Major pre-op panic

[Deep Blue]

Survived the worst panic attack of my life on Wednesday & still feel shattered. So very scared of another one.
What triggered it? Got my appointment letter for surgery. Had explained about my GAD & panic & surgeon agreed I'd have an early appointment as the later in the day the longer the panic & anxiety has to build.
Opened the letter, read 4pm admission & instantly went into meltdown.
Gasping for breath. Invisible elephant stood on my chest. Legs turned to rubber & wouldn't support me. Vision blurred. Pulled out handfuls of hair.
Pre op assessment on Monday. Surgery not until the 8th.
How do I get through it?
I am on the verge of cabelling the surgery.
I have visions of panicing and running through the hospital in my surgical gown
Arrgh!

[EmiliNickson]

Sorry to hear that. No surprise that this caused the panic attack. Did you ask professional for help?

[Deep Blue]

I eventually took 2 of my carefully hoarded 5mg diazepam. Still felt terrible. Decided I couldn't go through with the op but fortunately when my husband arrived home he talked me out of it.
I am probably more scared of panicing in the hospital than the surgery although it's close.
I understand I will still have a tube in my throat when I come round and just the thought of it has me shaking.
I have also convinced myself that I will be one of the rare unfortunate's who stay aware & paralysed during the op. After all, sleeping tablets ( I was prescribed 4 about 20 years ago) don't work on me so why should anaesthetic?
I KNOW I am being illogical & downright daft.
But none of my usual coping strategies ( the usual, relaxation, visualisation,.meditation) are helping right now.
Thanks for reading this. It helps just to tell someone who will understand.