i feel so guilty

[ladymarmite]

hi to everyone.
i am new here and not really sure where to go for help.
i have four children ages from 19 to 4. i have always had phobias from as long as i can remember but it is not until now i realise how much it is affecting my life, not that it bothers me, but now it is affecting my little girls.
the main phobia i am talking about is childrens swing parks. not even sure if anybody else has this one cant seem to find anyone else with it.
when my three boys were growing up my husband took them to the park or they went with their grandparents (not a problem to me as long as i didnt have to go).
Now my daughter who is so much more daring than her brothers keeps asking me to take her to the park. i would so love to do this and all i seem to do is lie to her, ( its closed, your not allowed in there, its for children who lives in flats ). she just wont leave off and it is becoming a big issue.
i really dont know what to do.
sorry to ramble but this is the first time i think i realise i have a problem
please advise thanks
tracey

[groovygranny]

Hello ladymarmite :welcome:to you!

You're certainly not rambling - glad you found us - you'll get plenty of help and support here!

Have you been to your GP yet? Might be an idea just to get a firm diagnosis and suggestions for help and/or treatment?
That might be a start, so you can find out where your phobia originates from so it can be tackled.

I can see how it would become a big issue for you with three children - got three myself! Adults now though :)

Pleased to meet you!

:flowers:

[happyone]

Hi

similar to yourself I have a problem with parks and stuff. However, mines isn't a phobia. I could do it if I really wanted to.
My problem isn't the park....it is children! That sounds dreadful, I have two children and I love them dearly but anyplace where there are likely to be zillions of kids (if I don't have another adult with me) makes me feel anxious, so I am ashamed to say I avoid unless I have someone with me.
I made a pledge at the beginning of the year to take my little un to soft play on my own. My anx is much better...but I couldn't do it. I do however take her weekly with a friend of mine and her little un.
I think mines stems back to being bullied. I lived in quite a rough area and was beat up one time by the 'bully of the school' (that was a term that these bullies held proudly) and all the kids were standing round chanting and yelling, my friends left me (no one in their right mind would challenge her...I don't blame them....except I had to be the silly one and get lippy with her)
I think that noise takes me back.

So as GG says, maybe finding out the origin would help. For me, knowing or thinking I know what it is about helps.....but I still use avoidance. I don't think my girls miss out tho as there is a park on the way home from school and as there are other parents there, I feel fine:wacko: trips to the museum or any kiddie place has to be a venture with my hubby or a friend. I can't do it alone.

CBT would seem to me to be a good way to go?

Happyone
xx

[kate]

I don't do parks either. Too open, full of people that are scary, too much noise, I could go on!

Could you possibly take them to the park with another adult and then get them to leave you there with the children for say 5 minutes? Do this regularly and when you are comfortable with this then extend the time by small amounts.

We all know that avoidance only feeds the anxiety and blows it up out of all proportion. Tackling it is, unfortunately, the only way forward.

Good Luck!

Kate

[ladymarmite]

hi
Thanks for your replies.
I have not been to the doctors, i dont feel i can talk to him about it. i has postnatal depression with my last child and i think he has got me down as a nutter so would not know how to approach him.
When my boys were growing up it never seemed to be an issue they just excepted it and never asked.
There is no way i could be lefted in a park for 5minutes with the children.
when i have tried to go before i get to the gate and get really panicy, dizzy feel sick and just want to cry.
In my everyday life i am so in control, i am the one that sorts out other peoples problems.
People think i am so strong i have just learnt to bluff.
It is so nice to talk to people who understand how you feel.
I just feel it is time to sort it out, but to take that first step is scary as in a funny sort of way it has always made me feel safe not to.
thanks for listening
tracey