Golden
04-08-18, 09:40
So I have a history of health anxiety and generalized anxiety. I have always had very severe trust issues in my romantic relationships. With my husband of 7 years it has been an ongoing theme. It makes me feel crazy sometimes because I constantly think he is texting another woman, facebooking/privately messaging other women and I know I could never really have proof of it because he would be smart enough to delete and cover his tracks - so it’s mentally draining because I know I have no control over it but it always weighs on me constantly. It takes the smallest thing and I will connect to a crazy cheating scenario and so deeply believe it As fact that I cannot imagine any other possibility. I also believe that he would never come clean about it so I would never get any closure.
So tonight we went for a date night - had a few drinks (which we very rarely ever do - and really don’t drink much at all) and ended up fighting. My husband took the car and left. I now so deeply believe that he went off to meet another woman, pay for a sexual favor from a stranger, go to a strip club - which he always says he has never been to one or really desired to but (I found some $1s in the car after he got back) . He got home a few hours later and said he drank, sat in the car and then went for a swim. (In my mind he hooked up and showered at a woman’s home).
IN my mind I cannot fathom that it was all he did. I so deeply believe that he cheated on me and has constantly done so, that nothing he would say at this point would matter. We are in a tight spot financially and have two small children - I don’t work so I am ‘stuck’ in a sense with this marriage for now. I guess I’m partly venting and partly wanting to know if anyone else believes these things about their spouse or partner? Is it irrational thinking to constantly believe these things? Is it OCD thinking? Obsessive? I cannot think Of a time where I have ever trusted a boyfriend prior or my now husband.
If you read my novel, thank you! I guess I just need some insight if anyone wouldn’t mind sharing. I need to process what I’m feeling right now. And see if I need to work on my trust issues for real. They seem like the only rational explanation to all of my beliefs but I’ve been told it’s irrational to think this way. I just don’t know any more :(
So tonight we went for a date night - had a few drinks (which we very rarely ever do - and really don’t drink much at all) and ended up fighting. My husband took the car and left. I now so deeply believe that he went off to meet another woman, pay for a sexual favor from a stranger, go to a strip club - which he always says he has never been to one or really desired to but (I found some $1s in the car after he got back) . He got home a few hours later and said he drank, sat in the car and then went for a swim. (In my mind he hooked up and showered at a woman’s home).
IN my mind I cannot fathom that it was all he did. I so deeply believe that he cheated on me and has constantly done so, that nothing he would say at this point would matter. We are in a tight spot financially and have two small children - I don’t work so I am ‘stuck’ in a sense with this marriage for now. I guess I’m partly venting and partly wanting to know if anyone else believes these things about their spouse or partner? Is it irrational thinking to constantly believe these things? Is it OCD thinking? Obsessive? I cannot think Of a time where I have ever trusted a boyfriend prior or my now husband.
If you read my novel, thank you! I guess I just need some insight if anyone wouldn’t mind sharing. I need to process what I’m feeling right now. And see if I need to work on my trust issues for real. They seem like the only rational explanation to all of my beliefs but I’ve been told it’s irrational to think this way. I just don’t know any more :(