View Full Version : Almost 9 months of self hate, exhaustion,and anxiety
MangoSlush
15-08-18, 18:49
For the past almost 9 months (will be exactly 9 months on Friday), I have been beating myself up and tearing myself down over an incident I had with a "friend" one night in November.
So on November 17, 2017, I had an encounter with a friend where I tried to penetrate her vagina; however I was not able to because I had no idea how and where to penetrate her. She said that my penis did not penetrate her vagina and it was only rubbing against the entrance and her lips. So I honestly freaked out after and had her take a Plan B pill (I wasn't think at the time...that was the moment my panic began).
After that here's a timeline of the events that happened:
• End of November 2017: Negative Pregnancy Test #1 (Dollar Tree Brand)
• A Day later: She gets period #1 (5 Day Heavy Flow)
• Late December 2017: Negative Pregnancy Test #2 (Clearblue Digital)
• Early January 2018: Negative Pregnancy Test #3 (Clearblue Digital) and period #2 (5 Day Heavy Flow)
• Early February 2018: Negative Pregnancy Test #4 (Dollar Tree Brand)
• Mid February 2018: Period #3 (5 Day Heavy Flow)
• March 2018: No Period - At this point she lies to him about having a period in March to get him to leave her alone, understandably
• April 2018: No Period, OBGYN Appointment, Negative Pregnancy Test #5 (clinic urine test) at obgyn office, pelvic exam
• May 2018: No Period
• June 2018: No Period
• July 2018: No Period
My issue is that while she had three periods after the incident happened, she hasn't had a period in almost 6 months...Also somewhere between January and February, she had actual sex with two other guys...
Every day has been me hating myself, tearing myself down, Googling things, researching stories, crying, and just being anxious and unhappy...I've went to my friends about this to the point where I think they hate me, I've bothered my family to the point where they tell me everything is fine and I should stop worrying...but it's hard...
Google has stories of women going their entire time not knowing they were pregnant, there's the TV show about it that got me worked up even more...
I just want to be happy for once again...
Can she be pregnant? Can I stop worrying finally? It's been a long 272 days for me...I want to get on with my life, but I just cannot...I start feeling better, then suddenly I start thinking what if...then I go back down...I'm exhausted and I need help...
Excuse me if I am nosy, but how old are you? I mean, even 10 year olds these days know that a woman can't be pregnant and have a period at the same time. She had 2 periods 1.5 and 3 months after you made love to her - she can't be pregnant with you. There is a remote possibility she is pregnant now with somebody else, but this is not your problem, is it? Is her body, is her choice.
I assume you are a teenager, but nevertheless - you definitely have to get some sort of sex education ASAP. It will teach you to avoid unpleasant situations in your sex life and it will spare you both this kind of anxiety and quite a few blushes.
MangoSlush
15-08-18, 19:10
Excuse me if I am nosy, but how old are you? I mean, even 10 year olds these days know that a woman can't be pregnant and have a period at the same time. She had 2 periods 1.5 and 3 months after you made love to her - she can't be pregnant with you. There is a remote possibility she is pregnant now with somebody else, but this is not your problem, is it? Is her body, is her choice.
I assume you are a teenager, but nevertheless - you definitely have to get some sort of sex education ASAP. It will teach you to avoid unpleasant situations in your sex life and it will spare you both this kind of anxiety and quite a few blushes.
To my utter shame, i'm 25 years old...even though I only rubbed my penis against her entrance and couldnt ever get it in, I just panicked hard...
And yeah my sexual education is garbage...been learning that over the past months
To my utter shame, i'm 25 years old...even though I only rubbed my penis against her entrance and couldnt ever get it in, I just panicked hard...
And yeah my sexual education is garbage...been learning that over the past months
You absolutely shouldn't be ashamed. "Performance anxiety" is very common. Lots of practice :) and some sort of basic knowledge about sex (it is very accessible these days) and you'll get there.
5 pregnancy tests. Not 1, but 5!!! I think it's safe to say she isn't pregnant. Also the pill, and a gynaecological exam. No, she isn't pregnant in the slightest!
MangoSlush
15-08-18, 19:31
5 pregnancy tests. Not 1, but 5!!! I think it's safe to say she isn't pregnant. Also the pill, and a gynaecological exam. No, she isn't pregnant in the slightest!
Would this change if she was obese?
Would this change if she was obese?
There are no "what ifs" or "yeah buts" here. This is basic sex ed 101 :shrug:
Positive thoughts
Huh?? If it happened in November she would be due to deliver any day now. There's no possible way she's pregnant from you.
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MangoSlush
15-08-18, 20:38
Huh?? If it happened in November she would be due to deliver any day now. There's no possible way she's pregnant from you.
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Oh really?
Oh really?
You CANNOT be serious.
MangoSlush
15-08-18, 20:51
You CANNOT be serious.
Sadly yeah...I am, it's stupid and a bit pathetic, but true
Not stupid or pathetic but it’s time to move on, she isn’t pregnant with your child. It is physically impossible by this point.
