this thought and haunted with deep regrets every single second.
I think I am going crazy and one day I'll just end it all...
venusbluejeans
20-07-18, 11:20
you won't go blind from that, just how many blind people there would be if you got blind from that... seriously, you will be fine.
go to the opticians yearly and they will pick up on any problems (you need to trust them) but any problems in the future will NOT be caused by looking at your iphone in the dark.
ankietyjoe
20-07-18, 11:35
There is zero chance of going blind as a consequence of your phone habits.
Absolute worst case scenario is needing glasses in later life, but even that is unlikely as a result of looking at a phone in the dark.
you won't go blind from that, just how many blind people there would be if you got blind from that... seriously, you will be fine.
go to the opticians yearly and they will pick up on any problems (you need to trust them) but any problems in the future will NOT be caused by looking at your iphone in the dark.
I know quite a lot of my friends have this habit as well.. just devastated that we’ll probably go blind in our 30s which i won’t be to cope at all :( I thought the light from screens are very harmful that’s why I am sure i’ll go blind soon, and I regret sooooo badly that I was naive enough to harm myself like that.
venusbluejeans
20-07-18, 12:16
just devastated that we’ll probably go blind in our 30s
No you won't
There is zero chance of going blind as a consequence of your phone habits.
Absolute worst case scenario is needing glasses in later life, but even that is unlikely as a result of looking at a phone in the dark.
I am convinced I will get glaucoma at a very early age because of this habit that i regret, I shouldve known it’s very bad for the eyes and I only got one pair of eyes and I have ruined it. I feel hopeless and devastated every second and it sucks because I am worrying about something that might or might NOT happen. I really just want to enjoy life in the moment and stop obesessing over this thought, its taking over my life. Sorry for being so negative i really wish my mind can be more forgiving towards my younger self...
---------- Post added at 11:23 ---------- Previous post was at 11:22 ----------
No you won't
Thank you for your reply, I will go to eye checkup every year from now on :)
Fear of blindness is a very common anxiety, it's called scotomoaphobia. You should not worry about your phone, rather try to work on your anxiety.
If we went blind from phones, than at least half of the world's population would be blind soon.
ankietyjoe
20-07-18, 14:09
People are telling you it's not going to happen, but you still 'know' that it will.
What exactly do you want people to tell you? :shrug:
The way you think about this issue is within your control. Get outside, go for walks, meditate, live in the now.
AMomentofClarity
20-07-18, 15:39
There’s a very simple solution to all of this....treat your anxiety. That’s the real issue here.
People are telling you it's not going to happen, but you still 'know' that it will.
What exactly do you want people to tell you? :shrug:
The way you think about this issue is within your control. Get outside, go for walks, meditate, live in the now.
Thank you for your reply and Im sorry for being irrational, but the fear is so real in my head and its constantly beating myself up for my past... I feel awful everyday and Im also angry at myself for wasting my life away like this :(
I feel awful everyday and Im also angry at myself for wasting my life away like this :(
Instead of being angry at yourself for absolutely no reason, perhaps it's more constructive to seek real life professional help for your anxiety :shades:
Positive thoughts
AMomentofClarity
20-07-18, 20:00
Instead of being angry at yourself for absolutely no reason, perhaps it's more constructive to seek real life professional help for your anxiety :shades:
Positive thoughts
This x10. You’ll thank yourself every day for it.
ankietyjoe
21-07-18, 12:06
Thank you for your reply and Im sorry for being irrational, but the fear is so real in my head and its constantly beating myself up for my past... I feel awful everyday and Im also angry at myself for wasting my life away like this :(
Try and ditch the guilt. It's an emotion that mostly serves no purpose.
Your life right now is what it is, and any decision you made were made to suit what you needed at the time.
The most important thing you can do right now is accept the past, accept that you're not going to go blind because of anything you've already done, and try and live in the moment. Take things one minute at a time, and use mindfulness to enjoy that one minute you're currently in.
I feel bad for venting out again but if i don’t i might explode and end it all soon.
I am not really seeking for reassurance but simply putting my thoughts out there, as I’ve said in the past 2 years I have been living in hell, i beat myself up everyday for maintaining a bad habit (using my phone before bed in the dark) in my teenage years. I was naive and did not know the consequences, addicted to my phone like any other kids are.
Now that I’m a bit older (im 21) I’ve started to focus more on my health and future. Since then I have been plagued with heavy regrets and extreme horror that I will get glaucoma or other eye disease that leads to blindness soon. I can’t stop the thought that I won’t be able to see my parents grow old, and I cry everday on bed, re-living the past and wish I could change my actions.
If I go blind, it’s entirely my fault, and i think this is the most devastating bit as it is a situation that could be avoided. I can’t see my future, everything I do in life seems meaningless, can’t sleep can’t eat and its driving me insane.
I’ve been to the opthamologist at least 3 times, they say my eyes look fine. Yes I do trust them but my brain tells me I will go blind one day; maybe not now but a few years later, and then I start to panic all over again.
I’ve seen your comments and I promise I will get help soon. I just want to live a happy life, i am 21, I should be having fun, but why do I feel like everything is doomed? I’m exhausted and I hate myself so much.
Tale a look at your previous thread. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=221937) Lots of reassurance and advice there.
Positive thoughts
nomorepanic
21-07-18, 14:57
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
If blindness was easily caused my phone usage at night, most of the Western population would be blind or atleast have rapidly increasing eye damage. However, it doesn’t matter how many times people say that to you, you still won’t believe it because that’s what our HA does to us. If you’ve had an eye check and there’s no issue, then the next step is getting some treatment for your anxiety, only then will you be able to move on with your life.
If blindness was easily caused my phone usage at night, most of the Western population would be blind or atleast have rapidly increasing eye damage. However, it doesn’t matter how many times people say that to you, you still won’t believe it because that’s what our HA does to us. If you’ve had an eye check and there’s no issue, then the next step is getting some treatment for your anxiety, only then will you be able to move on with your life.
Thank you for your reply, yes I should get help for my anxiety but i just feel like it’s a viscious cycle of convincing myself that if I didn’t have this habit of using my phone in the dark, i wouldn’t have to deal with this extreme anxiety, then I go back to hating myself and drowning regret. I know it might sound crazy to you but I can’t help it, my brain won’t give me another option and I kept spiralling out of control and fixate on the worst outcomes. I hate this
Thank you for your reply, yes I should get help for my anxiety but......
This is an internet forum. Words on a screen. You've gotten advice. Either take it or continue to hate what your anxiety is doing to you. We could tell you 100X that your thoughts/fears are irrational but it's up to you to get to the point of believing it. When facts and reality don't make a dent, it's time for real life professional help. We're telling you the sky is blue but you're convinced it's green.
Positive thoughts
Ask yourself: What evidence do I have to support my theory of going blind or getting glaucoma? Is there any?
You will say that the evidence is using your phone at night. But really that is evidence AGAINST your theory, otherwise I would be blind as would about 3 billion other people already. Weigh whatever actual factual evidence that you have to support your fear against the factual evidence that runs counter to your fear.
Now what IS true, using your phone in the dark at night isn't a great habit, it does interfere with getting good sleep a bit (I say that as I type this out...on my phone...in the dark in bed...lol) so if you have stopped doing so you can feel good about taking a good step towards better sleep which will help your health and you've taken a big step in self-control. But it does not make anyone go blind.
You wrote, "but i just feel like it’s a viscious cycle of convincing myself that if I didn’t have this habit of using my phone in the dark, i wouldn’t have to deal with this extreme anxiety,". I don't believe this is true. My experience with anxiety is that it really doesn't matter what the topic of fear is, if you didn't have the phone thing it would manifest in some other way. So don't beat yourself up over using the phone so much. You'd probably still have extreme anxiety and would be fearful of some other bogeyman. The thing to do is to treat the anxiety itself.
Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk
Ask yourself: What evidence do I have to support my theory of going blind or getting glaucoma? Is there any?
You will say that the evidence is using your phone at night. But really that is evidence AGAINST your theory, otherwise I would be blind as would about 3 billion other people already. Weigh whatever actual factual evidence that you have to support your fear against the factual evidence that runs counter to your fear.
Now what IS true, using your phone in the dark at night isn't a great habit, it does interfere with getting good sleep a bit (I say that as I type this out...on my phone...in the dark in bed...lol) so if you have stopped doing so you can feel good about taking a good step towards better sleep which will help your health and you've taken a big step in self-control. But it does not make anyone go blind.
You wrote, "but i just feel like it’s a viscious cycle of convincing myself that if I didn’t have this habit of using my phone in the dark, i wouldn’t have to deal with this extreme anxiety,". I don't believe this is true. My experience with anxiety is that it really doesn't matter what the topic of fear is, if you didn't have the phone thing it would manifest in some other way. So don't beat yourself up over using the phone so much. You'd probably still have extreme anxiety and would be fearful of some other bogeyman. The thing to do is to treat the anxiety itself.
Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk
Thank you for a long response, i really appreciate your help.
So you have this habit of using your phone in the dark before bed as well? How long have you done this for? I apologise for sounding irrational to most people but in my head I’ve convinced myself that my eyes will deteriorate really quickly once i get older. And you mentioned evidence, I really don’t have any but my brain’s telling me maybe not now, but a lot of people including myself might go blind in a decade’s time or when im in my 50s. Ridiculous right? but still scares me to sleep every night.
You’re right, it might affect my sleeping cycle more than anything else so i’ve already stopped doing that haha, but I really hope one day I can stop obessing about this or stop getting triggered so easily, it’s so hard to live in fear and to constantly worry about the unknown future. I don’t even remember how this started, I probably read something online saying that using my phone in darkness will cause irreversible damage to the eye.. anyway i wish i’ve never read that!!
I keep telling myself im wasting my life away thinking about this 24/7. I just want to live a normal life as a 21 year old again and stop beating myself up everyday. It’s so hard but im trying, thank you for your reply once again.
ankietyjoe
22-07-18, 11:02
I don’t even remember how this started, I probably read something online saying that using my phone in darkness will cause irreversible damage to the eye.. anyway i wish i’ve never read that!!
And now you've read a dozen times that it doesn't.
It's now your choice whether to keep pandering to thought patterns that aren't based in reality, or to start letting it go and get on with your life.
You are creating the problem in your mind, remember that.
Try and ditch the guilt. It's an emotion that mostly serves no purpose.
Your life right now is what it is, and any decision you made were made to suit what you needed at the time.
The most important thing you can do right now is accept the past, accept that you're not going to go blind because of anything you've already done, and try and live in the moment. Take things one minute at a time, and use mindfulness to enjoy that one minute you're currently in.
Thank you so much for this reply, it really helped me to calm down a bit.
Im starting to tell myself no amount of guilt or self-hatred can change what i chose to do in the past. Although it’s really hard to live one day at a time and stop obsessing over the future and the past, I am really trying. I don’t want to waste my life away like this!
---------- Post added at 10:35 ---------- Previous post was at 10:29 ----------
And now you've read a dozen times that it doesn't.
It's now your choice whether to keep pandering to thought patterns that aren't based in reality, or to start letting it go and get on with your life.
You are creating the problem in your mind, remember that.
You are probably right, it’s the imagenery scenes in my head that’s making me insane. The more i think about it, the more convinced that those things will come true on day.. and that it starts all over again like a viscious cycle.
I really hope I can stop thinking about it, it sucks to see all my peers having the time of thier lives while Im falling into depression because of severe HA.
---------- Post added at 11:46 ---------- Previous post was at 10:35 ----------
I remembered how this HA started - a few years back I came across this article saying that over exposure to the light emitted from smartphones will increase the risk of Macular Degeneration which is the no1 cause of blindness. Since I used to play games on my phone in the dark, the damage should be high. I went downhill from there basically, lost all my apetitie and motivation to function as im anticipating that to happen to me. Pathetic isnt it
You are probably right...
Joe is 100% right! I'll reiterate and stand by my replies about real life professional help as the best course of action moving forward. You've had multiple replies stating fact and still, your fear persists.
Positive thoughts
a few years back I came across this article saying that over exposure to the light emitted from smartphones will increase the risk of Macular Degeneration which is the no1 cause of blindness. Since I used to play games on my phone in the dark, the damage should be high. I went downhill from there basically, lost all my apetitie and motivation to function as im anticipating that to happen to me. Pathetic isnt it
MD just doesn't work like that, but your HA is too powerful to be won over by facts and logic alone.
I would concur with Fish in that "real-life" therapeutic intervention is needed before it is too late.
MD just doesn't work like that, but your HA is too powerful to be won over by facts and logic alone.
I would concur with Fish in that "real-life" therapeutic intervention is needed before it is too late.
I really would want to get real life help but I don’t know how to bring this up with my parents they will think i’m crazy and imagining things... and I will feel way worse. The emotions that are affecting me the most is probably guilt and worrying nonstop, i can’t help it my brain won’t stop thinking about this. I hope I can find a way out of this one day... or else I won’t be able to move on :(
I really would want to get real life help but I don’t know how to bring this up with my parents they will think i’m crazy and imagining things... and I will feel way worse. The emotions that are affecting me the most is probably guilt and worrying nonstop, i can’t help it my brain won’t stop thinking about this. I hope I can find a way out of this one day... or else I won’t be able to move on :(
My daughter suffers from anxiety and depression. She came to me at 18 (she's 25 now) and told me what was going on. I, along with her mother made sure she got help. She's on medication and continues to go to therapy. It would be sad to think your parents would react in the way you described. Perhaps speaking with them and showing them your thread and the responses would help.
One thing is certain, while the forum is great in knowing you're not alone and it's cathartic to write out your fears, other than the FREE CBT (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=211324) offered, here, we can't truly help you as you would in real life.
When factual evidence is overwhelmed by irrational thoughts, it's difficult if not impossible to relieve your fears and worry.
Good luck and as always...
Positive thoughts
ankietyjoe
22-07-18, 18:14
I really would want to get real life help but I don’t know how to bring this up with my parents they will think i’m crazy and imagining things... and I will feel way worse. The emotions that are affecting me the most is probably guilt and worrying nonstop, i can’t help it my brain won’t stop thinking about this. I hope I can find a way out of this one day... or else I won’t be able to move on :(
Dude, you're 21, not 12.
Go and get it sorted yourself.
When factual evidence is overwhelmed by irrational thoughts, it's difficult if not impossible to relieve your fears and worry.
Good luck and as always...
Positive thoughts
Thank you for your support. Everyone is telling me my thoughts are irrational but i think the hardest part is allowing my brain to accept it. It is very difficult even seems impossible as the thoughts are over-riding every single cell in my body... its just too overwhelming for me. But thank you I shall take the courage to talk to my parents soon, i cant live like this any longer.
caroline-j
22-07-18, 19:45
Hi Iscmich. Just want to start by saying that I'm sorry to read about the anxiety you have about going blind. I understand how hard it must be for you to rid this thought. Anxiety has a habit of taking over. I don't know whether this will help you but my son of 29 struggles daily with his sight. He was born with a genetic eye disorder Dominant Optic Atrophy. He was registered partially sighted at the age of three and later on at the age of ten he was registered blind. I am so proud of him as he works has his own home that he shares with his wife and two children. He works for an Insurance company where they adapt his computer for him. What I'm trying to say is how ever hard it must be for u to rid this thought please try and enjoy your life. Your sight is a precious gift. Don't waste it. Enjoy. Wishing you all the very best.
Hi Iscmich. Just want to start by saying that I'm sorry to read about the anxiety you have about going blind. I understand how hard it must be for you to rid this thought. Anxiety has a habit of taking over. I don't know whether this will help you but my son of 29 struggles daily with his sight. He was born with a genetic eye disorder Dominant Optic Atrophy. He was registered partially sighted at the age of three and later on at the age of ten he was registered blind. I am so proud of him as he works has his own home that he shares with his wife and two children. He works for an Insurance company where they adapt his computer for him. What I'm trying to say is how ever hard it must be for u to rid this thought please try and enjoy your life. Your sight is a precious gift. Don't waste it. Enjoy. Wishing you all the very best.
Thank you for your reply, and honestly I feel so bad for saying im gonna go blind while there are actual blind people fighting everyday in their lives and I just want to clarify i am in no way disrespecting them :( I just feel so helpless and alone, can’t seem to enjoy life with this anxiety eating away my emotions and body. Anyway, I am so glad your son is managing well. My sight is a precious gift, I 100% agree and maybe that’s why I feel so incredibly guilty that I’ve ruined it, i was naive back then. I wish your Son all the best:)
HullSimplibus
23-07-18, 07:06
So here's my story.
I am now 21 but have developed a huge fear of going blind in the future probably in my 30s or 40s or even sooner. During my younger days probably 13 14 years old I used to sneak my iphone in bed and play games before i go to bed. I used my phone in darkness as I didn't want my parents to catch me.
So now here I am, worried sick everyday and have been living in regrets since. This sucks because I have no one to blame but myself if I go blind one day due to glaucoma or macular degeneration or other eye diseases. All I do is beat myself up and overthink and think till i can't sleep or function properly even though my eyesight is fine right now. I've been to the ophthalmologist at least 3 times in the past few years just to reassure my fears, but still I can't help but to think that I'll go blind soon, maybe in a few years and GOD it takes the life out of me now. I want to gain my motivation back, I want to fight this and enjoy life at the moment but I can't as I am obsessed with this thought and haunted with deep regrets every single second.
I think I am going crazy and one day I'll just end it all...
There is absolutely zero chance of getting vision damage or eye conditions from artificial light, unless it was EXTREMELY bright (I mean, brighter than the sun) and you looked at it for a long time.
Just don't worry about the future, focus on the present, and do something you enjoy to take your mind off it. If it is bad to the point of suicidal thoughts, I would recommend a talk with your doctor, they will sometimes refer you to a counselor/psychiatrist. I hope you start to feel better soon :)
There is absolutely zero chance of getting vision damage or eye conditions from artificial light, unless it was EXTREMELY bright (I mean, brighter than the sun) and you looked at it for a long time.
Just don't worry about the future, focus on the present, and do something you enjoy to take your mind off it. If it is bad to the point of suicidal thoughts, I would recommend a talk with your doctor, they will sometimes refer you to a counselor/psychiatrist. I hope you start to feel better soon :)
Thank you so much, Im really trying so so so hard everyday to hide my anxiety and act normal around friends and families. But it’s just so difficult sometimes, when Im alone I tend to dwell on thoughts about the future and regrets in the past.
When I used my phone before bed I always turn the brightness to the lowest level, however since Im using it in pitch dark I guess it’s still very harmful to the eyes. And i’ve convinced myself its just a matter of time that i will get incurable eye diseases and go blind before i turn 30 maybe, Im sorry but iit all seems very real to me and I don’t know how to cope with the intense amount of anxiety and guilt. I will seek help eventually, but i doubt it will do any help honestly :(
caroline-j
23-07-18, 08:44
Hi Iscmich. Please don't feel bad I know your not disrespecting people out there with visual problems. I know myself how hard it is to shift thoughts we get as at times I myself struggle with certain thoughts. Hope u can move on from this. Thank you for your reply and wishing the best for my Son. Very much appreciated. X
WiseMonkey
23-07-18, 09:55
This is a fantasy (so removed from reality) with not an shred of truth or evidence to back it up! You need to get some help (counselling) for this obsession.
This is a fantasy (so removed from reality) with not an shred of truth or evidence to back it up! You need to get some help (counselling) for this obsession.
i know I need help, even if i really do go blind in the future I can’t waste my life away like this dwelling in regrets and self hatred. I hate that I brought this anxiety to myself and it seems like its never-ending, all my friends are enjoying life as all 21 year olds do.. but i cant see a way out of this and feel like i’ve ruined my life with my own hands.
HullSimplibus
23-07-18, 13:07
Thank you so much, Im really trying so so so hard everyday to hide my anxiety and act normal around friends and families. But it’s just so difficult sometimes, when Im alone I tend to dwell on thoughts about the future and regrets in the past.
When I used my phone before bed I always turn the brightness to the lowest level, however since Im using it in pitch dark I guess it’s still very harmful to the eyes. And i’ve convinced myself its just a matter of time that i will get incurable eye diseases and go blind before i turn 30 maybe, Im sorry but iit all seems very real to me and I don’t know how to cope with the intense amount of anxiety and guilt. I will seek help eventually, but i doubt it will do any help honestly :(
You're more than welcome :yesyes:
Nothing like AMD, Glaucoma, Cataracts e.t.c has ever been linked to artificial light. The worst you can ever get from artificial light is eyestrain and computer vision syndrome, because no artificial light is bright enough to cause any abnormalities in the back of your eye, unless it is VERY bright, I expect.
Remember if you need help, you have this community on here to talk to :)
You're more than welcome :yesyes:
Nothing like AMD, Glaucoma, Cataracts e.t.c has ever been linked to artificial light. The worst you can ever get from artificial light is eyestrain and computer vision syndrome, because no artificial light is bright enough to cause any abnormalities in the back of your eye, unless it is VERY bright, I expect.
Remember if you need help, you have this community on here to talk to :)
Thank you. I just feel really alone as none of my friends have anything health-related to worry about, they worry about relationships, jobs, which movie to watch etc and honestly that hurts me so much, i feel very pathetic that I’m being haunted about being blind, and think about life and death on a daily basis.
Yes i know it’s never been linked, but my brain tells me it’s because I used my phone in the dark thus the light shines directly into my eyes which leads to serious damages. I hate that it’s preventable and I still did it as i was naive and no one told me that its bad. I really wish I can get over this instead of allowing the thought to eat away any joy and hope left in my life..
I will seek help eventually, but i doubt it will do any help honestly :(
I see a pattern of "Yes, but" here, not only with the fear of blindness but even in the statement above. I think you will need to challenge that "Yes, but" thinking and therapy will be of great help in getting that to happen. A lot of us have had or still have any number of irrational fears and have seen success by seeking help.
In the meantime, as it will likely take a few days or so to book appointments, please try the free CBT link Fishmanpa posted earlier in this thread, it'll be a good start.
Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk
I will seek help eventually, but i doubt it will do any help honestly :(
Something that has helped me in the past and I hope can give you some comfort. You are presuming the outcome of the therapy with no evidence to support. Health Anxiety sufferers have a pattern of being incorrect in their assumptions about their conditions/lack of. So why do you think this presumption is any more valid than anything else you have ever been wrong about? We become so convinced we are right in our thoughts, yet they nearly always prove to be wrong. The same rule could apply to your idea that therapy couldn't help. Give it a chance, if it doesn't work you are no worse off and if it does, well maybe you can finally be free of this mental torture.
I think what’s giving me anxiety the most is the guilt and also the unknown future, half of my brain tells me NO i won’t go blind from that the other half of brain says since I’ve done this for so long it must have caused permanent damage that eventually leads to blindness.
And also my thinking goes like a viscious cycle, i feel devastated because if I didn’t have that habit of using my phone in the dark then this anxiety wouldn’t be triggered and my life would not be crumbling upon me.
Thank you for your comments above, I know help is needed, since at the moment all i can feel is fear and more fear of the unknown.
Just talked to my parents, they won’t get me the help I needed and just told me to stop this irrational thoughts and gone to work. God, when can I stop thinking I have ruined my entire life and stop beating myelf up every single second... tired of crying myself to sleep every night, tired of living in fear and worry every single second.
I feel so incredibly helpless. The way Im acting because of this anxiety has drove my parents mad, they’re botherline depressed too because of me. They don’t understand, I tell them Im convinced I will go blind soon because that’s what my brain tells me.
They don’t care, no one cares. I’m sorry I that I’ve harmed myself in such a young age without knowing, I cannot cope with the constant anxiety anymore, those thoughts haunts me 24/7, the guilt and regret, I hate myself so much.
What do you think of the FREE CBT (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=211324) course?
Positive thoughts
You are old enough to make an appointment with your GP to get help with your anxiety. You don't need your parents to do that.
This is obviously causing you great distress and could lead to a breakdown if you don't act now.
You are old enough to make an appointment with your GP to get help with your anxiety. You don't need your parents to do that.
This is obviously causing you great distress and could lead to a breakdown if you don't act now.
I am already having a huge breakdown for a couple of weeks now. I don’t understand why it has to be this way, why I have to deal with this, then I remembered its because of me, myself. It’s no one’s fault and that’s why I have this never-ending self hatred thought going on. I feel sorry for myself, wished that a car could just hit me so I can finally stop thinking.
Anyway, thank you for the help and links, much appreciated.
I am already having a huge breakdown for a couple of weeks now. I don’t understand why it has to be this way, why I have to deal with this, then I remembered its because of me, myself. It’s no one’s fault and that’s why I have this never-ending self hatred thought going on. I feel sorry for myself, wished that a car could just hit me so I can finally stop thinking.
Anyway, thank you for the help and links, much appreciated.
Once you reach out for help, you will realise that there is no reason to feel guilty, as you have done nothing wrong. Your mental state is to blame for all this distorted thinking.
But only you can reach out for that help - we can't do it for you, Iscmich.
Once you reach out for help, you will realise that there is no reason to feel guilty, as you have done nothing wrong. Your mental state is to blame for all this distorted thinking.
But only you can reach out for that help - we can't do it for you, Iscmich.
I do acknowledge that. I just feel bad how my mood is affecting my family, my friends and now my mom won't even talk to me. Do you think this is an irrational thought? Why do everyone tell me its irrational but I am still convinced it's going to happen sooner or later?
I really hope I can break out from this cycle of extreme fear and regret, maybe I should start worrying once I do go blind, not now. Right? I don't even know what to think anymore it sucks.
I do acknowledge that. I just feel bad how my mood is affecting my family, my friends and now my mom won't even talk to me. Do you think this is an irrational thought? Why do everyone tell me its irrational but I am still convinced it's going to happen sooner or later?
I really hope I can break out from this cycle of extreme fear and regret, maybe I should start worrying once I do go blind, not now. Right? I don't even know what to think anymore it sucks.
There is no value in discussing what's rational or irrational right now. Your anxiety is real and causing distress. That is what must be addressed.
You can show this thread to your GP who can refer you if necessary to a psychologist and/or prescribe you something to take in the meantime.
Otherwise, you are digging yourself deeper into the rabbit hole.
There is no value in discussing what's rational or irrational right now. Your anxiety is real and causing distress. That is what must be addressed.
You can show this thread to your GP who can refer you if necessary to a psychologist and/or prescribe you something to take in the meantime.
Otherwise, you are digging yourself deeper into the rabbit hole.
Thank you, I don't even understand why am I so sure that I will go blind because of my phone habits while the future is still unknown. It's probably the unknown and the guilt that is having such a huge effect on me.
I can give CBT a try first, but i have a feeling it will relapse whenever I'm feeling low so basically it will haunt me for life. Now I even have to pretend to be happy and smiling in front of my parents which is killing me inside. I envy all my other friends that are enjoying the best years of their lives, why why why.
ankietyjoe
24-07-18, 16:38
But, but, but, but, but. There are plenty of people here who have been through EXACTLY what you're going through and giving you specific advice about how to move past it.
Just do something and quit whining about it.....maybe?
You're not a kid, you're 21, do something.
In your words....'I feel sorry for myself'.
I agree. Stop that.
But, but, but, but, but. There are plenty of people here who have been through EXACTLY what you're going through and giving you specific advice about how to move past it.
Just do something and quit whining about it.....maybe?
You're not a kid, you're 21, do something.
In your words....'I feel sorry for myself'.
I agree. Stop that.
Yeah. I should... Thank you :)
Try not to judge yourself negatively for thinking the way you are. Anxiety at this level is a mental illness. No one is to blame including yourself. People don't blame the sick person when they have a physical illness, and mental illness should be no different. You're ill and just need to do what it takes to get better, that's all. I think you will. You've already taken the positive action to discuss your situation here and you've already looked at the free materials, and you know what the next steps are.
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Quick update:
I am feeling a bit better now at least i’m eating and moving instead of dwelling in fear and regrets 24/7. I really hope I can overcome this and stop thinking about the “WHAT IFs” because there are no What Ifs. I can’t change the past and the future is unknown, i reallt have to try convince myself that i won’t go blind at least not so soon?? (unless i do one day then I’ll start worrying about it)
I really hope I can live the rest of my life without fear and guilt, i have to say these two feelings are the worst out of all... However I still feel disappointed at myself, if I stopped that phone habit earlier, I wouldn’t have such a strong anxiety/fear to be fixated on.
I am working on it, can’t let this thing ruin my life.
ankietyjoe
26-07-18, 09:58
Good for you.
Health anxiety more than most other forms of anxiety is about a choice of habit. If you stop googling and stop checking symptoms, most of it goes away.
Easier said than done, but a simple task nevertheless.
And stop worrying about your phone use. If you hadn't of done that, you would have picked something else to focus on. That's how HA works.
Sorry, it’s me again and my eyes are still giving me extreme anxiety and borderline depression but I’m trying really hard to cope with this logically.
Have I mentioned four years ago (I was 17 then) i woke up and noticed a really small brownish oval patch that has formed in the white bits of my eye (next to my iris). It’s just like a freckle but in the eye, and immediately I had a panic attack as I’m convinced it’s due to my habit of lookig at my phone on bed in the dark for a couple of years, that has damaged some cells in my eyes.
I then went to the opthalmologists rightaway, they checked my retina and said its clean and found nothing, I was relieved and got on with the last 2 years of college and did not think about it again.
BUT somehow the fear has relapsed, constantly plagued with worries of WHAT IF the freckle / damaged cells turns into cancer, and I’d have to have my whole eyeball removed.. just the mere thought of this gives me huge panic attacks and i even practise walking around with my eyes closed just to prepare for being blind. I know I sound crazy but I am just so worried.
I was slowly recovering from my other eye anxiety (was convinced I will get Glaucoma or Macular degeneration soon) but now the worst fear has gone to eye cancer. I am so sick and tired of myself and I’m just 21, every second I wish i had known better and did not damage my own eyes and brought this mess to myself.
If you added this to your previous thread, you would clearly see the pattern of HA you're in. You literally went from one eye fear into another. I know to you it feels real, but in reality they're both irrational.
Are you getting help for your anxiety?
Positive thoughts
If you added this to your previous thread, you would clearly see the pattern of HA you're in. You literally went from one eye fear into another. I know to you it feels real, but in reality they're both irrational.
Are you getting help for your anxiety?
Positive thoughts
Yes I am, booked an apointment through my GP but have to wait til August!
nomorepanic
27-07-18, 14:09
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
Looking at your phone in the dark doesn't make you go blind. I just looked it up... There was a case where a few people *thought* they were going blind in one eye after using their phones in the dark. They were not. What was happening was that they were laying on their sides and only really looking at the phone with one eye. So, one eye was in the dark and one in the light. Then when they shut their phone off it seemed like they couldn't see out of one eye. But, really, that one eye was just not adjusted to the dark yet. You can reproduce this by keeping one eye closed if you get up to go to the bathroom in the night. When you turn the light off again you'll only be able to see out of one eye. I do this intentionally so I can see better in the dark and not trip when getting back to bed since the eye I keep closed stays adjusted to the dark. The sensation fades in a minute or less.
Looking at your phone in the dark doesn't make you go blind. I just looked it up...
Thank you for your comment. I am aware of that incident of temporary blindness, and thank god I havn’t experienced that or else my anxiety level will be through the roof.
However my main concern is that the bluelight will have permanently damaged my eyes but the impact won’t show until i got older and my body starts to deteroriate, and might be possibility of me going permanently blind from eye diseases...(and now my major fear is cancer, being dead is worse than blind i guess) I know its somehow anxiety related since everyone even my parents are telling me that, but i’m convinced my retina has been damaged but its still minor thats why the opthalmologist hasn’t discovered it yet:shrug:
I just have to deal with this extreme anxiety alone for now, as my appointment is in august ... hopefully i’ll feel a LITTLE bit better at least? :(
I'm sorry you're going through this. Anxiety is a terrible thing. One piece of advice my therapist gave me was that when I feel the urge to google something or start to worry about something, look up anxiety instead of the thing I'm worrying about. Google for people who have worried about this same thing, or just read about anxiety in general.
Also, one piece of advice my mom gave me is instead of saying "what if" say "so what." It helps to bring you into reality.
You have not damaged your eyes from looking at your phone. Of this, I'm certain, as are you doctors. But, let's change from "what if I damaged my eyes from looking at my phone," to "So what, I damaged my eyes by looking at my phone." What would you actually do in this situation?
Say 30 years from now you wake up blind. So what? People live with blindness all over the world. They don't go around feeling sorry for themselves, they live their lives. They work, they have hobbies, they get married, have kids, etc... Many blind people are living a better live than you are right now and you can see!
What you are suffering from is anxiety alone. Nothing else. So what now? You get treatment, you get better, you live a good life. You CAN do it.
Thank you ErinKC. By thinking the SO WHAT instead of what if is giving me slightly better relief. Although I still sometimes dwell on the fear and imaginery scenarios of me getting told by the Opt that i have Chronic eye diseases that will lead to blindness in the future, I still get panic attacks in the middle of the road... but then I remind myself, at least I am alive and healthy this moment.
Ofcourse I wish I hadn’t harmed my eyes so that I wouldn’t have to engulfed with guilt and self-hatred every second, but what’s done is done, I didn’t know the consequences back then, and Im trying to mentally forgive myself and start eating a lot vitamins + blueberries... hopefully it will help my eyes a bit :unsure:
I wish I hadn’t harmed my eyes
That's it in a nutshell right there. Absolute false and negative thoughts that you cling onto despite scientific medical PROOF that looking at a phone does not cause eye damage. As long as you continue to lie to yourself to affirm your irrational fear, you'll be in a self imposed mental prison.
Positive thoughts
That's it in a nutshell right there. Absolute false and negative thoughts that you cling onto despite scientific medical PROOF that looking at a phone does not cause eye damage. As long as you continue to lie to yourself to affirm your irrational fear, you'll be in a self imposed mental prison.
Positive thoughts
I understand how the majority would think its a load of crap when i say im convinced i will go blind due to chronic eye diseases (and now its even worse, im even anticipating eye cancer).. and I appreciate such reassurance. However what seems to give me this extreme anxiety is the uncertainties.. my thoughts just won’t stop dwelling in the past and i keep visualising my younger self using my phone in the dark and how I could’ve stopped the habit but I didnt because I wasnt aware of the consequences. Then i go into extreme panic mode.
I know, i know nothing i say or do can reverse the damage, i just pray to God that this will not haunt me until the day i die.. (hopefully not because of eye cancer). I’m preparing myself for the worst, the guilt needs to stop though, its even worse than the actual fear of dying/ going blind.
No matter what it is that you've done in the past, you appear to be punishing yourself for perceived irresponsible and thoughtless behaviour. These are important thoughts and feelings you need to discuss with a therapist because they will not just disappear.
We have all taken risks, some calculated, some not, and an anxious mind will always find something in the past to worry about.
It is the nature of the beast :lac:
I understand how the majority would think its a load of crap when i say im convinced i will go blind due to chronic eye diseases (and now its even worse, im even anticipating eye cancer)...... i know nothing i say or do can reverse the damage
And again, you use language to affirm your irrational fear and its not just the majority, but everyone that knows this is not an issue.
Anyway... 7 pages of reassurance and it's not helping at all. I hope you find peace.
Good luck and as always...
Positive thoughts
You haven't caused yourself eye damage by looking at your phone, at least no more than everyone else on Earth. I spent hours and hours staring at my phone in the dark when my daughter was a baby and I'd have to feed her in the middle of the night. Somehow my vision had actually improved since then. My near-sightedness that developed in high school is almost gone for no good reason.
And, here's the other things. If you DID damage your eyes, if we all are by looking at our phones, there's nothing you can do about it now. Worrying about it changes nothing. You aren't currently blind or going blind. So, there's no reason to obsess about it. I had to get 5 CT scans a few years ago when I had an emergency surgery. Five. I could (and have) obsessed about how this increases my cancer risk, but realized that's pointless. I can't undo those scans. All I can do is live a healthy lifestyle now, let doctors know my history in the future, and live my life. Maybe I'll get cancer, maybe I won't. Maybe it will be because of those Cats, maybe not. Worrying about something you have no control over is a waste of time! Scientists haven't even proven that the blue light on phones causes damage, so surely you can't know either. Look at your phone less, eat well, treat your eyes well, just keep swimming!
You haven't caused yourself eye damage by looking at your phone, at least no more than everyone else on Earth. I spent hours and hours staring at my phone in the dark when my daughter was a baby and I'd have to feed her in the middle of the night. Somehow my vision had actually improved since then. My near-sightedness that developed in high school is almost gone for no good reason.
Worrying about something you have no control over is a waste of time! Scientists haven't even proven that the blue light on phones causes damage, so surely you can't know either. Look at your phone less, eat well, treat your eyes well, just keep swimming!
That’s certainly interesting, however im sure you do have some lights turned on while on your phone. I did not, and thats why I believe the harm is probably more severe. But anyway, worrying and thinking about the past can do NOTHING to change them. I’ll have to drum that into my head too, if I have to worry, I could start worry (or not) after the scientists have found a direct casual link between the two. It’s difficult to stop fixate on this but since I start my new job tomorrow, hopefully it can take my mind off it for a while!!
I know it's hard not to fixate. And I actually was in complete darkness except for my phone since I was nursing my baby back to sleep at all hours, and turning the lights on would have woken her. But, like I said, there's no going back. It's easy to regret all kinds of thing we've done in our lives. The only thing we can do now is to move forward. If you're starting a new job, focus on that and other things you have control over in life.
I know it's hard not to fixate. And I actually was in complete darkness except for my phone since I was nursing my baby back to sleep at all hours, and turning the lights on would have woken her. But, like I said, there's no going back. It's easy to regret all kinds of thing we've done in our lives. The only thing we can do now is to move forward. If you're starting a new job, focus on that and other things you have control over in life.
Thank you so much for your help, I will start focusing on the things around me rather than looking back, probably annual eye check ups would be good for my anxiety too. You are right, worrying about the past or things that i have no control over is no use... hopefully i can recover from this!
---------- Post added at 15:05 ---------- Previous post was at 14:37 ----------
Also.. did I mention in my right eye, there’s a tiny light brown patch (like an extremely small freckle) next to my iris in the white part of my eyes? The opthalmologist didn’t pay much attention to it despite me purposely brought it to her attention. Thinking about it just heightens my anxiety and i can’t help but link the freckle thing with my smartphone usage.
It’s alright I’ll just have to tell myself there’s nothing I can do about it now. If it develops into Melanoma, then hopefully I can catch it in the early stages :’(
The opthalmologist didn’t pay much attention to it despite me purposely brought it to her attention.
Then trust him/her. Your opthalmologist knows more about eye health than you, me, and everyone else on this board put together. Asking us, yourself, or the Internet is futile.
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I’m having a panic attack and need a second opinion on this. I know I have been to the opthalmologist twice before hand, but is it possible that early AMD will go underdetected in a comprehensive dilated eye exam? I think I do have some symptoms of MD... such as my left eye see colours less vivid. Since MD progress slowly I am even more worried that it will get undetected until i actually see black holes in my vision!!
Should i go and get a OCT scan of the retina instead? I really don’t want to visually impaired in my 20s... and also does anyone know if MD patients usually go completely blind? I can’t imagine not being able to take care of myself and my parents... i’m still drained by this :’(
ankietyjoe
06-08-18, 10:00
I’m having a panic attack and need a second opinion on this.
Don't you mean a fifty second opinion?
Go out, enjoy the sun. Anything but sitting in with Dr Google.
I’m having a panic attack
So you know what's wrong. Keep working on addressing your anxiety. Don't try for reassurance, that will only make it worse in the long run!
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Hello everyone, I’m back from a few weeks of counselling. It has helped me a bit on the fist few days but I realise my thoughts are just too arrogant, strong and negative; and I realise there is no one that could help me apart from myself and this is the hardest part, arguing with my own sprilling thoughts and intense anxiety.
Some days are better I manage to eat and get sleep, while others I just wish I never woke up and I dread getting out of bed.. today is one of those terrible days where I’m fixated on getting cancer in the eyes. Also, everything seems to be a trigger for me and I started to get panic attacks in the office.
I really don’t know how long can i endure this pain, my thoughts are killing me slowly but not so softly, I feel like I am isolating everyone in my life as they just think I’m overreacting. But no, the feeling of guilt, fear and worry has really ruined me, I feel like I won’t be able to have a future anymore as Im either going blind or cancer will kill me.
I am just 21.. I really wish life could start over again and I would make the right choices and everything could be perfect again. I wish there are people who understands my fear and my problems in real life instead of ignoring...
---------- Post added at 11:19 ---------- Previous post was at 11:17 ----------
I understand that worrying about imaginery scenarios in the future in fact WON’T CHANGE THE OUTCOME. But why can’t I stop thinking the worst? I really just want to be a normal teenager like everyone else but I can’t help it.
I am just 21.. I really wish life could start over again and I would make the right choices and everything could be perfect again. I wish there are people who understands my fear and my problems in real life instead of ignoring...
Even if you did start over and hadn't made those choices, you would just find something else to worry about and wish you could change. That's how HA works and it's what you need to address, not habits that may or may not be damaging. Also - there is absolutely NO such thing as 'perfect'.
Just because you feel people don't understand you doesn't make that the case. If you are referring to not understanding your fears, then you can't really expect people to understand them because they are completely irrational and it is only you who can't see that because of your anxiety. We are all in the same boat as far as that is concerned.
Have you tried meditation Iscmich? And is the therapy continuing or?
ankietyjoe
28-08-18, 12:52
[/COLOR] But why can’t I stop thinking the worst? I really just want to be a normal teenager like everyone else but I can’t help it.
You can help it, it's called practice. You have spent a long time thinking the worst and that's why you're so good at it. The brain has an immense capacity to repeat what it's done before. By worrying about things you create neural pathways that want to keep doing that.
It's up to you to tell yourself that you are ok, and you have to do it repeatedly for weeks and months. You have to unlearn those brain connections, which it 100% possible.
As LM48 mentioned, meditation is a perfect tool for this. Meditation is the practice of not reacting to things and was the single biggest tool in helping me beat anxiety almost 100%
It will take time for you to unlearn your habits. You need to remind yourself of that every day too, recovery is a journey and there is no quick fix.
I really don’t know what to say anymore, I feel like there really is no end to this as I believe I am going to die soon because of cancer or better scenario is go completely blind. But both situations gives me a full on panic attack and I can really can’t function anymore. And whats worse I have no one to blame I brought this on myself, I made the wrong naive choices. I’m so exhausted, I just wish once I open my eyes, I turn back time and change everything. Why does life have to be so hard on me?? Im tired of feeling doomed every single second like there is no more hope in me
I really don’t know what to say anymore, I feel like there really is no end to this as I believe I am going to die soon because of cancer or better scenario is go completely blind. But both situations gives me a full on panic attack and I can really can’t function anymore. And whats worse I have no one to blame I brought this on myself, I made the wrong naive choices. I’m so exhausted, I just wish once I open my eyes, I turn back time and change everything. Why does life have to be so hard on me?? Im tired of feeling doomed every single second like there is no more hope in me
There's a LOT more here than meets the eye (pun intended). I agree you may have made some wrong choices that are affecting you now, but playing with your phone wasn't one of them. Life isn't being hard on you, you're being hard on yourself. The mental anguish is self inflicted needlessly. The question is... Why?
I hope you find peace and relief from whatever it is that's affecting you so severely.
Positive thoughts
ankietyjoe
29-08-18, 13:11
I really don’t know what to say anymore, I feel like there really is no end to this as I believe I am going to die soon because of cancer or better scenario is go completely blind. But both situations gives me a full on panic attack and I can really can’t function anymore. And whats worse I have no one to blame I brought this on myself, I made the wrong naive choices. I’m so exhausted, I just wish once I open my eyes, I turn back time and change everything. Why does life have to be so hard on me?? Im tired of feeling doomed every single second like there is no more hope in me
Mate, just stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Life isn't being hard on you, this is YOU doing it to yourself.
Trust me, life gets a lot harder when you get older.
Mate, just stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Life isn't being hard on you, this is YOU doing it to yourself.
Trust me, life gets a lot harder when you get older.
This is the worst anxiety episode I’ve ever had in my life and I honestly can’t see an end to this - as I am somehow expecting and anticipating a serious or possibly chornic illness happening to me. Just imagine if you were in my position, wouldn’t you feel alone, stuck and extremely terrified at the same time? I still cannot break the thought circuit yet, and i really am trying so hard everyday to convice myslef I going to fine, at least for tomorrow. But then the scariest thought creeps back in and I find myself panicking and trembling again.
