anger of the past few days

[happyone]

I have for the past few days been experiencing some major anger.
I am unable to say what is right and what is not. I may think my anger is justified but it is so unusual for me to lose my cool, that it is difficult to say.
I am generally not an angry person, in fact, if anything, my anger 99% of the time gets turned inwards.
I am however aware that some of my anger of the past few days is symptomatic of a 'high' of my bipolar. A high that I have not experienced the likes of before.

Many of you will be aware that I had a quarrel with someone via the forum. I do not wish to discuss the rights and wrongs, as it was between me and one other individual.

I do wish however to say, that I have posted near on 2000 posts on this forum, and have to the best of my ability tried to support people. I have made some pretty good friends here too. NMP has literally been a lifeline for me.

Whether rightly or wrongly, I have upset someone and that makes me feel bad. I glean no pleasure from being the source of unhappiness in any individual.

So, I am not making excuses for myself, as I say ...rightly or wrongly...I don't want to discuss specifics. I am however prepared to accept that the anger I showed may have been a bit over reactive or certainly not worded in my usual more eloquent fashion.

I am not a bad person. I did not want to hurt anyone, or possibly I did at that moment in time, a reaction to hurt I was feeling myself. This makes me human, not bad. This is an action I would never ever normally take.

I have been very tempted to give in to a reflex action and say
'right! I am leaving NMP!' Some people may think this good, others will think bad.

I just want to point out, that I am not the sort of person who enjoys hurting others, I take no pleasure at all. But also to point out, that I too am human and I too feel pain.

This may sound gobbledegook, but I had to say something.

Happyone
xx

[Jimbo]

Happyone, :hugs:

I know you are going through a time of change at the moment, so from my point of view I understand.

Try not to feel bad about it. I hope the person will accept your heartfelt apology.

Like I mentioned on your thread, letting out anger can be a good feeling but it's not helpful to those around us when we do that. Maybe this anger is something you need to think about getting control of somehow?

Jim :hugs:

[honeybee3939]

Hi Happyone


I am not a bad person. your right there hun, so dont you be getting angry.:hugs:

You have helped many members here on NMP, your posts have always been very helpful to those who have needed advice and support. your a good un !:)


Have some hugs from me hun:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: and you keep smiling!!:)

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx

[Piglet]

:hugs:

Here if you need me - you know that.

Love Piglet :flowers:

[Gordon]

Happyone,

I myself went through the same thing last week. I have bipolar AND Borderline Personality Disorder and inappropriate feelings of anger have been a major thorn in my side since I was a teenager.

All we can do is try and patch things up with those we have directed our anger against, as soon as we calm down again.

I had anger management and it hasn't removed my anger although it DID lessen the frequency of my bad moods. I used to be in a rage almost every day it seemed, then from about 3 or 4 years ago I tend only to get into a rage maybe four or five times a month.

I've also found that aromatherapy is helping me to relax more. I came off meds as I had a bad reaction to them and I am using more alternative methods to keep me calm now such as the aforementioned aromatherapy plus listening to "chilled out" music.

We're all good people here. There's very few, if any, "troublemakers" - what creates these situations is the plain fact that when you get hundreds of people with varying problems in one place (whether it's online or real life) you are bound to get arguments and disagreements sometimes. It's human life and the only thing that can make it better is to do what I've started to do, which is stay away from others when I am in a bad mood.

This forum and chat IS the best one on the net. If you think the arguments here are bad you should have seen the BPD place I was a member of. Getting hundreds of people with BPD in one place at the same time is er...... lively! The words hell, all, break and loose spring to mind! Yes there are fall outs and arguments here, but they are reasonably tame to what I've experienced elsewhere.

The person you argued with is a good man and I'm sure with time the two of you will be able to work out your differences.

Take Care

Gordon XX

[happyone]

Jim hunny:hugs:
I have to make the point that I am not apologising. I am saying I realise my anger, or the extreme manner of it was possibly out of order. It is not so much what I said, but the manner in which I said it I feel to be not wholly correct. However, like I said earlier, I do not want to go into specifics.
I do have you to thank though for making me realise that my anger was maybe not being channeled corectly. Jim, thank you for your honest post on my thread. I am pleased that you were so honest with me hun. That is sign of a true friend:hugs: one who can be honest with you about your shortcomings as well as your good points.