It is a little naive. If you’re going to worry about these things then you need to understand a little bit about how girls get pregnant, and how long it lasts.
It seems your anxiety is either based around something you don’t understand, or you are using this as an excuse to blame your anxiety on.
Stop asking her to take tests or if she’s had her period. It’s done now, plus it’s her body, and she will tell you if she thinks she needs to.
What do you think might help you move on from this?
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MangoSlush
15-08-18, 21:58
It is a little naive. If you’re going to worry about these things then you need to understand a little bit about how girls get pregnant, and how long it lasts.
It seems your anxiety is either based around something you don’t understand, or you are using this as an excuse to blame your anxiety on.
Stop asking her to take tests or if she’s had her period. It’s done now, plus it’s her body, and she will tell you if she thinks she needs to.
What do you think might help you move on from this?
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Honestly I'm not sure what could help at this point, people are however saying it's physically impossible and I've done a few "Conception Calculators" and they all seem to confirm such as well...I guess really forgiving myself for this happening period, I just feel really stupid and ignorant about the whole thing
Respectfully, I want to make sure I have this right. 9 months ago, you were playing around with a friend. You never penetrated her nor did you ejaculate in her. She took a morning after pill, had 5 negative pregnancy tests and had several menstrual cycles. Being that a human gestates for 9 months, she would be about to give birth, yet you still think she's pregnant? :huh:
Positive thoughts
MangoSlush
15-08-18, 22:14
Respectfully, I want to make sure I have this right. 9 months ago, you were playing around with a friend. You never penetrated her nor did you ejaculate in her. She took a morning after pill, had 5 negative pregnancy tests and had several menstrual cycles. Being that a human gestates for 9 months, she would be about to give birth, yet you still think she's pregnant? :huh:
Positive thoughts
Yeah...like I said it's REALLY damn stupid and I shouldn't even be concerned I should have stopped worrying after the first test, my friends and family have all told me how impossible it is; however I saw the "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" show and it worried me a lot more.
Sadly yeah...I am, it's stupid and a bit pathetic, but true
No really. I do not want to offend you, but the fact that, in 21st Century, there is a 25 years old individual that does not know that woman's gestation period lasts 9 months is frankly alarming. Forget sex, forget anxiety. For starters, you need to revise your primary school stuff. It is essential and of utmost importance. Please believe me - I am not kidding and I am not trying to denigrate you in any way, I am just flabbergasted.
PS It is not about being stupid or pathetic, it is about the necessity to learn certain things and remember them until the day you die (which I hope is many, many years away).
PPS If you are messing around and leading us all up the garden path, hats off to you - you are one of the best Internet trolls I have ever seen. You should work for Putin :D
You have to be messing with us right? :shades: If not, and biological facts don't quell the worry, I don't know what can be said in this medium to help :shrug:
Hope you feel better soon!
Positive thoughts
Btw, Mango, you have stated on your profile that you are female.
MangoSlush
16-08-18, 03:02
You have to be messing with us right? :shades: If not, and biological facts don't quell the worry, I don't know what can be said in this medium to help :shrug:
Hope you feel better soon!
Positive thoughts
Sadly no, still not messing or trolling I swear...however I am now starting to look at this situation more from a logical lens and stop with the "But Whats" and "What If" statements, and it makes me a bit more shamed that I was this panicky over this for so long...
Sadly no, still not messing or trolling I swear...however I am now starting to look at this situation more from a logical lens and stop with the "But Whats" and "What If" statements, and it makes me a bit more shamed that I was this panicky over this for so long...
That's a positive and pretty much what was thrown at you in the replies. The title of your thread is; Almost 9 months of self hate, exhaustion,and anxiety. The exhaustion part is easy. Anxiety can and will cause fatigue. The anxiety part has a solid base in the pregnancy fear however irrational it is. That being said, I think there's a lot more than meets the eye. It's the self hate I can't put my finger on. Does it have to do with your relationship with your friend? If you were intimate (even without intercourse), there must be some feelings there and you said she's been with other men since then. Is that part of the self hate?
Positive thoughts
MangoSlush
16-08-18, 14:53
That's a positive and pretty much what was thrown at you in the replies. The title of your thread is; Almost 9 months of self hate, exhaustion,and anxiety. The exhaustion part is easy. Anxiety can and will cause fatigue. The anxiety part has a solid base in the pregnancy fear however irrational it is. That being said, I think there's a lot more than meets the eye. It's the self hate I can't put my finger on. Does it have to do with your relationship with your friend? If you were intimate (even without intercourse), there must be some feelings there and you said she's been with other men since then. Is that part of the self hate?
Positive thoughts
To be honest it is more that this happened to begin with and that I've drug my friends and family along for the ride with me...I have two best friends in particular (both female) who i'm betting are sick and tired of me and my constant fear...
I hate myself because this happened at all, I hate that I have bothered the living hell out of my close friends and family, I hate that I'm so paranoid, naive, and skeptical about basic and sound biological facts.
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