Having a relapse... could do with some support

[elizabethalice]

What do you guys do when your OCD is just so big and scary and you're terrified of it affecting people around you?

I get intrusive thoughts about people being able to see my Google searches, people being able to somehow magically know what I'm doing or thinking, and false memories about sending people messages and then deleting them (I never ever delete my messages and I know that but my OCD of course wants to find a way to exist even though there's proof that I've never sent these messages).

I'm involved with a guy, we're not together right now as I'm working on my OCD and he's working on stuff as well but we're still very close. My OCD tries to get in the way all the time though, by telling me I've sent this message and then deleted it, or that somehow he has access to my search history and can see how madly I Google health anxiety related issues which makes me feel embarrased.

I just feel like I'm in a vicious circle. I find it so hard to deal with some days :weep:

[MagicalSpiral]

I can relate to this. I don't know what to say. I think it's just better to get closer to him, then there will be less speculation about what he might possibly get to know about you. That usually happens when you get closer to people, you reveal things to them and you don't care anymore if they find out out things because it'll be in the context of your overall self.