Loneliest feeling in the world

[nanny]

Hi All

I'm really fed up.
For the last few years (a good few) i haven't been able to sleep properly, i go out like a light no problem but can't stay asleep for any decent length of time.
So i'm used to being up before 4.30/5 a.m each morning and feeling whacked all day.

Just lately though and it's becoming more frequent i'm waking at about 2 a.m and for love nor money can't get back to sleep, so instead of lying in bed just tossing and turning and getting down right stressed out i get up.

I don't like to do things as both my youngest son (still at home ) and hubby both get up early for work and don't want to wake them, so i just sit there.
I have come to realise it's the loneliest feeling in the world.
It seems i'm the only person on the planet, there i am sitting in the kitchen, pitch black outside, no noise, no one about not one sound and all the negative thoughts come rushing to the fore i hate it.

If anyone else has had to deal with this problem and found a solution could you please please tell me:wacko:

[PUGLETMUM]

:winks: hey nanny,

sorry your feling bad. this subject comes up every now and again as it does affect a fair few people, im sure youll get plenty of advice.

heres mine,

1) dont watch tv in bed, or watch tv right up to bed time
2) take some form of exercise EVERY day, just a brisk half hour walk is enough if your not very active, plus doing houswork is classed as exercise!!
3) do some relaxation exercises every day
4) read a good book before bed or good magazines
5) do something that uses your brain so stops you from worrying eg sudoku
6)dont go to bed after 11pm but dont go ridiculously early either
7) maybe accept you dont need that much sleep!!! 5 hours is enough
8) get an ipod so you can listen to some nice music when you do get up instead of sitting in complete silence worrying!!!

i know its hard and i only ever experience sleeplessness for short periods of time, but i think you can get over it

if youve tried all the above, well my thoughts and best wishes are with you!!!:hugs:

[smudgie]

Hi Nan

Im so sorry your going through this terrible time with lack of sleep, the nights are such a lonely place to be then you cant sleep.
Upsetting , annoying , get angry , boring the list is endless. then the next day, yeh hell.

ive suffered for long while and in the end i had to take sleepers for one week, this did help to kick my body into a pattern but again im up late and first one up.
I hate it, I get moody and teasy with the family.

what have you tried so far with helping your nights? have you seen a GP and did you get any positive help from them.

Im sorry i cant suggest anything I can only relate.
I hope for you it gets better and less difficult.
Take care
nessx

[alexis]

Hi, this was one of my problems, I would sit here until all hours, used to be in chat forever, go to bed for a couple of hours and then get up again.
I went for councelling, and one thing I learnt was never get up, once in bed stay there, I found this difficult and almost impossible, tossing and turning etc, then she gave me advice, ways to unwind, and relax etc, its been over 18months since I slept for more than 7 hours, but I feel more rested than I did for staying in bed.
I hope this will help, there is nothing worse than being tired and lonely, take care,xx

[northern_sky]

You're definitely not the only person awake then, I'm always awake at that time not that that helps you. :blush:

[Dave777]

Hi Nanny, sorry to hear you feel down.
You are far from alone, I wake up somtimes as early as 4am.

I know what you mean about feeling lonely at that time, a thousand thoughts run through your mind, the "what ifs", the "what may have beens"

I often get up and go online, only for 30mins, make a cuppa, then back to bed.


Dave:flowers: x

[nanny]

Thank you very much everyone for your replies :)

I do read every evening, it always relaxes me or so i think, like i say i have no problem getting off to sleep but staying asleep. I have seen my GP on a number of occasions and because i can get TO sleep they won't give me any sleeping tablets, reason being they put you to sleep but not keep you asleep!!!
When i wake i try everything i can to go back off, deep breathing, relaxation excercises like clenching and unclenching every muscle in your body from the toes up etc etc. I don't work at the moment so not really using my energy but saying that when i was working 8/9 hours a day i still used to wake as early as 2.30 and still do a full days work but feeling like hell.

I have been assessed by a mental health clinic and was told nothing would help me with this severe anxiety (their diagnosis) only counselling, cbt etc etc but they don't offer it on the NHS here and i can't afford between £45/£60 per hour myself when not working.
I have just had to have a medical after claiming incapacity a certain length of time, i initally was off coz of back problems and still have them but they were more concerned with my mental state which i wasn't even off with, this made me worse as the diagnosis they came up with on the report which i asked for a copy off said "moderately severe mental health illness affecting everyday life" now i have been told i don't have to send amymore certificates in and still never offered me the help i need, so they obviously think i'm some sort of mental health case who's beyond help.

