lofwyr
22-08-18, 20:16
So tomorrow is my big day of the year, the annual CT scan of the chest and annual echo-cardiogram*to simultaneously follow 2 small lung nodules in my upper right lung, bicuspid aortic valve, mitral valve prolapse and the aortic aneurysm. I have an immediate consult with my cardio-thoracic surgeon right after, and she is brilliant. I am in good hands, so no worries there. If the nodules have grown, I have caught cancer in its infancy and it is relatively easy to treat with high cure rates. If the aneurysm has grown, I schedule my open heart for that. If the valve has gone to pot, same story. The short answer is, worst case scenario, I deal with the stuff. It should be easy to chill about that.*
All year long I can put it more or less out of my mind, no thoughts towards it. But the evening before my cage gets a bit rattled. The what-ifs course through the back of my mind. Of course I avoid google like the plague, and as I said, I have an excellent surgeon, and a great team. I am well cared for. But the anxiety--which may even be proportional to the situation more than health anxiety--threatens to take over. These are not situations I may have to deal with, I *will* have to deal with them at some point (well, maybe not the nodules, they have a great likelyhood of being benign) so it sort of rides this line between "what-ifs" and acceptance.
But for some reason, while I am relaxed about this most of the year, right before the scan I worry. And that worry seems somehow immune to my CBT and all the things I learned to cope with the HA I dealt with for years. I was wondering how those with diagnosed conditions they have to monitor deal with the known issues, and why, if someone knows, is it so hard to cope with actual, rational anxiety with the same techniques that worked so well for my HA?
I should say, this is not a long term worry, and does not lead me down a path I have a hard time crawling out of. This time tomorrow, I will have my results and will be getting on with my life, one way or another, and I am good with that. But in the meantime, I seem to be a ball of stress that does not respond to any of the previously successful techniques. Would love to hear from others if they have a solid way of dealing with scanxiety for known conditions.
All year long I can put it more or less out of my mind, no thoughts towards it. But the evening before my cage gets a bit rattled. The what-ifs course through the back of my mind. Of course I avoid google like the plague, and as I said, I have an excellent surgeon, and a great team. I am well cared for. But the anxiety--which may even be proportional to the situation more than health anxiety--threatens to take over. These are not situations I may have to deal with, I *will* have to deal with them at some point (well, maybe not the nodules, they have a great likelyhood of being benign) so it sort of rides this line between "what-ifs" and acceptance.
But for some reason, while I am relaxed about this most of the year, right before the scan I worry. And that worry seems somehow immune to my CBT and all the things I learned to cope with the HA I dealt with for years. I was wondering how those with diagnosed conditions they have to monitor deal with the known issues, and why, if someone knows, is it so hard to cope with actual, rational anxiety with the same techniques that worked so well for my HA?
I should say, this is not a long term worry, and does not lead me down a path I have a hard time crawling out of. This time tomorrow, I will have my results and will be getting on with my life, one way or another, and I am good with that. But in the meantime, I seem to be a ball of stress that does not respond to any of the previously successful techniques. Would love to hear from others if they have a solid way of dealing with scanxiety for known conditions.