My story and how bad does it get?

[DavidJ85]

So Hi, I'm David, I'm 33 and been an anxiety sufferer for almost 12 years. When it first came into my life in the form of a panic attack I thought I had a serious illness or was going insane and was terrified I'd commit suicide or something. I also couldn't drive far without panicking and driving back home and getting back in my bedroom. At points I couldn't even face leaving my room or my house. It manifested itself into an anxiety disorder with countless negative intrusive thoughts and physical symptoms.

LOTS of studying, doctor and hospital visits and researching and learning I worked out I can't possibly be going mad or have anything seriously wrong with me, as anyone going mad doesn't realise they're going mad and that I actually have an anxiety disorder.

So DR prescribed 100mg Sertraline and 40mg Propranolol and after the initial side effects I felt 90% back to my old self which was nice. Obviously still with the anxiety there but livable without effecting my daily life. Often I'll experience the odd minor setback which will knock me a little but I can more often than not get myself back on track.

My symptoms when suffering are excessive sweating, adrenaline and trembling, intrusive and negative and horrible thoughts, obsessing over tiny little details, dry throat, stomach pains and looseness, fidgeting and hot flashes. When any of this symptoms present themselves I immediately feel awful and the downward spiral begins. When I'm feeling ok I don't get any of these, apart from maybe the fidgeting. Sometimes my stomach being bad causes anxiety as I suffer from IBS as well so they both fight against each other which isn't pleasant.

I have a loving girlfriend who doesn't quite understand it but is by my side through thick and thin just as I am with her. My Mum sort of understands and my Dad just doesn't really want to get involved because I think he suffers in silence too but doesn't face it.

Anyway, Saturday came around and few days leading up to then I felt my anxiety growing but for no apparent reason. There's never really a big trigger it just appears. So Saturday, bang, driving my car, anxiety attack!! The hot flash, excessive sweating and adrenaline and fear came over me but I carried on. Then the thoughts came flooding in "Why is this happening again?, Will it stop?" then looking at things differently like "Why is that road sign blue? and then "Why am I wondering why that road sign is blue?" and AGAIN another attack. BUT I carried on driving waiting for it to pass but it knocked me. So I told my girlfriend who was sat next to me and she put her hand on my leg and said I'll be ok just breathe. So I started deep breaths and slowly calmed down however because of the attack I knew "anxiety mode" was on.

So forward to now. Last few days I've felt like I'm back to square one. Intrusive thoughts like "Shall I check myself into a physchiatric hospital?, What if I kill myself?, Am I losing my mind?, "How bad can this get?", "Is this gonna get any worse or is this as bad as it can be?" and the constant feeling of dread and adrenaline and the sweats keep happening.

So my question is, how do others experiences liken to mine and has anyone started like mine and then got worse and worse to the point of ending up in a psych ward? I'm having a hard time at the moment so need help and to talk so if anyone can help me that would be lovely!

Wooo, long post, fingers hurt a bit but wanted to get it all out there.

Thanks all and remember you're not alone! Advice and replies very much appreciated. :)

[Dafyddjohndavies]

Hi David,

I could have written that myself mate, it's funny how you feel so alone in a world full of people who feel the exact same way.

I think a big problem people like us suffer from most is worry. Every little physical sensation we feel sets off a chain reaction of catastrophic thinking. For example, if your heart skips a beat, the little gremlin in your head is poised to raise the "I'm having a heart attack" siren. Worry sets off that snowball that builds and builds until you're breathing into a paper back on the side of the M4 motorway.

I have been suffering this crap since 2006, so about as long as you have and what has helped me more than anything is using centering/mindfulness techniques. I stumbled upon a book called "The Power of Now (https://amzn.to/2Os56n7)" by a chap called Eckhart Tolle. The basic principle is to teach you to break the cycle of thinking. It works really bloody well for anxiety issues and if you put the work in to practising it everyday you'll find your symptoms will melt away.

However saying that I'm not as recovered as I'd like to be but the symptoms you mentioned no longer plague me. My symptoms have been reduced to sensitivity to light, slight pressure headaches here and there, and slight stomach unease. Not had panic attacks in a long time now and it was mostly down to this book.

I found the key to a lot of these anxiety symptoms including panic attack is to allow them to happen. It's one of those things where the more you don't want them to happen the worse they get. If you can just watch the symptoms and allow them to be there, don't try to do anything to stop them, then they just disappear. Once you fight them they get worse and ruin your day. It's easier said that done but once you get these basic tools in the bag then you're 90% there.

I personally recommend the Power of Now Audiobook (https://amzn.to/2vi73K6). I put it on while driving to work and back and it puts me in a good headspace. I warn you though that his voice is a bit weird (annoying), but the content is faultless.

I came off meds (fluoxetine 20mg) about 6 months ago and I'm still keeping a good head. I was really concerned that I would never be able to come off SSRIs but the tools are working for me.

Last bit of advice... I recommend seeing a therapist. I went to see a hypnotherapist and the results were astounding. They get right to the source of your problems so much faster than a normal therapist. People don't go to hypnotherapists mostly because of the stigma attached to hypnotherapy but it's not what you think.

Anyway, hope you start feeling better soon dude. Feel free to message me if you want to chat.

All the best,

Daf

[DavidJ85]

Thanks Daf! I've just got myself Audible and the power of now audiobook and shall start listening to that after work.

Well I've been on SSRI's for a long long time now so it'd be nice to see if, after I have the tools in place I can ween off them.

There's no particular trigger for mine, it literally comes out of no where and the moment it's being stubborn!

I do allow my panic attacks to happen and I accept the way I'm feeling is because of an overactive nervous system but sadly it doesn't seem to change much.

I had CBT years ago and that didn't seem to do anything either, it was as if she just couldn't work out what my anxiety was and why I had it. Never thought to try hypnotherapy but I don't think I'm the "type" who can be hypnotised as I'm very critical over such things and analyse everything.

[ankietyjoe]

I think you'll find that most people's experiences with anxiety are broadly similar to yours. It comes and goes and at least appears to come back with no real cause.

What I've learned over the years is that there are actually plenty of triggers in life, little ones that build up. Little things at work, money, relationships, kids, the heat, over exercising, eating bad food, not getting enough exercise (yep, too much and not enough are both bad!). These are all triggers, and are cumulative. You can't really separate the physical and mental stresses as they all contribute to anxiety.

The fact that you accept them and let them happen is good, but just don't expect that to have a rapid curative effect. What you're doing is how I more or less beat my anxiety (95% and still improving) along with meditation, but it took me 3-4 years of CONSTANT practice for it to become fully effective.

You absolutely have to look after your health too. I don't believe it's possible to recover from anxiety without looking after your body as well as your mind.

[DavidJ85]

Oh I'm back again! Instead of making a new thread I thought I may as well continue this one as others have on their journey. After my first post, eventually the anxiety died down a lot and I've been able to live a pretty normal life, a few intrusive thoughts and the odd small panic attack but nothing I couldn't handle. I'm on 20mg Fluoxetine every other day and my my propranolol and felt quite settled.

So now 37 years old, living with my gf (the same one thankfully haha) and in a settled job, happy and content. I've been having Thanatophobia lately (the next brilliant symptom) and it's been unsettling my mind big time. I constantly read about life after death and have always had a small underlying fear of "being dead" but now it's manifested into my anxiety. I've been ok and kept a lid on it for a few months but yesterday breaking point happened. A panic attack, a big one. I was outside walking to the shop and a stupid intrusive thought about people being strangers and the whole world feeling strange came over me and off it went. I got back to the flat and did some box breathing and held and ice cube and calmed myself down but now, as in my first post, anxiety mode is on. Intrusive, irrational thoughts and ever-present and I'm on red alert, twitching and feeling hot and zero appetite.

I've booked in for CBT to start again next week and hopefully that'll give me some tools to subside this again to a manageable level. I've been reading about OCD/Anxiety and do feel my obsessive intrusive thoughts tie into that as well? Not sure where to even start with that. Anyone who's suffering similarly or has advice I'm all ears and appreciate you taking the time to read my post.

[fishman65]

Hi David. I'm no expert on OCD but do have some traits that can be associated with it I think. Isn't Thanatophobia a form of existential anxiety? Wondering why we're here and what happens to us when we die? Generalised anxiety can give rise to an endless plethora of related conditions, the ones mentioned included.

Hopefully the CBT can help you get a handle on this. It's certainly a good starting point and I wish you all the best.

[DavidJ85]

It's just one thing after the next. The existential anxiety/ocd is just a new form my anxiety demon is toying with my mind with and now I'm in a state where I'm like hold on is my demon gonna be in the driving seat all the time now and I'll never be free of this?