View Full Version : Is this forum good for us?
was just reading other peoples threads problems and really empathise with so many people and was begnning to worry if this is good for me? It's really reassuring to know other people are going through the same thing, but unfortunately since you go on things when you're anxious, everyone here is in a state. I was just wondering how many people there are out there feeling ok- becasue at the moment I feel like everyone is feeling bad- it makes you wonder if you are going to feel better, ever.
I know what you mean, I used to stay away from some people who had issues of their own as it brought out mine. But I feel a support fourm is good as you can give each other support and reassure each other that everything is ok. Also as you said you know you ain't the only one going through a bad pacth. I have my good and bad days and i've helped myself alot. Never give up hope, keep thinking positive and your get there!:)
geordie flower
16-08-07, 08:09
Hiya, i find this forum a godsend! I often come on it wen im feeling anxious and i find that after a while it makes me feel alot better prob because im distracting myself away from my anxiety and concentrating on reading posts etc..... I like reading about others experience, symptoms, success stories and just general banter! I know it has helped me more than I could ever say take care tracey :) x
HI,
I know what you mean, but I find it keeps me sane, you just have to be selective about when and who you speak to. Sometimes in Chat things can get a bit heavy and if you cant cope with it you just log out, but I find usually its fairly light hearted. Its good to have the chance to share ideas with people who know how you feel too! I enjoy feeling that I can help other s, when I have been helped soooooooooo much here, I can give something back.
:) hi stephanie,
it is totally the opposite for me, which is where personal choice comes in,its like moaning about a programme on tv but not turning it off!!!
when im really really anxious i have found it extremely difficult to come on here, but not because i pick up other peoples anxiety but because i dont want to pour it all out on here, and the odd time i have, ive felt that i should have dealt with it myself. but then the more ive come on while im ok the better ive felt as ive been more able to 'connect ' to other people and so feel part of a community?
i am having private therapy with an extremely well qualified/experienced nhs therapist who is currently crossing over from nhs to private as she reaches her retirement and she had only positive things to say about this site (i must add i dant think shed been to it she was just going on what id said), she said that by looking at the success stories(and there are many!) you can get hope, and by helping others who maybe dont have the same understanding of the problem you can reinforce what youve gotta do yourself.
so i totally respect that it might not be for you, but i for one am not in a 'state'(although i was 7-8 weeks ago, so goes to show you can get better!) and neither are all the peeps who come on here while they are at work! or the people who come on here after work! dont get me wrong, because i dont know how long youve been a member, but if you dont get to know the people you can make some very wrong assumptions about what goes on with the other people on this forum. and i think that would be a shame because you will never meet as many people in one place who can understand how you feel.
i must just point out here that being anxious does not automatically make you a 'nice' person, so you are still going to meet people you dont like and who dont like you - anxious people are not saints!!!! we are just ordinary people living with minds that have rewired thenselves over time to think there is danger everywhere!!!
i think if your in a bad place at the moment maybe nmp isnt for you, but like i said you can come and go as you please:winks:
:) Hi Stephanie :)
I can understand your concerns about the forum; some people posting on here can appear very distressed. But try to remember that when you are feeling quite anxious / depressed yourself, you may be more inclined to dwell on the negative things you read & discount the positive. Another suggestion would be to revisit various threads a few days/weeks after you first look at them as often the original poster has returned to update us on their situation; sometimes with a more positive outlook.
Personally, I think I only come on here when I feel OK; not because reading other people's threads makes me worse; just cos when I am truly in a state I don't like to talk to anyone. Like Emmas said; its personal preference.
Are you getting some help (Therapy/medication/support) for your problems? Maybe if you are feeling scared & unsure if you will ever feel better, then you are projecting that onto other members - i.e. seeing them as anxious depressed people who are promoting each others negative feelings - because you feel that way yourself? Just a thought. Perhaps if you had a therapist to discuss your concerns with, they would be able to give you some reassurance? Speak to your GP if you haven't already.
Take care, CarpeDiem
xxxxxx
Yeah i though the same Stephanie when i first joined a few days ago. My concerns were that being on the forum too much would make me think about paniking more and obsess over it, rather than getting on with everyday life and forgetting about it. Also it did kind of upset me to know theres so many people feeling down, but it makes you realise you're not alone!
BUT ive learnt from past experience that hiding from your problem and acting like its not happened (and therefore avoiding places like this) may seem like a good idea at the time, but really you're not resolving the problem therefore it will only creep up again. Whereas coming on boards like this and talking to people is a way of accepting that you do have a problem and using other peoples experiences and advice to work out what is happening to you and understand why and how it happens. And it is only then that you can start to address how to solve it and prevent it from ruining your life.
Try looking at the Success board if you want cheering up and reassuring, i found it really helpful!
But of course the board wont be for everyone, so its perfectly ok if you dont feel it is helping you :)
groovygranny
16-08-07, 13:58
Hello Stephanie!
I spose in a perfect world websites like these wouldn't need to exist!
It's a paradox really - NMP is a great site but wouldn't it be even greater if nobody needed it??!:huh::blush:!
I understand what you're trying to say - even thought it myself a while back.
But, as has been already stated, it's a matter of personal choice.
As long as we excercise that choice and don't allow ourselves to feel either:
a) addicited because we're always logging on or
b) neglectful because we rarely log on
then I think equilibrium will be acheived.
Personally, I consider myself 'a-recovery-work-in-progress!' and NMP was just what I needed to prevent myself sinking deeper and deeper into the 'blackness' and I hope I never get to that state again - but if I did I know now I wouldn't be alone. I can really be myself here.
And I like to think I'm able to give something back occasionally!
big hugs for you
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
:flowers:
Hi - I'm new to this site and was wondering the same thing. I've been looking for a site whre I can talk to other people just to see if that can help and I really hope it does. I'll reserve judgment for now but so far, reading about others does help I suppose it's hearing about the good as well as the bad that makes a difference.:)
I know, for myself, when I first found this site a few years back I was so pleased to have actually found somewhere that people REALLY understood what I was going through.
Reading posts where people have experienced the exact same feelings/symptoms is such a comfort.
BUT, there is also the downside that it can become all too consuming and, rather than trying to find a way out of our problems, it can instead make us feel sorry for ourselves and fall into the victim mode as we can imediately obtain sympathy from other members here. Don't get me wrong, I know that a kind word can help enormously BUT this does not help us to move forward in the long term.
Kate
Maybe as fellow members, particularly in chat, we should always try to offer support & encouragement for getting better, rather than just sympathy. I agree with Kate that this can sometimes make things worse.
Sometimes I get frustrated hearing people get "pandered to" in a mutual massaging of egos, as I think this just perpetuates the problem.
Equally though, sometimes I have to remind myself that everyone on here is at different stages of recovery & not everyone is ready for tough talk.
What a conumdrum.
CarpeDiem
xxxxxx
Maybe as fellow members, particularly in chat, we should always try to offer support & encouragement for getting better, rather than just sympathy. I agree with Kate that this can sometimes make things worse.
Sometimes I get frustrated hearing people get "pandered to" in a mutual massaging of egos, as I think this just perpetuates the problem.
Equally though, sometimes I have to remind myself that everyone on here is at different stages of recovery & not everyone is ready for tough talk.
What a conumdrum.
CarpeDiem
xxxxxx
could not agree more.
i've been here for just a few days but have seen way too much sympathy, and not enough empathy.
people ask a question looking for answers and a lot of the time they get (albeit reallly nice and caring) a show of love and affection when really the poster wants relief!!
Hi, I think this is a really good question. Ive been around here for quite a long time now and have read and contributed to many posts.
As part of my recovery I tend to have to watch what posts I read, that is a personal choice and one that suits me. Its all about choice and its like everything, use the site how you wish. Some days I use the site for clarification, or support or to answer someone's question who is expereincing something similar to myself and just needs a bit of ressurance or a hug. Its a site where many friendships are built and its nice to feel a part of that. However, Im also aware that in order to tackle my agoraphobia, the best way forward for me is to be out and about away from the house and to restrict my time on the PC.
As to offering empathy, Im sure if you read most of my posts to others, you wil see that i tend to offer positivity to others and encouragement and give the person a little bit of hope. When dealing with peoples emotions, no two people are the same and no two days are the same, living with anxiety is like on a rollercoaster and sometimes all you can do is listen and give support.
This site is a lifeline for many and for me personally - its nice to take time out of my day to give something back and keep in touch with the friendships Ive made.
Luv Darkangel x:flowers:
I've always said it's a balance. Get help from here when you need it but go out and do stuff when you can. Recovery comes in doing things in the real world DESPITE feeling crap because it gradually builds confidence.
Sitting on the computer is to be used in moderation in my opinion......(he says sat on the bloody thing all day at work!!!!!! Still, it does mean I can pop in here now and then)
Recovery can be made but the thing is that most recovered people like to forget all about this horrible period and move on with their lives and don't want to be reminded by coming back onto sites like this. They just get on with "normal" life.
To give you a positive response........you can recover but you have to put the work in and give it action and patience.
Hi
No matter how much your nearest and dearest try to empathise and understand, they really can't unless they have been through this themselves.
The beauty of this site is that people on here really do understand so when people in your life are giving you grief because you can't always do everyday things, this really is the place to come.
Like others have said it's sometimes best to be selective in what you read. I mostly come on here when things are tough just to know that there are some people here who are doing really well which gives me hope and its a boost to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this condition.
Lexxie
Dying_Swan
16-08-07, 19:01
Good evening :)
Thanks for raising this point. It's an interesting one.
I agree with others who have said that it's all about acheiving a balance. I think that sharing other people's experiences can be beneficial, but it is important to 'keep it real' (hate that phrase!) and remain focused on your own life and goals.
I discussed forums such as these with a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist....it was a different forum we talked about, but her opinion was as follows:
"The people who rely on those forums tend to be the people who don't get better". I am not sure what I think, but that comes from a very highly trained therapist who works at one of the country's leading Anxiety Disorder Inpatient Units.
