View Full Version : Lymph Node Update - Scared
darkside4k
06-09-18, 21:14
It's been a few weeks since I posted.
Unfortunately, it's not good news. After having some pain in my neck, I asked my mom to ultrasound my neck. In one area near the pain, she found a 1.98 x 0.54 cm lymph node. I am devastated.
Combined this with being itchy (which had started before I knew the lymph node was there) and also can feel a lymph node in my groin - I am certain that I have lymphoma. It's essentially a 2cm lymph node in my neck. I am shocked. I am devastated. I am depressed.
I have an ENT appointment next Thursday to look at the node. I have been having a lot of itchiness for the last month as well as neck pain.
I am sorry this may trigger other worriers but I am really struggling here. At this point it looks very possible I have lymphoma.
nomorepanic
06-09-18, 21:38
How come your mum did it?
darkside4k
06-09-18, 21:45
Because she is a sonographer and I asked her to check my neck.
AMomentofClarity
06-09-18, 21:53
Remember when you were sure you had stomach cancer because of the results of unnecessary testing?
darkside4k
06-09-18, 21:55
Well, the combination of symptoms here is scary:
- Enlarged node
- Itching
- Neck Pain
AMomentofClarity
06-09-18, 22:02
Well, the combination of symptoms here is scary:
- Enlarged node
- Itching
- Neck Pain
That’s what you say EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Honestly, I feel bad for you, and even worse for your wife and kids that you’re unwilling to recognize the patterns of your behavior, when any 9 year old could read through your posts and see it clear as day.
darkside4k
06-09-18, 22:08
Also I forgot to mention the past few days at night after dinner I have been having high left-sided fullness... I believe due to swollen spleen from the lymphoma.
Frankly I don't think you should be leaving medical testing to your relatives knowing your history, whether they are sonographers or not. I'm sure if most of us got ultrasounds when they weren't needed you would find all sorts of lumps and bumps that shouldn't be there. Doesn't mean it's Lymphoma and with respect you are making links that you have no proof exist.
nomorepanic
06-09-18, 22:25
I am a bit confused about your mum doing this. Did she do this at work then? Surely she knows how to interpret the results so what did she say?
darkside4k
06-09-18, 22:28
Yes, she did it at her work (a hospital) but on the weekend while she was "on call" and there weren't a lot of patients getting ultrasounds.
She said it didn't look that bad to her and usually lymphoma nodes are more rounder whereas mine was kind of longer and skinnier. She did show a surgeon that she works with and he wasn't super concerned about it but said I could see an ENT if I wanted to get more follow up on it.
She said the node generally looked pretty normal but is larger than most typical nodes since it is almost 2cm long. But, like I said, somewhat skinny at 0.54cm.
I'm not sure how long it has been there to be honest. I probably would not have ever noticed it had I not had some neck pain and been feeling around in that area in general a lot recently.
nomorepanic
06-09-18, 22:59
Ok so nothing really to worry about then and you are just jumping to conclusions as usual.
several studies speak, that the most important is the short axis. And on my ultra sound it showed one of 1.7cmx0.6cm. I'm worried, but what reassures me is these studies.
Look:
https: //www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/7735765/
MyNameIsTerry
07-09-18, 02:09
Ok so nothing really to worry about then and you are just jumping to conclusions as usual.
^ This.
Without speaking directly to your mum I'm afraid I cannot see anything either way. In the past you have demonstrated how you struggle to see what others are telling you and have skewed to the negative and no matter how much we have tried to steer you back it hasn't really helped. The only difference here is quick access to a test which has brought back a result of something that we don't understand yet every lump or bump could return things on tests that doctors don't care about if we all had access to our own testing.
I think your mum needs to be made aware of your anxiety because the first thing would be deciding whether a test is of any use or just giving your anxiety a load more potential "what ifs" to play around with.
What does she know of your anxiety? Has she seen how many terminal cancers you have definitely had over the past couple of years? Your post history would be a massive red flag to anyone in the health sector.
Please don't take what I've said the wrong way, it isn't meant to be negative, I expect those with these types of anxiety disorders to struggle to prevent their thoughts running away with them. It's not a criticism of you but it's an observation of your behaviour which you share with so many people on here.
darkside4k
07-09-18, 12:35
Well this is scary. I woke up during the night because my hand was itching so bad. This is the first time the itching has actually woken me up.
I’m so terrified. Itching, left side fullness, swollen node that is basically 2cm long.
Are people seriously not concerned this is Lymphoma? I literally have many of the major red flags.
Well this is scary. I woke up during the night because my hand was itching so bad. This is the first time the itching has actually woken me up.
I’m so terrified. Itching, left side fullness, swollen node that is basically 2cm long.
Are people seriously not concerned this is Lymphoma? I literally have many of the major red flags.
If your Mum is a health professional why not ask her?
darkside4k
07-09-18, 12:59
She is a sonographer, so Lymphoma is not necessarily her speciality.
No it certainly wouldn't be. It is obviously yours though...despite not knowing what battery of tests you have to go through in order to get a lymphoma diagnosis.
MyNameIsTerry
07-09-18, 13:09
She said it didn't look that bad to her and usually lymphoma nodes are more rounder whereas mine was kind of longer and skinnier. She did show a surgeon that she works with and he wasn't super concerned about it but said I could see an ENT if I wanted to get more follow up on it.
She said the node generally looked pretty normal but is larger than most typical nodes since it is almost 2cm long. But, like I said, somewhat skinny at 0.54cm.
So, the only person concerned is you? Not even your mum?
And that's two professionals, including a surgeon, who don't think a 2cm is an indication of anything to be concerned about. But you do.
Can you see a pattern?
My query is what are you looking for in coming to this forum? You seem to be seeking reassurance but have never taken it. Then often times it seems like you are seeking confirmation that it is something terrible, which to date it has never been. You have the word of two medical professionals, one of which being your mother, who are not concerned. I am sure your mother would be the first one sending you up the chain if you were in danger. I am also sure your mother has seen cancerous nodes, and still she is not worried. Same with the surgeon. Take the advice of the many, many people here who have told you to get help for the anxiety. Even if you had the illnesses you imagine, would it not be better to learn how to live what life you had without so much fear and pain and suffering? It makes it doubly tragic to spend these years in fear when there is nothing wrong. You should be enjoying and living life, not looking endlessly for how it will end.
darkside4k
07-09-18, 14:04
My query is what are you looking for in coming to this forum? You seem to be seeking reassurance but have never taken it. Then often times it seems like you are seeking confirmation that it is something terrible, which to date it has never been. You have the word of two medical professionals, one of which being your mother, who are not concerned. I am sure your mother would be the first one sending you up the chain if you were in danger. I am also sure your mother has seen cancerous nodes, and still she is not worried. Same with the surgeon. Take the advice of the many, many people here who have told you to get help for the anxiety. Even if you had the illnesses you imagine, would it not be better to learn how to live what life you had without so much fear and pain and suffering? It makes it doubly tragic to spend these years in fear when there is nothing wrong. You should be enjoying and living life, not looking endlessly for how it will end.
I think expressing my fears and concerns here is an outlet. A place for all the worry and anxiety to vent a little bit.
The surgeon said I could see an ENT for follow up. He didn't guarantee it was "nothing".
It's the combination of symptoms that is concerning. If it was just this node and no other real symptoms, I don't think I would be concerned, but it's:
- Node
- Itching all over (Itching hand literally woke me up)
- Feeling of fullness / nausea in upper left stomach area (swollen spleen common in Lymphoma)
- Neck pain
I have some of those even now. You come here to vent and I totally get that, but that, honestly, isn't enough to combat anxiety. You need to be really proactive.
I have said this many times in other people's threads, but when you "know" you have a given illness, you do everything you can to treat it, even when it turns out to be imaginary. If you really had cancer, would you sit around and let it kill you, or would you treat it, fight it, and do your best to put it into remission?
So, why do you do nothing to combat the anxiety, when you *know* it is something you really have? It is one proactive step you can take to feeling better, to recovering, and living a normal, healthy life.
And I should say, venting can be cathartic, but reassurance seeking is the opposite of helpful to treating health anxiety. Are you seeing anyone for the anxiety?
darkside4k
07-09-18, 16:08
I have some of those even now. You come here to vent and I totally get that, but that, honestly, isn't enough to combat anxiety. You need to be really proactive.
I have said this many times in other people's threads, but when you "know" you have a given illness, you do everything you can to treat it, even when it turns out to be imaginary. If you really had cancer, would you sit around and let it kill you, or would you treat it, fight it, and do your best to put it into remission?
So, why do you do nothing to combat the anxiety, when you *know* it is something you really have? It is one proactive step you can take to feeling better, to recovering, and living a normal, healthy life.
And I should say, venting can be cathartic, but reassurance seeking is the opposite of helpful to treating health anxiety. Are you seeing anyone for the anxiety?
I am going to an ENT next week, so I'm not just sitting around.
I am going to an ENT next week, so I'm not just sitting around.
I assumed that and exactly my point. You are getting help for something you do not likely even have. What are you doing to address the condition you actually *do* have, being your health anxiety? Are you seeing anyone for it?
Darkside vent if it helps but at least have the decency to preface your post with how irrational you are being
darkside4k
07-09-18, 16:27
This time I don't know how irrational I'm being to be honest. I feel quite ill. I feel like I'm going to throw up and have this weird fullness feeling in my left side. I believe it's my spleen that is swollen from the lymphoma.
If you were being rational your Mum, or the surgeon would have flagged up a problem.
You are adding up 2 and 2 and coming up with 2million
Look back on your previous posts, you are always convinced despite the opinion of experts and people on here.
I assumed that and exactly my point. You are getting help for something you do not likely even have. What are you doing to address the condition you actually *do* have, being your health anxiety? Are you seeing anyone for it?
Quoting my own post, I know, but just to ask again, what are you doing about the anxiety?
I am not asking to be snide, nor am I asking sarcastically. I don't think you have ever answered me a single time I have asked what you were doing about anxiety. Are you getting any help at all for it? Because, having been where you are 20 years ago, I can tell you you will not claw your way out without some help.
So, are you seeing anyone at all?
Shadowhawk
07-09-18, 16:57
I think expressing my fears and concerns here is an outlet. A place for all the worry and anxiety to vent a little bit.
The surgeon said I could see an ENT for follow up. He didn't guarantee it was "nothing".
It's the combination of symptoms that is concerning. If it was just this node and no other real symptoms, I don't think I would be concerned, but it's:
- Node
- Itching all over (Itching hand literally woke me up)
- Feeling of fullness / nausea in upper left stomach area (swollen spleen common in Lymphoma)
- Neck pain
The surgeon said that because he wasn't looking at a patient. NO respectable doctor will EVER tell you for certain there is no reason to worry without an exam, because that would be dangerous (in terms of liability and medical correctness).
He didnt see a worry i what he was presented. He said to see an ENT if you are worried, because he can't tell from a sonogram if you are having other problems to investigate. The node he saw didn't worry him, but wants you to be comfortable and assured. It doesn't mean something sinister.
You wouldn't see an ENT consultant for suspected lymphoma.
darkside4k
07-09-18, 18:10
You wouldn't see an ENT consultant for suspected lymphoma.
You would see an ENT for a swollen lymph node in your neck. That's literally who the surgeon said I should see.
utrocket09
07-09-18, 18:22
I think expressing my fears and concerns here is an outlet. A place for all the worry and anxiety to vent a little bit.
The surgeon said I could see an ENT for follow up. He didn't guarantee it was "nothing".
It's the combination of symptoms that is concerning. If it was just this node and no other real symptoms, I don't think I would be concerned, but it's:
- Node
- Itching all over (Itching hand literally woke me up)
- Feeling of fullness / nausea in upper left stomach area (swollen spleen common in Lymphoma)
- Neck pain
Just because you can see an ENT doesn't mean you need to. Why can't you just have a swollen node or beck ache. Everytime you post it is always cancer this or cancer that! Itching can be just that. Itching! You also wouldn't see an ENT for cancer, if it was thought you had it, you have had other testing done right away.
Your posts are down right disrespectful to people whom have cancer and to people like me whose family is fighting cancer and lost family to it. Move on with your life.
Darkside vent if it helps but at least have the decency to preface your post with how irrational you are being
I repeat and yes you are being totally irrational
You would see an ENT for a swollen lymph node in your neck. That's literally who the surgeon said I should see.
Then you should be reassured by that. Some are not so fortunate.
This time I don't know how irrational I'm being to be honest. I feel quite ill. I feel like I'm going to throw up and have this weird fullness feeling in my left side. I believe it's my spleen that is swollen from the lymphoma.
I have had my spleen removed and I can tell you now,You do not have Lymphoma.
Maybe the “fullness” you feel is just wind,and feeling ill is your anxious thoughts.
roseanxiety
08-09-18, 14:01
It is kind of annoying that you WILL NOT answer the question about treating the illness (health anxiety) that you actually do have. You have been asked that question SO MANY TIMES in your various threads and you completely ignore it. Are you truly not aware that you have a huge medical problem of health anxiety??? I would go see a therapist instead of an ENT. Maybe your “lymphoma” will be cured along with your health anxiety, WHICH IS THE ACTUAL DISEASE YOU SUFFER FROM......... oh Darkside you need help for this.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
It's been a few weeks since I posted.
Unfortunately, it's not good news..
That is quite the leap. A slightly enlarged node (and that is not necessarily even considered enlarged, a doctor would know) is not "bad news " or not "not good news" if you don't mind a double negative.
All you know is you have a node over 1 cm. That's it.
Unless your mom is qualified to read the image, size means nothing in and of itself.
You are doing the most basic hypochondriac thing in the world---- immediately jumping to the absolute worst case scenario based on a very preliminary finding. I have done it a gazillion times. I am a lumpy person for some reason and have been put through testing and screening to rule out cancer 4 times (breast lump, armpit node, urethral mass, and toe mass). With the breast and toe masses, I took the fact that there was something as absolute evidence that I had cancer when, in reality, an ultrasound or imaging is just the first step in a diagnostic process. I was sent for biopsy for the breast and the armpit, that is the next step in the process and, of people who are sent for biopsy, MOST do not have cancer. That was the case for me!
So, bottom line. You are way ahead of yourself. You didn't even have a doctor recommend the ultrasound. You asked your mom! You are nowhere near cancer.
Next time, do not ask your mom to do ultrasounds. She really shouldn't concede to that, imo, as it is fueling your disease fantasy. But, ultimately, it is YOUR responsibility to not put her in that position and to set limits on yourself.
Go through the proper channels, which is a doctor. I haven't read this whole thread so I don't know if a doctor has seen you. If s/he has and said to come back if it's still there in a month, that's what you should have done. Otherwise leave this to a doc and not your own imagination and your mom!
darkside4k
08-09-18, 19:43
I feel very nauseous again today after eating. And full. I swear it must be my spleen. It's been going on for three days now. The itching hasn't been *as bad* today as previous few weeks. I just feel so sick after eating.
I feel very nauseous again today after eating. And full. I swear it must be my spleen. It's been going on for three days now. The itching hasn't been *as bad* today as previous few weeks. I just feel so sick after eating.
*sigh* not ever going to address the anxiety, are you? People have taken a lot of time repeatedly to try and help you and you ignore every post people spend time out of their lives to make regarding the anxiety.
Have you ever responded to anyone at all about the anxiety? Until you deal with the anxiety, this cycle will repeat over and over and over again.
Best of luck to you, wish you all the best, but I think I have to check out of your threads now.
darkside4k
13-09-18, 17:09
I wanted to post an update here.
I had my ENT appointment today. She felt my neck and couldn't feel much really. I told her about the ultrasound and she said 2cm is definitely something she would want to see come down but thought we should kinda "watch and wait" to see if it gets any bigger or becomes more palpable. It's not very obvious to feel it just from the outside of my neck.
She also said with Lymphoma typically it would be a pretty obvious cluster of nodes that are enlarged.
I dunno... I guess we'll see what happens. I have still been itchy ... though its almost like these pin-prick / ant-bite feelings that I get randomly mainly on my arms. Sometimes it will be a legit itch, but many times it this ant-bite feeling.
So, that's my update for now. I've been trying to stay pretty Stoic about the whole thing.
I wanted to post an update here.
I had my ENT appointment today. She felt my neck and couldn't feel much really. I told her about the ultrasound and she said 2cm is definitely something she would want to see come down but thought we should kinda "watch and wait" to see if it gets any bigger or becomes more palpable. It's not very obvious to feel it just from the outside of my neck.
She also said with Lymphoma typically it would be a pretty obvious cluster of nodes that are enlarged.
I dunno... I guess we'll see what happens. I have still been itchy ... though its almost like these pin-prick / ant-bite feelings that I get randomly mainly on my arms. Sometimes it will be a legit itch, but many times it this ant-bite feeling.
So, that's my update for now. I've been trying to stay pretty Stoic about the whole thing.
Was she worried about the 2 cm? Did she think it would take a biopsy?
the translator did not translate that phrase correctly
"and she said 2cm is definitely something she would want to see come down"
AMomentofClarity
13-09-18, 18:51
I had my ENT appointment today. She felt my neck and couldn't feel much really. I told her about the ultrasound and she said 2cm is definitely something she would want to see come down but thought we should kinda "watch and wait" to see if it gets any bigger or becomes more palpable. It's not very obvious to feel it just from the outside of my neck.
She also said with Lymphoma typically it would be a pretty obvious cluster of nodes that are enlarged.
Translation: The ENT wasn’t concerned at all, but as part of standard protocol she told me to keep an eye on it and come back if it gets any bigger.
So the ENT was happy to take your word for it re the ultrasound your Mum did and the node? He/she didn't want a look at the images?
Hi,
I have CLL (chronic lymphatic leukemia) .. diagnosed 2 and a half years ago and just recently been told it has progressed and i will be on chemo within 2 to 3 years (bit of a bummer considering it could have been 15 years or longer before treatment). My nodes in neck both throat and under ears are big on both sides.. clusters of them and my groin too. My spleen is ok at the moment i hope lol but my anxiety about it through the roof! This itching you talk about? i dont get any of the that and neck pain? I have aches in my neck but not as you put it.
Dont read google.. i do and it doesnt help :roflmao: << i just try to laugh about it .. doesnt always work! :)
darkside4k
13-09-18, 22:33
I don't think she was that interested in looking at images because she couldn't really feel it very well from the outside. It's not very obvious just feeling my neck because it's a little deeper in my neck. I would not have really noticed it if my Mom had not ultrasounded it. I would probably still not know it was there.
Honestly I'm not very happy with the visit and will probably seek out a second opinion. I'm not sure she took it very seriously at all. Any node >= 2cm should be suspected for lymphoma, especially with other symptoms like itching, etc.
I will probably go back to my primary care doctor and see if he can direct me somewhere else.
I'm still very convinced I have something going on. Such a waste of time visiting this ENT. I also still have mild soreness when swallowing water sometimes. Not in my throat but like in my neck muscles. So depressing. Why do doctors not take things seriously? It's so dangerous.
I’m confused. I thought you noticed it and asked for your mum to do a ultrasound? Or did you have one for no reason and just happen to find it?
darkside4k
13-09-18, 22:43
No I asked my Mom to do an ultrasound because I had noticed a *tiny* bump by my Adam's apple and was having some neck pain. My mom thinks tiny bump is a cyst and it was about 4mm.
After that she scanned around where the neck pain was and saw the node. I did not ask her to take a look because of that node. I did not even know it was there until she scanned it.
I imagine that’s why the ENT wasn’t overly worried then. If it isn’t palpable or visible/growing an enlarged node isn’t usually a major concern.
I have leukemia and have told you what i have and feel.. yet you bypass the answers people give you.. it seems odd thats all.
---------- Post added at 23:01 ---------- Previous post was at 22:59 ----------
Surely you have had blood work? Lymphoma would present in bloods no??
anxious123
13-09-18, 23:45
Hey mate, you’re definitely not alone in this. I have itching and multiple swollen nodes. i have had a couple examined by doctors and had bloods done. they were not concerned. of course this hasn’t stopped me spending every day of my life worrying about this. I have tried to convince myself all the nodes are shotty from my mono infection last year, as this would be a plausible explanation, but even this doesn’t ease my mind. The thing with my itching, is i have only felt it as a symptom after i read it was a lymphoma symptom, which is something you could consider. knowing symptoms and worrying about the possibility of them tends to bring them on for me. I know this isn’t much help, as i’m suffering with great anxiety like you, but sometimes hearing similar stories helps us ease our mind.
I may have missed something, but why in the world would your mom do an ultrasound on your neck or anywhere for that matter, UNLESS a doctor ordered one?? That blows my mind. Ultrasound Tech’s aren’t qualified to read those anyway. That’s why we have radiologist’s! I know this because my cousin is an ultrasound tech. Tech’s May be able to tell if something is different but they are not trained to read ultrasounds. Sorry if I missed something saying she is in fact a radiologist! If your doctor didn’t think you needed further testing then you don’t. I’ve had cancer, although not lymphoma. So trust me when I say if your doctor (or any doctor for that matter, such as an ENT) thought for a second you had lymphoma you would be sent for further testing by now!
MyNameIsTerry
14-09-18, 02:28
So, the lymph node was an incidental finding then. This wasn't very clear from earlier in the thread. And I take it the cyst she thought was there isn't an issue for you? Why shrug that lump off so easily?
I don't think your mum helped you at all here. I question what she knows about your anxiety because that scan was only ever going to feed your obsessions.
Both a surgeon and an ENT have reviewed your case, one of them even looked at the scan. Both agree isn't nothing to be concerned about. So, you are not only doubting the ENT but the surgeon too.
The ENT couldn't even find it? So, we have an incidental finding from a scan that never should have happened and some symptoms that could point to many things. It was a little deeper in your neck but doctors are trained in manipulating the body to be able to feel a normal sized lymph node let alone an enlarged one.
---------- Post added at 02:28 ---------- Previous post was at 02:26 ----------
Hi,
I have CLL (chronic lymphatic leukemia) .. diagnosed 2 and a half years ago and just recently been told it has progressed and i will be on chemo within 2 to 3 years (bit of a bummer considering it could have been 15 years or longer before treatment). My nodes in neck both throat and under ears are big on both sides.. clusters of them and my groin too. My spleen is ok at the moment i hope lol but my anxiety about it through the roof! This itching you talk about? i dont get any of the that and neck pain? I have aches in my neck but not as you put it.
Dont read google.. i do and it doesnt help :roflmao: << i just try to laugh about it .. doesnt always work! :)
Sorry to hear that Mocky. I hope you get all the support & treatment you need for this. And you will find people on here will be willing to support you.
The OP (sadly) has form for ignoring posts such as your as he's after the ones that back up his symptoms. Don't take it personally.
I may have missed something, but why in the world would your mom do an ultrasound on your neck or anywhere for that matter, UNLESS a doctor ordered one?? That blows my mind. Ultrasound Tech’s aren’t qualified to read those anyway. That’s why we have radiologist’s!
This last thing you said is sooooo true. I have an an aortic anuerysm, and have annual echoes and CT. Thing is, I was watching the echo tech write measurements, and wrote a 5.5cm (which would have represented VERY fast growth, in fact, it would have meant the aneurysm grew 6mm in one year, and would count for an emergency situation).
The actual radiologists report said 4.9cm, which represents 1mm growth, which was to be expected.
The only reason I bring this up is to point out the difference between what radiologists and techs can see. I would almost say what your mother did was very unhelpful to someone with anxiety, and anyone else too.
I think darkside's a little out of his depth now with people who have actual health issues and who have been through the mill with testing so know how the system works.
I could tell you my on going treatment darkside but I won’t.
YOU do not have Lymphoma.:mad:
I know how i feel and what this disease put you through.. not the worst of it yet i must add! But i know you dont have it but of course you dont seem to want to listen to that or any experts for that matter.. im all for empathy with anxiety sufferers coz im there everyday but i am not sure about you and your motives to he honest.. your submissive and very self absorbed it seems as i dont see you wanting genuine help! Sorry just my feelings on the matter.. stay well
---------- Post added at 15:05 ---------- Previous post was at 15:01 ----------
Hey mate, you’re definitely not alone in this. I have itching and multiple swollen nodes. i have had a couple examined by doctors and had bloods done. they were not concerned. of course this hasn’t stopped me spending every day of my life worrying about this. I have tried to convince myself all the nodes are shotty from my mono infection last year, as this would be a plausible explanation, but even this doesn’t ease my mind. The thing with my itching, is i have only felt it as a symptom after i read it was a lymphoma symptom, which is something you could consider. knowing symptoms and worrying about the possibility of them tends to bring them on for me. I know this isn’t much help, as i’m suffering with great anxiety like you, but sometimes hearing similar stories helps us ease our mind.
You had bloods done... so why worry? If you have leukemia then it will show, your lymphocytes, hemoglobin,platelets etc etc would all show in blood tests.. Trust me i know.. i am suffering from it! :weep: but keep ya chin up and fight the feelings! :yesyes:
Hi,
I have CLL (chronic lymphatic leukemia) .. diagnosed 2 and a half years ago and just recently been told it has progressed and i will be on chemo within 2 to 3 years (bit of a bummer considering it could have been 15 years or longer before treatment). My nodes in neck both throat and under ears are big on both sides.. clusters of them and my groin too. My spleen is ok at the moment i hope lol but my anxiety about it through the roof! This itching you talk about? i dont get any of the that and neck pain? I have aches in my neck but not as you put it.
Dont read google.. i do and it doesnt help :roflmao: << i just try to laugh about it .. doesnt always work! :)
You have ignored this post completely, but of course you are using this site "I think expressing my fears and concerns here is an outlet. A place for all the worry and anxiety to vent a little bit. "
Perhaps other users should remember that Darkside is not looking for answers but seeking anything that will FEED THE DRAGON
AnxietyGirl30
14-09-18, 15:35
I don't think she was that interested in looking at images because she couldn't really feel it very well from the outside. It's not very obvious just feeling my neck because it's a little deeper in my neck. I would not have really noticed it if my Mom had not ultrasounded it. I would probably still not know it was there.
Honestly I'm not very happy with the visit and will probably seek out a second opinion. I'm not sure she took it very seriously at all. Any node >= 2cm should be suspected for lymphoma, especially with other symptoms like itching, etc.
I will probably go back to my primary care doctor and see if he can direct me somewhere else.
I'm still very convinced I have something going on. Such a waste of time visiting this ENT. I also still have mild soreness when swallowing water sometimes. Not in my throat but like in my neck muscles. So depressing. Why do doctors not take things seriously? It's so dangerous.
I am someone who also worries about lymph nodes but I honestly can’t believe how you have completely dismissed the persons post who actually has a serious illness!! You seem very selfish and will not accept anything anyone tells you! I think even if they cut you open and took the thing out you would still say somethings been missed!
I can’t beleive I am even getting annoyed about this when I come on here to rant and worry about lymph nodes but I do tend to try and take on board what people tell me and also I would never ignore what’s soemone who is actually going through something serious has said!
You have had tests done and if any doctor thought there was something wrong you would be dealt with accordingly! They aren’t just going to ignore you what makes you think that you are that special!
Perhaps other users should remember that Darkside is not looking for answers but seeking anything that will FEED THE DRAGON
This is a comment in general and goes for many others as well. Whether it's part of the illness or otherwise, feeding the dragon is often the main purpose. You could literally type a '.' and it will feed those who are deep in the rabbit hole. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it 'seems' like those with these irrational fears almost want to prove everyone wrong. It may not be intentional but it does present that way. Veteran members know there have been several members who have said "You'll be sorry when I come back with a diagnosis". There was a member on Anxiety zone that was convinced he had ALS. He even posted he was diagnosed before disappearing only to show up here several months later miraculously recovered. There was a member here that was convinced he had lymphoma. He poked and prodded himself to the point he had shotty nodes everywhere. After literally dozens of doctors and tests, he found a doctor to do an invasive surgical biopsy. It was negative of course. He STILL doubted!
In the time I've been on the boards, I know of two people who actually had something serious going on. Think about that... two out of tens and tens of thousands of posts and fears. Interestingly enough, they didn't freak out like they thought they would. They faced it head on and are doing fine now. And more interesting, their HA has taken a back set in their lives and doesn't affect them to any detrimental degree.
I understand that mental illness is a fickle thing. I understand that what works for one person may not necessarily work for another BUT... you have to at least put some effort in. You don't get fit physically by being a couch potato. You can't get fit mentally by Googling illnesses and posting your fears and panic on a website either!
Anyway.... and as always...
Positive thoughts
In the time I've been on the boards, I know of two people who actually had something serious going on. Think about that... two out of tens and tens of thousands of posts and fears. Interestingly enough, they didn't freak out like they thought they would. They faced it head on and are doing fine now. And more interesting, their HA has taken a back set in their lives and doesn't affect them to any detrimental degree.
I understand that mental illness is a fickle thing. I understand that what works for one person may not necessarily work for another BUT... you have to at least put some effort in. You don't get fit physically by being a couch potato. You can't get fit mentally by Googling illnesses and posting your fears and panic on a website either!
Anyway.... and as always...
Positive thoughts
I find this most interesting, and actually quite reassuring in a way. Thank you for posting this.
MyNameIsTerry
15-09-18, 01:50
You have ignored this post completely, but of course you are using this site "I think expressing my fears and concerns here is an outlet. A place for all the worry and anxiety to vent a little bit. "
Perhaps other users should remember that Darkside is not looking for answers but seeking anything that will FEED THE DRAGON
I think Darkside should preface all his threads to explain whether he is looking for any feedback or just posting a vent. Maybe then we change our responses to match e.g. vents only get a supportive comment rather than questioning?
Ideally it should be done in a diary or a blogpost. On here it's only natural to think people want some words of reassurance/comfort/support or to discuss their situation.
I agree with pulisa. Out of his depth and falling all over himself to explain away his nonsense. It’s nothing more than embarrassing at this point.
darkside4k
18-09-18, 18:54
I'm still struggling with this fear :( ...
I'm itching quite a bit. Mainly my arms. Sometimes on my legs. I can't believe there is nothing going on there. Combined with the enlarged node in my neck it makes me fairly nervous.
I think Darkside should preface all his threads to explain whether he is looking for any feedback or just posting a vent. Maybe then we change our responses to match e.g. vents only get a supportive comment rather than questioning?
Ideally it should be done in a diary or a blogpost. On here it's only natural to think people want some words of reassurance/comfort/support or to discuss their situation.
:yesyes:
utrocket09
18-09-18, 19:29
I'm still struggling with this fear :( ...
I'm itching quite a bit. Mainly my arms. Sometimes on my legs. I can't believe there is nothing going on there. Combined with the enlarged node in my neck it makes me fairly nervous.
Going to say it again...why can't you just be itchy ? I itch often and have nothing wrong with me. And your node is hardly enlarged if all they told you was to keep an eye on it.
AnxietySufferer
18-09-18, 23:26
Have you seen the number of posts regarding enlarged lymph nodes on this site? Me being one of them?
It is one of the known anxiety triggers. Everyone will have swollen lymph nodes at some point. Its how we fight infection. Sometimes they do stay enlarged, unless this has gotten noticeably bigger in a short time period it is unlikely its caused by lymphoma.
There are a number of things that can cause neck pain, including sleeping in strange positions.
I had the same fear as you, my lymph node is still enlarged but, i no longer convince myself it lymphoma. If you continue to touch it its not uncommon for it to become itchy. This happened to mine also. also it is usually your skin in general that becomes itchy with lymphoma not necessarily the actual lymph node. Again this can also have many other causes, especially if you start focusing on the fact that you are itchy.
