View Full Version : Being selfish with health anxiety and trying to fix that
LouiseAndy
31-08-18, 23:41
I, have been very selfish lately with my health anxiety. I've let it over-spill into area's of life I shouldn't of had. Hearing about other people's tragic event's made me worry about myself. Which was just wrong! I've been so self-centered about myself. Worrying about every headache, every bodily pain or strange feeling, about a heart attack, blood clots, every cancer or something under the sun. Which is been so unfair of me.
A few days ago I made a very selfish comment on one of my post and some user did point that out. It was true. So I've been doing my best to make the start of a positive change- just to say. I'm not saying this to try and like "make me look better" or something. It's to show how my own anxiety has effect those around me and how they should have better.
I've booked my Mam and sister a special weekend. They deserve to have something special after how much they have put up with me. Me worrying about every little thing spill into their own lives time and time again. Which isn't right or fair of me. I'm going to try and be a better daughter and sister. They have events they been to be helped with. It can't be, me, me me all the time.
My friends, god they have put up with so much from me. I have spoken to/seen a few of them over the last few days. I've give everything to just listen to them. To their joys and negatives not once taking any chance to mention any health worries even when one tried to start the convo about it. I need to be a better friend to them, because they have been so good to me. They don't need to hear about all the time when they have their own issues to bear and carry.
My boyfriend, god, he has done so much for me. I've done so little. I have to do so much work there. I don't deserve someone so understanding.
Basically there's so many other ways I have been so selfish. That I've let this need to find something to be wrong with me. Chasing it and chasing it. Has effect everyone around me and I'm so lucky to still have them. So I have to make myself better for me. So I can be a better person for all of these people.
That all sounds very positive Louise, good on you :)
Lovely post!
And so true HA is hideously selfish. It’s - perhaps- the thing I hate most about it
This is a very honest and brave post, Louise. It's so important to think how others are affected by our HA.
This is totally me, fixated on something for so long yet everyone tells me my fears are irrational, yet I still convince myself I am doomed for the future. It pains me seeing how it affects my parents, my friends, they see me cry everyday and how I stopped eating well and all that.. i see their faces, my parents look drained and tired because of me, my sister cried because she’s afraid that i will do something stupid. It’s just too much, I am too selfish to be dwelling on thoughts like this, HA is such a b*tch and no one can help me apart from myself. I am so lucky people on here have tried so many times to convince me I am alright, yet I am still so arrogant and so deep in my HA thoughts. So i totally relate to this post, I’ve harmed so many people with my emotions, and I am selfish for harming myself like that.. I hope one day, one day I can step out of this dark hole, even just for awhile...
I wish u all the best!!
Why not make a start today, Ismich? No time like the present.
Good to know that Louise's post is helping others see that HA is not just all about them. Maybe it should be made a sticky? Just a suggestion.
Why not make a start today, Ismich? No time like the present.
Good to know that Louise's post is helping others see that HA is not just all about them. Maybe it should be made a sticky? Just a suggestion.
I agree this would make a good sticky. I think it is under recognised, how we affect those around us
I agree this would make a good sticky. I think it is under recognised, how we affect those around us
I think you have to want to recover to take this on board.
LouiseAndy
02-09-18, 21:45
Oh wow! I've only just gotten the chance to read this now. To be honest I wasn't expecting such a postive reply! I wrote it in a moment of pure anger at myself and pushing for a change in life. Like it wasn't just health anixety (oh don't get me wrong it's a big issues but I have others to deal with it as). It was like I was so busy worrying about the health I didn't actually... Deal with issues I had to deal with.
Like do I still get moments of freaking out and panicking like "oh my god, oh my god!! This is it". I'm doing my best though to push on from those moments. I'm trying to fill my time with real friendship talks and meaningful actions rather then "is this... A heart attack... Is this some rare/or well known... Cancer.. Tumor.." etc. It's not easy! It's been only a few days since this trying to have a mind chance but I'm doing my best!!
@im48 @Jojo2316 @Pulisa: thank you all for taking the time to reply!! It's true, health anixety is totally selfish. Not just in my family and friends. To people suffering with these illness. Like the last thing that set me off, wasn't fair to the girl actually suffering with it. It's her story not mine. I'm doing my best to put postive engery out. Not worrying as much about everything! Which can be hard at times. Very hard.
@iscmich: oh hun! I'm sorry, I know the feeling extacly. I think it's important to put that feeling of frustration and trying to use it to make a postive change. I hope you mange to get everything under control. We can do this. We will be the best version of ourselves. Because it does matter to be better for the people around us but also to be the best person we can be for ourselves ❤️❤️
Thank you to everyone who's read/replied to this!
HullSimplibus
02-09-18, 22:06
I, have been very selfish lately with my health anxiety. I've let it over-spill into area's of life I shouldn't of had. Hearing about other people's tragic event's made me worry about myself. Which was just wrong! I've been so self-centered about myself. Worrying about every headache, every bodily pain or strange feeling, about a heart attack, blood clots, every cancer or something under the sun. Which is been so unfair of me.
A few days ago I made a very selfish comment on one of my post and some user did point that out. It was true. So I've been doing my best to make the start of a positive change- just to say. I'm not saying this to try and like "make me look better" or something. It's to show how my own anxiety has effect those around me and how they should have better.
I've booked my Mam and sister a special weekend. They deserve to have something special after how much they have put up with me. Me worrying about every little thing spill into their own lives time and time again. Which isn't right or fair of me. I'm going to try and be a better daughter and sister. They have events they been to be helped with. It can't be, me, me me all the time.
My friends, god they have put up with so much from me. I have spoken to/seen a few of them over the last few days. I've give everything to just listen to them. To their joys and negatives not once taking any chance to mention any health worries even when one tried to start the convo about it. I need to be a better friend to them, because they have been so good to me. They don't need to hear about all the time when they have their own issues to bear and carry.
My boyfriend, god, he has done so much for me. I've done so little. I have to do so much work there. I don't deserve someone so understanding.
Basically there's so many other ways I have been so selfish. That I've let this need to find something to be wrong with me. Chasing it and chasing it. Has effect everyone around me and I'm so lucky to still have them. So I have to make myself better for me. So I can be a better person for all of these people.
You have remorse. It shows that you are in fact not a bad person. Do not think that you are bad at all.
When you have anxiety, it is hard sometimes to *NOT* be selfish. It takes up a lot of space in your mind and you can't think that well, therefore your thought of other people may not show. I've been there and done that, and been called selfish for it multiple times.
I think you should find a way to fight your anxiety. Talk to someone you know about it. Explain your worry about selfishness. I am sure they will listen.:hugs:
I would just like to clarify that I don’t personally think HA is by default selfish. I think our behaviour can ofcourse at times come across that way because by the nature of the illness we are preoccupied with our worries and as they are to do with our health this is obviously self-focused. However I don’t really like the word selfish as it has unpleasent connotations for me. I think if your HA becomes a platform to hurt or disrespect others with anxiety as a excuse then fair enough. But I don’t think selfishness and HA are mutually exclusive. You can have your own demons but still show concern for others as far as I am concerned.
LouiseAndy
02-09-18, 23:26
@Hullsimplibus Thank you for taking the time to reply! I do go to therapy and I'm trying to work through a number of issues! It can be difficult as trying to work on one issue means working on several at a time! I hope you're doing okay yourself! :hugs:
@IM48, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like I was trying to speak on Health anxiety and how it effects everyone with their own relationships. I was mainly speaking of my own personal insight into it. Like I do have very supportive family and friendships but I was become near toxic myself with the way I would turn every type of convo into something about that. Then maybe some other issues they wanted to talk about. Like I have other issues that are probably more pressing then this. That's the subject they would want to discus but I kept pushing my own agenda. So I don't think either health anxiety is at a default selfish, it's just how I was handling things and my relationships with people it was turning that way.