I really want to re-do everything I’ve done and change my brain!! :scared15:
---------- Post added at 13:06 ---------- Previous post was at 13:00 ----------
There's a LOT more here than meets the eye (pun intended). I agree you may have made some wrong choices that are affecting you now, but playing with your phone wasn't one of them. Life isn't being hard on you, you're being hard on yourself. The mental anguish is self inflicted needlessly. The question is... Why?
I hope you find peace and relief from whatever it is that's affecting you so severely.
Positive thoughts
Thank you for still trying to help, my friends and family have been ignoring me and I have tried to figure myself out. Everyday I wake up and are immediately plagued with the thought of me geting eye cancer or going blind soon and I imagine the worst scenarios, I have to say they are really mentally draining and it has led to a lot of physical symptoms such as headaches and nausea as well.
I keep telling myself Life is still worth living because I am (I hope) still healthy at the moment and it will be really selfish (to my parents) if I keep behaving in a depressed manner. But I tried, every day is a challenge for me, I just want to be genuinely even happy once before I actually get a deadly disease, but why is my catastrophic thoughts being so hard on me?
ankietyjoe
29-08-18, 14:31
This is the worst anxiety episode I’ve ever had in my life and I honestly can’t see an end to this - as I am somehow expecting and anticipating a serious or possibly chornic illness happening to me. Just imagine if you were in my position, wouldn’t you feel alone, stuck and extremely terrified at the same time? I still cannot break the thought circuit yet, and i really am trying so hard everyday to convice myslef I going to fine, at least for tomorrow. But then the scariest thought creeps back in and I find myself panicking and trembling again.
I really want to re-do everything I’ve done and change my brain!! :scared15:
Very few people on this forum need to 'imagine' what that feels like as most of them have experienced exactly that and/or worse. Some of them for longer than you've been alive. Others have experienced it and beaten it. I am one of the people who have experienced it and beaten it, just like others here that are giving you advice.
You appear to have taken responsibility for the actions you believe have caused the issue, but you're not taking responsibility for your reaction to the anxiety. Anxiety isn't happening to you, it's not life being unfair, it's your repeated reaction to it that's causing an imaginary problem that DOES NOT exist.
You are being given advice, but you are coming back here repeating exactly the same thing over and over again.
If you keep repeating this behaviour you will keep suffering. 100% guaranteed.
You are being given advice, but you are coming back here repeating exactly the same thing over and over again.
If you keep repeating this behaviour you will keep suffering. 100% guaranteed.
I am fully aware that its me feeding into my own thoughts which then led me to dwell on thsoe catastrophic thoughts. The hardest part is the unknown, and fighting with my own thoughts, I also find myself being jealous of all my friends who doesn’t have health worries at all... i just want to startover and be normal again. But thank you for still sticking around, I am probably the only one who can ratioanlise my own fear.
Life is a bitch. This is a simple fact and no amount of feeling sorry for yourself will change that. You either wallow and let your anxiety destroy you or you accept the fact that it is part of who you are and yes that might be a crappy hand to have been dealt, but it is what it is. If you constantly blame the world for your problems, then the problems have won. No one on this earth escapes it having never experienced hardship.
Life is a bitch. This is a simple fact and no amount of feeling sorry for yourself will change that. You either wallow and let your anxiety destroy you or you accept the fact that it is part of who you are and yes that might be a crappy hand to have been dealt, but it is what it is. If you constantly blame the world for your problems, then the problems have won. No one on this earth escapes it having never experienced hardship.
Thank you, and I really wasn’t blaming anyone for this all I blame is myself, thats why its even harder on me because i feel like I am the root cause of all the thoughts im suffering from. I knkw there is no turning back time, I can’t change anything and life right now is what it is. I just have to drum that into my head and stop imagining the POSSIBLE catastrophic scenarios !!!!!!!!!!
ankietyjoe
29-08-18, 15:34
I am fully aware that its me feeding into my own thoughts which then led me to dwell on thsoe catastrophic thoughts. The hardest part is the unknown, and fighting with my own thoughts, I also find myself being jealous of all my friends who doesn’t have health worries at all... i just want to startover and be normal again. But thank you for still sticking around, I am probably the only one who can ratioanlise my own fear.
Starting over is an abstract unreality.
Everybody has baggage. Some baggage happens to you, some you create for yourself.
Choose to put your current baggage down and just get on with changing the way you think.
And jealousy is just another way of feeling sorry for yourself.
Thank you, and I really wasn’t blaming anyone for this all I blame is myself, thats why its even harder on me because i feel like I am the root cause of all the thoughts im suffering from. I knkw there is no turning back time, I can’t change anything and life right now is what it is. I just have to drum that into my head and stop imagining the POSSIBLE catastrophic scenarios !!!!!!!!!!
Any blame whether directed at yourself or someone else is self pity. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself now and again, it’s normal. But if it starts to control your life like this it isn’t healthy. You can do absolutely nothing to change the past, but you can make the sensible decision to not let it ruin your future too.
Life is a bitch. This is a simple fact and no amount of feeling sorry for yourself will change that. You either wallow and let your anxiety destroy you or you accept the fact that it is part of who you are and yes that might be a crappy hand to have been dealt, but it is what it is. If you constantly blame the world for your problems, then the problems have won. No one on this earth escapes it having never experienced hardship.
But here's the thing. Beating yourself up to this degree over secretly playing games on a phone just doesn't add up to me at all :shrug:
I'm curious as to what else has happened in the OP's life that would cause such self guilt and anxiety over a totally harmless act?
Positive thoughts
But here's the thing. Beating yourself up to this degree over secretly playing games on a phone just doesn't add up to me at all :shrug:
I'm curious as to what else has happened in the OP's life that would cause such self guilt and anxiety over a totally harmless act?
Positive thoughts
Reading page after page here, I am thinking the same thing. Something is missing...
Reading page after page here, I am thinking the same thing. Something is missing...
My life was honestly wonderful and ‘perfect’ (at least I was enjoying my life everyday) before I got triggered to this horrible extent. It started when I came across a medical TV program about eye diseases, and a couple of articles that i’ve read about using your phone in the dark is bad. I then recall how I used to do that when I was younger, I thought it was harmless too, and so I did not bother to change the habit.
And it started spiralling down from there, I am convinced the cumulative permanent damage has been done to my eyes, then i started to become obsessed with researching chronic eye diseases and I believe I will be blind soon. Now it’s even worse I’ve shifted from going blind to getting cancer and dying.
I tried to control my thoughts, but I keep telling myself I wouldn’t be triggered and suffer like this if I didn’t have that habit... and I would just be a normal happy teenager. Instead, I keep dwelling deeper and getting more depressed everyday as I think my life/future has been ruined, by myself!!!!!
---------- Post added at 03:08 ---------- Previous post was at 02:20 ----------
It’s so difficult to get through one single day or even hour, I can’t imagine being endlessly haunted by these thoughts really.. I want to grow old and have kids but i just can’t shake away the belief that my life is doomed because of the things i’ve done. People say I’m definitely suffering from health anxiety, but the fear is so real, i can almost see it happening....
ankietyjoe
30-08-18, 09:36
[/COLOR]It’s so difficult to get through one single day or even hour, I can’t imagine being endlessly haunted by these thoughts really.. I want to grow old and have kids but i just can’t shake away the belief that my life is doomed because of the things i’ve done. People say I’m definitely suffering from health anxiety, but the fear is so real, i can almost see it happening....
Irony....
Stop repeating this message to yourself.
Clairvoyance is a myth, therefore you can see nothing of the future.
Irony....
Stop repeating this message to yourself.
Clairvoyance is a myth, therefore you can see nothing of the future.
Ha, the irony. And maybe its also the fact that I can’t actually ‘see’ the future that makes me stress and worry even more. :unsure: If I was aware of how those actions will affect me today I wouldn’t have done it, but the fact is I did, and I keep having flashbacks of the past and horrifying thoughts of the future. I just wished any of this never happened and I could move on with a happy life and not feel doomed.
ankietyjoe
30-08-18, 09:54
You're repeating again.
You can't change the past, you can't see the future. There are not health problems now, so live now.
You would do well to start meditating. Research what it actually is, and apply it daily, preferably twice.
Thank you for still sticking around after all these ‘nonsense’ (although it makes perfect sense in my head) No one in my life cares, my parents think I’m crazy but they love me so much and its them thats keeping me physically alive. Otherwise Im so tired of overthinking and analysing all the possible worst outcomes, and my brain feels dead already.
---------- Post added at 09:08 ---------- Previous post was at 09:07 ----------
You're repeating again.
You can't change the past, you can't see the future. There are not health problems now, so live now.
You would do well to start meditating. Research what it actually is, and apply it daily, preferably twice.