It's just a vicious circle isn't it.

many thanks all for being there for me, i really appreciate it.:hugs: :hugs:

[PUGLETMUM]

:D hey nanny,

no your not a mental case and you need to try not to be upset by that diagnosis, it really isnt as serious as you think, especially as you have the anxiety right? so why does it upset you that it has been acknowledged, it makes no difference just because a doc says that is what youve got, you had it anyway!!! it cant make you worse!!!plus they havent carted you off in a straightjacket have they? they dont seem to be too worried do they? thats coz theyve seen it all a million times before!!

you could see it positively in that you will get benefits readily now? also you can get phone cbt (maybe depending on where you live in the uk)from the national phobics society in manchester for £20 a session. firstly you have to become a member, and then you can request it and they will set you up if they can.you go to their site and then you can ring them and enquire.

dont be worried about being told there is nothing they can do for you, because really the same applies with a few exceptions to EVERYONE on this forum!!!! cbt is currently THE most successful therapy you can have, there is no magic pill to take it away- you have to educate yourself and take it away yourself - harsh but true - and generally when you start to accept this fact you tend to get better anyway!!

also my diagnosis is chronic so there is always someone worse than you, but i dont worry about all of that anymore, maybe its because ive been around it for so long, its not so upsetting now. i dont see myself as defective because i suffer with anxiety, i still have managed to run a house, have a child, keep a marriage going and work part-time so as far as im concerned anxiety is not a life sentence of misery, or at least it isnt once you shift your attitude from negative to positive. and this takes time and education and maybe counselling or cbt or both for you to try to come to terms with how you feel and what it means for you.

all the best:hugs:

[Lindalou64]

HI NANNY,
SORRY YOUR FEELING LIKE THIS YES FEELING LONELY IS AN AWFUL FEELING ......YOU SAY YOU FALL ASLEEP WITH NO PROBS HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SLEEPING TEST.....SLEEP APNIA? I DO AT TIMES GET UP MIDDLE OF NIGHT AND I HATE IT, SOMETHING STARTLES ME.. IM HOME ALONE HAVE A SON HOME BUT HES OLDER AND ISNT HERE MUCH....JUST ASKING ABOUT THE SLEEP APNIA CAUSE I KNOW IT DISTURBS ONES SLEEP........JUST A QUESTION.....I WISH YA THE BEST..........LINDA XX

[groovygranny]

Hi nanny!

Just seen this thread, not around much yesterday (see PM !:winks:)

Anyway, this is so horrible - like going to sleep in the world and waking up in the Twilight Zone!:wacko:

I can wake anytime between 2.00 and 5.00 am - sometimes I can lay there for a while and other times I have to get up because I can feel the adrenalin start to build up.

What time do you go to bed? I find if I go before 11.00 at the earliest I'll sleep maybe until 2.00 and that's it!

If you're going to bed quite early then maybe you've had your 'whack' so to speak by the time you wake up. Just a thought.

I find reading really helps - I'll read until I find my eyes beginning to close then I'll put the book down .....or hubby disentangles me from my glasses and takes the book away cus I've already dropped off.

I used to get up and watch the tv but that's a no-no cus I always fell asleep in the chair to wake up aching all over and the set buzzing a couple of hours later.

Unlike Dave, (who is obviously very self-controlled when it comes to being online in the early hours,:winks:) if I went online I know I'd be there until mid-mornng lol !

I think sitting there with no noise and not occupying your mind for a while is being counter-productive. Your mind has nothing structured to think about and therefore 'does it's own thing' causing you more anxiety and frustration.

Maybe you're trying too hard to get back to sleep? Gentle reading may keep your mind from wandering while at the same time have a slightly 'hypnotic' effect whereby allowing you to fall asleep again in a calm frame of mind.

Don't know if this is helpful - hope so!

http://www.fromtheheartpostcards.com/greetingcards/hugz.gif

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

:flowers:

[happyone]

Hey hun!

I too had terrible problems with sleep and it needed to be meds for me I am afraid.
Falling asleep but wakening in the early hours of the morning is a sign of depression:shrug: Could this be the case with you?

happyone
xx

[nanny]

HI all
Thanks again for replies.

i don't know what the problem is with the sleeping, i do have depression yes, and had it for years too. Sometimes like everybody else it's worse than others i get my good and bad days.
I go to bed about 10.30 coz i'm just about shattered then. Like i said i do read before going to bed, i have tired staying up later no good none of it!!!

I have accepted the fact that i'm mentally unwell, but i think mental illness still has a stigma attached to it and thats plays on my mind.
I don't let it stop me doing anything, to the outside world i appear confident but deep down i'm a nervous wreck.

Someone mentioned sleep apnia to me before, it does make me wonder coz hubby says i snore like a pig, and drive him mad. But i thought with that you fell asleep anywhere.

Perhaps i ought to go and talk to the GP yet again:lac:

Thanks love nannny :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[vaughn]

hello

my name is vaughn; i live in south wales; i am 58 years old and live with my partner jan;

i have read the above letters and i truly feel sorry for people that suffer from sleep problems; there seems to be nothing worse; yet my problem is fear of sleep and i was hoping someone out there might be able to offer me some advice; my problem is sleep apnia- when i fall asleep my inner throat seems to fall in on its self and i wake up in a fit of being choked; its terrifing; it used to happen a few times a year but now its every time i lay down; i now sleep sat erect with my partner monitering my breathing, every time it happens she wakes me; but even she has to rest. i have seen a number if doctors on the nhs and i am currently waiting to see a specalist but i have to wait two years for a sleep test. i have been to a number of doctors but advice is always the same (its your weight) i am 14 stone and trying to lose it;but its hard; i have heard about a machine that helps me to breath at night but my doctors wont comit until i have this test; i just cant wait any longer and though i cant aford it i intend to borrow the money and go private; therefor if anyone out there knows of any hints or tips then i would be most grateful for any help;

i truly thank you all for listning


vaughn

[mirry]

nanny , i know you can get cbt thru the national phobics society for about £8 a session if your happy to do it over the phone.

think its double if they come to your house , maybe you could check it out ?