loz04
03-01-05, 16:44
does anyone else feel they're pushing people away by their state of sheer fear of their worst phobia? my suffering of emetophobia is getting worse and im destroying family relationships all around me and my fiance who i love so much is also suffering from this downward sprial i seem to have found myself in.
he's finding it increasingly hard to cope with. i think he intially thought some miracle would happen one day and i would be totally cured but as im finding it difficult to improve and am panicking more and more and being in fear constantly its hit him that itts never going to be that easy. i love him so much and cant imagine my life without him, but yet i feel so incredible guilty dragging him into my mess and making him feel unhappy. my job should be to make him happy, thats wot i want to do so badly. things arent always like this, i have good and bad days like everyone, but recently wen its been bad, my fiance has found it hard to cope with me. our relationship is solid, we never find a need to argue and my life has never been happier than it is now he's in my life, yet in the last month i've managed to put a major strain on our relationship. new years eve i began thinking the most least-selfish thing i could do in the best interest of my fiance would be to leave him so he can find someone who wont drag him down all the time. he sed he'd b happier with me than without me but i still feel guilty. i really dont know wot 2 do. im fighting so hard yet not really getting anywhere n ive been fighting since i was 4 years old to act like a normal person and live life normally. i just keep thinking that if i'm fighting to not only get my phobia under control, but to also save my relationship with my soul mate and im still failing then i truely must be weak. i consider myself to be strong in a sense i can keep going out of the houes and doing things (even tho im panicking whilst out - i still face going out), but feel so weak wen i see how far i havent come in the last year. in fact it's been getting worse over the last year and i dont know wot more i can do 2 help myself, when im always giving it my best shot.
i could ruin everything. i see everything in the future collapsing around me and leaving myself with nothing, yet i cant seem to get a hold of things and stop it and save myself from the future im beginning to see as unbearably inevitable. im so scared im going to uncontrollably lose everything and seeing my fiance who i want to protect and love for the rest of my life, struggling to cope and telling me it's getting too much is tearing me apart. i cant do this to him anymore, yet i dont know how not to and neither of us want to be apart from each other as we love each other unconditionally.
does anyone else feel this way, and does anyone have any 'pick me up' advice, coz i really feel there's nothing left and im devastated.
x
he's finding it increasingly hard to cope with. i think he intially thought some miracle would happen one day and i would be totally cured but as im finding it difficult to improve and am panicking more and more and being in fear constantly its hit him that itts never going to be that easy. i love him so much and cant imagine my life without him, but yet i feel so incredible guilty dragging him into my mess and making him feel unhappy. my job should be to make him happy, thats wot i want to do so badly. things arent always like this, i have good and bad days like everyone, but recently wen its been bad, my fiance has found it hard to cope with me. our relationship is solid, we never find a need to argue and my life has never been happier than it is now he's in my life, yet in the last month i've managed to put a major strain on our relationship. new years eve i began thinking the most least-selfish thing i could do in the best interest of my fiance would be to leave him so he can find someone who wont drag him down all the time. he sed he'd b happier with me than without me but i still feel guilty. i really dont know wot 2 do. im fighting so hard yet not really getting anywhere n ive been fighting since i was 4 years old to act like a normal person and live life normally. i just keep thinking that if i'm fighting to not only get my phobia under control, but to also save my relationship with my soul mate and im still failing then i truely must be weak. i consider myself to be strong in a sense i can keep going out of the houes and doing things (even tho im panicking whilst out - i still face going out), but feel so weak wen i see how far i havent come in the last year. in fact it's been getting worse over the last year and i dont know wot more i can do 2 help myself, when im always giving it my best shot.
i could ruin everything. i see everything in the future collapsing around me and leaving myself with nothing, yet i cant seem to get a hold of things and stop it and save myself from the future im beginning to see as unbearably inevitable. im so scared im going to uncontrollably lose everything and seeing my fiance who i want to protect and love for the rest of my life, struggling to cope and telling me it's getting too much is tearing me apart. i cant do this to him anymore, yet i dont know how not to and neither of us want to be apart from each other as we love each other unconditionally.
does anyone else feel this way, and does anyone have any 'pick me up' advice, coz i really feel there's nothing left and im devastated.
x