I hate myself

[bearcrazy]

Sorry to be so negative but we have just come back from a superb holiday in Sorrento but something happened on the way back that has had a profound effect on me. It might make some of you laugh but I just want to cry. I eat when I am stressed and have struggled with my weight since being a teenager. This year my biggest fear came true. The seat belt on the plane wouldn't fit and i had to ask for an extension. The cabin crew were really kind but I cried like a baby, and have eaten non-stop ever since, getting through packets and packets of indigestion tablets. I HATE MYSELF. Not just a little bit, but really really hate myself. I want to lose weight but the more stressed I get the more I eat, its like a vicious circle. I know that I am lucky to have so many good things in my life but they mean nothing when i feel so bad. There are also issues over my job and I dont know whether I will be able to carry on teaching. Holidays are great, but when you get back reality kicks in and you feel worse than before you went. Today the vicar said before you can love God you have to love yourself. Well I HATE myself, so where does that leave me? I am crying as I write this. I think I have an eating disorder but no-one seems to care. I eat until I feeel sick and then eat more!
I've been to weigh****chers and slimming world but always put the weight i lose back on and more. I just need some one to understand how unhappy I am! :weep:



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[Lindalou64]

AWWW BEAR, I UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELING LOW TODAY HUN BUT DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP SO MUCH, MAYBE YOU DO HAVE A EATING DISORDER MAYBE IT IS THE STRESS SOME PEOPLE EAT WHEN STRESSED SOME CANT...BUT I FIND WHEN WE BEAT OURSELVES UP OVER SOMETHING WE GIVE INTO IT .........HOPE YOU START TO FEEL BETTER...BE GOOD TO YOU!!!
BEST TO YA.............LINDA XXX

[manmoor]

My June :hugs: My dad used to always say it's not what's on the outside that counts it's what's on the inside :hugs: I've known you for a while now and can honestly say your a kind caring funny lady that means a lot to me hun :flowers: Your a strong person and these feelings your having will pass for you as they have done before you know that and I know that :hugs: But until they do you have all the biggest hugs and cuddles from the mad Irish "F" queen and I'm here for you always. xxxxx

P.S. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[jodie]

awww bear

hunny dont be so uupset about it i dont know you but i am sure your a brill lady with lots of good in you .
your weight is not somthing you should be so stressed over just try sit and talk to your doc about it see what they can do to help but dont get upset over it i am sure it will just get you down and make you feel worse hun and more unhappy .
mabe have a sit and think if there is a underline problem somthink bothering you that makes you feel like eating but as i sead i wouldnt worry over it hun .

you keep your chin up just think tight ii wont sit and cry ii will get help start from today hun :hugs: :flowers:

jodie xx

[honeybee3939]

http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u121/dktulle/hugs51b.gif

LOVE
:hugs: :hugs:
ANDREA
XXXXX

[Karen]

Hi Bearcrazy

Sorry you are feeling so bad about yourself.

I can identify with those feelings and the self destructive cycle of negativity and punishment you've become trapped within.

I have an eating disorder. I've had different aspects of it at different times and it always comes back to hating my myself - whether I am bigger or smaller. Of course, if I have been smaller and gained then I hate myself more but I then punish myself more by eating more food.

Hun, have you seen someone for some help with this? Changing your diet is only one aspect of the problem. From my experiencing of having a problem with an eating disorder it sound like you could do with some psychological help and support from a therapist.

There is help out there. Could you go to see your doctor? Do you have anyone you can talk to?

We are here.

Karen xx

[pips]

http://www.deepbox.com/media/images/276.gifto you hun. I know what a struggle it can be.

Take Care,

Love Pip's X X X X

[Dying_Swan]

Oh Bear.

It's awful to hear how low you are feeling about things at the moment.

Like Karen said, I think it might be an idea to seek out some therapy. Perhaps if you can learn more about why eating is problematic for you, it will help you to feel better and manage all this more successfully.

I can see that things are awful for you at the moment, and the eating is both comforting and distressing. The more you eat, the worse you feel, but you can't stop?

I was wondering about exercise......I'm dreadful at taking enough exercise, but when I do, it instantly lifts my mood. Perhaps you could summon the motivation just to try some short walks or something? At least that way, you would feel as though you were making some positive steps. Exercise (I believe) releases happy hormones, and might cheer you up a little too? I know it's hard when you feel so dreadful, but it really might be worth a try?

When I was at my lowest with agoraphobia and depression, I used to force myself to swim regularly. It was basically the only thing I did, and I was fortunate to have access to a pool that was usually empty. Anyway, as much as I had to really drag myself up to do it, it always made me feel better, and I lost lots of weight too.

