beauty
16-08-07, 12:39
Its nothing major but i wanted to tell people about a moment of 'panic-freedom' i experienced on saturday. I've only been in this phase of panic for a few weeks however it has become quite intense.
Anyway on sat i went out for my 21st birthday with all my friends, the meal in my eyes was horrendous..well thats a slight exageration but i just didnt like it, i didnt feel like i could eat and the more it went on i felt panicky and kept going out with my friend helen while she had a cigarette. The bar we went in was as bad, it wasnt even that busy but i felt really uncomfortable and edgy like i wanted to get out. I felt gutted cos i usually have a great time and i really wanted to enjoy my birthday :mad: Then we went on to the club, by now i just wanted to go home but knew i couldnt cos that would just look rude. So we went in the club which i normally would love and i felt HORRIBLE!! It was really busy and hot, argh! My friends all wanted to dance and we did but i kept having to stop, i just felt weird and out of control. I didnt even drink anything so it wasnt like i was drunk. Anyway i was propper pushing myself to be ok, then i kind of gave up and sat down accepting that the night was ruined. A few minutes later my friend came over and said we should dance and i remember thinking 'well what the heck im going home soon anyway' and we danced and didnt stop till 3am, we all had such a great time and i felt totally normal again like i had lost my worries for a few hours!
Anyway the reason im telling this (probably quite boring) story is because i feel i have learnt something from it, and that is that if you pressure yourself too much thinking 'i will have an amazing night and not feel any panic etc' it can actually make you worse! It was the moment i thought, 'o well im paniking on my birthday night out' and actually accepted it instead of fighting it, that i finally enjoyed myself.
Im not saying that no-one should encourage themselves thinking 'I am fine, i will be ok', all i mean is its good to accept that you probably will panic in certain situations and expect that but remind youself that you will cope with it and get round it, like we always do! :)
Sorry if this didnt make any sense to readers, but i felt the need to share!!:flowers:
Anyway on sat i went out for my 21st birthday with all my friends, the meal in my eyes was horrendous..well thats a slight exageration but i just didnt like it, i didnt feel like i could eat and the more it went on i felt panicky and kept going out with my friend helen while she had a cigarette. The bar we went in was as bad, it wasnt even that busy but i felt really uncomfortable and edgy like i wanted to get out. I felt gutted cos i usually have a great time and i really wanted to enjoy my birthday :mad: Then we went on to the club, by now i just wanted to go home but knew i couldnt cos that would just look rude. So we went in the club which i normally would love and i felt HORRIBLE!! It was really busy and hot, argh! My friends all wanted to dance and we did but i kept having to stop, i just felt weird and out of control. I didnt even drink anything so it wasnt like i was drunk. Anyway i was propper pushing myself to be ok, then i kind of gave up and sat down accepting that the night was ruined. A few minutes later my friend came over and said we should dance and i remember thinking 'well what the heck im going home soon anyway' and we danced and didnt stop till 3am, we all had such a great time and i felt totally normal again like i had lost my worries for a few hours!
Anyway the reason im telling this (probably quite boring) story is because i feel i have learnt something from it, and that is that if you pressure yourself too much thinking 'i will have an amazing night and not feel any panic etc' it can actually make you worse! It was the moment i thought, 'o well im paniking on my birthday night out' and actually accepted it instead of fighting it, that i finally enjoyed myself.
Im not saying that no-one should encourage themselves thinking 'I am fine, i will be ok', all i mean is its good to accept that you probably will panic in certain situations and expect that but remind youself that you will cope with it and get round it, like we always do! :)
Sorry if this didnt make any sense to readers, but i felt the need to share!!:flowers: