Can't stop worrying that I'm about to die of bowel cancer

[LunarCoffee]

I'm 13 and male, pretty healthy in general. For some reason, I've been really anxious the last 3 and a bit months. I did write a post yesterday but that had lots of symptoms and was moved to that category and is now pretty dead, so I'm going to keep this one short.

I'm worried all the time that I have bowel cancer, that I won't live long enough to see my relatives in China next year, and that I won't be able to live my life anymore. Why? Many things (but that was on the other thread), but the main thing is a constant feeling of pressure in my rectum, like I still have poop to poop even when I don't. This might just be constipation, as whenever I do poop (every other day, usually), it's either dry or slightly dry, and it's many days' worth of poop (I also eat quite a lot, but I'm still of a good weight), but I've seen way too many articles saying it's a symptom of late colorectal/bowel cancer. Tack on some pain and some feelings of weakness, and I'm convinced I've got cancer.

I know that the chance of me having it is practically impossible, and that blood in stool is the hallmark symptom, but I just can't shake it off. During the day, there are many times where I feel like I'm going to just die, and think about all my relatives, stuff, lost opportunities, all that, and almost cry.

EDIT: my parents are aware of this.

[Serenitystars]

Sorry I don’t know much about bowel cancer so I can’t really say anything about that but I do also have really bad HA :unsure:
The anxiety is so bad so I could relate, the best thing is to make an appointment with a doctor to know for sure if you have it or not.
If you do have it then you do there’s nothing really you can do but if you don’t then he or she can put your worries to rest.
Even though this sounds easy, I know how hard it is to calm yourself down (even know I’m still worring, my doctor appointment is in like 10 days, the wait is killing me) but do try!
:hugs: let’s get through this together.

[LunarCoffee]

Sorry I don’t know much about bowel cancer so I can’t really say anything about that but I do also have really bad HA :unsure:
The anxiety is so bad so I could relate, the best thing is to make an appointment with a doctor to know for sure if you have it or not.
If you do have it then you do there’s nothing really you can do but if you don’t then he or she can put your worries to rest.
Even though this sounds easy, I know how hard it is to calm yourself down (even know I’m still worring, my doctor appointment is in like 10 days, the wait is killing me) but do try!
:hugs: let’s get through this together.

Thanks a lot. I've been to the doctor a few times (everything was OK, of course). The wait for a doctor's appointment may be worse than the wait for a big party or event.

Update:
Honestly, I might have IBS-C, because I've found that if I push hard on the days I usually don't poop on, I can get a solid long log out. It is pretty difficult to get out, but it seems pretty normal looking, besides being maybe a 3 on the Bristol stool chart. Of course, I've convinced myself now that this is actually rectal cancer. Of course. I'm pretty sure I drink enough water, but most of the time I glug down 200-300 mL in a few seconds every so often, totalling 2+ liters a day usually. I've also started on fibre supplements, around 5-7 grams a day now. Not sure if it's helping or not, whether I should stop or add more or stay the same, but the anxiety still exists.

[Fishmanpa]

I can think of quite a few better things a 13 year old boy could be doing and thinking about that don't involve posting about your poop on an internet forum :winks:

Positive thoughts

[LunarCoffee]

I can think of quite a few better things a 13 year old boy could be doing and thinking about that don't involve posting about your poop on an internet forum :winks:

I can too, but I'm honestly really scared for no rational reason. Guess this is what anxiety does to ya.

[Fishmanpa]

I can too, but I'm honestly really scared for no rational reason. Guess this is what anxiety does to ya.

Thing is, just like the cancer you fear, it's treatable. Perhaps showing your parents this thread would prompt them to get you help?

Positive thoughts

[LunarCoffee]

Thing is, just like the cancer you fear, it's treatable. Perhaps showing your parents this thread would prompt them to get you help?


Last time we went to our family doctor (probably equivalent to a GP), they suggested a CBT therapy, and my parents said that we'd look into it and try it if I wanted. I think I might try some self-led CBT first, but please give me your thoughts as well (if you want).

[Fishmanpa]

Last time we went to our family doctor (probably equivalent to a GP), they suggested a CBT therapy, and my parents said that we'd look into it and try it if I wanted. I think I might try some self-led CBT first, but please give me your thoughts as well (if you want).

There's a link HERE (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=211324) as well as in my signature but you have to be in the right place mentally and have the inner strength to hold yourself accountable. Thing is, that's difficult at best. Actually going to a therapist that will hold you accountable until they feel you can manage on you own would be prudent.

Positive thoughts

[LunarCoffee]

There's a link HERE (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=211324) as well as in my signature but you have to be in the right place mentally and have the inner strength to hold yourself accountable. Thing is, that's difficult at best. Actually going to a therapist that will hold you accountable until they feel you can manage on you own would be prudent.

Thanks for the link, didn't realize it was sticky in the HA main forum page. Because my doctor said that I could try a session or two for free, I might do that some time soon. Thanks again!

[LunarCoffee]

Anyone know if the specifically constant feeling of incomplete evac is from IBS or not?

[Fishmanpa]

Anyone know if the specifically constant feeling of incomplete evac is from IBS or not?

Guess you didn't download the FREE CBT (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=211324) course yet eh?

Positive thoughts

[KK77]

Guess you didn't download the FREE CBT (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=211324) course yet eh?

Positive thoughts

There's positive thoughts...and then there's wishful thinking :lac:

[LunarCoffee]

Guess you didn't download the FREE CBT (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=211324) course yet eh?

Positive thoughts

I have, and am actually working through it. It's just that the "tenesmus" is at an all time high and I honestly can't sleep (it's 12:30 AM here) because of it. Any solutions? Also, the pain isn't really that prevalent anymore. Either way I will also try adding more fiber.

[LunarCoffee]

Workbooks seem OK, but are there any home remedies for tenesmus because it's actually really uncomfortable? Also, I'm still worrying quite a bit, but I will try the strategies mentioned in the booklets.

I'm going to try only checking symptoms once a week, then eventually once a month (once a week for weighing because that's pretty OK), and also eventually stop asking for reassurance, but for now I'm not sure what to do really.

Also, the only symptoms I've got right now are tenesmus, occaisional mild abdominal cramps, and some perceived fatigue in my limbs. Despite that, I still seriously believe I've got CRC. Man, the mind is a crazy thing.

[Fishmanpa]

Since it doesn't seem like your parents are willing to help, perhaps when school starts for you, you can see the school counselor and ask for help.

Positive thoughts

[LunarCoffee]

Just as I was getting somewhat better from a bowel cancer fear, I remembered that my symptoms were getting worse throughout the last many months. The symptoms are basically just the constant feeling that there's something in my rectum that needs to come out, and some tiredness. To me, the fatigue is from blood loss and the incomplete feeling is a tumor in my bowel. I'm now also getting pains that are like gas pains, and I'm thinking that the cancer has trapped a whole bunch of gas in me. Please help, I want to sleep tonight so I don't feel worse. I know it makes no sense because most of the time you don't only present with an incomplete feeling, you also have bleeding (but that can be invisible, so there we go again), a change in bowel habits, weight loss, or something else, but because anxiety is what it is I can't really shake off all my negative thoughts. And God knows if I'll get any reasonable amount of sleep tonight. (this happening right as I started some CBT-type stuff doesn't help either)

[lofwyr]

I am not trying to diagnose you, but my wife had the same feeling, and it was internal hemorrhoids. She had them operated on, and no problems. The anxiety could absolutely cause the fatigue.

---------- Post added at 00:27 ---------- Previous post was at 00:26 ----------

Also, if you exercise, or even go for a walk, not only will it help burn off the anxiety, it will also work the gas through your system.

[LunarCoffee]

I am not trying to diagnose you, but my wife had the same feeling, and it was internal hemorrhoids. She had them operated on, and no problems.

I have been straining regularly for the past... many months... so. I'm not straining too hard, but the repeated straining is probably doing something. In fact, I might be feeling them when I, well, unroll the paper. No pain or bleeding, just that weird feeling, but thanks for the tip. Still need to calm myself the heck down, though, this is one of the only times I've actually felt a huge rush of something, probably the fight/flight response.

---------- Post added at 21:10 ---------- Previous post was at 20:55 ----------

Also, I've had this irritated itchy throat feeling pretty much constantly for around a month now, so that's obviously lung cancer.

---------- Post added at 23:40 ---------- Previous post was at 21:10 ----------

OK, at this point my thoughts are basically that I can't possibly be wrong, and I must have bowel cancer. Which makes no sense, as I only have one major symptom that can't be attributed to anything else, the tenesmus (I think that's what it is), which usually comes after all the bleeding, and shows up late, but never early. Also, a week ago (maybe a month into my bowel cancer scare), I committed a cardial sin and looked up case reports for people my age, which happened to a) not have tenesmus listed at all, b) all have colicky abdominal pain (my pain is more crampy and is very tolerable and definitely not "severe"), and c) pretty much all feel sick (vomiting, dizziness, etc.). Despite all of that actually going in my favor, I've decided that I must have cancer because the other options don't make sense. Please help.

---------- Post added 14-08-18 at 00:02 ---------- Previous post was 13-08-18 at 23:40 ----------

Someone please help me, I'm honestly panicking a lot right now. I feel like because the only symptom I have is tenesmus, that it can't be hemorrhoids because those would itch or at least bleed or something. I feel like it can't really be IBS anymore because I don't really get pain anymore, and I'm not really constipated or anything. I'm honestly really afraid of the worst right now

---------- Post added at 00:27 ---------- Previous post was at 00:02 ----------

:( oof

[LunarCoffee]

Just had a lot smaller thin stools, came out quite easily but I'm scared it's a tumor that's been blocking them causing them to be smaller. Panic

---------- Post added at 12:21 ---------- Previous post was at 10:43 ----------

And now I've lost 2 pounds in weight. Not to mention, I feel weaker day by day.

[darkside4k]

I have had that before several times over the years. Each time it eventually went away on its own.

[LunarCoffee]

I have had that before several times over the years. Each time it eventually went away on its own.

...really? I mean, it's been over a month since mine started, and it might be slowing down, not sure. But thanks! The weight loss and gas-like pains & bloating (which could be explained by my 10:30PM cup of edamame for yesterday, but not today) are reaaaally getting me. Plus, this morning I felt a 3-4 inch hard spot above my navel, which I thought could be tumors, but I can't really feel it anymore. This sucks. :(

[LunarCoffee]

Dang, I just realized that the corn I had last night at 9 could've caused my bloating and gas today. Still paranoid that it's cancer, though

[Andrash]

Dang, I just realized that the corn I had last night at 9 could've caused my bloating and gas today. Still paranoid that it's cancer, though

You can absolutely not have bowel cancer at age 13. It is medically impossible. You need to be at least 30 and even then it is extremely rare. 99% of people who get it are over 50.

Seriously, fearing bowel cancer at your age is like fearing you'll be eaten by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. I am not kidding.

[LunarCoffee]

You can absolutely not have bowel cancer at age 13. It is medically impossible. You need to be at least 30 and even then it is extremely rare. 99% of people who get it are over 50.

As much as I'd like to believe that that actually isn't true, there are many reports of CRC in people my age (that had many more and much worse symptoms than me, but I've got HA so that's pretty irrelevant) and even lower. They probably had Lynch Syndrome or something, but I just can't get my mind off it.

Also, I'm the type of person that would accept that it was an impossibility if it was actually an impossibility, or only one or two cases happened in my country per year (CRC is around 4 or 5 cases a year, extrapolating from UK data). I actually worried about lung cancer a few weeks ago, but that had 0 cases in the 10-14 age group, and I just stopped thinking about it afterwards. But... surprise! 9 males from 10-14 got CRC in the UK, and, well, numbers above 2 make me uneasy for some reason. ;-;

[LunarCoffee]

Aaaah, the incomplete feeling is really bad now, and I'm getting random abdominal pains (not bad, various types but mild), still a bit bloated, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!?

[lofwyr]

Have you been to the doctor? Five minutes and a digital rectal exam and most doctors can sort out what's wrong with you right there. All this would. E behind you.

[Andrash]

As much as I'd like to believe that that actually isn't true, there are many reports of CRC in people my age (that had many more and much worse symptoms than me, but I've got HA so that's pretty irrelevant) and even lower. They probably had Lynch Syndrome or something, but I just can't get my mind off it.

There have also been many reports of alien abductions.

[LunarCoffee]

I have been to my family doctor, but she just slams everything under anxiety, which is definitely a huge factor, but I'm 99% sure that I actually do have something, just not cancer. Right now I'm in a rare mentally stable point, now I'm just waiting for me to think about what would happen if I died from ca--

...damnit.

---------- Post added at 08:35 ---------- Previous post was at 08:22 ----------

Also, I'm just gonna attribute the muscle fatigue to growing, as I've grown 2cm in the last week, and today I woke up and my left calf was hurting, which is the most common place for growing pains. Cool, no growth retardation.

What is scaring me is my weight, as it seems like I've lost another 2 pounds since the last time I weighed, around a week ago. I have been weighing at the same time, but our scale may be inaccurate to 1 pound, as I can lift my heels up, put them down, and have the scale show a number 1 pound higher. Why am I thinking so much?

Also, I also get shortness of breath, and and increasingly dizzier every day. Sometimes, I'll walk around a corner and I'll have to really twist my upper body because my feet landed in the wrong place. As for the SOB I only really get that when I think about it. Speaking of only getting things when thinking of them, when I wake up in the morning, it's kind of like booting up a computer. The fans start spinning, then the monitor lights up and stuff happens. I wake up, feel fine, then realize, one by one, all my symptoms. That could just be, well, waking up, though. I remember from many weeks ago, I could distract myself, and when not paying attention to it, it disappeared, but that's with everything I guess. WHY DO I STILL THINK THIS IS CANCER?! aaaaaaa

---------- Post added at 12:04 ---------- Previous post was at 08:35 ----------

What's really bothering me right now is that when I pull in my abdomen and make it flat it hurts like with gas pain. I have a feeling that I probably shouldn't be pulling my abdomen in flat in the first place, but it's still bothering me because now I think it's some tumors pushing on the abdominal wall. Also still have tenesmus

---------- Post added at 12:08 ---------- Previous post was at 12:04 ----------

Also, when I push in on the area a few centimeters to the right of the left protruding pelvic bone part (or whatever it's called, idk), it feels harder than the right, and I'm afraid that that's a tumor

[Fishmanpa]

Are you and Toby twins? :huh:

Positive thoughts

[Andrash]

I have been to my family doctor, but she just slams everything under anxiety, which is definitely a huge factor, but I'm 99% sure that I actually do have something, just not cancer. Right now I'm in a rare mentally stable point, now I'm just waiting for me to think about what would happen if I died from ca--

...damnit.

---------- Post added at 08:35 ---------- Previous post was at 08:22 ----------

Also, I'm just gonna attribute the muscle fatigue to growing, as I've grown 2cm in the last week, and today I woke up and my left calf was hurting, which is the most common place for growing pains. Cool, no growth retardation.

What is scaring me is my weight, as it seems like I've lost another 2 pounds since the last time I weighed, around a week ago. I have been weighing at the same time, but our scale may be inaccurate to 1 pound, as I can lift my heels up, put them down, and have the scale show a number 1 pound higher. Why am I thinking so much?

Also, I also get shortness of breath, and and increasingly dizzier every day. Sometimes, I'll walk around a corner and I'll have to really twist my upper body because my feet landed in the wrong place. As for the SOB I only really get that when I think about it. Speaking of only getting things when thinking of them, when I wake up in the morning, it's kind of like booting up a computer. The fans start spinning, then the monitor lights up and stuff happens. I wake up, feel fine, then realize, one by one, all my symptoms. That could just be, well, waking up, though. I remember from many weeks ago, I could distract myself, and when not paying attention to it, it disappeared, but that's with everything I guess. WHY DO I STILL THINK THIS IS CANCER?! aaaaaaa

---------- Post added at 12:04 ---------- Previous post was at 08:35 ----------

What's really bothering me right now is that when I pull in my abdomen and make it flat it hurts like with gas pain. I have a feeling that I probably shouldn't be pulling my abdomen in flat in the first place, but it's still bothering me because now I think it's some tumors pushing on the abdominal wall. Also still have tenesmus

---------- Post added at 12:08 ---------- Previous post was at 12:04 ----------

Also, when I push in on the area a few centimeters to the right of the left protruding pelvic bone part (or whatever it's called, idk), it feels harder than the right, and I'm afraid that that's a tumor

Also, when I pull my thirteenth eyelash from left at my left eye, I feel sharp pain, while when I pull my thirteenth eyelash from left at my right eye, there is no pain. There is probably a tumour in the base of my thirteenth eyelash from left at left eye.

[LunarCoffee]

Also, when I pull my thirteenth eyelash from left at my left eye, I feel sharp pain, while when I pull my thirteenth eyelash from left at my right eye, there is no pain. There is probably a tumour in the base of my thirteenth eyelash from left at left eye.

Just because it's completely illogical doesn't mean that I still can't worry about it. That's why I'm here.

Also, I feel a bit more bloated and colder around the abdomen with each day, which kind of is cementing my fear.

[Fishmanpa]

Just because it's completely illogical doesn't mean that I still can't worry about it. That's why I'm here.

It doesn't mean you still can't worry about it but why, when it's 100% irrational and you don't have cancer of any kind, would you want to worry about it?
You're literally fighting every fact and reason you don't have it and spending your time posting here trying to convince others you have cancer.

Finally, you're a child. You should be talking to your parents and asking for help as opposed to strangers on the internet.

Positive thoughts

[Andrash]

Just because it's completely illogical doesn't mean that I still can't worry about it. That's why I'm here.

And that's why we are all trying to help you, exactly by using logic to dispel your fears. Here are the simple facts:

1. There are virtually no recorded cases of CRC at age 13 so if you had it you would be a medical miracle - FACT.
2. Anxiety will bring a lot of PHYSICAL symptoms that mimic actual diseases and therefore fuel your fears. The more you concentrate on your stomach the more symptoms you will experience - FACT.
3. Considering your age, you really need to discuss this with your parents, as many times as it takes, and you together should find a way to get rid of health anxiety -FACT.
4. You are 13 and at a very sensitive age - you are slowly ceasing to be a boy and starting to be a man. It is a challenging stage of life for everyone and without anxiety - with anxiety it can turn into a living hell - FACT.

So now it is your choice - you and your family can take necessary steps and reasonably quickly cure the ONLY illness you have - and that is health anxiety. Or you can continue believing you have one cancer (bowel) then another...then yet another...then ALS...and so on, until your mind becomes a total mess.

A time for choosing - to quote Ronald Reagan. Be better, or spiral further. I think the choice is easy.

[jray23]

You've actually answered your own questions with something you've said earlier in this thread:


Man, the mind is a crazy thing.

It really can make us think some really crazy, illogical stuff, and convince us that it is actually somehow correct! Have you seen some of the other threads here? People have thought they got rabies without being bitten, brain-eating amoebas in areas that they are impossible to live in, and of course many illogical cancer concerns.

I've feared some pretty longshot possibilities myself such as sudden cardiac event despite being a healthy guy in my 30s with no risk factors. This is what the anxious mind does to us. The good news is, as FishmanPA pointed out, that we can retrain our minds! Trust the doctor's evaluation, and ask him/her questions if you must, but ultimately trust it, and I encourage you to take advantage of those free sessions or perhaps go to a school counselor.


Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk

[LunarCoffee]

Yeeeeeahh, y'all are right. But thanks for all the stuff, I guess. For the past few hours I've actually felt pretty good, not anxious at all, really. Everything here has a logical explanation. I'm not sure if my brain has formed a habit out of worrying about things, but I will put the stuff in those free booklets to use. :)

---------- Post added at 23:34 ---------- Previous post was at 20:42 ----------

So yeah, the fact that I've had this same constant feeling for over a month and have not seen even one bit of fresh blood in my stool (apparently in around 80% of all cases) contradicts my belief that the tumor is blocking my rectum, causing difficulty passing gas/stool, as the tumor would certainly bleed at that point, even if it was a little bit.

If the abdominal pain I had was cancer, it'd be constant, and really bad. Besides that, none of it is really near my rectum anyhow (though I think you can't feel pain in the rectum).

The "weight loss" is something I'm still kinda unsure of, but that can be attributed to a not so great diet (I'm home alone for half the day so I just usually have a frozen pizza for lunch), being in a growth spurt right now, and being anxious.

