View Full Version : I realized a scary thought about the nature of our HA..
Shadowhawk
05-08-18, 20:42
So, I am sure this is not a profound realization, but it is new for me, and I thought a discussion might help others.
Like so many others, I worry about things being serious, and being so scared of it being true, for our multitude of reasons.
But at the same time, deep down, there exists a small part of the mind.. maybe just the worry, that wants it to be right...
I say that, knowing people don't actually WANT the illness they fear. None of us want a fight for life. But if we actually DO have something, it means that all this stress and anxiety actually meant something; we didn't worry ourselves over nothing, feeling tired and depressed with no actual reason. So when one thing is problem wrong, we look for something else.. something to justify the feeling.
I would like to think knowing this in some way helps me heal.. I guess we will see. And maybe I am flat out wrong (I have no doubt people on edge may snap and say I am crazy). And if I am wrong, it still helps understand this living nightmare.
Of course, I also realize the irony that we DO all have something wrong.. our HA itself is a disease in need of treatment. I hope and pray that everyone here is able to make or maintain progress and healing, for the sake of their own lives..
paranoid-viking
05-08-18, 20:55
I wonder: does health anxiety disappear when/if you reach an age where death is inevitable in the near future or do we keep being afraid or even being MORE afraid over the inevitable end? Are there people in their 90s constantly fearing they have something that will kill them or that they are about to get it? Or do you find peace with yourself that you have managed to get this far and take everyday as they come and be happy about it even though you know at that age that the end is near?
I mean; it must suck to have constant fear of death after you have aged beyond the average life expectancy, right?
You've hit the nail on the head. There are some many people with HA out there that would rather have a medical ailment then realize that they actually have a mental illness. They chase down every avenue of medical problems, when in reality their only problem is their HA.
I find that this is most common with people who have HA as a form of OCD. Getting them to realize that it is HA, and not X, Y or Z medical issue is half the battle.
Like so many others, I worry about things being serious, and being so scared of it being true, for our multitude of reasons. But at the same time, deep down, there exists a small part of the mind.. maybe just the worry, that wants it to be right...
There have actually been members that said "You'll be sorry when I come back and tell you I have (insert disease here)." I truly don't think it's intentional but unconsciously that small part of their mind is just trying to justify the irrationality.
Positive thoughts
Hm... interesting. I don't think it's the case for me at least but in the past I have told myself in nervous moments before whatever test/disease du jour I was thinking about, "I hope I don't have it but if I do at least I can take consolation in being right for once"!
But I'm never right, my survival rate is 100% so far. [emoji41]
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You've hit the nail on the head. There are some many people with HA out there that would rather have a medical ailment then realize that they actually have a mental illness. They chase down every avenue of medical problems, when in reality their only problem is their HA.
My daughter has given me insight to the anxiety thought process and even knowing and truly understanding it, it still can be frustrating not only to the sufferer but to those trying to support and help. She describes as a helpless feeling, especially when deep down she knows it's irrational. Fortunately, she has tools to fight back and although she has her moments, she's much better overall with meds and regular therapy.
Then you have the panic factor and despite clear and fact based explanations and reassurances, the sufferer just cannot see past the nose on their face. Having been married to someone with mental health issues, I was cognizant of my own depression after my illnesses and sought help. I think for me, that is the most frustrating part. If indeed one was ill from any of the fears posted here, they would seek help. In fact, many do, only to be told it's anxiety. That's the acceptance and recognition Antsy is talking about. Consciously or unconsciously, the sufferer refuses to believe it's their mind causing the symptoms. I don't doubt people have symptoms. I get them when I'm stressed and when my wife was ill, I could have checked off a half dozen or more stress related symptoms. The difference is I knew what it was, accepted it and pushed through. I also used things I learned in therapy and had a chill pill for when it became overbearing (and it did!).
Ask yourself. If you really did have one of the illnesses you feared, would you not get it treated? Then ask yourself: Why are you not treating the illness you do have?
Positive thoughts
Ask yourself. If you really did have one of the illnesses you feared, would you not get it treated? Then ask yourself: Why are you not treating the illness you do have?
^^^I want to ask this question to the vast majority of posters on here.
Ive had a similar conversation with my boyfriend recently. He mentioned to me that it was almost like I wanted something to worry about because of the way I get past one worry and move to the next. Ofcourse I snapped because I didnt understand how he could think i wanted to live in this mental torture. But then after i thought about it from his point of view, he didnt mean I actually wanted to worry but almost like my brain needed a focus. Maybe like you say its a need to be right to justify the years of hell we put ourselves through. Im sure theres some deeper meaning to it, if only they could find it so we could all be rid of this demon :(
How many years of hell have to go by though for some people to get some help? Usually after people realize they don't have a medical issue and finally accept it's just HA, they finally get help. What I want to know is how to speed up the process of that realization.
How many years of hell have to go by though for some people to get some help? Usually after people realize they don't have a medical issue and finally accept it's just HA, they finally get help. What I want to know is how to speed up the process of that realization.
I guess it depends on the person. Also you can be getting help and it not be working.
I guess it depends on the person. Also you can be getting help and it not be working.
I understand that. Healing is a process. However, there are so many people on here that have never even started the process. They're still lost in the anxiety fog thinking that their HA is a medical issue. It's very sad to see so many times.
I wonder: does health anxiety disappear when/if you reach an age where death is inevitable in the near future or do we keep being afraid or even being MORE afraid over the inevitable end? Are there people in their 90s constantly fearing they have something that will kill them or that they are about to get it? Or do you find peace with yourself that you have managed to get this far and take everyday as they come and be happy about it even though you know at that age that the end is near?
I mean; it must suck to have constant fear of death after you have aged beyond the average life expectancy, right?
My fear of death diminished greatly with a serious diagnosis. The diagnosis was not something I ever feared, or even thought of. It had no symptoms, no lead up, and was discovered incidentally, and still feel 100% healthy.
After this diagnosis, a lot of my worries were put to rest, rather than exacerbated. I have a relatively risky and dangerous surgery ahead of me, and I could not be less worried about it. I am actually eager to get to it, to be honest.
While I might not be 90, just over half way there, I did accept a certain level of mortality, and found myself strangely at peace with it. Statistically speaking, I have a 3-5% chance of dropping dead at any second because of this, and this also doesn't bother me, largely because I can do nothing about it.
What's more, not only am I at peace, I am, generally speaking, living a much fuller life, and spend a lot less time in regret, sorrow, and am much happier than I was a year ago before this diagnosis. My main regret is the amount of time I squandered in the past with anxiety.
We *will* die. This is an inevitability that will affect us all. The thing is, try to not make the entire life you live about the dying part. That is the small bit of advice I can offer, and it seems obvious, but learning to not fear death is really what helped me learn to live in the moment, to embrace the life I do have left to live.
As an aside, no I do not want to die, no more than anyone else living a full life with people I love and who love me. But I have accepted it *will* happen to me, though I will do what I can to put it off, hopefully until I am 90. I also still get anxious, but that anxiety is not chronic or needless like it was before. It is normal and healthy to be afraid when it is normal and healthy. Accepting that has also helped me recognize normal, healthy anxiety and obsessive worry, and separate the two from each other.
I wish anyone taking the time to read this, all the peace in the world, and a break from the endless anxiety I had known all too well. I hope you get the help you need and find it to save the time spent suffering towards a death that may not come for decades and decades.
This is definitely not me, as my health anxiety stems from a deep fear of dying and leaving my daughter. It started when she was born and my mortality became tied to another life.
Shadowhawk
05-08-18, 23:57
This is definitely not me, as my health anxiety stems from a deep fear of dying and leaving my daughter. It started when she was born and my mortality became tied to another life.
It's funny that you say that, as I feel the same way. I am a single father to my little girl, and the thought of death scares the crap out me. I want to be there for her, not due at 36... Make no mistake, I do not actively want a problem at all....
Interesting.. That’s how I feel sometimes. I am SO INCREDIBLY sure that I have that illness and although it cannot be detected by the doctor now will soon be. I am already depressed everyday right now, and I have already accepted me having it, so... in that case I think all my worries and anxious thoughts are worth the time, although it wont change anything i suppose...
mare serenitatis
08-08-18, 23:49
I guess it depends on the person. Also you can be getting help and it not be working.
This is definitely not me, as my health anxiety stems from a deep fear of dying and leaving my daughter. It started when she was born and my mortality became tied to another life.
I’m in the exact same boat. I don’t want to leave my baby alone.
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