Once again, I am sorry if it sounded like I was trying to talk for everyone. I was talking about my own behavior. I didn't mean to upset anyone! Or have someone think I was speaking in general. I was just feed up of my own actions and trying to make things more positive for myself and the other around me.
I would just like to clarify that I don’t personally think HA is by default selfish. I think our behaviour can ofcourse at times come across that way because by the nature of the illness we are preoccupied with our worries and as they are to do with our health this is obviously self-focused. However I don’t really like the word selfish as it has unpleasent connotations for me. I think if your HA becomes a platform to hurt or disrespect others with anxiety as a excuse then fair enough. But I don’t think selfishness and HA are mutually exclusive. You can have your own demons but still show concern for others as far as I am concerned.
Oh I agree and you certainly do, lm48. I do think it's appropriate and helpful to have the benefit of Louise's appraisal of how her own HA affects her and the way she interacts with others around her because it can be a common theme with some people. Some but definitely not all . I think Louise's post is a very positive one because she sees what is happening and wants to take control of her HA in order to make things better for her and for her friends and family..and she will!
@IM48, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like I was trying to speak on Health anxiety and how it effects everyone with their own relationships. I was mainly speaking of my own personal insight into it. Like I do have very supportive family and friendships but I was become near toxic myself with the way I would turn every type of convo into something about that. Then maybe some other issues they wanted to talk about. Like I have other issues that are probably more pressing then this. That's the subject they would want to discus but I kept pushing my own agenda. So I don't think either health anxiety is at a default selfish, it's just how I was handling things and my relationships with people it was turning that way.
Once again, I am sorry if it sounded like I was trying to talk for everyone. I was talking about my own behavior. I didn't mean to upset anyone! Or have someone think I was speaking in general. I was just feed up of my own actions and trying to make things more positive for myself and the other around me.
Oh absolutely no apology necessary Louise! I'm sorry if that is how my post came across. I didn't take any offence at all to your post, I think it's wonderfully positive and really great for you that you are starting to learn some things about your anxiety and how it may affect others. I'm sure I could benefit from a touch of it too :) I was just speaking from my personal viewpoint as like you say, I didn't want others to think I thought they were selfish for having HA. :hugs:
---------- Post added at 12:41 ---------- Previous post was at 12:40 ----------
Oh I agree and you certainly do, lm48. I do think it's appropriate and helpful to have the benefit of Louise's appraisal of how her own HA affects her and the way she interacts with others around her because it can be a common theme with some people. Some but definitely not all . I think Louise's post is a very positive one because she sees what is happening and wants to take control of her HA in order to make things better for her and for her friends and family..and she will!
Yes I definitely agree. I didn't mean to come across that I was knocking Louise's post at all, I think it's very positive as I had mentioned previously. I just didn't want anyone new to the thread to think I was calling them selfish for having HA that's all :hugs:
LouiseAndy
04-09-18, 01:50
Sorry! I never wanted to upset anyone and have them think I was personally calling them selfish. I'd personally say that to everyone if I had to. You're struggle is your own and to your own life! I just think in myself I was acting selfishly with how I handle my own health anxiety/other issues. So! Trying not to like shade anyone! Or upset them by saying this whole thing is selfish. It's hard and I know that!
@IM48 I'm sorry- it's you know sometimes when things are written instead of spoken you're worried about how they may come across! So I was worried about the way I worded it may have upset someone! When I never meant too. I've seen you comment on a lot of people posts, you seem so lovely and nice! I hope you're doing well! :D
@Pulisa, I'm really trying to stick to this change and do the most positive things possible. Like I had a few small bad moments today, but I manged to gather myself up and carry on without dwelling on it to much! It's sometimes a long road but it's going to be wroth it!