I will try meditation tonight I hope it works, even just a little i’ll be grateful. Thanks..
ankietyjoe
30-08-18, 11:03
Make sure you do lots of research about what meditation actually is. At it's simplest, it's a technique that allows you to stand back and stay impartial from your own thoughts. It's not a quick fix and requires practice, but it definitely works.
Most people give up because it hasn't cured their anxiety in a week, but it takes a lot longer than that. You will probably feel some benefits pretty quickly, but it takes a lot longer for it to truly resolve anxiety issues.
Stop repeating this message to yourself.
So true. I see the repetition and negative reinforcement aspects quite clearly throughout the thread. Anytime someone breaks it down a hair, you're repeating the negative and frankly false rhetoric to appease your anxious mind and find some self validation of your irrational fears.
I again advise real life professional help, therapy and/or meds to help you cope and quiet the thoughts.
Positive thoughts
Another thing that may help you focus on being present is the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Not related to anxiety at all really, simply about mindfulness and being in the moment. Certainly still seek out professional help for the anxiety.
The truth is that everybody struggles with what the future will bring, and it would cripple everyone if they let it.
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Ha, the irony. And maybe its also the fact that I can’t actually ‘see’ the future that makes me stress and worry even more. :unsure: If I was aware of how those actions will affect me today I wouldn’t have done it, but the fact is I did, and I keep having flashbacks of the past and horrifying thoughts of the future. I just wished any of this never happened and I could move on with a happy life and not feel doomed.
The fact remains though that you can do absolutely nothing to change the past. All you can do is take steps to alter how you handle things in the future. Do you want to ruin your life worrying about something that you can’t control and will likely never happen? Let’s say worst case scenario it did, what good would having wasted all the years beforehand have done? Nothing. Likely case is you spend your life worrying only to leave this world with perfect sight and think, my what a waste that was. I wish I could convince you it will be fine Iscmich, I can honestly say I’ve never been more sure that anyone’s worry is so unfounded. But I know it won’t work and I hope you get the right help that can.
Another thing that may help you focus on being present is the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Not related to anxiety at all really, simply about mindfulness and being in the moment. Certainly still seek out professional help for the anxiety.
The truth is that everybody struggles with what the future will bring, and it would cripple everyone if they let it.
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Thank you.. and I just seem to suffer exceptionally hard as I believe my future is doomed and im going to die young, it feels like there is no way out and everyday I am repeating the process of just being physically alive, but not actually LIVING life. I seem to live in the past, too. I recognise that I have problems, but no one in my life listens, apart from the very kind people on here.
I just want to STOP thinking, thinking and thinking.
Thank you.. and I just seem to suffer exceptionally hard as I believe my future is doomed and im going to die young, it feels like there is no way out and everyday I am repeating the process of just being physically alive, but not actually LIVING life. I seem to live in the past, too. I recognise that I have problems, but no one in my life listens, apart from the very kind people on here.
I just want to STOP thinking, thinking and thinking.
I again advise real life professional help, therapy and/or meds to help you cope and quiet the thoughts.
Again, you're just caught in and repeating the negativity. We can respond till the cows come home but ultimately, it's up to you to seek real life help.
Positive thoughts
I wish I could convince you it will be fine Iscmich, I can honestly say I’ve never been more sure that anyone’s worry is so unfounded. But I know it won’t work and I hope you get the right help that can.
Literally everyone on here and in real life even myself have tried so hard to convince me, but why won’t I just try to accept the possibility that I will indeed be fine, maybe at least for another few years? What is the use of me worrying sooo intensely about it now? Nothing. I know, I know.. I’ve heard myself telling all these things to myself. It’s a daily struggle, minute by minute, my thoughts are eating me away. I wish I could explain how I feel, but i couldn’t and no ine else will completely understand how overwhelming my emotions are.
I want to get better, I know somehow i will be triggered again later in life but I just want to enjoy life again one day at a time...
---------- Post added at 15:02 ---------- Previous post was at 14:58 ----------
Again, you're just caught in and repeating the negativity. We can respond till the cows come home but ultimately, it's up to you to seek real life help.
Positive thoughts
I will see a psychologist, i hope my thoughts can be at least suppressed my intrudive thoughts for awhile.
Literally everyone on here and in real life even myself have tried so hard to convince me, but why won’t I just try to accept the possibility that I will indeed be fine, maybe at least for another few years? What is the use of me worrying sooo intensely about it now? Nothing. I know, I know.. I’ve heard myself telling all these things to myself. It’s a daily struggle, minute by minute, my thoughts are eating me away. I wish I could explain how I feel, but i couldn’t and no ine else will completely understand how overwhelming my emotions are.
I want to get better, I know somehow i will be triggered again later in life but I just want to enjoy life again one day at a time...
I do understand, completely I do. Most of us on this board understand the cycle because we live it, just with different worries. Although I can’t pretend to understand your particular concern. What I don’t understand is why you aren’t trying to get help for your anxiety instead of constantly driving yourself to dispair over something which at the very least, as of now, is a non existent condition.
ankietyjoe
30-08-18, 17:30
and I just seem to suffer exceptionally hard
Just, no.
Anxiety can get a LOT worse than you are experiencing now, trust me.
And if you carry on saying the same thing over and over and over and over again, it will get worse.
All I'm hearing from you is 'yeah but'.....
Just listen to what people are saying and STOP repeating yourself to death.
HullSimplibus
31-08-18, 00:22
There is many worries in life, but blindness should not be one of them.
I went through a time where I seemed to think I had macular degeneration - but after several time being re-assured by an optometrist, I finally realized it was certainly not me.
I think that your best option would to just have eye tests routinely (however often you need them), and you should be fine. Its usually every 2 years.
The chances of you going blind are low - just think about how many sighted people there is in the world compared to blind people in the world.
Focus not on the past, or the future - but the present. Even if anything was to happen in the future, that should not be your focus right now. Because the future is something you cannot see until it comes to present.
Never use google either. That is the worst place for creating health anxieties.
Good luck. :hugs:
I can’t do this anymore, I think I have most of the symptoms of Conjunctival Melanoma. I don’t think this is just anxiety I’m pretty sure I will die soon anyway. This kind of cancer is very rare so treatment is just non existent in my country. I have no hope whatsoever, I’m just a normal girl in her 20s whose had a habit of using her phone in the dark as a teenager, Never really thought it could lead to something so lethal. I don’t know what to say anymore, oh my god...
I can’t do this anymore, I think I have most of the symptoms of Conjunctival Melanoma. I don’t think this is just anxiety I’m pretty sure I will die soon anyway. This kind of cancer is very rare so treatment is just non existent in my country. I have no hope whatsoever, I’m just a normal girl in her 20s whose had a habit of using her phone in the dark as a teenager, Never really thought it could lead to something so lethal. I don’t know what to say anymore, oh my god...
If 11 pages of reassurance and facts haven't helped, perhaps its time you take your fate into your own hands :shrug: You can start right here (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=211324).
Good luck and as always...
Positive thoughts
If 11 pages of reassurance and facts haven't helped, perhaps its time you take your fate into your own hands :shrug: You can start right here (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=211324).
Good luck and as always...
Positive thoughts
UV rays has blue light.. and i have been Staring at blue light directly for so long. And i won’t be surprised if the damaged cells leads to melanoma. Im having a terrible mental breakdown and panic attack on the streets, I really shouldn’t have searched. It’s been 4 years since that freckle appeared by now it shouldve spread all over my body, the cancer i mean.
I really have the urge to just end this never ending suffering I can’t deal with the anxiety anymore. Since the anxiety resurfaced since this Summer, I have always been alone, no one cared in real life, and its always just me and my thoughts spiralling alone in the dark. My parents are sad and mad, I barely get sleep, my friends don’t know why am i acting weird, I lost all interest in life, I wish all of this never started.
ankietyjoe
31-08-18, 13:16
You need to get some professional help, today.
There's nothing else anybody can say to you here.
I used to read under the bedclothes with a torch and was told I'd "ruin my eyes". I did end up needing glasses- for astigmatism which is not caused by reading under bedclothes! It seems an irrational fear to me now but at the time I was very scared so I understand how you feel. Like others have said you won't go blind from this.
I used to read under the bedclothes with a torch and was told I'd "ruin my eyes". I did end up needing glasses- for astigmatism which is not caused by reading under bedclothes! It seems an irrational fear to me now but at the time I was very scared so I understand how you feel. Like others have said you won't go blind from this.
No its different because you’re not looking directly at a light source but I am. Everyone thinks Im crazy but I know no matter what i say it won’t matter, and since the case of eye cancer is so rare the opthalmologist (that i saw 2 years ago) have misdiagnosed me and now the cancer have spread. I feel so doomed to the point I think I will die anytime soon, and I will be the first few people who died because of the using smartphones in bed...i keep saying I wish I could go back in time and change things and keep my anxiety under control but things just keep getting worse, the symptoms are real...
No its different because you’re not looking directly at a light source but I am. Everyone thinks Im crazy but I know no matter what i say it won’t matter, and since the case of eye cancer is so rare the opthalmologist (that i saw 2 years ago) have misdiagnosed me and now the cancer have spread. I feel so doomed to the point I think I will die anytime soon, and I will be the first few people who died because of the using smartphones in bed...i keep saying I wish I could go back in time and change things and keep my anxiety under control but things just keep getting worse, the symptoms are real...
If you had melanoma in your eye for 4 years you would be dead. I don’t know what more evidence you could possibly ask for to show you don’t have it. Please get help for your anxiety. These fears are beyond irrational.
If you had melanoma in your eye for 4 years you would be dead. I don’t know what more evidence you could possibly ask for to show you don’t have it. Please get help for your anxiety. These fears are beyond irrational.
Yes this freckle thing near my pupil has been there for a couple of years and hadn’t changed or grown. But there are obviously more blood vessels in that eye than my other eye and I’ve checked its one of the indications. I really want to be rational on this and I totally understand how everyone thinks its not possible, but since this smartphone is a new thing so probably not a lot of cases yet and I simply can’t shake the thought away, im on the edge of dying mentally im sorry
Yes this freckle thing near my pupil has been there for a couple of years and hadn’t changed or grown. But there are obviously more blood vessels in that eye than my other eye and I’ve checked its one of the indications. I really want to be rational on this and I totally understand how everyone thinks its not possible, but since this smartphone is a new thing so probably not a lot of cases yet and I simply can’t shake the thought away, im on the edge of dying mentally im sorry
I have had a freckle near my pupil for 30 years. No biggie, we get them. Never even had an eye doctor mention it more than once and I have been at least once a year in those 30 years.
Are you getting help for the anxiety?
Yes this freckle thing near my pupil has been there for a couple of years and hadn’t changed or grown. But there are obviously more blood vessels in that eye than my other eye and I’ve checked its one of the indications. I really want to be rational on this and I totally understand how everyone thinks its not possible, but since this smartphone is a new thing so probably not a lot of cases yet and I simply can’t shake the thought away, im on the edge of dying mentally im sorry
Be realistic and think how many of us will have used smartphones in bed. Do you think we will all go blind? Of course not. Something only has to happen one time for someone to write about it scaremongering. Doesn't mean it's a 'thing'. If we were about to get an epidemic of vision loss from smartphones we would know about it by now.
Be realistic and think how many of us will have used smartphones in bed. Do you think we will all go blind? Of course not. Something only has to happen one time for someone to write about it scaremongering. Doesn't mean it's a 'thing'. If we were about to get an epidemic of vision loss from smartphones we would know about it by now.
Amen!
Schesch ... :wacko:
ankietyjoe
31-08-18, 18:27
It's got to the point where the OP isn't listening to any kind of rational thinking.
She is either convinced, or is deciding to remain convinced she is terminally ill when she clearly isn't, to the point where the 'I can't take any more' comments are coming from.
She needs to go and get some professional help sooner rather than later and stop wasting everybody's time on a forum. 115 replies haven't helped, so I think it's fair to assume more replies aren't going to change much.
but since this smartphone is a new thing
Smartphones aren't new. They've been around since 2007. People were using them nonstop in bed in the dark since MySpace was cool and you were learning long division in elementary school.
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nomorepanic
01-09-18, 00:57
Sometimes people are so deep in the HA cycle they cannot see anything else and will not listen to any advice AT ALL. I have seen it hundreds of times on here.
We just have to let them get on with it and get the help they need. There is nothing more we can do as no advice, help, support and encouragement will help sadly.
Sometimes people are so deep in the HA cycle they cannot see anything else and will not listen to any advice AT ALL. I have seen it hundreds of times on here.
We just have to let them get on with it and get the help they need. There is nothing more we can do as no advice, help, support and encouragement will help sadly.
Sadly ^^^THAT^^^ X 10.
Positive thoughts
You guys are right, I think i am just too deep in the HA cycle and no matter what people say I am convinced I have some kind of rare terminal eye cancer or going blind. My dad is taking me to the opthalmologist again next week, its expensive around £80 and I feel so guilty for spending so much money on doctors. But I really hope after this visit I can at least find some peace, even just for awhile... a small part of me even anticipates a diagnosis from the doctor, isn’t that weird?
Anyway, I truly am grateful for the responses, please know that i am not ignorant or disregarding your reassurance, it’s just, I think too much and my demon thoughts are too strong.
ankietyjoe
01-09-18, 11:02
You don't have demon thoughts, it's you doing it.
You don't have demon thoughts, it's you doing it.
This ^
Hi - just quick update - firstly I truly am glad that soooo many of you have still sticked around after pages of reassurance, i want to say thank you, really.
I have finally opened up my HA with my parents, after 7 hours of talk, I realised how selfish I was being, and how self-centered I was, that I was so extremely focused on a health concern (that everyone seems to think its not a concern at all) and simply ignored the fact that my parents are getting old and their bodies are deteriorating as well.
I just feel extremely awful, and have made up my mind that I really really need to convince myself that if using my phone in bed for a few years at night would lead to cancer, a lot of people should be dead by now??? (Okay a part of me still thinks I will get cancer but hopefully not so soon) Anyway, I really need to stop this, there is no going back and no predicting the future and I only get to live today ONCE. I need to quit being selfish, if the doctors say im fine I NEED TO FRICKING TRUST THEM.
I can be happy again, I hope :)
ankietyjoe
02-09-18, 22:25
Hi - just quick update - firstly I truly am glad that soooo many of you have still sticked around after pages of reassurance, i want to say thank you, really.
I have finally opened up my HA with my parents, after 7 hours of talk, I realised how selfish I was being, and how self-centered I was, that I was so extremely focused on a health concern (that everyone seems to think its not a concern at all) and simply ignored the fact that my parents are getting old and their bodies are deteriorating as well.
I just feel extremely awful, and have made up my mind that I really really need to convince myself that if using my phone in bed for a few years at night would lead to cancer, a lot of people should be dead by now??? (Okay a part of me still thinks I will get cancer but hopefully not so soon) Anyway, I really need to stop this, there is no going back and no predicting the future and I only get to live today ONCE. I need to quit being selfish, if the doctors say im fine I NEED TO FRICKING TRUST THEM.
I can be happy again, I hope :)
Don't dwell on being selfish as anxiety has a habit of making you that way. And I apologise for being hard on you, but in this situation people just need a kick up the arse sometimes. My Doctor did it to me when I refused to take medication and he just said 'fine, go and find your own way of doing it then'. So I did.
The point here is that you're starting to recognise the pattern of your own self destruction by convincing yourself of imminent danger that just isn't there. We've all done it at one point or another, but the answer lies within your own thought patterns.
I was doing much better lately, until just now when I look into the mirror to check on my eye freckle as usual, I realise it looks a bit darker than usual, it definitely was lighter in colour when I looked at it last night as I check it everyday. I went to the opthalmologist just a few weeks ago and he said its just a normal freckle, but now this is driving me crazy again. I wish I am imagining this. I never thought a cancer so rare would be happening to me and i am only 20. God, I am trying to stay calm, and see if it further changes in color and shape, but the other part of me is convincing me to see the opth again and ask him to do a biopsy... I don’t know what to do or think anymore. I swear when i got the freckle like 4-5 years ago its color is lighter and less visible, I think it’s starting to change and if I don’t act now I will die in a few weeks
im 20 and I know I have posted on eye concerns and sometimes my thoughts can spiral out of control, however when I’m convinced I have something sinister its difficult to take my mind offf it, impossible almost.
I just realised my right eye is much more veing than the left. Especially when i leave the office my right eye is just full of veins and red, the veins extend quite close to the iris too. I have mentioned my worries regarding using my phone in bed as a habit before hence exposure to bluelight, I’m sure the veins have grown since the exposure, and i have overworked and damaged my eyes which will lead to a list of sinister outcomes.
Another thing I’m trying to stay rational on is the freckle next to my iris, I’m trying to stop obsessing over it daily. I went to the opthalmologist he said its nothing to worry about. I went home and feel a little bit relieved, as it hasn’t changed in 4 years. UNTIL literally yesterday I realised it might have gotten darker, and the white bit is so veiny as well - melanoma, definitely.
I just feel like i’m doomed, its either my eye needs to be removed or I die. Sounds irrational? Yes to many people but not to me. I’m just confused, scared, hopeless and in full on panic spiral. Wish this is just a bad dream and I could change the past, but sadly, I can’t and I don’t know how many years do I have to waste away like this before cancer actually strikes.
It just feels nice to at least type it out here, since everyone that loves me in real life has gotten sick of my concerns. Love u all and thank u for stifking around.
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
Elen
GOOD NEWS the thing didnt change, sure its just my anxiety okay im back on the road to recovering from HA. Bye!
GOOD NEWS the thing didnt change, sure its just my anxiety okay im back on the road to recovering from HA. Bye!
Glad you are feeling better.
Fingers crossed for you.
I feel truly sorry for you.You are only 21!Please enjoy life and don't worry.
I started suffering with anxiety at 33,I am 38 now.It has ruined different areas of my life but I am thankful in a way that I didn't get it when I was younger.
Seek help earlier rather than later.CBT is hard work but it's the road worth taking!
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