GingerFish
07-08-18, 12:06
My mum and stepdad received their compensation from a car accident they were in last year and have offered to send me and my husband away to Copenhagen in Dec for 4 days as a Christmas and next birthday present since I was dying to go a few years ago for the Christmas markets but I couldn't afford it.
This is an amazing gesture and I am very grateful and I should be jumping at the chance and part of me is but a bigger part of me is filled with so much worry - how will I cope on the plane when I took a horrendous panic attack last time I was on a plane (6 years ago)? Will my benefits get cut or something because I go abroad? I don't deserve a holiday, what if something bad happens to my family or my cats when I am away?! Also thoughts of I deserve something bad to happen while I am away because I don't deserve a break
I've got an appt with my psychologist tomorrow so I am going to talk it over with her. I told her last time I was there that I was hoping to go away for my 10th anniversary in Jan but said I don't know how I would manage it since I am struggling to even just get out my house atm but she said a holiday would do me good and I need to expose myself to stuff I am scared of and that she would tailor my therapy to help with going on holiday so I am assuming she will tell me to just go. On one hand I know I need to bite the bullet with anxiety and everything else and have something to work towards like a goal and have something to look forward to but then on the other hand - the guilt, the fear, the doubt etc makes me feel like its just not worth it and I am not ready yet.
Unsure what to do. I feel like I am being an ungrateful little cow right now due to having so many fears about going which has led to bad feelings, panic attacks and worsening of my checking and self harm thoughts. What would you guys do?
This is an amazing gesture and I am very grateful and I should be jumping at the chance and part of me is but a bigger part of me is filled with so much worry - how will I cope on the plane when I took a horrendous panic attack last time I was on a plane (6 years ago)? Will my benefits get cut or something because I go abroad? I don't deserve a holiday, what if something bad happens to my family or my cats when I am away?! Also thoughts of I deserve something bad to happen while I am away because I don't deserve a break
I've got an appt with my psychologist tomorrow so I am going to talk it over with her. I told her last time I was there that I was hoping to go away for my 10th anniversary in Jan but said I don't know how I would manage it since I am struggling to even just get out my house atm but she said a holiday would do me good and I need to expose myself to stuff I am scared of and that she would tailor my therapy to help with going on holiday so I am assuming she will tell me to just go. On one hand I know I need to bite the bullet with anxiety and everything else and have something to work towards like a goal and have something to look forward to but then on the other hand - the guilt, the fear, the doubt etc makes me feel like its just not worth it and I am not ready yet.
Unsure what to do. I feel like I am being an ungrateful little cow right now due to having so many fears about going which has led to bad feelings, panic attacks and worsening of my checking and self harm thoughts. What would you guys do?