A very common symptom is also night sweats which you have not mentioned, though obviously anxiety can also be a cause of that one too.
Only a health care professional can confirm that it is not lymphoma, but it seems the bigger problem here is your health anxiety.
Its good you are getting it checked out properly, but make your you address the underlying issue... as always we will be here for you.
:)
---------- Post added at 23:26 ---------- Previous post was at 23:24 ----------
I agree with pulisa. Out of his depth and falling all over himself to explain away his nonsense. It’s nothing more than embarrassing at this point.
Theres nothing embarrassing about health anxiety. However, from past experience, sometimes no amount of reassurance on these forums will make any difference. You need to accept that anxiety is the bigger problem first. :hugs::hugs::hugs:
darkside4k
05-10-18, 18:23
Just an update to this story.
I have seen a couple doctors... my primary care doctor and a walk-in doctor who didn't seem to concerned. The ENT I saw wasn't that impressed either and didn't want to investigate any further without something more obvious to go after since she couldn't feel the lymph node very well (it's a deep cervical node).
But, I am still having itching. The muscle like pain on the right side of my neck when yawning and spitting has returned in the last few days for some reason. In addition, I assume I still have a 2cm node deep in the right side of my neck.
That being said, I'm kind of at a loss for what to do at this point. I don't have any super drastic new symptoms other than the pain when yawning which I could go back to the ENT about. When I saw her last time it has basically gone away so I didn't mention that as a symptom. It stayed gone for a couple weeks but now has popped back up.
I don't feel like I really have much to go back to my primary care doctor with that he hasn't already heard.
I could have my mom check the node again to see if it has enlarged but that scares me and I don't want to bother her.
Also, the itching is not on my lymph node. It's mainly on my arms and hands. Sometimes my legs.
I don't know what to do. I am still like 98% convinced I have lymphoma but I can't get anyone to look into it or take it serious even though I *actually do* have a 2cm lymph node in my neck confirmed by ultrasound that my mom did for me.
I feel frustrated and scared and don't know what to do. Maybe I should go back to my primary care doctor and tell him I want to check on this node again and maybe he can set something up for me? Or go back to the ENT and ask them to do an ultrasound?
I have had some times lately where I am conquering a fear of death. Where I think in my head... "if I have lymphoma so what?"... I will die anyways someday so, in the scheme of the Earth's billions of years existence what's the difference if I live for 1 more year or 40 more years? Why even care at all? I wish I could maintain that attitude all of the time.
Don't do anything other than get on with your life and face up to your hypochondria.
darkside4k
05-10-18, 21:58
I made another appointment with an ENT. I don't feel like soreness when swallowing is really something you should not get checked out so feel like it's prudent to do that.
I made another appointment with an ENT. I don't feel like soreness when swallowing is really something you should not get checked out so feel like it's prudent to do that.
You said yourself that it disappeared then came back, logically, if it were being caused by a growing lymphoma then the symptoms, obviously, would not only persist but gradually worsen.
At this point you’re just looking for a reason to justify your fear. The lymph node has been confirmed as not worth any fuss, so now your brain is trying to find something else to feed from.
A pain like that sounds like a dental issue. It could be a simple TMJ or just the way you grind your teeth when you sleep. The jaw is one of the most used joints in the body, the muscles and ligaments in that area are prone to holding vast amounts of tension.
That you connect a simple jaw pain to lymphoma is frankly absurd. Stop chasing a diagnosis you aren’t going to get.
Catherine S
05-10-18, 22:18
I'm still confused about your mother doing the scan...is she a technician? If this has already been answered then apologies.
Cath ☺
nomorepanic
05-10-18, 23:15
I guess some people aren't happy until they are told they are dying of something.
AMomentofClarity
05-10-18, 23:38
I guess some people aren't happy until they are told they are dying of something.
I would ask...is darkside really “living” right now?
I'm still confused about your mother doing the scan...is she a technician? If this has already been answered then apologies.
Cath ☺
His mother is apparently a "sonographer" :whistles:
Catherine S
06-10-18, 00:59
Ahh, someone who studies their son...that'd be it then. Thanks KK :)
AMomentofClarity
06-10-18, 01:01
Ahh, someone who studies their son...that'd be it then. Thanks KK :)
Hahahaha! This was funny.
darkside4k
10-04-19, 23:05
It's been 8 months now since I started worrying about this. I still worry about the node in my neck / groin. The groin node feels about the size of a small bean... maybe a black-eyed pea. The neck node feels a bit bigger maybe like a kidney bean. I'm still really worried about it. Would I be more sick by now? I don't know. I'm not anemic. My blood work the other week was basically normal.
I haven't had any other symptoms like fatigue or nightsweats or fevers or anything really. I just worry the nodes have gotten slightly bigger since 8 months ago.
nomorepanic
10-04-19, 23:09
yes you be sick but you know this already. You have nothing wrong with you.
Stephenie.welch
16-04-19, 13:33
Darkside what does your node feel like? Im going through the same thing mine feels like its a long squidgy vein but it's def a node.
My blood work the other week was basically normal.
Theres your answer then. Nothing wrong.
My coworker's son had lymphoma 4 years ago, the node in his neck was where the shoulder and neck meet. It went from barely there in August to the size of a fist by November.