So - I think they key is to use the forum and enjoy it, but don't 'rely' on it. You can pick up some very useful tips and advice, and it is comforting to know others are experiencing the same. Just remember that it is not going to 'make you better' all on its own. That has to come from you too :)
I consider myself 95% recovered from the conditions I have suffered with. Personally, I wish I had found this site when I was ill, because I believe the advice here would have helped me a lot. Just keep it in perspective and make sure you are still putting energy into getting yourself better.
:flowers: xx
:) mmmm i think its quite patronizing to think that people who come on here in distress dont realize they have a problem or dont want to get better!!!!
sometimes i read stuff and i cant believe how little the poster knows about their problem, they talk about it as though it is happening 'to' them and as though they have no power over what they are feeling!!!
but like other people have said these people are still on their journey of sel-discovery the same as i think every member of this site is, and i think in time they will get the message from this site that the only way they get better is by JFDI:yesyes:
but what do they do in the mean time while they are getting the answers to the questions they are asking? go back to feeling isolated in a world of 'normal' people?
i dont think it matters what you do if it isnt hurting anybody else, even if your on here all day! who is it hurting?!!!! at the end of the day the person who is on here all day still knows that they have to get better themselves.
believe me on this i was sooooooooo embarrassed to have anxiety/panic and almost as embarrassed to be speaking to other people with the same problems, so it took me a long time to accept myself and to in turn accept others, i dont want to soley be part of the outside 'normal' world as its no more 'normal' than here!!! ive come to realise that there is nothing wrong with coming here it doesnt make you 'defective', and somtimes i get bored of listening to the stuff i read so i just log off and dont bother until i feel i want to come back on again.
i dont agree with your therapist either, because i have made massive improvement since finding this site and so have loads of others, im not sure i would have made that progress if i hadnt have found the site?
and another thing i would like to say is imagine if the admins took the view of getting off this site so they could get back into the 'real' world? then there wouldnt be a site, so some people have to come back whether they want to or not out of commitment to helping others.
i welcome this debate but i think there is no argument, if you feel the site is harming you then dont come, if you think the site is helping and enriching your life then come as much as you want!!:yesyes:
Dying_Swan
17-08-07, 17:53
i think its quite patronizing to think that people who come on here in distress dont realize they have a problem or dont want to get better!!!!
I don' think I ever mentioned that people who come on here don't realise they have a problem and don't want to get better??
sometimes i read stuff and i cant believe how little the poster knows about their problemIf you are referring to me, I know all about my 'problem', and prefer that people don't make assumptions that I don't.
but like other people have said these people are still on their journey of sel-discovery the same as i think every member of this site is, and i think in time they will get the message from this site that the only way they get better is by JFDI:yesyes: Exactly my point.
i dont think it matters what you do if it isnt hurting anybody else, even if your on here all day! who is it hurting?!!!!I am sure it is hurting no-one. I don't believe I ever said it was.
i dont agree with your therapist either, because i have made massive improvement since finding this site and so have loads of others, im not sure i would have made that progress if i hadnt have found the site?You don't have to agree with my therapist. I didn't even say I did. I was merely recounting what she said, and I also specified that it was not this site she was talking about. I know people have made huge progress from this site.
I think you have misunderstood what I have said. I was giving my opinion, which I believe is allowed? I don't think this site is 'BAD' or I wouldn't be here. I think it is an excellent resource and helps a large number of people.
My opinion is that balance is needed in all areas of life.
i welcome this debate but i think there is no argument, if you feel the site is harming you then dont come, if you think the site is helping and enriching your life then come as much as you want!!:yesyes:I agree.
nomorepanic
17-08-07, 19:49
I created the site as I wanted to find people to help me !
I did just that and personally it has helped me no end to help others and provide the best advice I can both on here and the website pages.
So for me it has been a big part of my recovery and I thank all the members on here for that!
honeybee3939
17-08-07, 20:21
I would just like to add how the site as helped me,
Before i joined this site 2 years ago i had been trapped in my own home, i couldnt go shopping i couldnt go on holidays or travel, i couldnt do things with my kids, i couldnt go on journeys, i couldnt work, visit hospitals the list is endless, now i can do all those things plus much more:) . This site as been a godsend to me, it wasnt till i joined the site that i realised i wasnt going crazy, for 8 years i had help from pcycatrists, councillers etc but it wasnt until i joined here that i started to improve.
I have met some wonderful people here on NMP, and i cant thank them enough for all the help they have given me.:)
so to answer the question "is this forum good for us" im sure you can geuss my answer......lol:yesyes:
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx
I think you all make good points.
The question posed is "Is this forum good for us", I certainly have noticed that when I read some posts it triggers those little niggles that we're accustomed to, so I see where the author has generated her opinion. He/she is asking whether we continue to experience PA/Anxiety while contributing to the forum, cause we do all relive our own memories through peoples posts....I know I do.
I attack things head-on, so yeah, I like to feel a little weird when reading posts cause I know that with enough instances my mind as crude and as colourful as it is, will 'blend', I like that word 'blend' into the background and take a back-seat as I intake the problems you all go through and then interpret it logically.
with knowledge comes....you all know the craic.
GETONIT. It's friday for f**ks sake, let's all stay frosty!
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