haribo
17-08-07, 02:32
hello,
i have been having crazy thoughts going through my head since i was around twelve, it started with thoughts of death and always thinking that something was going to happen to me wether it was meningitus or a tumor cancer HIV anything, i would start to feel dizzy with numbness rising from my feet and i would feel like i was losing control. There would be days where i would work myself into a panic so much that i would find that i was really ill. I always blamed the feelings on my personal life as my mum and dad got divorced and there was a certain amount of psycological abuse form my father. Then i was sexually assulted at the age of 15 and this started to cause fear of being attacked by people and things happening to me like car crashes of the feeling of gravity vanishing and only me being sucked into space.
then when i left school and got a job and stopped seeing my dad so much these feelings and fears disappeared and i seemed to be having fun and never really thinking these strange thoughts. i went to university and was having a super time.
then i started to get the feeling of death and dying again and feeling that something terrible was going to happen to me, it was always one disease at a time and these diseases would take a rotating pattern. i went to seak help and took some councilling sessions at university only 6 as i was finishing and it was free at university and i couldn't afford to pay privatly. The contact with my dad was reduced and eventually stopped as a result of some of the issues at councilling.
the pannic attacks still continued though, and the only way that i can stop them is to distract myself, eventually imoved to Japan to travel.
Now i find that i obsess over everything and i have been to see every doctor that i can to check out every ache and pain, heart trouble, skin specialists, ear nose and throat specialists, anything you can think of.
Everyday there is something wrong, i have a headache, cysititis, thrush, pains, ear ache, feels like electricity is in my brain, practically everything mentioned in this site.
today i had to leave work as i worked my self up to such a panic that i could not teach my students as all i could think about was how dizzy i felt and that i was going to die by a sudden heart attack.
I left work and could not stop crying i really really need help and i really have no where to turn as i live in Japan and i can't speak Japanese
if anyone has any ideas please please please help!!!
i have been having crazy thoughts going through my head since i was around twelve, it started with thoughts of death and always thinking that something was going to happen to me wether it was meningitus or a tumor cancer HIV anything, i would start to feel dizzy with numbness rising from my feet and i would feel like i was losing control. There would be days where i would work myself into a panic so much that i would find that i was really ill. I always blamed the feelings on my personal life as my mum and dad got divorced and there was a certain amount of psycological abuse form my father. Then i was sexually assulted at the age of 15 and this started to cause fear of being attacked by people and things happening to me like car crashes of the feeling of gravity vanishing and only me being sucked into space.
then when i left school and got a job and stopped seeing my dad so much these feelings and fears disappeared and i seemed to be having fun and never really thinking these strange thoughts. i went to university and was having a super time.
then i started to get the feeling of death and dying again and feeling that something terrible was going to happen to me, it was always one disease at a time and these diseases would take a rotating pattern. i went to seak help and took some councilling sessions at university only 6 as i was finishing and it was free at university and i couldn't afford to pay privatly. The contact with my dad was reduced and eventually stopped as a result of some of the issues at councilling.
the pannic attacks still continued though, and the only way that i can stop them is to distract myself, eventually imoved to Japan to travel.
Now i find that i obsess over everything and i have been to see every doctor that i can to check out every ache and pain, heart trouble, skin specialists, ear nose and throat specialists, anything you can think of.
Everyday there is something wrong, i have a headache, cysititis, thrush, pains, ear ache, feels like electricity is in my brain, practically everything mentioned in this site.
today i had to leave work as i worked my self up to such a panic that i could not teach my students as all i could think about was how dizzy i felt and that i was going to die by a sudden heart attack.
I left work and could not stop crying i really really need help and i really have no where to turn as i live in Japan and i can't speak Japanese
if anyone has any ideas please please please help!!!