Weightwise - forget about it for now pet. A seatbelt is just a piece of fabric, and as terrible as it made you feel, it means nothing about anything. Please, please try not to focus on weight and get yourself a bit brighter for now....the rest will come in time.

Be kind to yourself 'eh?

xxxxx :hugs:

[bearcrazy]

:hugs:

thanx everyone for your support, it means a lot to me.

:hugs:

[northern_sky]

I feel for ya I'm a lot overweight still have a stone to lose before I'm not 'morbidly obese' lovely phrase! anymore. I lost a stone quickly when my panic attacks first started but since then it's gone slow again.

[kate]

Unfortunately, people only view seriously underweight people as having an eating disorder,not those that comfort eat and end up very overweight. This should be seen as much as an eating disorder and help and support given to the person in the same way as this would be given to someone underweight.

Weight**tchers and the like can only help when the emotional side of your issues can first be addressed. Unless you are in the right frame of mind then no diet will be successful. It's a vicious circle though. The worse you feel about your weight the more you will eat to try to make you feel better.

Definately get some counselling as your first step. Let us know how it goes.

Kate


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[kate]

LOL love the swear filter on my last post :D

Kate

[ade]

oh bear hun
what can i say,except i am so sorry to hear of your pain and self hatred.my wife is "overweight".she is the most beautiful,sexy woman on earth.you are a person,a lovely one,not a reading on a set of scales.
i really understand the need to comfort eat,with me,it was drugs.when i became upset at being dependant,i took more.i grew up surrounded by big,beautiful women whose size seemed to be more indicative of the amount of love and compassion in them,rather than of any fault.i know you want to be smaller and i hope you can achieve some self loving however big or small you are.love sees no size other than the capacity to love.
im sorry, im only a man but i really feel sad that you feel so bad.the incident on the plane must have felt awful for you and i can so relate to your tears over it.:weep: i was mocked and bullied for being underweight as a boy,and it took the punk rock explosion in 1976 to liberate me enough to even wear a teeshirt,even in very hot weather.
i hope you wont mind me sending you oceans and stars full of burning love to ease the pain.

hold tight sweetheart , love ade xxxxx:hugs: :flowers: :)

[jitterbug]

*BIG HUGS* sorry im a little useless for words tight now but i do care im just a bit muddled. Im thinking of ya hun and i think you are a great person. Maybe talk to ur doctor to find out how to replace food with something, like chewing gum or something? hugs bear your a lovely person and youve helped me so much, *hugs xxx

[Karen]

Unfortunately, people only view seriously underweight people as having an eating disorder,not those that comfort eat and end up very overweight. This should be seen as much as an eating disorder and help and support given to the person in the same way as this would be given to someone underweight.

I totally agree Kate. It causes as much emotional pain to that person as someone who doesn't eat and I've experienced both ends of the spectrum at various points during my life.

Karen xx

[groovygranny]

Hello bear,

I've been pondering this reply for a while now - I didn't want to reply just for the sake of it and I have no illuminating advice or guidance for you I'm afraid.

But I can relate to how you feel about yourself. Yes, what you are on the inside will always more important, but what you look like on the outside can bother you even if it doesn't bother anyone else. And if it bothers you then it's a problem.

As has been already suggested emotional issues may need to be addressed here before you can tackle the issue of being overweight. Your frame of mind is all important to how you approach this and also, maybe, the successfulness of it.

And I agree that excercise, of any kind, can only produce positiveness. I have no desire to go to the gym, aerobics just doesn't 'do' it for me, I like swimming but it's too much hassle getting wet, then dry again, and so .....I belly dance (as half the membership of nmp is fed up with hearing by now lol !)

Find something that interests you, see if medically you are able to cope with it....and then do it.

Your doc may suggest dieting as well ,I don't know. But I'd start with challenging your emotional outlook first. Then you might start to discover that you don't dislike yourself as much as you thought you did!

By the way, no offence to your vicar, but I think loving God comes from the free will decision to love Him and is not dependant on whether you love yourself or not. That comes after you make the decision to love Him in the first place.

Take care, lotsa hugs

:hugs::hugs:

:flowers:

[honeybee3939]

Hi Bear

Have some hugs from me too hun:hugs: :hugs:

I wondered if it would also be a good idea to have a word with your GP about the way you are feeling, the GP surgery in my area have a practice nurse which can advice and support people who want to loose weight, im sure most GP surgerys do too. Maybe it would be a good idea to give them a ring and enquire.

hope that helps and i hope you are feeling better this evening hun, keep smiling !

Hugs
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxxx