tech3545
26-08-18, 23:22
6First of all id like to say how greatful I am for this site. To begin I'm a chronic worrier, always have been. Have GAD. I'm in a really bad place and feel pretty hopeless. Ive had so many symptoms, about 4-5 weeks ago had a spiral from a brain tumor health anxiety episode and have been stuck in an obssesive bout since then. Its evolved and isnt as severe but its still almost consant. At this point it really just feels like the end of the world. I just wish I could go back in time to when I eas happy so bad :( anyways I'm really concerned about myself but there's nothing I can do about it. My doctor just brushed me off and my mom wont let me go to therapy. I constantly feel like theres something wrong and I'm dealing with obsessive thoughts and ruminating on this feeling of impending doom that I'm able to bring upon myself its hard to explain but nobody can relate and I just feel alone. I also have had such a varying feeling of unwellness.. Sometimes I feel ok, Sometimes I feel weak, sometimes I feel malaise, constant shaky off and on weakness and drowsy craving carbs, checked my blood sugar and every time its fine. I have a pretty bad brain fog and short term memory most the time, just feel out of it and not myself, and ill. Dont know what to do. Im depressed amd just constantly obsessing. And theres so many possibilities of what could be wrong with me, I just don't know. Ive always diagnosed myself with stuff so Idk... But this has been happening for 4-5 weeks like I said and I haven't even really hadwhat id call a panic attack in a while. I just feel like im dying. I feel like I'm gong crazy too. Just don't feel like myself. Anyways all my symptoms ive been having are pretty much all found on my previous posts... Feel like I'm gonna lose it and end up in psychosis from constant anxiety, and just being so out of it all the time, obsessing over lymph nodes which I have found quite alot of hard ones), and what happens in my mind, obsessing over and judging my thoughts and feelings, etc. my life recently just feels like flashes of time, just been so out of it and constantly in my head. I had a similar obsessive bout with skepticism a couple years ago and I don't know which is worse, buy I seriously think its this mainly because I don't know what the hell is happening. Its constant thinking and thinking and thinking I'm even worried about being worried. Now my mom will absolutely not let me go seek help for whatever reason, and she won't even listen to me so I'm just supposed to suffer?! And I personally think she needs help more than me though, shes paranoid and delusional as of recently, its a hell to be around. I feel like id be in a much better place if I could just talk to a professional. I'm practically begging for help... I'm only 15, i dont wanna live like this forever. I just want my life back to the way it was. Thanks for listening.