Conflicted on whether or not I should go on holiday. Anxiety holding me back

[GingerFish]

My mum and stepdad received their compensation from a car accident they were in last year and have offered to send me and my husband away to Copenhagen in Dec for 4 days as a Christmas and next birthday present since I was dying to go a few years ago for the Christmas markets but I couldn't afford it.



This is an amazing gesture and I am very grateful and I should be jumping at the chance and part of me is but a bigger part of me is filled with so much worry - how will I cope on the plane when I took a horrendous panic attack last time I was on a plane (6 years ago)? Will my benefits get cut or something because I go abroad? I don't deserve a holiday, what if something bad happens to my family or my cats when I am away?! Also thoughts of I deserve something bad to happen while I am away because I don't deserve a break



I've got an appt with my psychologist tomorrow so I am going to talk it over with her. I told her last time I was there that I was hoping to go away for my 10th anniversary in Jan but said I don't know how I would manage it since I am struggling to even just get out my house atm but she said a holiday would do me good and I need to expose myself to stuff I am scared of and that she would tailor my therapy to help with going on holiday so I am assuming she will tell me to just go. On one hand I know I need to bite the bullet with anxiety and everything else and have something to work towards like a goal and have something to look forward to but then on the other hand - the guilt, the fear, the doubt etc makes me feel like its just not worth it and I am not ready yet.



Unsure what to do. I feel like I am being an ungrateful little cow right now due to having so many fears about going which has led to bad feelings, panic attacks and worsening of my checking and self harm thoughts. What would you guys do?

[pulisa]

If your therapist is prepared to work with you then I think you should bite the bullet and plan to go. You certainly won't lose your benefits over a short break, your cats will be well looked after as I'm sure you'll plan well in advance for their care, it would be very bad luck if a family member were taken ill while you were away but that could happen if you didn't go..so that "just" leaves your anxiety which is the main stumbling block..and the biggie to be managed.

The anticipatory anxiety will be challenging but being supported by a therapist is a big bonus. The holiday is a gift so no pressure re financial outgoings. You have always wanted to go there...It would be great if you could and would give you and your husband a much deserved break away from the stresses of home life but mentally it's going to be tough for you to break free from the "what if something awful happens" mindset.I do so hope you can and that you do go and get some respite from your anxiety x

[jray23]

You should go!

Like your psych says, it will be great exposure. I'm not sure what you talk about to him/her but I think you should show your post to him/her.

You DO deserve to take a holiday. What's more, you probably NEED to!

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[MH19611]

I have totally been here before. TOO MANY TIMES. When I was in high school and college, I skipped two trips due to anxiety. I still regret it to this day. But at the moment, I was having panic attacks and nothing could get me on those flights! Nothing. Both of those trips were within the United States, where I live. I understand the struggle. However, I was not addressing the building anxiety before the trip. It's great that you have a therapist appointment. Continue to better yourself! Perhaps start a medication since you have until December (it will be well kicked in by then). Make an appointment with a general physician and they will get you going.

Just two years ago, my friend invited me to London and the panic set in. And I decided to FACE IT! It was tough and I had several moments of panic prior to the trip. But I was determined to go. And I did it! I took medication for panic on the way to the airport and again on the plane. I tried to enjoy myself on vacation and get plenty of fluids and sleep. I reminded myself that I could go home at any time I wanted. I brought anxiety books to read if I got overwhelmed. I bought items with that felt like home (my husband's sweatshirt, etc.). It all worked out and I am grateful.

I would just say to be proactive about it! See that doctor, get some medicine, do some reading about how common these fears are, talk with family/friends, etc. Good luck!