My problem is, I direct so much anger at myself that when it comes out, it comes out in an explosion. But because I spend so much time trying not to let it out in an explosion, I end up keeping quiet, so I get more angry....chicken and egg. Or because I got angry, I apologise when I was actually ok in the first place:wacko: I have always felt that when a person starts shouting, that they lose the argument right away as no one listens. I have spent a lot of time and energy trying not to do that....but there has to be some middle ground somewhere eh?

However, I am master of my own making. I do not blame anyone for my anger but myself. I cannot or will not be responsible for any actions adults take and I cannot expect them to be responsible for me.

Thank you for those who know me and know that I am not generally such an angry person.

I agree Gordon that this site is second to none. I use 3 forums and this one is the friendliest by far. I have been fortunate to not really have had any dealings with bother so far.

Getting hundreds of people with BPD in one place at the same time is er...... lively! The words hell, all, break and loose spring to mind!you did make me chuckle!

happyone
xx

[jill]

Hi Happyone :hugs:

I am soooo sorry to hear that the last few days you have been experiencing major anger, my heart goes out to you hun :hugs:

When you feel tired, ill, fed up and held back by your condition you are bound to feel angry. One of the main causes of true anger is actually sadness. Think back to a situation that has made you feel anger, if you dissect that event you might find that the true reason for feeling so angry was a feeling of sadness. Aggression is a normal reaction to fear also, the fight or flight response prepares us to either run or fight, sometimes to fight may seem to be the best response.


****Whether rightly or wrongly, I have upset someone and that makes me feel bad. I glean no pleasure from being the source of unhappiness in any individual****

Happyone, I have followed most of your threads and replies to threads and it seems to me, that is noooo way, would you knowing hurt someone.

Is it not possible to talk to this person. I read the thread and could see that neither one of you DID NOT mean to hurt each other, YOU ARE BOTH SPECIEAL, kind caring people.:hugs:

If you both could have a little chat, you both must be feeling sad and angry, right now, this will lift your saddnes in turn, lift your anger, for both of you.

Time IS a great healer, talking things over helps lots too.

I myself have fears of saying the wrong thing on the fourms, I have days when I can post on threads and days when my negative thinking takes over. I myself are the same as you. I would NEVER knowing hurt anyone, but Sometimes Mrs anxiety gets in the way :lac: (ohhh working on this all the time)

Hehe, battling with it now, should I submit, or should I delet, :lac: mmmmm

You take care hun :hugs: :hugs:

LOVE JILLXXX

[happyone]

Thank you Jill, your reply means a lot:hugs:
It makes a lot of sense too. I am now beginning to see why I was maybe so angry.:ohmy:
happyone
xx

[Piglet]

I have always felt that when a person starts shouting, that they lose the argument right away as no one listens.

Spot on hun! :hugs:


I have spent a lot of time and energy trying not to do that....but there has to be some middle ground somewhere eh?

There is and I would say you do a pretty good job of finding it and regulating it yourself.


Thank you for those who know me and know that I am not generally such an angry person.

I have never known you to be anything other than sensitive, kind and caring.

I feel it was all abit unfortunate and one of those cases where the wires got all abit crossed.

Try and put it behind you now hun.

Love Piglet :flowers:

[happyone]

Thanks Piglet hun:hugs:

I am trying, but I am in a very strange place just now.
I really need my mega early nights for a few days to get me back on my usual path.

happyone
xx

[Quirky]

I have never known you to be anything other than sensitive, kind and caring.


Yes I totally agree with that mate. You would never do anything to hurt anyone and anything you do say is only ever meant to help people, I know that :hugs:

You're a great perosn that is having a hard time right now and you never strike me as an angry person at all.

Lisa x

[happyone]

Thanks folks. I am not going to post anymore here.(this thread, not the forum) I just needed to get that out.

happyone
xx