The bloating is probably a mix of diet choices, and it hasn't really lasted for more than a week at a time (and that was when I was increasing my fiber). The bloating I have right now is now mostly perceived, my abdomen is quite flat.

Besides that, I only have one symptom, the one that started this all: the tenesmus. At this point, I don't think it's all anxiety. As someone has previously mentioned, it could be internal hemorrhoids, and when I looked up hemorrhoids, all the sites with a specific list of symptoms said that they had no symptoms usually, but could also have painless bleeding and/or a feeling of incomplete evacuation. Also, my family has a history of hemorrhoids, so that's a thing. In fact, my dad just got some surgically removed.

Now, considering there would be 5 cases of CRC in Canada (extrapolating from UK data) in the 10-14 age group a year, and that RC accounts for roughly 20% of those cases in the age group, that means that 1 person would get RC a year. Tack on the fact that no case study I've looked at reports tenesmus and that 80% of RC cases cause bleeding, and that becomes somewhere around one 10-14 year old every 5-50 years (no case reports tenesmus, but that may have been mistake for constipation, hence the huge range. Notice how the lower end is still 5 years, though) that presents with only tenesmus with occasional pain. That's literally, what, 1 in 200-2000 million? Damn. Even if we take the base count of 5, that's still 7x less than the chance of any person of the population to develop CJD, and many times more likely to be killed by lightning. Also, according to https://what-if.xkcd.com/55/ (xkcd is great btw), the chance of any 10-14 year old developing CRC is almost 200x less than the chance of calling someone and saying "bless you" right after they sneezed, and roughly on par with the chance of calling someone who wrote an article on sneezing that same day. (I don't care if it's probably inaccurate, it's still weird)

Typing this and thinking of it makes me feel really stupid, even with some pretty bad incompleteness right now. Still get the occaisional chill when I think "what if" though.

EDIT: apparently the UK cancer research incidence data was actually for 2013-2015, so that chance is now 1 in 400-4000 million or 1 in 600-6000 million depending on whether or not 2015 is included.

EDIT 2: ok I was wrong it's the average number of cases across all the years. But there was another thing that said something like only 158 cases were reported (assuming worldwide) from January 1973 to December 2005, which is roughly 5 cases a year worldwide, or less than 1 in 1 freaking billion chance for the world population. The increase is probably due to factors such as diet changes and child obesity, and possibly some other things, so perhaps that is the figure I should be using.

[LunarCoffee]

Oh, great. Here comes constant appetite loss and a feeling that there's something in my throat near my chest area that's ready to just burst out of my mouth as vomit or something. Also, the bloating hasn't gone yet. I'm now constipated, but that can be explained by me not drinking enough water for 2 days

[Jack4440]

You're a 13 year old lad, I was tempted to stop reading at that as the chances are non existent. It sounds to me like IBS and constipation.
CBT and talking therapy is what you need.

[LunarCoffee]

You're a 13 year old lad, I was tempted to stop reading at that as the chances are non existent. It sounds to me like IBS and constipation.
CBT and talking therapy is what you need.

True, definitely true. I'm slowly getting better as I've started catching myself in unhelpful habits. The chances are pretty non-existent, but guess that's me right now.

[LunarCoffee]

OK, so for the past few weeks whenever I'd have a movement, the last bits of stool I'd pass would feel as if it were forcing it's way out of a really thin slit, and was, as expected, thin looking but still wide.

This is really worrying me because I feel like this is exactly what'd happen with a rectal tumor, and I'm practically waiting for the day I get really bad pain or I start bleeding and await my death. It feels really real now, and I can't concentrate on anything at all now. Please reply

[Fishmanpa]

You communicate brilliantly via the written word for a 13 year old.

Positive thoughts

[HullSimplibus]

I'm 13 and male, pretty healthy in general. For some reason, I've been really anxious the last 3 and a bit months. I did write a post yesterday but that had lots of symptoms and was moved to that category and is now pretty dead, so I'm going to keep this one short.

I'm worried all the time that I have bowel cancer, that I won't live long enough to see my relatives in China next year, and that I won't be able to live my life anymore. Why? Many things (but that was on the other thread), but the main thing is a constant feeling of pressure in my rectum, like I still have poop to poop even when I don't. This might just be constipation, as whenever I do poop (every other day, usually), it's either dry or slightly dry, and it's many days' worth of poop (I also eat quite a lot, but I'm still of a good weight), but I've seen way too many articles saying it's a symptom of late colorectal/bowel cancer. Tack on some pain and some feelings of weakness, and I'm convinced I've got cancer.

I know that the chance of me having it is practically impossible, and that blood in stool is the hallmark symptom, but I just can't shake it off. During the day, there are many times where I feel like I'm going to just die, and think about all my relatives, stuff, lost opportunities, all that, and almost cry.

EDIT: my parents are aware of this.

Bowel cancer at your age? Unheard of. Extremely rare.

It might be constipation or even be muscular. If you strain a lot on the toilet it can cause it or even stretching. It has happened to me before. I had it when I was about 12, (i'm 14 now) after receiving a blow to the (ehem) area and my stomach. I wouldn't worry unless you are seeing blood in your stool, and I mean a lot of blood, not just the average speck.

---------- Post added at 01:43 ---------- Previous post was at 01:41 ----------

Anyways, i'm not a doctor. I am only just saying what I think it could be from experience..I doubt its bowel cancer

[LunarCoffee]

You communicate brilliantly via the written word for a 13 year old.

Positive thoughts

I guess all I can say is that I actually pay attention in my English lessons.

But also, wouldn't all my stool be flat or thin if it was cancer? I mean, the normal stool would have caused some pain as it pried open the tumor and the other side, right? But then again, it was probably me pushing at the same time as I was tightening the muscles there, which probably made them force the stool through the... I'm just rambling now. I'm honestly really afraid right now, and also I have to push to get the flow moving but don't generally have to push as it comes out. It literally doesn't all point to cancer at all, and apparently tenesmus isn't even a symptom of child/adolescent colorectal cancer, but I'm afraid that that was confused with constipation in all the cases. The thin stool by itself doesn't mean cancer on it's own, but it's with the tenesmus, and aaaaaaaaaaaaa I'm going insane.

---------- Post added at 23:40 ---------- Previous post was at 22:19 ----------


Bowel cancer at your age? Unheard of. Extremely rare.

It might be constipation or even be muscular. If you strain a lot on the toilet it can cause it or even stretching. It has happened to me before. I had it when I was about 12, (i'm 14 now) after receiving a blow to the (ehem) area and my stomach. I wouldn't worry unless you are seeing blood in your stool, and I mean a lot of blood, not just the average speck.

---------- Post added at 01:43 ---------- Previous post was at 01:41 ----------

Anyways, i'm not a doctor. I am only just saying what I think it could be from experience..I doubt its bowel cancer

That's interesting, thanks. It might be that, I also happened to have suffered a strike to the area in June this year (maybe May, idk) from a tennis ball (pretty terrible, I swear I almost died of pain), which, granted, is roughly when I remember having weirder bowel issues.

Besides that, I found an interesting PDF research paper and it covered 170 cases or so of bowel cancer in 10-20 year olds. Interestingly, only one of them experienced tenesmus (could've been more, only 76 had symptoms recorded), none experienced thin stool AFAIK, and most experiencing weight loss (I'm not, I've gained some weight recently, actually, which I'm happy for because anxiety), with 12 having rectal cancer in the end. I've also found that Asians seem to be much less likely to get many cancers, and are around half as likely to develop bowel cancer as the average white person, and that seems to be especially true during the younger age groups, as only around 5-13% of the adolescents (various sources) were Asian. So, with some math, the chance of any human being on Earth, in any year, being Asian, in the 10-14 age group, having rectal cancer without weight loss and with tenesmus, is roughly 1 in 16,000,000,000, or one case less than every other year. So, basically impossible. Nice.

[LunarCoffee]

Yesterday when the servers were being moved, I had two thin and long BMs that had some nervous-like pain before them. The thin stool expectedly scared me half to death, confirming my doom in my mind.

Also, today, since woke up, I think I've been passing gas practically every 10 minutes. I also woke up feeling kind of bloated. Not sure why, but it's kinda weird.

Still fearing the worst.

---------- Post added at 08:59 ---------- Previous post was at 08:55 ----------

Also, in the last month or so, I've found that I kind of feel something bumpy or lumpy when I'm wiping. Before it was smooth, as expected. They also hurt a decent amount (way more than normal tissue there) when moved or wiped, and that area has been getting itchy more often than before (maybe once or twice a day, which isn't a lot, but I used to only get those itches in the rare moment every week during some time that was most inconvenient for that to happen). No visible blood though, so I guess that kind of lets me down.

Also, even if I had a tumor that was bleeding occultly, wouldn't a hard dry stool irritate it enough that it would bleed visibly? Not sure, but I guess if it was higher up then it could have. Anyway, the clear ultrasound from last year kind of calms me down about the colon part of colorectal, so now it's just rectal cancer I'm afraid of.

---------- Post added at 09:23 ---------- Previous post was at 08:59 ----------

Also (I use that a lot don't I), last night and today I've been getting an occasional feeling that my heart has "snapped" or something and I can feel it in my throat. It's kind of like a heartbeat but it's very feelable and gives off a weird sensation... it's hard to describe. Are these palpitations or something?

[LunarCoffee]

I'm 13 years old, male, and recently in the last two months or so, I've always had a constant pressure in my rectum like I have something in there that needs to come out. I wouldn't describe it as a strong urge, more like an annoyance that just makes me feel like I should go.

Besides that, in the last month, my... uh, area, has felt bumpier when I wipe, as if there's a cluster of bumps all around it or something. They hurt when I wipe on them.

The weird thing is is that I haven't got any bleeding, even a few days ago when I had some really hard small stools from being dehydrated, which makes me feel like it isn't hemorrhoids, but then again maybe because I'm young the skin there is just stronger or something.

...also I'm worried it's rectal cancer. :weep:

[LunarCoffee]

Good news:
I'm going to a therapist sometime "soon" (within 2 weeks, probably), and I'm pretty sure my poop being thin is just me clenching the muscles there too hard, because for some reason, I tend to close them very often as some is coming out, which probably makes it incomplete. Latest BM was a whole bunch of smaller pieces and a longer one that looked like I was straining at different strengths that made it thicker at some bit. Probably TMI, sorry.

Bad news: idk if there is any

---------- Post added at 18:36 ---------- Previous post was at 16:10 ----------

At this point the most likely explainations are either I have nothing at all, or IBS or IBS and hemorrhoids or something. Even though any adolescent is more likely to die in a plane crash, more likely to be a homicide victim, more likely to die from complications from meteorites, more likely to die from lighting, and more likely to die from practically anything else than to die from rectal cancer, my fear still stands strong because IBS wouldn't explain the constant pressure that makes me feel like I need to go. That might be hemorrhoids from straining and sitting way too long on the throne, but they should have bled at least once, or at least when I had that really small dry stool, so now I've got no explanations, and when there are no explanations... cancer. I've even browsed around on ibsgroup and actually found a case of two or three people with the same feeling, and also a few on here, but it still seems highly unlikely. Though of course, cancer is being included here, so...

This is really worrying me. Also, in the last week I've had a pretty much persistent very mild abdominal pain and I've also been bloated for that time, and pain is the most common symptom in adolescents, which of course I think I'm developing.

If you looked at me on the outside I'd look OK, but in my mind I've practically been on the verge of imploding and exploding simultaneously for the last few weeks.

If anyone else has experienced the incomplete feeling for more than a month, please please please reply. :redface:

[Clydesdale Epona]

Hey Lunar considering your age you can definitely rule out cancer.

Hemorrhoids is likely but of course we're not doctors.

I can say though with confidence that it won't be something as bad as you think so try and remain calm and breathe.

If symptoms aren't easing make an appointment or get your parent to make an appointment with your GP and discuss treatment options :)

[LunarCoffee]

Hey Lunar considering your age you can definitely rule out cancer.

Hemorrhoids is likely but of course we're not doctors.

I can say though with confidence that it won't be something as bad as you think so try and remain calm and breathe.

If symptoms aren't easing make an appointment or get your parent to make an appointment with your GP and discuss treatment options :)

It could? I mean, I guess it might be. But if it is, and they haven't bled yet even after a really strained hard small stool... do you think they could still be hemorrhoids? Sorry, I'm just really... Eh

[MyNameIsTerry]

Sounds exactly like roids to me. I would talk to your parents, roids are so common it's likely they've had them too so will be able to help you understand about them and how you can treat them.

Blood isn't a given. I've had roids for around 20 years now and only sometimes do they bleed regardless of stool. I've always found excessive wiping and straining to cause that more for me.

Mine have been large enough to protrude for many years and yet they bleed rarely. I have phases with them where they flare up but for the most part over the last 10 years, including during all this anxiety that only started in my thirties, they have been less of an issue than when I was in my early-mid twenties.

[LunarCoffee]

Sounds exactly like roids to me. I would talk to your parents, roids are so common it's likely they've had them too so will be able to help you understand about them and how you can treat them.

Blood isn't a given. I've had roids for around 20 years now and only sometimes do they bleed regardless of stool. I've always found excessive wiping and straining to cause that more for me.

Mine have been large enough to protrude for many years and yet they bleed rarely. I have phases with them where they flare up but for the most part over the last 10 years, including during all this anxiety that only started in my thirties, they have been less of an issue than when I was in my early-mid twenties.

Dang... really? And yeah, my dad had some banding and a small surgery for some hemorrhoids just two weeks ago, actually. I mean, if it feels bumpier when I wipe, I don't know what else I could reasonably have that would cause that that isn't hemorrhoids (and I don't really want to know), so... hm. In the last year or so, there have been a few times where I've wiped a lot (more than half the time, I can never finish wiping; there's always a tiny bit left, and after it looks fine, two hours later I come back and there's a lot more that I apparently didn't get first time round) and found small dots of blood on the paper, though that could have just been wiping too much in the first place. Really good to know. Thanks a lot.

Also, is wiping a lot but not ever finishing, then coming back later only to wipe a decent amount more indicative of hemorrhoids? Maybe they trapped some stool or something. Probably not, I've only had that bumpiness in the last month and a bit.

---------- Post added at 21:27 ---------- Previous post was at 21:24 ----------

Also, the first time it felt bumpy it felt really uneven and I thought it might have been a tumor. That night, I had another BM and it felt not bumpy... grade 2? Probably not... I mean I'm not even sure if I have hems yet

[HullSimplibus]

I guess all I can say is that I actually pay attention in my English lessons.

But also, wouldn't all my stool be flat or thin if it was cancer? I mean, the normal stool would have caused some pain as it pried open the tumor and the other side, right? But then again, it was probably me pushing at the same time as I was tightening the muscles there, which probably made them force the stool through the... I'm just rambling now. I'm honestly really afraid right now, and also I have to push to get the flow moving but don't generally have to push as it comes out. It literally doesn't all point to cancer at all, and apparently tenesmus isn't even a symptom of child/adolescent colorectal cancer, but I'm afraid that that was confused with constipation in all the cases. The thin stool by itself doesn't mean cancer on it's own, but it's with the tenesmus, and aaaaaaaaaaaaa I'm going insane.

---------- Post added at 23:40 ---------- Previous post was at 22:19 ----------



That's interesting, thanks. It might be that, I also happened to have suffered a strike to the area in June this year (maybe May, idk) from a tennis ball (pretty terrible, I swear I almost died of pain), which, granted, is roughly when I remember having weirder bowel issues.

Besides that, I found an interesting PDF research paper and it covered 170 cases or so of bowel cancer in 10-20 year olds. Interestingly, only one of them experienced tenesmus (could've been more, only 76 had symptoms recorded), none experienced thin stool AFAIK, and most experiencing weight loss (I'm not, I've gained some weight recently, actually, which I'm happy for because anxiety), with 12 having rectal cancer in the end. I've also found that Asians seem to be much less likely to get many cancers, and are around half as likely to develop bowel cancer as the average white person, and that seems to be especially true during the younger age groups, as only around 5-13% of the adolescents (various sources) were Asian. So, with some math, the chance of any human being on Earth, in any year, being Asian, in the 10-14 age group, having rectal cancer without weight loss and with tenesmus, is roughly 1 in 16,000,000,000, or one case less than every other year. So, basically impossible. Nice.

I'm glad you have found something that may keep your mind at rest for a while - however I wouldn't recommend googling things or reading PDFs. That's the thing about google. It will either bring up something that puts your mind at rest or scare you silly.

Good luck.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yes, I would likely be able to have them banded but for me I was always busy at work and viewed them as a minor inconvenience. I'm not a HAer so I don't have all the worry others do about the "what ifs", it's more just an annoyance just as they were before my anxiety started.

Definitely have a chat with your dad then. If he's had all that done he will have been through the various normal treatments and all the change in lifestyle stuff doctors tell us.

Bumpy is how they can appear (that's why they are often described as like a bunch of grapes up your bum), stools can be misshapen or grooved because of such things. You may get mucus, you may feel like you are leaking into your underwear like you are sweating from there, it might be painful to sit at times due to soreness regardless of any bleeding, loose stools may aggravate them (higher acidity due to not forming as usual), hard stools are an obvious possible one to aggravate them.

Too much wiping, and rougher toilet paper, is just the same as having a cut that healed on your arm and you rubbing course paper over it. It is disturbed, it can bleed or get sore. Just think of it that way.

I found it helped to sit in a bath of warm salt water when they were really bad. Salt water bathing is an old fashioned remedy for healing that doctors & nurses still use today. I found it calmed down the itching, the inflammation and the soreness at the worst times. They did feel a bit numb after bathing though.

Even sitting would aggravate mine. I was working in offices most of this time and the chairs, as well as clothing especially tight stuff of woolly thicker clothes, would just make them worse.

Look at your diet, get plenty of water, try to cut down on stress (what a daft suggestion on an anxiety site, eh? :doh:) and there are things you can try to help which I'm sure your dad can advise you on.

[LunarCoffee]

Yes, I would likely be able to have them banded but for me I was always busy at work and viewed them as a minor inconvenience. I'm not a HAer so I don't have all the worry others do about the "what ifs", it's more just an annoyance just as they were before my anxiety started.

Definitely have a chat with your dad then. If he's had all that done he will have been through the various normal treatments and all the change in lifestyle stuff doctors tell us.

Bumpy is how they can appear (that's why they are often described as like a bunch of grapes up your bum), stools can be misshapen or grooved because of such things. You may get mucus, you may feel like you are leaking into your underwear like you are sweating from there, it might be painful to sit at times due to soreness regardless of any bleeding, loose stools may aggravate them (higher acidity due to not forming as usual), hard stools are an obvious possible one to aggravate them.

Too much wiping, and rougher toilet paper, is just the same as having a cut that healed on your arm and you rubbing course paper over it. It is disturbed, it can bleed or get sore. Just think of it that way.

I found it helped to sit in a bath of warm salt water when they were really bad. Salt water bathing is an old fashioned remedy for healing that doctors & nurses still use today. I found it calmed down the itching, the inflammation and the soreness at the worst times. They did feel a bit numb after bathing though.

Even sitting would aggravate mine. I was working in offices most of this time and the chairs, as well as clothing especially tight stuff of woolly thicker clothes, would just make them worse.

Look at your diet, get plenty of water, try to cut down on stress (what a daft suggestion on an anxiety site, eh? :doh:) and there are things you can try to help which I'm sure your dad can advise you on.

Thanks for the info. And, actually, there were a few times where it kinda felt like something was rolling down the wall of my rectum or something (nothing on any clothing if it was blood or something. Not sure if that's what you're describing, but it happened two or three times. I usually wear pretty loose fitting things, but in the last week it has felt like there's another feeling with the pressure, like a very mild burning feeling or something. Not really pain, and not really noticeable unless I pay attention to it, but sometimes when I'm sitting in a less than optimal position, it's there.

EDIT: burning-ish feeling probably just from the friction of my clothing when I half lie down in my chair to be honest

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yeah, like you feel a leakage or sweating. I would have that and at times underwear would have some of it on. It's like if you put some cream/lotion up there, like when treating roids, some of it seeps out. That's how it feels.

You might feel like you just can't completely go. You might feel like something is "still in there". A lot of it is sensation due to the bumpiness and having a bowel movement.

I've found that because of the bumps wiping can mean they get in the way. So you end up wiping clean but then finding more because it's around that area like how a skin fold can hide things.

[LunarCoffee]

Yeah, like you feel a leakage or sweating. I would have that and at times underwear would have some of it on. It's like if you put some cream/lotion up there, like when treating roids, some of it seeps out. That's how it feels.

You might feel like you just can't completely go. You might feel like something is "still in there". A lot of it is sensation due to the bumpiness and having a bowel movement.

I've found that because of the bumps wiping can mean they get in the way. So you end up wiping clean but then finding more because it's around that area like how a skin fold can hide things.

I remembered a while ago that I've been having an incomplete sense after practically every bowel movement in the last many months, possibly even years. I remember I once had a sudden urge to go back in a video game match maybe a little over a year ago, and I went, and it felt like I wasn't done, but I returned anyway because the game (I actually have many of these memories, dunno why). Besides that, in the last many months I remember sitting on the toilet for upwards of 20 minutes at least (probable contributing factor) because I always felt like I still had more to expel. That feeling would pass after a 10-20 minutes after I got off the toilet, though, so maybe that's not it.

---------- Post added at 23:02 ---------- Previous post was at 22:30 ----------

I only just noticed, but when I get up from a lying position, I get a kind of slightly painful but more like something squishing something feeling at the area.

[Elen]

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.

Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.

It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.

Elen

[LunarCoffee]

I think I'm getting somewhere... maybe. My thoughts are usually now things like "How can I possibly be wrong about this," "What If I get a colonoscopy/sigmoidoscopy and I have cancer," "The only realistic answer is cancer," and other nonsensical stuff like that, kinda like I'm starting to get better but my HA is trying to get me to worry more (which I'm not really doing much less of). Either way, it's still really scary to just think about the possibility. A lot of the time, my parents also talk about the future, with things like "next year," or "after high school," and that really unsettles me because in my mind, I might not be around at those times. Real chilling to even remotely think about. Any advice to not scare myself back into worrying from my own thoughts? ;-;

[LunarCoffee]

Oh god. Now I'm starting to absentmindedly imagine news shows or internet articles talking about my death, and also making small compulsions like "if I don't do this by this time I have cancer," and I'm really sensitive to jokes about cancer, especially when directed at me (all in good nature, which may be surprising for the average adult, but with memes becoming a large part of children's lives it was kind of inevitable that everything would become a joke, including cancer). Maaaaan, it probably sounds completely stupid but it's actually seriously making me really nervous. Also, it seems like I lost half a pound today, probably normal fluctuations but still anxious, of course.

Also, I've been getting lots of crampy pain and some random stabby localized pain, and while the crampy pain seems to happen around 30-40 minutes after eating sometimes, the stabby pain is quite random.

To recap: I'm now convincing myself I have cancer with the least logically convincing things that my mind is making up on it's own. What is happening

---------- Post added at 23:44 ---------- Previous post was at 22:50 ----------

Someone please reply, I have no idea why I'm thinking all these thoughts and it's seriously convincing me

[MyNameIsTerry]

Weight can fluctuate by 1-5lbs per day depending on various factors. If you eat a load of salt your body will attempt to balance this by taking on water. A bowel movement can remove about half a pound so if you don't go for a day or two it is building up so it's reflected in your weight. Lifting weights can mean muscles need more water to help rebuild. The food you eat increases your weight until it's excreted.

So small fluctuations are meaningless.

The "I must do this or I get cancer" is called Magical Thinking. I had tons of this in my OCD, not about HA but certainly bad events or deaths of loved ones, and ended up needing to touch & retouch hundreds of objects per day, reread things, ask people to repeat what they said, etc. There were many similiar compulsions.

But compulsions only feed obsessions since they are the feedback to confirm the legitimacy of the process (the fear). Learning to tolerate not performing them, which is exposure therapy, eventually removes their need to be acted out and you forget about them (mine are gone now).

Magical Thinking just traps you in these compulsions. But if you decided to use for gain, as opposed to mitigation of risks, you soon see it has no power e.g. try wishing yourself into winning the lottery. You also then see how whether you act them out or not it makes no difference to the outcome as your mind can't influence these events in real life. Then it's just tolerating the anxiety in not performing them until you start to see the anxiety disappears over time. Repetition of this elimination sees them fade more & more until you actually feel they are worthless, have no power over you, no longer create further anxiety and you just say "meh" and move on.

[LunarCoffee]

First and foremost, thank you for replying. Getting that email just kinda calmed me down a bit.

About the weight loss, I've read up on fluctuations before during an earlier lymphoma scare that's starting to come up a bit again, and I've also read that weight tends to decrease until the weekend, where it goes back up, only to repeat. I honestly wish I could just make myself not weigh myself every day, but I just don't have the willpower for that.

After I have these compulsions I usually try to say to myself that these won't change anything, and that there isn't a god that knows I did this (if you do believe I fully respect that, in fact my parents are religious) that can curse me with cancer or anything.

About tolerating the anxiety, am I just going to have to deal with all these thoughts of me dying or never being able to see relatives or friends again, not being able to experience life truly, and the what-ifs for a while as my anxiety starts resolving (if it is right now)? If so that's gonna suck. But I guess that's life, even if I'm mentally convinced that that isn't gonna last much longer. sigh

[MyNameIsTerry]

Weight increases at the weekend because naturally we eat worse then and get less exercise. It's just yo-yoing across the week. It's why some say you should take weight readings on Wednesdays. It depends on your eating habits though and when you get more exercise as to how these patterns work.

Measuring for weight loss due to dieting and exercise can be fine daily. Some experts recommend it. But doing it because you are looking for weight loss that confirms your fear is really just part of the obsession, it's like body scanning looking for symptoms.

So the weighing is compulsive therefore, like anyone prodding a lymph node, you need to eliminate it as it's just giving importance to the need for that fear to exist. Look into ERP which will encourage you to create a hierarchy that works to eliminate compulsions by gradual reduction of frequency or increasing periods of tolerating anxiety without conducting them. It works but it's hard work.

Another way may be to change your mindset about why you check weight. But this is the longer term gain in anxiety treatment, changing core beliefs & your negative thinking, so elimination through ERP is more likely to show results that you can see.

No worries about religious beliefs, I'm Agnostic but open minded anyway.

I'm afraid anxiety isn't easy to beat and it takes time. It's hard work. I think it's important to accept this otherwise you create more emotional frustration for yourself which can lead to low moods and your anxiety & negative thinking will naturally feed off that. But that's not to say it's wrong when you do get upset, it's going to happen as it's natural when things are going wrong in your life, it's just a way to not let it drag you further down through kicking yourself and fighting with it. It's a stage and some stages can be really horrible but then some are better so accept it's "the now" but that it doesn't have to mean it stays that way.

Getting better is all that matters. You are young and have all the time in the world to do & achieve what you want. It may rob you of some things right now but what matters is getting the majority of your life back and the anxiety sorted.

[LunarCoffee]

I've already recognized that things like my obsessive checking is really not great. I've actually gone a few days without checking myself a week ago to see if things got better. I'm not sure if it did, but it probably was too short a time.

The important thing is I'm not sure if I'm really trying to beat anxiety, or if I'm ready to accept that if I do try then it won't be a smooth road all the way. I think I kind of just quit after I meet any roadblocks.

When you say "all the time in the world" I feel anxious, and maybe even mildly depressed. It's like I don't believe I'll be around for much longer. I get that when people talk about me, or my future, that kind of stuff. It's really terrible, and it might even be the most anxiety-provoking thing I'm doing.

Still worried about my weird symptoms. Apparently lots of people on NMP have had them, some with nearly identical symptoms, but of course I still can't get over it. That's something I have to do... but I don't.

---------- Post added at 10:47 ---------- Previous post was at 08:52 ----------

Another thing is that I get seemingly random cramps that leave me with a sense that something is still there (where the cramp happened). I keep fearing that a tumor is there, as it's usually to the left of the bellybutton quite near my side. Does IBS just give you random cramps all the time for no reason?

---------- Post added at 11:13 ---------- Previous post was at 10:47 ----------

OK, turns out it might have been me having a BM, which now happens in the morning, which may be an issue after school starts. Not sure if the cramps will come back.

[LunarCoffee]

Right then, they are in fact random as far as I know. I do tend to pass a lot of gas after the cramps though.

---------- Post added at 16:04 ---------- Previous post was at 15:38 ----------

I'm also quite scared because it seems like my symptoms have been developing over the last two months, with the pain becoming more frequent, the incomplete feeling getting worse (only noticeable by comparing it to earlier), and my bowel habits getting weirder and weirder.

Doesn't IBS come on suddenly, and not develop over time?

[LunarCoffee]

My two questions:
1) Does IBS usually (or can it) develop over time, and if it does, how long does it take?
2) When you suck in your abdomen, is it supposed to hurt?

[LunarCoffee]

And now I'm getting constant pain. Great. Now I don't want to eat. Great, now I think that's part of cancer. I don't even even anymore.

[venusbluejeans]

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your post was moved from its original place to a sub-forum that is more relevant to your problem.

This is nothing personal - it just enables us to keep posts about the same problems in the relevant forums so other members with any experience with the issues can find them more easily.

[MyNameIsTerry]

This thread is doing some board bouncing! :biggrin:

When you are in the middle of these anxiety disorders it doesn't feel like you have all the time in the world, or in my case I wouldn't even want it as I just wanted it gone even if it meant being hit by a car. Your subconscious doesn't believe it and it overwhelms your conscious mind making it hard to believe it. But the first battle in anxiety is to get a grip on your conscious efforts and your subconscious will follow as it learns through observation of how you consciously respond.

At your age you really do have your whole life ahead of you. When you come through the other side of the worst of this you will look back and know this. When I was in the worst of my years nothing mattered. I felt cursed to a life of suffering. I came out the other side at some point in my recovery work and looked back knowing that was just about how overwhelmed I was back then. It's pain. Those with physical pain can go through the same. Like I said, a stage, you can either fight it (which it will love) or you can try to accept/diffuse, etc and limit your mental torment. But yes, it is very hard to make those steps forward, I remember it very well.

It's good you can recognise your compulsions. Read about covert/mental ones too because these are prevalent in HA and you may find more (Googling being a likely one :winks:), reassurance seeking, etc. And be careful in analysing your problems because it easily becomes obsessive and then you are getting sucked back down the rabbit hole.

List your compulsions. Look how you can eliminate them. ERP works but so does cold turkey ("flooding", an older method) if you can achieve, many can't. The more you eliminate them the less anxious you will feel.

[LunarCoffee]

This thread is doing some board bouncing! [emoji3]

When you are in the middle of these anxiety disorders it doesn't feel like you have all the time in the world, or in my case I wouldn't even want it as I just wanted it gone even if it meant being hit by a car. Your subconscious doesn't believe it and it overwhelms your conscious mind making it hard to believe it. But the first battle in anxiety is to get a grip on your conscious efforts and your subconscious will follow as it learns through observation of how you consciously respond.

At your age you really do have your whole life ahead of you. When you come through the other side of the worst of this you will look back and know this. When I was in the worst of my years nothing mattered. I felt cursed to a life of suffering. I came out the other side at some point in my recovery work and looked back knowing that was just about how overwhelmed I was back then. It's pain. Those with physical pain can go through the same. Like I said, a stage, you can either fight it (which it will love) or you can try to accept/diffuse, etc and limit your mental torment. But yes, it is very hard to make those steps forward, I remember it very well.

It's good you can recognise your compulsions. Read about covert/mental ones too because these are prevalent in HA and you may find more (Googling being a likely one :winks:), reassurance seeking, etc. And be careful in analysing your problems because it easily becomes obsessive and then you are getting sucked back down the rabbit hole.

List your compulsions. Look how you can eliminate them. ERP works but so does cold turkey ("flooding", an older method) if you can achieve, many can't. The more you eliminate them the less anxious you will feel.I already know most of my compulsions (don't want to say all because I've probably missed some). In fact, I thought up a whole model for the thought process and HA that someone probably already thought up of before me... but it still seems to work. Honestly, I know I should probably stop posting on this thread. When I think about my anxiety, it's really weird. How my brain has formed the habit of thinking anxiously. I'm not sure if I'm used to it yet, but it feels less like a bad thing and more of a good one. I never truly think I will live, nor do I ever truly think I will die. It's like a war that I can't quite lose, but one that I can't quite win unless I start trying. That model I mentioned also works with things like alcoholism, drug addictions, basically any kind of mental loop (it's a basic input->machine->output model but I'm still surprised I thought of visualizing it that way). So, I'm basically addicted to being worried subconsciously, even though I might not always want it conciously. Even so, the scariest part is still how I can convince myself I'm going to die without even knowing I did; I'll just think "I can't be wrong. I mean, I do well in school, and there isn't any other reasonable option" and believe it. I've tried cold turkeying my compulsions a few times, never really worked for more than a week with a notable exception being the month of June and my lymphoma fear, which I successfully escaped for a month (it felt amazing). Now, I kind of feel like I don't truly want to be happy and normal, that myself right now is all right, and it's almost like there are two versions of me. I've certainly dug myself much deeper into the hole this time though. It's to the point where if I Google, I get no new information ever. I know what I have to do but I don't want to do it. :sigh:

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---------- Post added at 23:18 ---------- Previous post was at 22:22 ----------

And this stomachache isn't helping me sleep either. My worst fear now is that I'll wake up in the middle of the night one night and realize I'm having a stomach cramp. That'll be the finisher to my fears if it happens. And it doesn't help either that I'm getting hints of a cramp now, at 11:20 PM local time. I am almost 2 pounds heavier than usual though, which I seemed to have gained yesterday (not sure what it could be), which I just realized now could be distension from cancer... ah god

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[jray23]

You seem to have a very analytical personality, maybe even more than I am! I think that analytical tendency can be a bit of a trigger when it comes to our health anxiety. Meaning that every physical symptom or sensation seems to need to be analyzed and an explanation or diagnosis needs to be made. And sometimes when we want to find an answer, our brain twists everything into a way that fits the "end result" that we (or rather, our health anxiety) are looking for. We rationalize the catastrophic thought. I feel like this is happening with you from reading your posts about your symptoms and the resulting statements or questions.

I've come to accept that I really DON'T need to analyze and diagnose everything my body feels, or even most things!. That acceptance has helped a lot. I do still catch myself often but when I do, I try to remind myself that I don't need an answer to everything, and to just accept that bodies are weird and will do, feel, sound, etc a lot of things that are harmless. Or maybe that's an answer in itself, but at least one that doesn't cause worry.

For example, you mentioned you gained two pounds. Does that really need an explanation? If you can convince yourself that it doesn't need to be explained, then your brain won't have the opportunity to (falsely) rationalize it into impending disaster.

Perhaps try some meditation to calm the mind? It's shown to be beneficial to many anxiety sufferers.

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[MyNameIsTerry]

Remember what I said earlier about daily weight fluctuations? My weight can change by 4 pounds across the same day.

[LunarCoffee]

You seem to have a very analytical personality, maybe even more than I am! I think that analytical tendency can be a bit of a trigger when it comes to our health anxiety. Meaning that every physical symptom or sensation seems to need to be analyzed and an explanation or diagnosis needs to be made. And sometimes when we want to find an answer, our brain twists everything into a way that fits the "end result" that we (or rather, our health anxiety) are looking for. We rationalize the catastrophic thought. I feel like this is happening with you from reading your posts about your symptoms and the resulting statements or questions.

I've come to accept that I really DON'T need to analyze and diagnose everything my body feels, or even most things!. That acceptance has helped a lot. I do still catch myself often but when I do, I try to remind myself that I don't need an answer to everything, and to just accept that bodies are weird and will do, feel, sound, etc a lot of things that are harmless. Or maybe that's an answer in itself, but at least one that doesn't cause worry.

Perhaps try some meditation to calm the mind? It's shown to be beneficial to many anxiety sufferers.

Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using TapatalkI am pretty analytical now, and I'm pretty certain it definitely does make HA worse, as well as being a trigger itself. I used to actually not care that much about my health, but the last few months it's been mostly hell. I now treat every sensation as something that needs to be explained somehow, just like you said. I also keep forgetting that I'm not a doctor, even when I've spent probably more than a total of a few days on Google (there were days I spent 4+ hours just doing "research" and compiling information. Looking back... *sigh*

Still, this constant stomachache that I can't quite describe is really scaring me, and with the slight weight gain that I actually don't think is water or anything, as well as the bloating it's just not great to feel either. Being me, I absentmindedly googled "constant stomachache colon cancer" and the top result says it's the most common presentation of it. And now I will be tired tomorrow because I will not sleep, even though the second result says that it's very rare (wtf is this). This is gonna be a long road.

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---------- Post added 25-08-18 at 00:08 ---------- Previous post was 24-08-18 at 23:55 ----------

Gonna be honest... the constant pain is probably from me obsessively sucking in my stomach like 10+ times a day for probably over a week, maybe two even.

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[LunarCoffee]

Next day, still have the pain and bloating. It's not really a nervous feeling, it's more like my muscles are just constantly tightened and I can't make them relax. I actually have had this in the last week, it was just much more mild.

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---------- Post added at 10:33 ---------- Previous post was at 09:39 ----------

Just passed some floating stool that was kind of shiny. Is that normal? (don't want to Google)

[Fishmanpa]

Just passed some floating stool that was kind of shiny. Is that normal? (don't want to Google)

I Googled it for you! It's GOLD I tell ya! GOLD! Get a strainer and filter that stuff. You'll be RICH! :D

https://media.giphy.com/media/YFSha0YIZ5geQ/giphy.gif

Positive thoughts and poo threads!

[LunarCoffee]

I Googled it for you! It's GOLD I tell ya! GOLD! Get a strainer and filter that stuff. You'll be RICH! :D

https://media.giphy.com/media/YFSha0YIZ5geQ/giphy.gif

Positive thoughts and poo threads!:)

Seems like that was a one time occurrence. Pretty sure the stomachache is just anxiety-amplified bloating pain that's made worse by pulling in my stomach obsessively. The one pillar holding me from eternal doom thoughts is not getting woken up at night by pain. Anxiety sucks.

Kinda weird question, but is there a way to force your ass muscles to relax (kinda contradictory)? Because whenever I have to have a BM, it's always uncontrollably tightened, which makes me push a lot more than should be necessary. Which can also produce really thin stool. But still, it's annoying, and it tends to close right before the stool slides out completely, making me actually incomplete like half the time because I can never strain the last bit out. For all I know, that might be the root cause of my constant incompleteness.

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[Fishmanpa]

I'll say it again and with respect. You're a child and IMO, need professional help/intervention. If you were my kid, I'd install parental controls on any internet accessible devices and have you in therapy NOW! Sorry, but the behaviors and thoughts you're describing are just not not normal or healthy.

It's sad and disturbing knowing someone so young is suffering as you are :(

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

Muscular tension is very common in anxiety, I've had years of it! It's very common for anxiety sufferers to be sucking in their diaphragms as part of their issues with breathing. The result is lots of tightness and muscles that are constantly repairing themselves from the damage tension causes (natural muscle tearing, the basis of muscle grown, nothing to worry about).

For example, after years of me doing exactly this I know have a pretty rock hard set of abs...sadly, underneath a load of flab :biggrin: My therapist said her supervisor, who had previously overcome his anxiety disorders, did the same with his jaw so much so that it was quite strong in appearance as opposed to before. I had similar to an extent with 6 months of Bruxism with my dentist using the enlargement in his diagnosis of that problem.

Breathing exercises can help, Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) can help. Eliminating your compulsions to do this will help. And reducing overall levels of anxiety as well as learning how to relax more.

[LunarCoffee]

Muscular tension is very common in anxiety, I've had years of it! It's very common for anxiety sufferers to be sucking in their diaphragms as part of their issues with breathing. The result is lots of tightness and muscles that are constantly repairing themselves from the damage tension causes (natural muscle tearing, the basis of muscle grown, nothing to worry about).

For example, after years of me doing exactly this I know have a pretty rock hard set of abs...sadly, underneath a load of flab [emoji3] My therapist said her supervisor, who had previously overcome his anxiety disorders, did the same with his jaw so much so that it was quite strong in appearance as opposed to before. I had similar to an extent with 6 months of Bruxism with my dentist using the enlargement in his diagnosis of that problem.

Breathing exercises can help, Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) can help. Eliminating your compulsions to do this will help. And reducing overall levels of anxiety as well as learning how to relax more.Makes sense. Still can't really describe the nature of the pain though. Sometimes it's real hard to notice, other times I wish I could just let go. If I do a whole lot of jumping and moving around then it doesn't really show up, which makes me question whether or not the pain is actually as bad as I feel. Still think it's cancer though.

Also, I'm getting an appointment for therapy on Monday. Looking forward to it, with half my brain at least.

Also, I've been wiping quite a lot, but usually I use wet toilet paper (I'm at home so I can just reach the sink and wet the paper a little), but this is the fourth time I've wiped today (only had 3 BMs, last one honestly probably doesn't count, it was a tiny leftover piece from earlier. Either way, it really burnt kind of when I wiped, and for the few minutes after it still burned. Hemorrhoids?

I just seem to believe that it is cancer no matter what. I've really gotten myself into a hole. I have a shovel, but it's like the hole is really comfortable, so I don't want to dig out. It's like I don't think it's worth it because I'll die of cancer soon, which is weird because both my thoughts' streams just god damn merged into one completely insane one. AAAAA

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---------- Post added at 23:28 ---------- Previous post was at 23:27 ----------

And I'm fully aware that these thoughts are unhealthy, and I'm happy to finally be getting professional attention to it. Sorry for the trouble...

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[MyNameIsTerry]

It's good to hear you are getting into therapy. You are clearly an intelligent person who is analytical by nature as mentioned by another poster and you may find that hard to reduce as it feels natural. I'm analytical, many of my jobs have been. I found myself trying to "outthink" my therapy, to find reasons it can't work. As I found my progress later on I could accept that it does work and sometimes the work is going on in the background unconsciously.

Stinging, sore bum after a bowel movement & wiping = roids.

As for the possible muscular tension, exercise may help it. The muscle soreness experienced through exercise (DOMS) is relieved by light exercise. Therefore it's possible the body benefits in the same way through tension that is causing damage in the natural way.

[Toby2000]

Are you and Toby twins? :huh:

Positive thoughts

What's next, you're gonna accuse him of being a grown man impersonating a child too?

Please just accept that he's worried and either be helpful, which I'm sure OP would appreciate, or keep your thoughts to yourself.

[LunarCoffee]

It's good to hear you are getting into therapy. You are clearly an intelligent person who is analytical by nature as mentioned by another poster and you may find that hard to reduce as it feels natural. I'm analytical, many of my jobs have been. I found myself trying to "outthink" my therapy, to find reasons it can't work. As I found my progress later on I could accept that it does work and sometimes the work is going on in the background unconsciously.

Stinging, sore bum after a bowel movement & wiping = roids.

As for the possible muscular tension, exercise may help it. The muscle soreness experienced through exercise (DOMS) is relieved by light exercise. Therefore it's possible the body benefits in the same way through tension that is causing damage in the natural way.

So it probably is roids. Or nothing. Cool. The burning feeling stops after like 3-5 minutes after I get off the toilet though, and I only get it when I've wiped a lot.

I'm not sure how well I'll respond to therapy, but I can say I will try to not disappoint my therapist :)

For the exercise... I'm pretty sure it's my abs or some muscles near my abs that always feel tight. In fact, when I try to pay attention to loosening and relaxing my legs, they feel really weird; feeling tightened but not hard or visibly flexed, along with a weird kind of painful but mostly uncomfortable sensation almost as it they're falling from a high place. Hard to describe (also why I hate describing pain), but I feel like I might just be waaay too focused on my ab muscles right now which makes them feel all weird. OK, just realized I totally got off track there from exercise. Not sure how I'd really exercise them but I guess some push-ups and maybe situps or crunches wouldn't hurt. I mean, they probably would hurt, but you know.

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---------- Post added at 00:08 ---------- Previous post was at 00:06 ----------


What's next, you're gonna accuse him of being a grown man impersonating a child too?

Please just accept that he's worried and either be helpful, which I'm sure OP would appreciate, or keep your thoughts to yourself.Gonna be honest, but they're doing what's right. Avoiding giving reassurance helps not maintain the HA cycle. It does seem like it might be kind of insulting or that they're doing it mockingly, but I do understand. I think. [emoji848]

Also wouldn't be surprised if someone thought I wasn't 13. I get that a lot. Guess that's life.

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[Fishmanpa]

What's next, you're gonna accuse him of being a grown man impersonating a child too?

Please just accept that he's worried and either be helpful, which I'm sure OP would appreciate, or keep your thoughts to yourself.

Tea and sympathy, in other words "reassurance", is just not helpful. It's illustrated ad nauseum on nearly every thread here. From an outside perspective, the behaviors and mindsets I read about here are indicative of the named mental illness they represent.

Your fear as well as Lunar's are irrational. That's just the reality. How many pages is your thread at now? 15? This one is 8 pages in and still going around and around :shrug: I don't pull punches and I don't apologize for that. I do find it interesting that you can think logically when you don't like what's being said to you but you struggle with the total fantasy of bowel cancer at 17. In the future, if you have something to say to me, I'll ask that you take it private. If you don't like what I have to say or the way I say it, you can always put me on ignore.

This is an internet forum and I've been on it for 5 years. These are all just words on a screen. I keep pushing real life professional help because it's the proven and most sure path to recovery. I recognize the patterns as I've practically read and seen it all here. As I told you and as I told Lunar, you really need to push for real life professional help. You're both WAY too young (as are too many others here) to be suffering with an illness that controls your life like this when help is available. If you actually had the illness you fear, would you not treat it? Why, when you actually know what your real illness is, and have a written record here of what it's doing to you, would you not want to treat that? :shrug:

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yes, that's often the way with muscular tension. You aren't flexing to show them off, they just feel tight. It's like when you wake up stiff.

When I mentioned exercise it was because you said when you move about it changes the stiffness. You may be stretching or walming the muscles up which is similiar to how exercise works for muscle soreness from workouts.

Massage can be helpful too. I get it a lot with my back and find some self massaging of the lower back can help. I'm much older than you though! :biggrin:

[LunarCoffee]

Yes, that's often the way with muscular tension. You aren't flexing to show them off, they just feel tight. It's like when you wake up stiff.

When I mentioned exercise it was because you said when you move about it changes the stiffness. You may be stretching or walming the muscles up which is similiar to how exercise works for muscle soreness from workouts.

Massage can be helpful too. I get it a lot with my back and find some self massaging of the lower back can help. I'm much older than you though! [emoji3]Now that I think about it, I had a similar situation for quite a while during an earlier lymphoma/fatal insomnia scare. When I'd try to sleep, I'd always focus on my neck muscles. They weren't flexed or hard, they just felt tight and felt sore and uncomfortable. No amount of stretching would help, no amount of shifting would help. Not sure how it ended, probably just eventually stopped paying attention. Still get it now when I think about it. With the pain in my abdomen it's more achy than sore but it's probably just me focusing on it too much.

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[Toby2000]

Tea and sympathy, in other words "reassurance", is just not helpful. It's illustrated ad nauseum on nearly every thread here. From an outside perspective, the behaviors and mindsets I read about here are indicative of the named mental illness they represent.

Your fear as well as Lunar's are irrational. That's just the reality. How many pages is your thread at now? 15? This one is 8 pages in and still going around and around :shrug: I don't pull punches and I don't apologize for that. I do find it interesting that you can think logically when you don't like what's being said to you but you struggle with the total fantasy of bowel cancer at 17. In the future, if you have something to say to me, I'll ask that you take it private. If you don't like what I have to say or the way I say it, you can always put me on ignore.

This is an internet forum and I've been on it for 5 years. These are all just words on a screen. I keep pushing real life professional help because it's the proven and most sure path to recovery. I recognize the patterns as I've practically read and seen it all here. As I told you and as I told Lunar, you really need to push for real life professional help. You're both WAY too young (as are too many others here) to be suffering with an illness that controls your life like this when help is available. If you actually had the illness you fear, would you not treat it? Why, when you actually know what your real illness is, and have a written record here of what it's doing to you, would you not want to treat that? :shrug:

Positive thoughts

I really appreciate your concerns and I agree than Lunar's problem just CAN'T be cancer since he's only 13 and with his symptoms cancer just wouldn't be the first thing on the list. I don't even think a 13 year old has ever even had bowel cancer.

But older teens with bowel cancer:

https://www.bowelcanceraustralia.org/bowel-cancer-stories/jakes-bowel-cancer-story-diagnosed-age-18-sa

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/3436015/teenager-is-told-she-has-terminal-bowel-cancer-at-just-18-after-mistaking-the-signs-for-growing-pains/

https://www.ccalliance.org/news/in-the-news/rebbeccastory

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/teenage-girl-dies-bowel-cancer-10631433

Imagine if the girl in the last article, who's only symptoms were constipation, came on this forum saying she was constipated and was scared she had bowel cancer.. you'd tell her that she was having fantasies too. But after 16 months she was DEAD. At the age of 18.

So why am I not one of the unlucky ones?

I mean yes the first bleeding incident was due to a fissure but I've also noticed small traces of blood of a slightly darker tone in my looser stools and once wiped and there was a small trace of bloody mucus on the paper.

As well as on and off constipation and diarrhea and thinner stools..

And I haven't mentioned this anywhere on the forum yet but I just wiped and there were black specks all over the paper. One bit looked like a tiny tiny bit of charcoal. I wouldn't be surprised if this was dried up blood.

But the key thing is that both me and Lunar are CONVINCED we're going to die. Even if we may not have cancer, we're still convinced of it and that's really the worst feeling ever as I'm sure you know. So even if we did do therapy, we can't just forget about the symptoms like in my case the blood. Cause that may still recur. And that just isn't normal.

[LunarCoffee]

Honestly stuff like that article just want to get attention. The only reason it's there is because it's attention grabbing, and can drag in lots of views and reactions. The truth is, "severe constipation" isn't just not being able to go very easily, it involves lots of pain (which happens to be the most common CRC symptom in people under 20 years of age, which is also why I'm scared). Also, there have been many 13 year olds that have gotten CRC. I've done my research. Regretfully.

About therapy... once you get anxiety it never really stops. You can get to a pretty good point where you're practically just like before, but your previous experiences will always stick around. Unless you get amnesia or something, but that's missing the point. It's like those "once you see it you can't unsee it" posts with weird images that aren't what you think they are at first glance.

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[Fishmanpa]

Tell you what.... I'll have the "Told Ya So Gang" on standby for 30 days (Toby, you've been convinced for over a month and Lunar, you've been convinced equally as long). In 30 days you would be progressively worse. So, pending your diagnosis, the TYSG will be issuing a certificate of HA and a much deserved TYS.

Positive thoughts

and PS... 2 of those four links were about the same person :doh:

[LunarCoffee]

Tell you what.... I'll have the "Told Ya So Gang" on standby for 30 days (Toby, you've been convinced for over a month and Lunar, you've been convinced equally as long). In 30 days you would be progressively worse. So, pending your diagnosis, the TYSG will be issuing a certificate of HA and a much deserved TYS.

Positive thoughts

and PS... 2 of those four links were about the same person :doh:I'll just invite half of myself into the gang. Thanks! ;)

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---------- Post added at 20:14 ---------- Previous post was at 18:57 ----------

Oh yeah, I'm also getting abdominal area twitches, which really suggests muscle overuse. I think.

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[MyNameIsTerry]

Twitches are so common with anxiety, the nervous system is firing off a lot. There are reasons explained by science for why this happens. Many people on here would be jumping at ALS with twitching.

But you are right, put it down to muscle spasms or nerve spasms. These are all very common.

You see, this is why I view you as intelligent because despite your fears you are hanging onto logic more than you are others who are chasing their fears around. I think this stands you in good stead for your therapy.

As for the "what ifs" about being "the one", do you want to know how many cases the NHS has reported where doctors have failed to spot cancers and patients have died? We have a member on here who lost her mother to an incompetent GP because of this (and I hope she is pursuing a complaint to have him struck off). But then how many cases are there where doctors get it right? I find doctors go the wrong way when symptoms are for minor, more confusing, illnesses where there are so many possibilities unlike those that are deadly.

But then "what if" you are in a drive-by shooting tomorrow? What if you are run over by a car tomorrow? Do you leave your house or do you lock yourself in a bunker? And then what if a disease penetrates that bunker?

Anyone on here could be "the one" but the odds are greatly in our favour. But when someone is changing from one deadly cancer to another don't you think the odds are favouring against any of those cancers as the person keeps getting their perceptions wrong?

[LunarCoffee]

Twitches are so common with anxiety, the nervous system is firing off a lot. There are reasons explained by science for why this happens. Many people on here would be jumping at ALS with twitching.

But you are right, put it down to muscle spasms or nerve spasms. These are all very common.

You see, this is why I view you as intelligent because despite your fears you are hanging onto logic more than you are others who are chasing their fears around. I think this stands you in good stead for your therapy.

As for the "what ifs" about being "the one", do you want to know how many cases the NHS has reported where doctors have failed to spot cancers and patients have died? We have a member on here who lost her mother to an incompetent GP because of this (and I hope she is pursuing a complaint to have him struck off). But then how many cases are there where doctors get it right? I find doctors go the wrong way when symptoms are for minor, more confusing, illnesses where there are so many possibilities unlike those that are deadly.

But then "what if" you are in a drive-by shooting tomorrow? What if you are run over by a car tomorrow? Do you leave your house or do you lock yourself in a bunker? And then what if a disease penetrates that bunker?

Anyone on here could be "the one" but the odds are greatly in our favour. But when someone is changing from one deadly cancer to another don't you think the odds are favouring against any of those cancers as the person keeps getting their perceptions wrong?

Not sure how to reply. Maybe I shouldn't have?

The best thing for me right now would probably be to just stop going on the forum, and disconnect myself from anything that would keep my thoughts running. Still worried about the stomach pains, but that's more than likely to be anxiety tension. I'm honestly just really bad with dealing with uncertainties. Something I find that helps is to compare odds to other things, though that of course still feeds the whole anxiety cycle.

About the odds, around every 4 years 1 Asian dude 10-14 would get some form of colorectal cancer in Canada. Though because I'm Asian and live in Canada, which drastically increases my chances statistically speaking, it's still one person every four years, which is literally on the same level of rarity as fatal familial insomnia, rabies, and the like. I'm also quite sure I've got some external hemorrhoids because every time I wipe it burns more and more, and the effect lasts longer each time, even with moist paper. Still no blood though, which is strange, because I've wiped enough before to get dots of blood simply from abrasion damage.

I should probably get off the forum, or at least start forming a staircase to stop seeking reassurance. The "what-ifs" will scare me in the meantime.

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---------- Post added at 23:24 ---------- Previous post was at 22:29 ----------

Now that I think about it, the scariest part of HA for me is that half the time I'm convinced I'm fine because logic takes over while the other half of the time I'm convinced I have something terrible.

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[MyNameIsTerry]

You've got a great understanding of anxiety, that's clear. I once met a 15 year old on here who was similar in that respect (not HA though) and he has gone on to beat so much of his anxiety. Seeing you so young yet with such understanding of what so many adults struggle to comprehend gives me hope you will too.

Look towards nourishing activities. Anxiety tends to rob us of these in favour of negative activities where we spend too much time inside ourselves. Get out and do things, see people, have a hobby you enjoy. Things that speak to your positive side will restore balance.

Reduce reassurance seeking and if this means less or no forum time, go for it. If you can't do it completely, phase it out as you say. But compulsions have root problems that need tackling or they find other ways to spill out so your therapist can help you to understand this.

If you can't stop something, adjust it until you can. Pull away from negativity on here and play the games or read people's success stories. Less time reading the endless triggering negative threads can help.

[LunarCoffee]

Just wiped and there was a really large feeling bump thing there, but after the third wipe it disappeared or something? Grade 2 hem? Also I did strain a lot.

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[LunarCoffee]

First counsellor appointment was nice. It's nice to be able to talk to someone who knows what you're talking about.

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[LunarCoffee]

You know, I really think I might have pelvic floor dysfunction, from either getting sacked a couple of times and being stomached by a whole lot of soccer balls. Whenever I try to go, I can't ever quite relax the muscles, and although I can almost do it, whenever something actually tries to come out they tense up again. As such, harder thicker poops are much easier to pass, as they kind of pry the opening open. Besides that, I also need to urinate more often, and the urge is stronger even when I don't have that much. Also, before anything comes out, the stream stops and resumes multiple times internally. All of this has been going on for about 3 months, so that'd make sense.

a

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---------- Post added at 20:27 ---------- Previous post was at 20:26 ----------

Aight also to be clear I'm not afraid of having it, it's just that a previous reply mentioned that it might be something muscular, and referenced being sacked as a potential cause.

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[LunarCoffee]

I'm not really expecting a response but I still hope for one. Anyway, over the last few weeks the feeling of incompleteness has gotten much worse, pain has mostly stayed consistent. My dad's given me some hemorrhoid cream, and I applied some as per the instructions.

(TMI) Maybe a centimeter from the opening there were some tiny bumps that kind of hurt when I touched them, kinda like a burning thing but not quite. Not sure what this is, but it's probably something. Also, does the cream help the incompleteness? oof

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---------- Post added at 23:56 ---------- Previous post was at 23:25 ----------

If this works then I'll be fine but if it doesn't my anxiety will spike to levels unknown. And because of that uncertainty I'm already worrying. The worst part is that I haven't the motivation to do much anymore because I think it might be a waste.

[LunarCoffee]

Ok so apparently it's for external use only. Also, do internal hemorrhoids last this long? (It's been a solid almost 4 months) also this is the worst my anxiety has been in a while. I've read that they can last a week or basically forever but I'm not sure if that's true. :thinking:

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[MyNameIsTerry]

Depends on what stage they get too. Certain stages can mean treatment via doctors to remove them. Mine are very likely at that stage and have been for years but they don't bother me much hence I've never followed it up.

Creams differ. Some contain astringents which help to shrink them. Some have lidocaine in them to numb them. Numbing tends to be quick but shrinking can take a while.

It depends on how big they have got and whether you are also treating the root causes (e.g. diet, straining, stress, etc) how quickly things change. I would automatically assume a slow process with piles otherwise a HAer is just going to start reading into a lack of visual progress when these things can take a while.

If they are shifting then see your GP and see what they want to do. They can prescribe stronger creams.

The tiny bumps are likely just part of the piles. They tend to look like a bunch of grapes. These lumpy things can alter the shape of stools so if you see grooves remember the "chute" isn't quite as smooth right now :winks:

[LunarCoffee]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and I'm back. Nothing has improved over the last few months, and the incomplete feeling has gotten worse. Most other things are about the same, like the pain. Something to note is that I always have a mild ache (not sure if that's the right word, descriptions are hard) in the same general area as the incomplete feeling.

I keep thinking of how this couldn't not be cancer, and although it's mostly dumb, I still can't get over it. No bleeding or anything like that. I went for a doctor's appointment and they looked in with a flashlight (not sure if they can see internal hemorrhoids from that) to find nothing, which has really put me off because the one barrier that was blocking me from going completely insane was the strong possibility of hemorrhoids.

To be honest, the thing I'm most afraid of is that I'll miss the chance to save myself all because I kept telling myself it wasn't real. It haunts me and my sleep schedule has been getting worse, and my general stress level has gone up quite a lot. Even though statistics and time and everything is on my side, I just can't god damn let it go! I don't know what to do.

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[jray23]

I keep thinking of how this couldn't not be cancer, and although it's mostly dumb, I still can't get over it

This is so similar to one of Hypo's thought patterns. I'll tell you the same thing. You need to challenge this thought every time you get it. Rationalize counter arguments, the more the better.


To be honest, the thing I'm most afraid of is that I'll miss the chance to save myself all because I kept telling myself it wasn't real.

This is another super common thought from health anxiety. I've had it myself many times but not in a long time so back then I didn't have the tools I have now. . I'm not so sure of the best way to counter that one, I do remember David Veale's book talked in detail about it, but can't recall. Maybe someone else can chime in.

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[LunarCoffee]

This is so similar to one of Hypo's thought patterns. I'll tell you the same thing. You need to challenge this thought every time you get it. Rationalize counter arguments, the more the better.



This is another super common thought from health anxiety. I've had it myself many times but not in a long time so back then I didn't have the tools I have now. . I'm not so sure of the best way to counter that one, I do remember David Veale's book talked in detail about it, but can't recall. Maybe someone else can chime in.

Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using TapatalkSo just keep on countering them? I'm not sure if that's been working...

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[MyNameIsTerry]

So just keep on countering them? I'm not sure if that's been working...

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There are various ways and it's a matter of finding what works for you. Countering, accepting, using indirect strategies (e.g. relaxation work), etc.

You are reprogramming your subconscious. It takes time and repetition to see progress. Until then we have to accept it has the capacity to fight our recovery.