Sorry! I never wanted to upset anyone and have them think I was personally calling them selfish. I'd personally say that to everyone if I had to. You're struggle is your own and to your own life! I just think in myself I was acting selfishly with how I handle my own health anxiety/other issues. So! Trying not to like shade anyone! Or upset them by saying this whole thing is selfish. It's hard and I know that!
@IM48 I'm sorry- it's you know sometimes when things are written instead of spoken you're worried about how they may come across! So I was worried about the way I worded it may have upset someone! When I never meant too. I've seen you comment on a lot of people posts, you seem so lovely and nice! I hope you're doing well! :D
@Pulisa, I'm really trying to stick to this change and do the most positive things possible. Like I had a few small bad moments today, but I manged to gather myself up and carry on without dwelling on it to much! It's sometimes a long road but it's going to be wroth it!
Ah Louise, please don't feel you need to apologise, you haven't done anything wrong at all! Your post is wonderful and very positive. I'm really sorry if you thought I was suggesting you were calling others selfish - I didn't mean that at all! I just get super paranoid about upsetting people. Look at us - both endless sorrys back and forward, what are we like :roflmao:
LouiseAndy
05-09-18, 03:56
Ah Louise, please don't feel you need to apologise, you haven't done anything wrong at all! Your post is wonderful and very positive. I'm really sorry if you thought I was suggesting you were calling others selfish - I didn't mean that at all! I just get super paranoid about upsetting people. Look at us - both endless sorrys back and forward, what are we like :roflmao:
I have the same thought process! I really didn't want to upset anyone and was very worried about doing so! I could probably say sorry a million times over and over! :roflmao:
---------- Post added at 03:56 ---------- Previous post was at 03:49 ----------
This new mind-set is going...mostly well! I've had a few ups and down. You know the same thoughts of what if it's a heart attack...or this cancer....but I've manged to push down and not become overwhelmed by these thoughts! Even though at times it's a bit scary like "oh! What if it's real this time and that pain IS a heart attack or some type of other issues etc."
My friend has been struggling with some issues lately, I was able to actually go to hospital with her and be there for her during some tests (It looks like it's going to be a-okay after a opp!) . I was 100% able to be there for her. Only thinking about her, never once did my mind wonder to myself or the what if's about me.
LouiseAndy
05-09-18, 21:52
I found today....It was really hard. I felt awful, all these different things feeling very sick..lots of acid...my limbs feeling weak and shacking a bit....then I remembered I'm flying tomorrow and the stress of that...is probably having a impact! (I HATE flying!) I've got my good friend gavison to help me out with some of the issues! The flights at 6 am. So no sleep tonight probably :roflmao:
LouiseAndy
09-09-18, 00:26
So, went and came from the trip just fine! I didn't freak out on the plane once! Didn't even end up taking any Xanna for the flight! I had to fly back on my own and I did just fine! No tears or anything! I'm very proud of myself. My heart did go a million times faster etc...but I made it over and back! I manged to stay calm the whole time even building up to the flight!....Even if it was just a hour long flight!
I only had one kinda "big" health anxiety slip up. I was walking a museum with my friends but we went different ways. I reached out to like itch my neck and thought I felt something strange...like a lump! I gave myself one chance. I looked and didn't see a lump. I tried to move on from that, even if I felt extra hot and sweaty that night. Among other issues! Yet for the most part I manged to push it to the back of my mind and not worry or complain about it for the rest of the trip! It's only now that I'm alone at home that awful...L word is creeping around a little bit again!
I did also...have some chest pains but it seemed after some burping...the issues was almost gone :blush:
It was nice to have some time away with my friend where I wasn't like 100% worrying about something! I think I worried only like 10% (not all health anxiety) of the time and that's huge for me! I have therapy on Monday and for once I'm exited to tell her about some of the progress I've made!
I've tried to remind myself in any moments of weakness. I've had been giving the all clear about..a month ago? I have to stop playing the whole. Oh! What if they missed this or this or this game!
