Long term relationship ended

[Megs0203]

So I've just come out of a 5 year relationship with a guy who I still really love and care about. He doesn't understand my anxiety despite having it for the best part on and off of our relationship. He couldn't understand how his friends had got through it and out the other side, yet mine keeps coming back. He said he feels we want different things as he loves to be out and about but I am still struggling with getting out and about constantly. At the moment all I see is him blaming it on my anxiety. He's said he cares about me and that he wants me to focus on myself and him on himself as he's taken on so much recently, he doesn't have time to 'look after the both of us'. I've found it so so hard the man that I thought I would be spending the rest of mg life with could say all these hurtful things.
I know I won't be the first or the last person this happens to, but I just wanted some advice on where to go from here.
I wake up and emotional wreck, my anxiety Is at an all time high and on top of that im trying to get back into work after 8months signed off sick.

[ankietyjoe]

That's a really awful situation, and I'm sorry you're having to go through it right now.

I think the only advice that's applicable is that you just have to give it time. That's all you can do when any relationship ends.

As much as what he's said hurts, it's probably for the best that he's actually been so honest with you about it. He hasn't put you in a situation where you feel the need to hang on, or in a situation where he's left you in any doubt about where he is right now. It's far better to have a clean break than to be holding on to something with hope.

All relationships hurt when they end, but the pain does subside after a while.

[Suziewuzie]

I'm really sorry that you're going through this. I recently ended a 3 year relationship so I can relate at least to some of the emotions you must be feeling right now.
If you're anything like me you'll be feeling all sorts of emotions right now - obviously sad and shocked about losing your partner, but also worried about how you're going to manage your anxiety on top of all that. I know it may seem impossible right now but at least try to be thankful that he's been honest with you. He's laid his cards on the table completely and it sounds like there's nothing you could've done to change his mind. It might seem horrible right now but at least you know his reasons & you don't have to question yourself.
Like he said, you really need to think about yourself now. It's early days and it will take a long time for the shock and sadness to lessen, but it does. It's only been around 5 weeks since me and my partner broke up and it's still incredibly painful but I am managing to put one foot in front of the other at least. Are you having any counselling? I've suffered with anxiety for a long time but only started counselling after the break up because I just found it too difficult having to deal with that on top of it. It's early days but has been helping a lot - I do pay for it as the NHS waiting list was just too long, but I feel it's worth every penny.

[Megs0203]

Thank you for such supportive replies! I'm currently going through talking therapies and luckily have an appointment tomorrow which is very good timing! I'm thinking about trying to get out and go swimming as I love to do this, but at the moment I feel like I need someone to come with me, which is proving difficult!
I think I'm finding it so hard still as he was living with my at my parents house, and his stuff is still everywhere 😣. On top of that my car is a constant reminder as he bought me it!

[Suziewuzie]

It sounds like you're being really proactive & you should be proud of yourself. It took me a long time yo get off the sofa after my relationship ended.
Has he arranged a day to collect his things? It's horrible when there are reminders everywhere, tbh even when the physical reminders are gone though there will still be things popping up to remind you of him all over again. Break ups are absolutely awful but who knows? Being alone may give you a new confidence in yourself and you might find that you surprise yourself x

[Megs0203]

Thank you Suzie!
Haven't planned a date as of yet, he took alot of his clothes when we spoke on Thursday, but due to collect the rest of his stuff this week. I kind of don't want to be here when he collects it but at the same time I do 😣 the bit I'm finding hardest is when I'm on my own for a bit, I seem to just end up having a crying session, which I know is good to a certain extent.