Ex just passed away so I’m scared

[Hockeygirl55]

Hi, everyone!
I’m really having one of the most challenging times in my life right now. I’ve been off of my anxiety med (Prozac) for about 2 weeks now after weaning off slowly and just 2 days ago, I received news my ex boyfriend had passed away, he was found unresponsive in his sleep. Only 22 years old and played hockey. I have moved on years ago, I’m engaged now, but it still doesn’t change the fact that it’s so horrible and terrifying. I can’t help but think, “what if this was my fiancé?” “What if things didn’t work out between me and my ex because of this happening?” And I’m just so, so scared. I can’t stop looking at this forum with related threads to this issue. I keep telling myself that if his heart went out fo rhythm, it’s such a rare thing to happen, but it happened to someone I personally knew, so why couldn’t it happen to me or my fiancé?

I’ve had countless EKG’s done in the past and they’ve all been normal except for a higher heart rate because I was extremely nervous. My family on both sides are healthy, same with my fiancé’s, and he’s a professional baseball player, so he’s had EKG’s and an echo, all of which I assume are normal as he’s not heard anything back on them. Most posts say an EKG is what you need to find the underlying problems that cause sudden cardiac deaths, but that still hasn’t offered me much comfort. I just can’t come to terms of this happening. It’s absolutely horrifying to me, as my health anxiety mainly focuses around the heart and sudden death is one of my worst fears for myself and my loved ones.

I guess I just need some reassurance because nothing else is really working for me... I can’t imagine life without my fiancé and I am SO scared of this happening to him.

Any encouraging words and reassurance would be greatly appreciated. :( these past couple of days have been such a struggle for me. I cry at the thought of losing my fiancé or me dying in my sleep (him losing me). I’m so afraid to sleep now. I’m scared when he sleeps too.

[AntsyVee]

Okay, let's slow down here. You're all pumped up on the adrenaline and other stress chemicals that course through you when something tragic happens.


First off, I'm sorry about your ex. It is never easy when someone so young passes away, and even more so when it was totally unexpected.


Secondly, even though he was your ex, it will be totally normal to grieve and have feelings of loss. Don't feel like you shouldn't have feelings because your relationship was over.


Next, has the coroner released a cause of death? If not, then you can't assume it's his heart. If you know it was his heart, then do you know his medical history? Because chances are that the same conditions and symptoms that he had DO NOT automatically apply to you and your fiance. Millions of people play hockey every day with no issues, myself included. Additionally, you have both had your hearts checked out, and they're fine.


When we lose someone, it is a natural response to feel scared about losing others that we love, especially if its in the weeks following a traumatic death. I don't want to minimize natural responses and reactions. However, if you have loss of functioning, you need to seek help for your grief and anxiety.



I don't know how long it's been since his death, but have you considered talking to a therapist about how you're feeling? From personal experience, grief counseling saved my life.



Also, it doesn't like this would be a good time to go off of your Prozac. Is your weening off doctor approved?

[Hockeygirl55]

AntsyVee,

I’m sad about it because it’s so tragic and no one deserves to go like that, but he’s been out of my life for several years now. I’m feeling more scared than anything at the moment. I read all these posts saying things like “this is something that is so rare it probably won’t ever happen to you or anyone you know.” And now it’s happeneed to someone I knew... it’s just very scary.

I’ve heen too afraid to check if anything has been released on his passing. Just trying my best to distract myself at the moment.

Also, yes, my doctor is aware of me weaning off of my anxiety med, and I did it very slowly. I’ve been off of it for about 2 weeks now, and do not want to go back on it. So no, this is not the best timing to go off of Prozac, but I weaned off of it almost 2 weeks before this happened. I am just trying to ge a peace of mind with all of this, because this is my worst fear.

PS- he passed in his sleep almost 3 days ago. Sorry, i should’ve clarified that.

---------- Post added at 10:17 ---------- Previous post was at 08:39 ----------

Anyone else? :(( I really need some reassurance and peace of mind.

[Rhiannon.]

You poor thing :(
Even if you have moved on he was still someone you loved dearly at one point so no wonder you're feeling anxious.

I had a very good friend who I knew was interested in me. He would have loved it if we became a couple but for me we were just friends.
When I was 21 and he was 25 he died suddenly. Completely random grand mal seizure that he never woke up from. I was devastated but also found myself worrying about how he could have easily been my boyfriend. Was it because I didn't date him he died? Was it because he was going to pass young that "destiny" had me only see him as a friend?
I beat myself up about it for a while. Could I have been a better friend? Did I do something to contribute to his death?

Another boy I knew in school passed away a few weeks ago too. He had a freak allergic reaction to medication.

It's awful to lose someone close to a freak event, never mind a freak health related event. The anxiety over it will pass in time. Just remind yourself that you've had tests done and been fine. You will be ok <3

[Hockeygirl55]

Rhiannon,

Thank you so much for the reply.
I’m so sorry for both losses, it’s so scary and you cant help but think, “it happened to them, why couldn’t it happen to me?” It’s something no one should ever have to worry and panic about because it’s so consuming and totally changes my mood.

My ex last reached out to me about a year ago and told me I shouldn’t be letting my fiancé now control who I talk to, but it wasn’t even that, so I told him that I wouldn’t want my fiancé talking to his ex, so there’s no reason for me to talk to him. And we are exes, so there was not much left to say after that point. And long story short, he got really upset and said he’s sorry for ever coming into my life and whatnot. So we quit talking period on bad terms, I ended up blocking his phone number. And now I just feel like a bad person :/ it’s just a stressful time right now for me and I really need some reassurance.

---------- Post added at 14:24 ---------- Previous post was at 14:21 ----------

No matter what I do, I keep thinking that yes, whatever did happen to him, is probably very rare and a freak incident, but why wouldn’t it be able to happen to me or my fiancé? Or any other loved person? I always get heart palpitations which I’ve been so good about ignoring and putting it down to anxiety, but now I’m thinking I’m going to drop dead, or faint, or pass away in my sleep. Or have that happen to someone I love and care for.