LouiseAndy
14-09-18, 23:23
Just wanted to update briefly! Today we went for the bridesmaids dress for my sister wedding (we did the seating order the other night...never realized how many people you have to plan to keep apart to stop any fighting or bad blood lol). I manged to loss the half a stone I wanted to loss when I got fitted for the dress a few months back. Which made me super happy. I was so worried about not fitting into and being embarrassed in front of my Mam and sister! In fact I actually have to get the dress fitted to me! As someone who's always had issues with their weight, this is a big positive for me. I did it all healthy with eating and going to the gym.
I've been doing my best to be better, I've had a few little "bumps". The typical stuff, heart stuff, strange discharged and some pain between periods (which since it's around the same time every month is probably just the female body clearing it's self between cycles or something!). I'm trying to remind myself that with all the tests I've had, I'm fine. It's fine.
I still have some chest pains issues and burping a lot time to time. I try telling myself if it was anything big I wouldn't be typing this right now! So no googling or rattling off my worries to people..in maybe the last two weeks!
Just wanted to update briefly! Today we went for the bridesmaids dress for my sister wedding (we did the seating order the other night...never realized how many people you have to plan to keep apart to stop any fighting or bad blood lol). I manged to loss the half a stone I wanted to loss when I got fitted for the dress a few months back. Which made me super happy. I was so worried about not fitting into and being embarrassed in front of my Mam and sister! In fact I actually have to get the dress fitted to me! As someone who's always had issues with their weight, this is a big positive for me. I did it all healthy with eating and going to the gym.
I've been doing my best to be better, I've had a few little "bumps". The typical stuff, heart stuff, strange discharged and some pain between periods (which since it's around the same time every month is probably just the female body clearing it's self between cycles or something!). I'm trying to remind myself that with all the tests I've had, I'm fine. It's fine.
I still have some chest pains issues and burping a lot time to time. I try telling myself if it was anything big I wouldn't be typing this right now! So no googling or rattling off my worries to people..in maybe the last two weeks!
I have to say, knowing your history here and having replied and challenged you :winks:, this is a wonderful post! The clear difference in your writing and thought processes are clearly evident. It's almost like a different person wrote this. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it! :yesyes:
Positive thoughts
LouiseAndy
15-09-18, 02:07
I have to say, knowing your history here and having replied and challenged you :winks:, this is a wonderful post! The clear difference in your writing and thought processes are clearly evident. It's almost like a different person wrote this. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it! :yesyes:
Positive thoughts
I mean, in my everyday life such in college, at work or dealing with a lot of stuff. I personal prefer people being straight forward with me and to the point rather then "wrapping me in bubble wrap." I find I just response to it best! So being challenged me was probably the best thing! (A big thank you to everyone who ever replied! Every and any tone you used was good, thank you for giving the time to even do that. It means alot.)
I suppose I've been stuck in this health anxiety loop for over a year! So time and tests....anything horrible would have shown up. So using this thought and therapy I've manged to start moving forward somewhat! Like I still have moments but it's less and less. I'm learning! It's taken some time but I'm learning! Like it's next to put the health anxiety to bed somewhat and deal with other on going issues!
I'm trying to be a newer and better me! Not just the people around me, but for myself as well! I'm hoping to keep going on and up!
Oh you will do, Louise! I'm so pleased to hear that people challenging your HA on here helped you and it sounds as if you are having a much happier and better quality of life now that the HA shackles are well and truly loosening..
You'll probably have your blips along the way but you know the traps now and won't allow yourself to get sucked back into the HA loop again..And if you do we'll soon put you on the right road on here!!:D
So pleased for you and keep up the excellent work! I bet you look stunning in your bridesmaid dress too! xx
LouiseAndy
15-09-18, 19:30
Oh you will do, Louise! I'm so pleased to hear that people challenging your HA on here helped you and it sounds as if you are having a much happier and better quality of life now that the HA shackles are well and truly loosening..
