Struggling with secondary tokophobia (pregnancy fear)

[Autumnx1003]

I have always suffered with GAD, but after the birth of my daughter last year, I am now terrified of getting pregnant again. In a nutshell, she was born with Down syndrome, which isn’t the issue, but her health complications in utero caused me to have a very traumatic birth experience where my life was in danger. She was born in Nov and my cycles resumed in February. As soon as they did, I started freaking out every single month about becoming pregnant again. Even though I wasn’t engaging in anything risky with hubby. In April he had a vasectomy and in July got the “all clear”. But also in July I had a very light period, and since then, I’ve been anxious every day that I somehow I got pregnant before his test. Mind you, we diligently used condoms without any accidents till the doctor gave him the green light, so theoretically, pregnancy is practically impossible. Also, I’ve had zero pregnancy symptoms! Which is why all this feels so nuts :( And please don’t suggest I take a test. I don’t even think that would ease my mind, but rather play into the obsession. Anyway, next cycle coming soon, and I’m already convinced it won’t come and I’ll find out I’m pregnant. This seems so ridiculous to even type, but the fear feels so real. So I’m reaching out to this board for some support. You’ve helped me in the past, I’m hoping someone on here can simply understand what I’m feeling and offer me a shoulder :(


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[.Poppy.]

I understand the obsessive fear, and good on you for not wanting to play into it!

Something that helped me when I was freaking out would be to tell myself firmly that I was being irrational and then "walking" away from the problem (ie finding a way to distract myself). So in your situation, I would say to myself (often out loud), "This is ridiculous, I am NOT pregnant" and then go for a walk, watch your favorite show, play with your little girl. Anything to get your mind off of it.

I realize your husband had a vasectomy, but have you entertained any sort of alternative forms of birth control in addition to that for a little while just to give you peace of mind?

[Scass]

You are great at not giving into the fear by taking a test.
I found my periods changed a lot after giving birth (emcs) anyway.

I suppose you have to go back to the beginning of the rules on how to treat anxiety, and that’s to start practicing relaxation, mindfulness, breathing methods, grounding methods, and also combating those negative thoughts x


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[Autumnx1003]

Thank you ladies for replying! I’ve had so many anxiety “themes” throughout my life and my brain attaches to them fiercely. Anxiety is such a rude bully! Funny thing is, after the birth of my first baby, I never once had a fear like this. Hubby and I were together 15 years before getting pregnant, and engaged in lots of risky (in terms of pregnancy) sex. I was always very nonchalant about it. Now that we are done with having kiddos, and I’ll be 40 in October, it’s like pregnancy seems like a huge huge risk. And I realistically don’t think my body could handle it after last time; yet I also don’t think I could terminate. Hubby has a hard time understanding any of my anxious thoughts, so I often feel I need to fight them alone. He’s also thinks the additional birth control measures are just unnecessary. So I’m thankful for this board! I’ve actually wondered if I have a form of PTSD now


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[Scass]

Yes maybe you do have a form of ptsd.

I like how you describe anxiety as a rude bully - that’s so true!


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