Worried about tomorrow

[lizzie29]

My husband is going away tomorrow overnight, something which I always worry about since having a panic attack when he was away a few years ago. I'm staying with a friend which will help, but I still feel really worried and anxious. I found it hard to eat today and I'm worried that I won't sleep properly. I've had CBT to help and I know all of the techniques I can use, but I'm not actually having a panic attack (touch wood!), just worrying about the thought of having one. Does anyone have any advice or similar stories/worries?

[angiebaby]

You are anticipating that something bad will happen. I do this too and my counsellor told me today that i have been told there is a Tiger in the forest and i am on guard. If no one had told me there was a Tiger in the forest then i wouldn't be on guard. The only problem is there is NOT a Tiger in the forest and i am worrying for nothing. There may be just a mouse. But i am anticipating things to happen that are not going to happen at all and this way i can actually bring on the anxiety and a panic attack! I know how hard this is as i live with this everyday too and i have no magic cure to get rid of the anticipation or the anxiety, if only i had! But i am trying my best to occupy myself and think of nice things. Distraction does sometimes work, in my opinion and experience, but unfortunatly it does not work the rest of the time. I am learning to question myself a lot more and i believe this is helping me a lot. We will get there i am sure but it is a slow process. What i have started to do, apart from question my thoughts and actions, is accept it. Just think oh well, if it is going to happen then let it happen, it hasn't happened before so why should it now, but if it does then i will just let it and nothing will happen at all. Believe me if you keep telling yourself over and over enough times, your brain will start to accept it, mine is starting too now i believe and hopefully i am on the rocky road to recovery, hope so anyway.
I wish you all the best with your evening and don't think back to what happened before. Do something different, play a game or look at photos, talk of happy times, listen to music, etc, and you will find that the time will fly by and you will be fine.xx

[lizzie29]

Thanks for your advice, it's good to know other people are going through similar things. I think the hard thing is that the only way it's going to get easier is by doing it more and more - which means doing something that I don't feel comfortable doing, but which hopefully become easier. It's all about building up a portfolio of positive experiences I was told.
The positive thinking bit I find hard sometimes. I mean, I can keep telling myself that nothing will happen, I can do it, etc, but it's another thing believing it. Although, as you said, if you say it enough times your brain starts to believe it. The main thing is, whether I worry or not now is not going to affect whether I have a panic attack or not. It's like someone thinking that they're not going to cross the road in case they get hit by a car. I always find that when I'm in an uncomfortable situation, it's normally not as bad as I expected - it's the waiting for it that's the hard bit.
Sometimes it really gets to me that I find things difficult, but I guess that's just part of life and, as I keep telling myself, it could be worse!
Well, I'm trying to think of tomorrow night as being a girlie night with my friend, we'll have a laugh, watch a film... and I'm lucky that I have someone who I feel 'safe' with and who understands me.

Thanks again for the advice, trying to put on a brave face - if other people can do it and get through anxiety and panic, then so can I! xxx

[kazzie]

You will be fine hun:hugs:

Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:

[Greeneyed]

I hate it when my husband goes away - I worry about him incesantly and I am anxious in the house alone, but at the same time I know it is only a night or so and he will soon be back. I have spent the odd night with virtually no sleep but it is always over and it is only once in a while.

I find it enriches the relationship to spend some time apart as it stops you taking each other for granted and you are both really pleased to see each other when he returns. I try so much to keep myself in check on this one as I do not want him to feel as if he cannot go away. I don't want my anxiety to cage him also. I do have some ground rules though, if he is going out with the lads I ask him to text/call me as soon as he wakes the following morning to let me know he's okay. If he forgets he is in big trouble!

?I am sure you will be fine and it will be a good opportunity to spend some girlie time with your friend xx

[Dying_Swan]

Hey.

Perhaps you could take an MP3 player/CD player with some relaxation exercises on? I always worry about not sleeping and they always help me drift off. Also good for distracting yourself from worry :)

Hope you have a great night with your friend xx

[lizzie29]

Thanks everyone for your support, it helps a lot.

Greeneyed - I too feel that I don't want to drag my husband down with my anxiety, it's bad enough that I have it and I try not to let it affect him too much, although obviously it does. And I also agree with you that it makes your relationship stronger - I've never wanted to be one of those couples who spend all their time together, never apart - I don't think it's healthy.

Anyway, didn't sleep too well last night worrying about tonight, so am quite tired today! Been up since 7, getting a few waves of anxiety but just trying to keep it under control.

xxx

[Greeneyed]

Hi Lkenny,

Do you have a good book you can take to your friends? I find that rather than lie awake worrying I might as well read a book if I can't sleep than let anxious thoughts run round and round my head. I am often tooked into a book for a few hours in the night but it is better than just getting into a state. I put it down after a bit and try to sleep again and if I can't after a little while I read my book again - sometimes until I am trully exhausted!

It can make for a tired next day but you I always get through and it is fine.

I hope you feel okay, you will be alright I m sure and he will be home before you know it xx

[Lindalou64]

I Agree With Swan The Anticapation, Bring Something With You Like The Others Said To Keep Ya Mind Off It....im Sure You Will Do Great......linda

[devon_guy]

Get a DVD of the Golden Girls, they are so funny they will take your mind off things, I highly recommend them

[panicdiva]

Hi, you will be fine. I know how you feel. If you find you can't sleep, instead of lying in bed worrying about it, why not get up & watch t.v.? If your tired the next day you can make up for lack of sleep when your husband gets home. Let us know how things go. Will be thinking of you.

[lizzie29]

Well, I did it! I was a bit worried in the morning, nothing too bad. Then went to my friend's in the afternoon and we went for a walk, sat in the garden, etc etc. Watched a film and altogether had a great evening with my friend. Didn't feel worried at all once I got there, just had lots of fun. And when I went to bed, I fell asleep really quickly. Woke up a couple of times in the night but fell asleep almost straightaway. Am really pleased, gradually building up these positive experiences to encourage me. Thanks everyone for believing in me and offering advice and support. xxx

[angiebaby]

Thats wonderful news. I am glad that you had a good time and it was a positive experience for you. Well done!xx

[whatupboo]

Wow - it is amazing as I read this thread how similar thought processes you seem to go through as me. I know it is ridiculous to worry and that the reality is that nothing bad will happen, and yet it is like my brain spirals out of control. All I can say is that just know that there are so many of us out there that go through this. Yet despite that I find myself not knowing how to given any useful advice, since when I put myself in your shoes I know that no matter what anyone tells me, it usually doesn't do any good. Surrounding yourself with good people who understand and/or care (they don't always get it - but as long as they show compassion that is all that matters to me) is usually the approach that I take.

[lizzie29]

Whatupboo, I totally agree with you. I find it helps to know others are in similar situations, and sometimes reading what someone else has written is like reading my own thoughts. And yes, having people around you who care and are willing to listen even if they can't change anything is a huge help, I couldn't do it without those people who have so much faith in me. I do find that building up this collection of positive experiences helps - knowing I've done something before is the best proof that I can do it again. Sometimes I just get a bit tires of the constant struggle though, and very frustrated. Do you find this?