life destroying phobia...

[loz04]

does anyone else feel they're pushing people away by their state of sheer fear of their worst phobia? my suffering of emetophobia is getting worse and im destroying family relationships all around me and my fiance who i love so much is also suffering from this downward sprial i seem to have found myself in.
he's finding it increasingly hard to cope with. i think he intially thought some miracle would happen one day and i would be totally cured but as im finding it difficult to improve and am panicking more and more and being in fear constantly its hit him that itts never going to be that easy. i love him so much and cant imagine my life without him, but yet i feel so incredible guilty dragging him into my mess and making him feel unhappy. my job should be to make him happy, thats wot i want to do so badly. things arent always like this, i have good and bad days like everyone, but recently wen its been bad, my fiance has found it hard to cope with me. our relationship is solid, we never find a need to argue and my life has never been happier than it is now he's in my life, yet in the last month i've managed to put a major strain on our relationship. new years eve i began thinking the most least-selfish thing i could do in the best interest of my fiance would be to leave him so he can find someone who wont drag him down all the time. he sed he'd b happier with me than without me but i still feel guilty. i really dont know wot 2 do. im fighting so hard yet not really getting anywhere n ive been fighting since i was 4 years old to act like a normal person and live life normally. i just keep thinking that if i'm fighting to not only get my phobia under control, but to also save my relationship with my soul mate and im still failing then i truely must be weak. i consider myself to be strong in a sense i can keep going out of the houes and doing things (even tho im panicking whilst out - i still face going out), but feel so weak wen i see how far i havent come in the last year. in fact it's been getting worse over the last year and i dont know wot more i can do 2 help myself, when im always giving it my best shot.

i could ruin everything. i see everything in the future collapsing around me and leaving myself with nothing, yet i cant seem to get a hold of things and stop it and save myself from the future im beginning to see as unbearably inevitable. im so scared im going to uncontrollably lose everything and seeing my fiance who i want to protect and love for the rest of my life, struggling to cope and telling me it's getting too much is tearing me apart. i cant do this to him anymore, yet i dont know how not to and neither of us want to be apart from each other as we love each other unconditionally.

does anyone else feel this way, and does anyone have any 'pick me up' advice, coz i really feel there's nothing left and im devastated.
x

[nomorepanic]

Partners do take the brunt of our illnesses as well cos we live with it but they have to as well.

We sometimes forget about them and become selfish with our illnesses and forget that they want to live "normal" lives as much as we do.

Don't worry too much about your partner at the moment. He has said he will stick with you so that is great news. The main thing is to concentrate on getting you better and over your fears.

Did you get any help from that site I recommended on emetophobia ? I do hope so.

Perhas you could talk to the doctor about getting some CBT therapy as this could really help you rebuild your life again.

There is no quick fix I am afraid but these problems can be overcome in time.

As for a "pick-up" - are you taking any supplements like vitamin B ? Is your diet ok at the moment? If possible can you go for a lovely relaxing massage ?

I wish you well but please try to remain positive - you can get through this ok?

Nicola

[loz04]

Hi nicola thanks for the reply.
i visited that site when u suggested it and read stuff about the phobia on there, most of which was very familiar to me. im going to see a specialist soon so hopefully that will help. i just feel negative coz being positive feels like its gotten me nowhere. im fighting so hard and seem to be going backwards still, becoming more and more obsessed with the phobia and my total fear of it, even tho i logically know i'm fine n have nothing to worry about...which makes me angry coz i still worry!
my diet has never really been good, very fussy eater n dont need much to get full, but that's normal, but probably doesnt help the situation, so ive started taking vitamine tablets. i've never wanted to go on medication, im only depressed when im tired and ive panicked, coz i dwell on it trying to work out where ive gone wrong and i also have overwhelming guilt for it more often than not being present when im spending time with my partner. plus the side affects of medication cause nausia so that's a definate 'no way!' type answer to that one.

I just need 2 be stronger minded like i was just over a year ago. i still had my phobia and worried lots but it was livable. im ready 2 accept it's for life, and everyone has their problems so i can accept it and be greatful for everything good in my life, but when it starts destroying my life and the people in it that i love, i feel so guilty, like im only here on earth 2 cause others pain, when im a person who wants 2 give so much to people.
i dunno, hopefully things will improve soon. i dunno how i began to get worse, as i know so much about panic attacks and phobias and how my mind works, which is really frustrating when i find myself still panicking!

anyways, thanks so much for the reply. hopefully things will improve.
take care.
x

[Laurie28]

Hiya,

Don't be so hard on yourself. Look carefully at your diet, relaxation and exercise routines and see if there is anything you can do to help yourself. We will all support you, but pls stop thinking that nothing can be done and you will be like this for life.

The only person who can make you better is you, it is hard work but with the support of your partner, a gp or therapist and us you CAN do it

Love
Lucky

[Indea1984]

Hi newbie here

I have always had a fear of being sick, I will do absolutley anything to avoid being sick. I thought I was going crazy, then 2 days ago I descovered that there is actually a medically recognised name for this phobia.

I have been petrified of being sick from about the age of 5, but since last May I have had nothing else on my mind, and I have become very ill through not eating, in fear of being sick. If someone I know or is near me says they dont feel well, I instantly start quizzing them on whats wrong, do they feel sick, have they got a bug - then I worry myself sick that I am going to get what they have. Sometimes I think I feel sick because I have convinced my mind that I am feeling sick.

It is such a relief to know that I am not alone in this. I am considering hynotherapy to help me - has anyone else had this, and if so did it help.

If anyone wants to PM me, please feel free. Look forward to talking to you all soon.

Indea x

[nomorepanic]

Hi Indea

Welcome to the forum. It would be lovely to hear more from you so can you post a message under the "Introduce yourself" topic and tell us about yourself.

Thanks

Nicola

[georgia]

I have also been afraid of being sick since a child, and found it really debilitating for many years. The worry about food, and about people being ill around you are totally familiar. I had about 2 years of intensive (5 times a week) psychoanalysis and now the fear is so much less. I'm not saying I don't think about it, I do, but its days rather than minutes between each worry. I think psychoanalysis is hard, and really requires a lot of committment but it has made me a stronger person in lots of other ways too. (unfortunately I have got more claustrophobic rather than less, probably because the analysis had to end before I could address that properly)
georgia xx