I’m new

[Borderline29]

Hi

I’m new to this place but definitely not new to anxiety, I’ve struggled with it on and off for over 10 years however over the last few months after a period of wellness it’s returned but in a way I’ve never struggled with it before.

I’ve always been treated for depression and never had any help for anxiety until this year when I started CBT for anxiety. I’ve got a couple of sessions left.

Long story short I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder 5 years ago but I don’t think I ever had the full blown disorder just traits, anyway I had two and a half years of dbt and that helped me stop unhealthy behaviours. But I feel like my anxiety has just been pushed to the back and ignored, both by me and the professionals.

I wake up early every morning, around 5-6, panicking to the point where I feel nauseous. Gp did a bunch of tests and they all came back normal, I’ve had some reflux issues in the past and she’s given me antacids which help a bit. Normally I used to be able to get up and eat breakfast but now I have to wait a few hours, can just about stomach a yoghurt and a cup of tea. I have a bit of a fear of throwing up I’ve never really addressed until now. I’ve lost a bit of weight from struggling to eat, which friends have noticed. It also doesn’t help that I have ibs which has flared up along with my anxiety! I can handle that as it’s in the morning and I take meds to get through work.

If I’m at work then this helps my anxiety but on days off I worry about worrying and then worry about that too ...!! I can’t seem to step out of the cycle. I should probably mention that to my cbt therapist.

I feel on the verge of tears all the time. Mental illness has completely ruined my life and my career. When I had a breakdown I was almost at the end of training for a life long career I’ll never go back to, because I couldn’t cope with the stress. I’m stuck in a low paid, insecure zero hours job which I enjoy and I am trying to hunt for permanent work but I’m worried that now isn’t the right time.

I find yoga, drawing and painting, knitting and reading helpful. I also have pets, and they keep me going. I sometimes get fleeting thoughts of not wanting to go on , but I understand that as really wanting to stop feeling like this rather than not living anymore and anyway, my pets need me as much as I need them.

I’m just feeling all over the place atm so any tips would really be welcomed. Also I just needed to get it off my chest.

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya Borderline29 and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[EmmerLooeez]

Hi Borderline! I'm a borderline too. Like yourself I don't feel as though I show that many of the symptoms, or to such a degree that they are a huge problem, but like anything BPD is a spectrum and you can have any combination of four symptoms and at varying degrees to qualify for a diagnosis.

I'm actually having Psychotherapy right now for Anxiety before going on a 10 month DBT course, my Psychotherapist was adamant that this was the way to do it as the anxiety is always there for me. I wonder why your trust recommended you do DBT without working on your anxiety first.


Are you taking any medication for your mood or anxiety? Hope you're okay,
Emma

[Borderline29]

I actually no longer have a diagnosis of bpd as they consider me recovered and no longer have enough symptoms for it. My anxiety wasn’t servere enough for it to be a problem. I was discharged from the CMHT finally after five years in March and then started cbt in May, the CMHT had referred me to it.

But this cbt thing is so hard while I’m so distressed due to my anxiety. I am trying but I feel like the worry thoughts have become such a habit half the time I don’t even know what I’m worrying about, I’m just worrying. And then I worry about worrying so much :doh:

I take meds , in the process of having medication changed which may make things worse before they get better. My gp is good, thankfully. I just need to learn how to manage it.