You'll probably have your blips along the way but you know the traps now and won't allow yourself to get sucked back into the HA loop again..And if you do we'll soon put you on the right road on here!!:D
So pleased for you and keep up the excellent work! I bet you look stunning in your bridesmaid dress too! xx
Thanks Pulisa! I'm doing my best to keep to keep on the on and up! Being realistic as possible! That if I do have a bad day, not to let it pull down the rest of the progress! :D
Thank you! It was a real nice feeling being able to put the dress on and knowing I have reached that goal!
LouiseAndy
18-09-18, 00:56
I had a bit of a rough day today. I'm back at uni and like we had to do a report over the summer and I put everything into it. Like I was so proud of it. Yet it didn't do well, hearing something bad about something you poured your heart into is a downer.
This lead to me having some troubling thoughts over thinking body feelings like "Oh this strange temple must be--" So on. Then I physical sat myself in a quite area and repeated to myself that I was fine. Physical fine. I had to stop falling into this worry about my heath because I'm down or upset.
After giving myself a little talk, I came around! Sure doing not as I expected of myself was hard and feeling that way about the health anxiety was hard but for the most part I think I manged to pull myself out of it mostly? I wanted to wait until iwas more calm to update this as I want to be as honest as possible with my progress. Not just posting like. Oh I thought I have a brain tumor, heart issues, etc, etc. I did my best to reassure myself. I mean I did allow myself a little of a pity party and skipped the gym today! But back into it tomorrow
Well done, LouiseAndy! No one says there is an easy or quick fix to HA ruminations and getting a temporary setback will trigger all sorts of niggling thoughts which attempt to sabotage your recovery.
You have done really well to rationalise your thoughts and rise above them. We all have good and not so good days. You have made so much progress since those days of not so long ago when things were frantic as regards your HA. Look after yourself and go to the gym when you can but it doesn't matter if you don't go every day. What matters is that you are getting better and staying better xx
LouiseAndy
18-09-18, 20:07
Well done, LouiseAndy! No one says there is an easy or quick fix to HA ruminations and getting a temporary setback will trigger all sorts of niggling thoughts which attempt to sabotage your recovery.
You have done really well to rationalise your thoughts and rise above them. We all have good and not so good days. You have made so much progress since those days of not so long ago when things were frantic as regards your HA. Look after yourself and go to the gym when you can but it doesn't matter if you don't go every day. What matters is that you are getting better and staying better xx
Thank you so much for replying! I guess I use the gym as something to keep a routine a little bit! It also helps me sleep I think when I had a gap between college and work. It was like a activey I had to do rather then sit around! I went back today but I'm easting back into it again!!
Like I'm doing my best not to worry always. Like a few times I've woken with my heart beating super fast. I've tried to just calm myself. Like it's been happening awhile and I'm still standing! While it's unpleasant at the time. I'm still here and trying to remind myself of those tests without the ifs and bits.
I know I've had good times before and it's so easy to fall back into those states of thoughts. Trying postive thinking and if there's a bad thought not letting it over take everything!
---------- Post added at 20:07 ---------- Previous post was at 20:03 ----------
And I've counted its been like since March since I saw my general gp! Like I had appoiments with consults and got signed off but I'm proud of making it that long!
LouiseAndy
21-09-18, 03:52
I woke up about 20 minutes ago, I felt the starting of a intense pain (headache like but in lots of areas on the one side). I had a post about it before (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=218824&page=2), I'm worried I'm going to fall again if I get another episode like. It was some of the worst pain I was ever in. I'm trying to be positive and try to sleep abit more now.
Just always want to be honest here, as I do feel myself edging towards a scary place again if this happens. I'm meant to be going away in a few days time. The onset of this again makes me scared and thinking of not going or what if I go and something happening.
I'm trying to be calm and hope to feel better in the morning. I feel bad for having a slip like this but that was a very weak moment in my life right now. I don't want to disappointed anyone (In real life or on here) with my growth and falling again :(
Anxiety makes you live in your own head and become very self-absorbed. I cringe thinking about how I was/am at my worst, but I couldn't help it. It can feel like it's a weird paradox of having bad feelings about yourself and being a bit obsessed with yourself at the same time.
But it is an illness, and while we should take measures to minimise its impact on others when we can, we also shouldn't beat ourselves up for it, any more than people should beat themselves over a physical illness inconveniencing others around them. Recovery is gradual and wobbly, focus on the forward tragectory and don't take the wobbles to heart.
Nobody's going to be "disappointed" in you, Louise. It's the nature of the HA beast. You said you were going away shortly and the mind can make sure your symptoms make an appearance in some guise or other when you know you will be away from familiar territory and perceive yourself to be "unsafe"..
I hope you managed to get some sleep and that things don't seem quite so scary now in the cold light of day? As axolotl says, focus on your significant progress and mentally dismiss the wobbles as just part of the recovery process?
LouiseAndy
21-09-18, 19:51
@axolotl and @Pulisa Thank you so much for replying! It meant a lot to open this up and see these replies. So thank you for taking the time in doing so! I'm very guilt in that if anything goes slightly wrong, I dwell on it constantly and that doesn't help with moving on. Far from it! It's just my family, friends (you wonderful people here) have put up with me for so long. It's like I need to prove to everyone that I can and will be better. My therapist said to me before, that's all fine and good but you need to get better for yourself and that in turn has a positive knock on for those around you.
Today, I did have a headache like feared (not as bad as last time). I manged to push on, I live out of my parents house for uni but I tend to go to visit on the weekend. I promised I'd help my Mam with painting some rooms and instead of just trying to push on. I just mentioned that I wasn't feeling well today and instead we tried this bubble face-mask things! It was a right laugh!
LouiseAndy
23-09-18, 22:24
So this weekend went okayish!! Didn't feel 100% physical but that was okay!! I had the fear headache, strange pains in different facial areas. My old friend heart fears pop up again!! But I made it through without worrying to much.
I got to spend a lot of one on one time with my Mam which was lovely! Just getting to have easy convo without to many worries. I'm flying on Tuesday, so kinda nervous about that. Trying to say the heart stuff is just a result of that in the making the last week/few days!! I'm feeling postive and ready to push forward.
I've tried self comfort, like saying I had tests the pains in my head/facial area are just that. Nothing sinster. The heart stuff won't kill me, it wouldn't be this drag out or come and go. I had a few tests for that and nothing was found. Plus I'm 22 and semi health and trying to get healthier so the odds are on my side. Like most people I'm guilt of doing the what buts and it's especially with the heart. Like I need to be okay with it, my doctor just did those tests to try and sooth me I'd say and quickly realized how...that really give me to much comfort!!
LouiseAndy
24-09-18, 20:48
I'm getting ready to fly... Less say the real anxiety today was me being a fool and not packing my bag before today! Lol, I never really learn!
I had a pride moment today, my stomach been acting funny and my (tmi) stool has been very soft and watery. Yet I didn't think much about it. I noticed some fresh blood a new times when I wiped but I'd shrug and toss it away as I had a stool sample come back recently with no traces of bleeding. I also had a tear back there. Today for whatever stupid reason I looked into the blow and saw what looked like a big area mixed in with darker blood. Well before my heart could beat again I flushed that and walked away without a second thought. I've worried about issues with that for so long. I was signed off by doctors. It's all fine and no point worrying about it!
The only thing that really bugs me still is I burp like... 24/7!!! I think it be a habbit at this stage. Not very nice when you're in public.
The strange heart stuff I've put down the flight tomorrow!
I'm the last few weeks. I feel like I've actually been able to really work on my relationships with people. For the better! I was on the phone to my friend last night and off handily remakes that she thinks I'm doing so well. That made me feel well. Even for the ups and downs even as I've tried to change this mindset!
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