GAD and Relationship Anxiety HELP

[Golden]

So I have a history of health anxiety and generalized anxiety. I have always had very severe trust issues in my romantic relationships. With my husband of 7 years it has been an ongoing theme. It makes me feel crazy sometimes because I constantly think he is texting another woman, facebooking/privately messaging other women and I know I could never really have proof of it because he would be smart enough to delete and cover his tracks - so it’s mentally draining because I know I have no control over it but it always weighs on me constantly. It takes the smallest thing and I will connect to a crazy cheating scenario and so deeply believe it As fact that I cannot imagine any other possibility. I also believe that he would never come clean about it so I would never get any closure.

So tonight we went for a date night - had a few drinks (which we very rarely ever do - and really don’t drink much at all) and ended up fighting. My husband took the car and left. I now so deeply believe that he went off to meet another woman, pay for a sexual favor from a stranger, go to a strip club - which he always says he has never been to one or really desired to but (I found some $1s in the car after he got back) . He got home a few hours later and said he drank, sat in the car and then went for a swim. (In my mind he hooked up and showered at a woman’s home).

IN my mind I cannot fathom that it was all he did. I so deeply believe that he cheated on me and has constantly done so, that nothing he would say at this point would matter. We are in a tight spot financially and have two small children - I don’t work so I am ‘stuck’ in a sense with this marriage for now. I guess I’m partly venting and partly wanting to know if anyone else believes these things about their spouse or partner? Is it irrational thinking to constantly believe these things? Is it OCD thinking? Obsessive? I cannot think Of a time where I have ever trusted a boyfriend prior or my now husband.

If you read my novel, thank you! I guess I just need some insight if anyone wouldn’t mind sharing. I need to process what I’m feeling right now. And see if I need to work on my trust issues for real. They seem like the only rational explanation to all of my beliefs but I’ve been told it’s irrational to think this way. I just don’t know any more :(

[WiseMonkey]

It may help to get some counselling for this issue, as it seems to be driving you crazy. You do seem overly focused on what your husband does, do you get any time to do things for yourself or with your friends while he looks after the children?

I don't know if your suspicions are true or not. Do you communicate with your husband about your fears?

[Golden]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I have a history of self esteem issues and social anxiety/introversion as well. . So not much of a social life At the moment. I have started going to exercise a few times a week which helps some in general. My husband has a friendly personality and makes friends easily - that also makes me a little uneasy. I have always been an extreme over thinker.

At this point it doesn’t matter what the truth is about his actions because in my mind I believe he is a serial-cheater. I have relatives who always tell me he is a wonderful ‘family man’ and I have nothing to worry about but it doesn’t change what I believe is true. ((I should add that my father is the same about relationship trust - he accused my mother constantly of cheating the entire 29 years of their marriage and just recently divorced his second wife who was truly lovely and became a close friend to me because he said ‘he knew for a fact (no proof either) she was always cheating on him - she swears she never would have and is heartbroken that he left her)) - I don’t want to end up like him.

He is a police officer and we all learned at a young age to always be suspicious I guess. I just feel these thoughts so deeply that I can’t imagine any other possibility about my husband.

I appreciate your post because I really just want to know if these are symptoms of ‘what if’ thinking or irrational thinking. Regardless of what he may have done even though he says he never has - I believe it any way. But if some of this is irrational thinking then maybe it’s time that I also take some responsibility for it. I just want to know if this is ‘normal’ to think this was about one’s partner. Is that how everyone feels with their spouses?? (If that makes sense)

---------- Post added at 04:30 ---------- Previous post was at 04:23 ----------

Once I connect a coincidence ‘dot’ to another ‘dot’ - there is no way for me to rationalize that my husband isn’t cheating in one way or another. It’s just a constant thing. I can’t even fathom a marriage where a husband is faithful. (Which I know is irrational) but it’s just this constant theme in my thinking.

And my dad was not unfaithful, although he was very verbally, mentally abusivw to my mother and extremely controlling and overbearing with all of us so who knows if some issues stem from that. I just don’t know why I have those trust issues about cheating if I never experienced it growing up.

And a huge problem is that it hurts just as bad as if I knew the truth because I believe it so much.

---------- Post added at 04:31 ---------- Previous post was at 04:30 ----------

Once I connect a coincidence ‘dot’ to another ‘dot’ - there is no way for me to rationalize that my husband isn’t cheating in one way or another. It’s just a constant thing. I can’t even fathom a marriage where a husband is faithful. (Which I know is irrational) but it’s just this constant theme in my thinking.

And my dad was not unfaithful, although he was very verbally, mentally abusivw to my mother and extremely controlling and overbearing with all of us so who knows if some issues stem from that. I just don’t know why I have those trust issues about cheating if I never experienced it growing up.

And a huge problem is that it hurts just as bad as if I knew the truth because I believe it so much. :wacko: