housetoad
03-09-18, 21:17
Hi all, haven't made a post on here for a while as I''ve been having CBT for about 7 weeks and as part of my therapy I've been trying to avoid over googling/researching into my anxiety as this makes me think about it more.
Maybe you are wondering why I am on here then...well, as well as I have been avoiding this website (which has helped a lot) I just wanted to post an update and ask for some advice.
I've been completely med free since the end of June and feel tons better for it. The citalopram was not for me. When I saw the doctor last in early July, he was pleased at my progress and believed I would be just fine without any new meds, and said to keep taking my diazepam if I needed it.
Since coming off cit, I have not felt depressed at all which was a big problem whilst on it, and whilst I've still had anxiety and panic attacks, these have decreased greatly in duration and frequency.
I started taking ashwaghanda in mid July, I believe this has helped a lot. If anyone is considering natural remedies I strongly recommend this.
But most of all what has helped is the therapy. In my therapy I have been learning how to live through the anxiety, let the thoughts happen and to breathe and live life again. The more positive experiences I have the better. I've had bad days here and there, but no where near as bad as before. I still get anxious sometimes, but it doesn't run my life. I've had a bit of a 'meh' day today actually. But the key is to not overthink as tomorrow is a new day. More and more recently I've been having days where I feel like my old self again.
I can now drink alcohol for the first time in months, without feeling anxious about it. Previously I wouldn't allow myself, believing I was 'brain-damaged' and 'mentally ill' and 'deficient' and it had taken a lot of weeks of therapy to target this belief. Anxiety and panic isn't a mental illness- you are not going crazy or losing your mind. It is simply a matter of nerves and any symptom you experience can be explained by science.
Since then I've also been measuring my levels of anxiety, which have decreased:
24/05/18 10/18 (when I was still on meds)
20/07/18 10/18
30/07/18 4/10
Clare Weekes' Self Help for your Nerves was also a lifesaver, completely changed my perspective on anxiety.
My CBT therapist thinks I've responded well to the therapy, so well, in fact, that she says I can stop having therapy for a few weeks so I don't think of my anxiety as much and to see how that goes. This is great news and encouraging but I can't help but feel a bit daunted, even though she said I can just come back if I need to.
What I seek advice about though is, am I really getting better/recovering? What are the signs of recovering from an anxiety disorder? Whilst I feel I really am recovering, I still get scared and anxious and at times I think about the anxiety a lot. It will just be random thoughts about anxiety, but I feel like the anxious thoughts might be the last to go.
I know I will always experience anxiety in my life, it is an emotion, but I want to be able to live my life without fearing it or thinking about it as much. Those days where I feel like my normal self and hardly think about it are so precious and rewarding to me.
Hope this wasn't too long, but any advice or perspective is greatly appreciated.
Maybe you are wondering why I am on here then...well, as well as I have been avoiding this website (which has helped a lot) I just wanted to post an update and ask for some advice.
I've been completely med free since the end of June and feel tons better for it. The citalopram was not for me. When I saw the doctor last in early July, he was pleased at my progress and believed I would be just fine without any new meds, and said to keep taking my diazepam if I needed it.
Since coming off cit, I have not felt depressed at all which was a big problem whilst on it, and whilst I've still had anxiety and panic attacks, these have decreased greatly in duration and frequency.
I started taking ashwaghanda in mid July, I believe this has helped a lot. If anyone is considering natural remedies I strongly recommend this.
But most of all what has helped is the therapy. In my therapy I have been learning how to live through the anxiety, let the thoughts happen and to breathe and live life again. The more positive experiences I have the better. I've had bad days here and there, but no where near as bad as before. I still get anxious sometimes, but it doesn't run my life. I've had a bit of a 'meh' day today actually. But the key is to not overthink as tomorrow is a new day. More and more recently I've been having days where I feel like my old self again.
I can now drink alcohol for the first time in months, without feeling anxious about it. Previously I wouldn't allow myself, believing I was 'brain-damaged' and 'mentally ill' and 'deficient' and it had taken a lot of weeks of therapy to target this belief. Anxiety and panic isn't a mental illness- you are not going crazy or losing your mind. It is simply a matter of nerves and any symptom you experience can be explained by science.
Since then I've also been measuring my levels of anxiety, which have decreased:
24/05/18 10/18 (when I was still on meds)
20/07/18 10/18
30/07/18 4/10
Clare Weekes' Self Help for your Nerves was also a lifesaver, completely changed my perspective on anxiety.
My CBT therapist thinks I've responded well to the therapy, so well, in fact, that she says I can stop having therapy for a few weeks so I don't think of my anxiety as much and to see how that goes. This is great news and encouraging but I can't help but feel a bit daunted, even though she said I can just come back if I need to.
What I seek advice about though is, am I really getting better/recovering? What are the signs of recovering from an anxiety disorder? Whilst I feel I really am recovering, I still get scared and anxious and at times I think about the anxiety a lot. It will just be random thoughts about anxiety, but I feel like the anxious thoughts might be the last to go.
I know I will always experience anxiety in my life, it is an emotion, but I want to be able to live my life without fearing it or thinking about it as much. Those days where I feel like my normal self and hardly think about it are so precious and rewarding to me.
Hope this wasn't too long, but any advice or perspective is greatly appreciated.