Need help please

[Cptdebbie]

I’ve been doing relatively well dealing with my anxiety and depression, and my husband’s Stage 4 Lung Cancer. However, tonight I’m melting down and need some help.

I am the President of a small non-profit organization. It is a volunteer job and helps me have something to do besides brood. Today I needed to prepare an agenda for tomorrow’s board meeting and finish some documents and other assorted things. My brain just did not want to cooperate. I’m usually such a good organizer but I struggled to see what had to be done and what to do next. It took every bit of brain power to type sentences out and do everything else that needed done. And then I somehow printed out dozens of agendas instead of 14. I’m finished. I think However, it’s been a rough week and this just is the last straw so to speak.

This really scares me. My mother had Alzheimer’s disease. So, that is always on my mind.

Do any of the rest of you have “brain not working” days?

[kay1218]

Severe stress can do that! Seriously. Days that my anxiety or depression is bad I won’t be able to remember anything, I’ll have so many confused moment, and just moments where I sit back and think “wait, why did i do that?” You’re fine!! Your brain is just filled with too much


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[MyNameIsTerry]

Hail Mrs President! Yes, absolutely. I've had periods where just simple maths with my shopping receipts seemed impossible. I just couldn't problem solve how to do simple calcs. I was a BA working on large programmes as a lead and running my own smaller projects within yet when the anxiety got bad I would be struggling with simple comprehension and maths that were minor compared to the complex areas I worked in.

Try to think of it this way, if you haven't slept much in days or are fatigued doesn't it impact on your cognitive functions? Doesn't it feel like it's hurting your head just trying to recall something? And that's in someone without anxiety.

Also it can be overwhelming as we're looking at a big goal all in one rather than a series of smaller ones.

Take a break. Get some air. Break it down if it helps. Add structure to ask questions of the goals if it's a blank A-B and you can't think how to achieve it.

[Cptdebbie]

Thank you so much kay1218 and MyNameIsTerry. I really needed reassurance tonight and you gave it to me. I've calmed down considerably.

Part of what I'm struggling with right now is learning to live without my husband. He has been my best friend for almost 40 years. However, he is quite ill right now. He sleeps almost all the time, and I miss him so much. I can't run to him anymore like I always have.

By responding to my post, you did something wonderful for me. You didn't just help me feel better about my brain dead day, you also helped me to realize that I'll find other pathways for comfort as I adjust to this new world I've been given. Thanks again!! :bighug1:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Glad to hear if something has helped :flowers:

If the board are aware of your husband's health I'm sure they will understand if your mind is elsewhere. They can always help with a gentle prompt here & there or suggest something that needs adding that normally you wouldn't have missed.

And when you think about it is the meeting as important as what you are going through? Does it save lives or take them? If neither, perhaps it's your work ethic that is telling you things must be 110% when the reality is different? I can remember kicking myself harder than anyone could and racing from deadline to deadline but I learnt from my parents how this can be a poor strategy when success is fleeting and your wellbeing suffers for it when your work isn't perhaps as critical as you think (if I was working in the security services or medical fields it would make more sense but my sector was energy).

On that point again I think anyone knowing your situation is going to understand you have more important things to do and cut you some slack.

I hope you and your husband have a good support network? I have no idea how to cope with what you are both going through as I've been lucky enough so not to go through it but there are going to be people on here who have lost their partners, some even their children, so they will know what you are going through. But I'm sure we are all willing to be supportive where we can. :hugs:

I hope his health improves and you get all the time you can. My GF lost her mum to lung cancer but she did have improved periods as the chemo helped reduce the cancer. She was very tired all the time, at the start she couldn't manage the stairs more than once a day. She had been a regular walker and always busy out & about so they got a wheelchair so she could at least do more.

[Cptdebbie]

Thank you so much MyNameIsTerry!! The board is aware of my husband's health. They took over without me for a few months when we first received the cancer diagnosis. And, they were amazing at today's meeting. I told them about my meltdown last night. I got lots of hugs and understanding. Plus, we got a lot done and are moving forward on some important matters.

This non-profit group is an important part of my support network. I also have five grown children. They are all incredible. What a blessing they are!!

Sometimes, though, it is so helpful to talk with someone who understands this crazy anxiety thing. I am so grateful to this group for that. You "get" me in a way nobody else can.

Thanks again!! :bighug1: