The final hurdle

[Jaco45er]

I need to go abroad, not now, but next year.

I used to go abroad all the time, but not stepped outside the UK since 98 (USA last time).

About that time the anxiety started.

I have overcome lots with anxiety, continued working, doing meetings, handling pressure (just) and only ever took 3 days off due to anxiety in 10 years, and even work away in the UK without too much stress.

But, when I go on holiday, even afew days in the UK, I seem to be gripped by anxiety. My worst kind too, the unreal feeling, band of pressure around the head, tight painful chest, and generally not feeling on top of the world.

But I do want to go abroad again, but I just cannot for the life of me work out why I get like this. I could understand it if it was some sort of long range agrophobia (I can work 300 miles away without feeling stressed) or is it the Holiday itself?

Anyone ever really struggled abroad and found out why? or overcame it? or even just struggled going on any holiday?

I find that I count the days back when I arrive somewhere, now thats no way to relax.

This is the final one to crack, the final hurdle.

Role on global warming, then Iwon't need to go abroad.

Jaco

[Piglet]

Jaco,

I think you do really well already to manage anxiety and a trip abroad is just an extension of this.

Darkangel said to me recently (when I was telling her how brilliant it was that she has foreign holidays) that she sees it as a panic attack is just the same whether your at home or abroad, so you may aswell get on and go away.

I think this is very true and it is the logic I apply (on a much smaller scale) to getting me out and about to the shops etc.

Hopefully she may read this thread and be able to expand on that.

I also think a goal of mine is not just to endure things all the time but actively seek to enjoy them. If I'm out I say in my head 'enjoy not endure'.

Love Piglet :flowers:

[Rain]

I have severe agoraphobia and social anxiety but managed somehow to go to the South of France in June. I got through it by breaking the whole thing up into small bits before I went and working out which parts scared me most. Then I just concentrated on the section of the holiday we were on at any one time.
I worked out the bit I dreaded most was getting out of the car on the ferry and making my way through the crowds to the cabin, and the same bit in reverse at the other end. I just said to myself ''you only have to do this really hard bit 4 times'' and each time I did it I consoled myself that there were now less times I would have to do it again. I told myself it was worth feeling anxious for a few minutes each time in order to have the nice parts of the holiday.
I did the same with the other scary parts, checking into hotels, being on the 'wrong' side of the raod, using public toilets,going on motorways, going over high bridges. I told myself, "you only have to deal with this one scary thing right now, it's not your favourite thing but you can cope and its worth it for the holiday".
When I was enjoying the nice parts of the holiday , like swimming in the pool in the sunshine, I did my best to forget about any scary things still on the horizon.
My main motivation for going was so that my partner could enjoy a holiday abroad, and keeping that in focus really helped me stay strong and brave. The other factor that helped me was that I had made up my mind that nothing was going to stop me, in other words, no part of me was wavering about my commitment.
I admit I did panic on the ferry but I just gritted my teeth and endured it knowing it would end. I did my best not to dwell on those times I did panic, but to just accept them as a few difficult moments in an otherwise great experinece.
I enjoyed the holiday very much. It was a bit hard being away from my safety zone but it was so lovely to have new experiences. I am really glad I did it.
For me being determined was the key, and accepting the difficult parts.
I hope you do go and have a lovely holiday abroad because it is so nice to have a complete change of scenery. People who know me are astounded I did it, as I still have difficulty getting to the end of my drive, but I am proof that we are stronger than we think.

[manmoor]

*Is unable to reply to this thread due to my vision being disrupted by Jaco45er's aviator.*

[Lindalou64]

:hugs: HEY JACO,

I THINK THE REASON YOU FEEL THIS WAY AS I DO WHEN I GO AWAY RATHER THAN WORK IS BECAUSE WHEN WE ARE ON VACACTION AND ITS TIME FOR US TO RELAX".RELAX WHATS THAT"..WHEN WE ARE WORKING WE ARE ALWAYS BUSY, KEEPS OUR MINDS DISTRACTED FROM THE HORRID ANXIETY......BUT IVE LEARNED OVER THE YRS WHEN I DO GO ON VACACATION I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO GO BACK IF I DONT FEEL WELL AND KNOWING THAT ALWAYS GOT ME THROUGH IT...I GUESS ITS LIKE A CONTROL ISSUE... JUST KNOWING I CAN LEAVE AND I WOULD BE FINE AND I NEVER LEFT ONCE......I HOPE THIS HELPS....I KNOW YOU WILL DO VERY WELL HUN...I WISH YA THE BEST:hugs: ...........LINDA XXXX

[darkangel]

Hiya Jaco

Just caught up with your thread and like Piglet says my motto is a panic attack is the same no matter where you are.

Okay, Im on here today as Im just back from a two minute drive to the retail park and WHAM a panic attack overwhelmed me whilst in Comet - maybe it was the prices they were charging :shrug: . So I remind myself, god you are not long back from Bulgaria and you coped!!!!!!

Anyway I have managed to go abroad on holiday successfully and YES of course the anxiety was there, but I turned it around to say I was feeling excited on the plane and I was on an amazing adventure and I took it one stage at a time. I wont lie by saying it was all plain sailing cos you know that it aint :lac: but it was well worth. Ask yourself, what is the worst that can happen? How long have you been living with these fears and had anything happened to you? What brings on our panic and anxiety is all the WHAT IFs we feed our mind.

Its 10 years since I have been ill and I think back to the times where getting out my bedroom was a huge achievement, then out my front door to take in some fresh air was a huge achievement, then slowly making my way along the pavement reaching a new lamppost was an achievement. Its all about setting little goals and in time you will get there. Ignore the negative chatterbox in your head and focus on the little inner voice that says YES you can do it. And each step of the way on the holiday, stop and just be in the moment and enjoy that second. Dont count the days til its over, look around you and take time to focus on the surroundings.

Im not long back from Bulgaria and similar to Rain's holiday, although there were many times I was anxious and felt overwhelmed, these reminders are not important now, cos my memories are of the wonderful places and people we met and the cherished times I spent with my partner. Live is for living Jaco, go and enjoy hunni :flowers:

Luv Darkangel x

[Jaco45er]

Ty for the replies Rain lolly, and Linda :)

Darkangel, I took on board what you said and will try and adopt that attitude more, you and Rain done great :yesyes: . I really need to crack this one last silly thing in my way.

Piglet, where were you last night? I won the quiz with ease, but can't take pride in beating you, as you weren't there, i was so good, trac kicked me from the room ;).

Mandy, I am a man who doesn't want for much, but knowing the Celtic Aviator has such an impact on your sorry lil Rangers butt fills me with joy :hugs:

TY all

Jaco

[kazzie]

Hi Jaco:hugs:

I have to agree with Linda here .......hols mean too much time to think!!!

Lolly had a good idea tho about the activity holiday!!!

Whatever you do have fun!!!:yesyes:

Luv Kaz x x x:hugs: