View Full Version : i need help really badly
I have lost control really badly. I nbeed help and no one is here. I have just sone something really bad, i have hurt someone,.
I phoned mental health team waiting for them to get back cant get hubby or mothrr.
I need to ne locked away. I really reaslly need to be locked away. Waht i have done is unforgivable. I just need to talk and keep busy so I can t see the hurt in her eyes.
I have taken as many chillpills as I can take without losing consciousness they areniot even touching me.
I think i have really done it this time.
happy
Paddington
17-08-07, 10:21
hey hun..do you want to phone me hun..i can pm you my number or go to face book hun i will go there now and we can talk.Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Paddington
17-08-07, 10:32
i have gone to face book and you are not replying hun...let me know what you need hun..worried for you :hugs: :hugs: paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hun like Paddie I've gone to facebook too to see if I could find you.
I will try and stay logged onto both here and on there so you can find me.
Love Piglet :flowers:
soory follks
menatl health team coning. I will post later. I am ok.
happpy
Paddington
17-08-07, 11:49
oooh thanks for letting us know hun..so worried for you hun:hugs: :hugs: Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you so much for popping back on to let us know hun.:hugs:
Catch you later.
Love Piglet :flowers:
Let us know how you get on , I too am worried about you.
you will be fine and remember you knew what you did was wrong which is good. :hugs:
Hi mate,
I have sent you a pm. Really hope you're ok :hugs:
Lisa x
Paddington
17-08-07, 12:07
just to say Happyone is in good hands as the mental health team has arrived:) Lovely to speak with you Happy one:hugs: isnt this forum wonderful..and i love the fact you thought i was from London..when as i said i am a midlander and the acent is usually unmissable..lol..be safe and well hun..Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
groovygranny
17-08-07, 12:33
http://www.griffy2k.com/images/positiveVibes2.gif
XXX:hugs::hugs:XXX
Sending you lots and lots of :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: rapped wit love, Courage, strength and lots of positive vibes to help you get through this.
THINKING OF YOU :hugs:
LOVE JILLXX
Dying_Swan
17-08-07, 12:42
Happyone.
I don't know what has happened but I do hope it is all going to work out ok for you. Glad the Mental Health Team are with you.
Thinking of you :hugs::hugs::hugs:
xxx
Thinking of you at what is obviously a difficult time Happyone
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Oh Happyone
Lots of prayers and positive thoughts for you at this time.
Love Lilibet x x
Thanks for letting us know Paddie and for being there for Happyone when you've got problems yourself :hugs:
Lisa x
sorry peeps
i have not read all replies. I am very sedated just nor.
Want to you to know I am ok as is the person I hurt.
mental health team cam e and they thikn I am having withdrawal symptoms. Med been doubled and sedative given for weekend.
Will come back later. thankl you all.
Happyone
xx
Thanks for posting and letting us know you are ok :hugs:
Have a good rest mate.
Lisa x
Thanks darlin. :hugs:
Love Piglet :flowers:
DEAR hAPPYONE
GLAD YOU HAVE LET US KNOW YOU ARE OK.
GET SOME REST IF YOU CAN.
LOVE LILIBET X
honeybee3939
17-08-07, 14:17
Sending you hugs happyone :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx
Sending you more hugs Happyone :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers:
Thinking of you:hugs:
TAKE CARE:hugs:
LOVE JILLXXX
Happyone,
weve not spoke on here before, im quite new to the board, but iv been watching this thread while at work and am very relieved to hear your ok. Im sure there is a very rational explanation for what you did - ie the withdrawal symptoms.
Loads of love and big hugs xxx
Hope you are having a good rest. Wishing you all the best and hope you will be feeling better soon.xx
Big hugs happyone. thinking of you :hugs: x
Oh hun, :hugs:
Sounds like you are having a rough time. Thinking of you.
Jim :hugs:
(((Hugs))) Happyone. Thinking of you :hugs:
Karen xx
Glad you're ok Happyone,
You sound as if you have very similar problems to mine so if you'd ever like to chat then please feel free to send me a message.
I don't have a mental health team at the moment as a while back I lost it with my CPN big time and they refused to see me anymore :(
I've had to get my MP on the case and everything and I'm now waiting to go back for a new assessment and hopefully I can see a different CPN.
I won't name names or go into too many details but basically people are paid to help me with my anger and when I lose my temper they just tell me to get lost and refuse to deal with me :(
Doesn't help being 6 foot 4 and a big strong bloke...... From their point of view they probably think that I was going to trash the place or something...... Still I've calmed down a bit since a few years ago and I hope I can have another go at getting help. After all I AM entitled to it.
Take Care
Gordon XX
A big massive Irish hug for our Happy :bighug1: xxx
Thank you all.
I am much better just now, just kinda flat.
This morning I lost my temper and I hit someone I love very much. I do not hit people, I am not violent and I abhor violence of any kind.
I did not have my usual build up of anger. My on/off switch appeared to be faulty. I literally went from being a calm happy person to one who hit someone. The anger did not leave me immediately, it festered and grew within me for a few more minutes until I realised
FFS what have I done? The negative feelings then directed towards myself. My anger was then turned inwards. I tried to phone hubby and mum to no avail. I phoned the mental health team with the intention of asking them to lock me up. As far as I was concerned, I had commited the unforgiveable.
when I came on here, I looked not for forgiveness of my acts, but something, anything, to make me stay where I was as I so wanted to go.
The therapist phoned me and I felt calmer. I trusted her and I knew she would believe me that what I had done was not my usual behaviour. She told me (after speaking to shrink) to take more meds.
The thoughts that went through my mind are best left to the imagination.
To cut a long story short, a doctor and nurse from the local psych hospital came to see me and I think decided I wasn't a danger to myself or others. My remorse showed that I knew I had done wrong, but I could not, or will not I think, ever forgive myself for this.
Paddie thank you for phoning. I am not sure why I thought you were a Londoner:shrug: My meds were working even then cos when the doc and nurse were here, I couldn't make out what they were saying and I was having to speak really slowly in order not to slur. Thank you so much for caring enough:hugs:
I do not understand how violence can be a part of peoples lives. It made me feel sick and disgusting.
I am still a bit spaced out. I have gone from having 50mg of meds to 400mg in a matter of a few days. Plus a sedative on top of that.
Heres hoping I will get better soon eh?
thank you all. Thank you Gordon for your long reply. I hope things work out for you.
I am going to try to get round to answering all my usual posts but it might take me some time.
Happyone
xx
:bighug1:
I am sorry to hear that things have taken a turn for the worse today. One thing to keep in mind is that this is your illness causing this anger. It's not you. So you cannot blame or have to forgive yourself for it.
It seems things have gone downhill after coming off the AD's. Are you going to be seeing the shrink again next week?
Jim :hugs:
Under~The~Stars
17-08-07, 19:45
Just texted you sweetheart :hugs:
As I said in the text you realised you were not right, and you done well to ask for help. Please do take some comfort in knowing that your behaviour was so out of character, and it was your illness, NOT you.
I will always stand by the fact that your friends and family can help you more than any professional, stay with us :hugs:
Just you take care ok? Will text you later before you head off to bed :hugs:
I really care about you hunny, and I don't think of you any differently because of this.
Lou xxx
I am seeing shrink on thurs. CMHT doc and nurse are coming to see me on Monday.
Happyone
xx
Hi Happyone
I'm glad you got some help and support.
Paddie - you truly are a kind and truly amazing person hun :hugs:
Don't worry Happyone about posting everywhere else. Just concentrate on looking after you.
I hope you are feeling better soon :hugs:
Karen xx
Thanks Karen
and you are right about paddie, she is a special un!
I am getting better as the evening wears on. Time to take more meds tho as the sadness is creeping in again. I know I need to face it, but not tonight. I want to sleep and waken in a new dimension where things are the same, but different. It will be a dimension of my creation! If only eh?
happyone
xx
honeybee3939
17-08-07, 20:42
Hi Happyone
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Glad you are feeling a little better this evening hun, sorry you have had such a hard day:flowers:
love and hugs
Andrea
xxxxx
Thanks Andrea,
Thank you everyone...NMP just for being here.
The past few days have been so emotional. In 20 20 hindsight, maybe I should never have changed meds, but I wasn't to know that this would come. Also, I changed for good reason, the anti d's were not giving me consistency.
I may be on a rocky road for a while yet as the meds I am on at mo are not really the best and I don't see them helping if they are going to dope me up.
Thank you all ever so much. You are a wonderful tolerant bunch. I often feel guilty as when I first came here anx was the prevailing prob. As it became clear that a depressive illness was more of a prob, you all stuck by me.
I am not quite the 'criteria' sometimes I feel for here, NMP, but yet you all find time out of your own problems to care a bit about me.
I use 2 other mental health forums, but they are nowhere near as good for me as here. This feels like 'home' Maybe it is sad of me to say so but it is true.
When I feel happy, I want to share it with here.
when I am sad, you are happy to share with me.
Thank you. Most sincerely
Happyone
xxx
.....and we'll all try and be here till you feel better and even then we'll still be here.
Night night hun.:hugs:
Love Piglet :flowers:
Piglet hunny,
I am that way where tears come easily to the eye. They came there, but that is not bad. Strangely it feels good to be 'in touch' with emotions.
Thanx hun.
I WILL be ok. I will be HAPPYone.
knowing you lot are with me makes it easier.:hugs: I would never have believed I could feel so much for people I have never met.:hugs: :hugs:
thank you and nite nite
xxxx
I would never have believed I could feel so much for people I have never met.
Yes I totally understand that, I feel the same and I have never met any of you and some I don't even know what you look like. It's amazing how we all share this special bond just through cyberspace. In a whole lifetime it's hard to meet this many special people yet on here I have met several in a matter of a couple of years. In some ways it's even better than real life friendships in that I can say things on here I'd probably not say to people in real life sometimes. I like the close friendships but then again I also like the anonimity too - if that makes any sense :wacko:
Anyway mate it's been a tough day for you and I hope you get some good sleep tonight and feel better tomorrow. Have a nice relaxing resful weekend if you can. Today was not you, it was due to the meds withdrawal or the illness but you have to forgive yourself and move on. Not easy I know but many people without your problems have lashed out in anger and hit someone mate so please don't be hard on yourself. You're a lovely, kind, gentle person, anyone can see that :hugs: This will get better for you and we'll all be here to help you through :hugs:
Take care,
Lisa x
Hi mate, how are you doing today?
You have several threads on the go so I didn't know where to post today lol so decided I'd post here.
Anyway hope you're doing ok :hugs:
Lisa x
Hi hun
I am fine. bit flat (i think that is the idea of mood stabilisers?) but fine.
I don't know where I am posting myself just now.:wacko: I will probably start a new one in a couple of days when I feel more positive.
Thanks hun
xx
:hugs: HAPPY :hugs: XXXXX
hope you are on the mend hun
tc bellxxx
Southern_Belle
18-08-07, 17:41
:bighug1: HappyOne. Do not be so hard on yourself. I know how difficult it is to change meds. It is too soon to tell if this is the correct one for you. I'm so proud of you that you called for assistance. Hang in there and we are here for you. Hoping for brighter days for you.
Love,
Laura
Thank you everyone.:hugs:
I have spent a very therapeutic day tidying my bedroom. A real spring clean.
We got an en suite fitted not so long ago and it is not finished, but there was still lots of mess. I tidied up everything that was to do with the on going work and placed it in the shower (as we can't use it yet!)
I had paint specks to clean off the floor and skirting etc so I have done it all and the bedroom is looking lovely:yesyes:
I hung my canvas up and I like it! Stereotypical creative bipolar:wacko: However, I have had an idea for another one, so going to do another one soon and move the present one.
I have spent a lot of time thinking today about my situation. I have been quite down at the thought of having to take meds etc etc but like you say Laura, it is too early to tell if these are ok. I WILL get the right balance and I WILL get better.
It is a shame in a way that I wanted to change anti depressants but then again there is no point crying over spilt milk:weep:
I also thought about the positives that being ill has for me (I know this is weird but I am trying to do the every cloud has a silver lining bit)
I have had to learn to relax. I now have my meditation and relaxation usually daily.
I have realised that I need time for 'me' and started taking that time
I have begun to socialise a bit more with friends of 'mine' not just family friends or hubby's friends.
I found you guys:hugs:
I am going out tonight with a friend os hubby's (and mine!) and as I have now had a sleep, I am looking forward to that.
Love ya all (yes....I am sober!!!)
happyone
xxx
honeybee3939
18-08-07, 18:36
Hi Happyone
Hope you have a lovely evening with your friends:) , you go and enjoy yourself hun, will do you the world of good.:hugs:
Hugs
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx
Have a lovely evening hun. :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Sounds like a productive day mate.
I hope you've had a lovely evening.
:hugs:
Lisa x
Hope you had a lovely evening Happyone :hugs:
Karen xx
Hi
im so sorry you are going through this difficult time and i wish there was something I could do to help.
((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS AND LOTS OF LOVE))))))))))))))))
NESSXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX:hug s: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Paddington
28-08-07, 19:05
Hi Hun..soooo glad your situation turned out much better for you hun:hugs: i hope you had a wonderful time with your firend [ FIRE END..OOH THAT SOUNDS PAINFUL:blush: ]I MEANT FRIEND too:D I feelthe same as you hun..that this place is like an extended family..we are all sisters and brothers under the skin on here:yesyes: Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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