There was no guessing or wondering, he was in surgery and then treatment within a couple weeks.
I hate any kind of lumps or bumps, they really are horrid for HA'ers.
darkside4k
22-04-19, 17:07
Still worried about my groin node. It feels like a pretty firm bean or something. I personally think it’s a bit bigger than it was 8 months ago but I’m not totally sure since I don’t have exact measurements on it.
It’s been basically exactly 8 months since I discovered it. When I’m standing up it feels more prominent maybe something like a chickpea... when I’m laying down it feels smaller and maybe like a black eyed pea.
I’m certain it’s lymphoma to be honest. It’s depressing me so much. I may finally make a doctors appointment and let them feel it this week.
I’m certain it’s lymphoma to be honest. It’s depressing me so much. I may finally make a doctors appointment and let them feel it this week.
Like you were "legitimately certain" you had myriad other cancers and terminal diseases? :lac:
I’m certain it’s lymphoma to be honest.
Oh well, there we go then, you must be right.....after all you've been right about the hundreds of other serious life-threatening illnesses.
BrightPhoenix
23-04-19, 19:20
One thing I've seen you not fully answer... have you sought professional help from a therapist?
exactly 8 months
chickpea...
black eyed pea.
I’m certain it’s lymphoma
My coworker's son HAD LYMPHOMA.
It went from barely there to the size of a fist
IN 3 MONTHS.
darkside4k
01-05-19, 23:51
Well, next week will be 9 months since I started worrying about all this. I am STILL worried. Perhaps more than ever... that my neck node and groin node are lymphoma. I really believe at least the groin node has perhaps gotten slightly larger. I used to think it felt about the size of a black-eyed pea but now I swear I think it feels a little longer than that.
I have not had any other symptoms of lymphoma thus far other than the nodes. I have not had any fever or sweats. I had itching months ago but that resolved.
I just can't shake it. I really believe it's a hair bigger than it used to be. That depresses and scares me. Really badly. I am worried I will die very young and tragically because of this awful disease.
nomorepanic
02-05-19, 00:03
so what are you doing about it?
utrocket09
02-05-19, 00:45
Well, next week will be 9 months since I started worrying about all this. I am STILL worried. Perhaps more than ever... that my neck node and groin node are lymphoma. I really believe at least the groin node has perhaps gotten slightly larger. I used to think it felt about the size of a black-eyed pea but now I swear I think it feels a little longer than that.
I have not had any other symptoms of lymphoma thus far other than the nodes. I have not had any fever or sweats. I had itching months ago but that resolved.
I just can't shake it. I really believe it's a hair bigger than it used to be. That depresses and scares me. Really badly. I am worried I will die very young and tragically because of this awful disease.
Seriously...some of us know people whom have had these type of cancers. If you were actually sick you would have been sicker by now.
Hell, since you are so sure it is cancer, best to go a cancer center and start treatment.
I am worried I will die very young and tragically because of this awful disease.
But you're not living now, and that's a tragedy. What's it going to take for you to treat the real problem here?
darkside4k
03-05-19, 01:09
I made an appointment with primary care doctor to feel my groin node. If I had to guess I would say it's about 1cm. But, lately it feels like two smaller nodes attached to each other which really scares me because that is a sign of lymphoma. :/ ...
utrocket09
03-05-19, 01:41
Darkside,
You still have not answered the question.
What are you doing about the anxiety. You continue to skate around the question. After 9 months, if you actually had something wrong, you would have more symptoms.
I am an Hodgkin Lymphoma survivor and know a thing or two about nodes.
The lymphatic system is designed to clear the body of infectious organisms. Your nodes may swell in that process. Sometimes, they don’t go down afters swelling--they become “shotty”. Shotty nodes are often small clusters of bean-sized nodes, often described as feeling like buckshot beneath the skin. They are perfectly benign. This sounds like the nodes you’ve described in your groin.
Professionals are trained to discern which nodes are concerning and which aren’t. My cancerous node was immediately concerning to my GP, who referred me for a biopsy to a cancer specialist. You, on the other hand, have had your nodes examined via sonography and palpation by a few specialists, none of whom are concerned. And no-one has referred you to a cancer specialist.
You either have a whole bunch of incompentent, unethical medical professionals around you or you are over-reacting.
You have two choices: believe your medical professionals or get a biopsy.
Good luck with your doctor, there are other much more benign things can cause a lymphnode to swell. It doesn't have to be a lymphoma. Try and relax , take deep breaths and wait and see what the doctor says
darkside4k
04-05-19, 00:14
I haven't done anything specific to address my anxiety in a while. I wasn't feeling super anxious until I started feeling like my groin node was getting a little bit bigger after like 8 months of seeming to be the same size.
Once I get through this maybe I will look into more anxiety treatment. My anxiety very much comes in waves / seasons so its when I'm feeling better its hard to feel motivated to great treatment because I'm feeling fine and not really worrying about anything. Then when I start worrying about a health topic I feel debilitated until I get to the bottom of that first.
I really hope it's nothing, but I honestly fear it is lymphoma. I have read stories, even on hypochondria forums, of people being diagnosed with lymphoma after like 8 months of getting nowhere with doctors. That's what really scares me.
MyNameIsTerry
04-05-19, 01:46
I haven't done anything specific to address my anxiety in a while. I wasn't feeling super anxious until I started feeling like my groin node was getting a little bit bigger after like 8 months of seeming to be the same size.
Once I get through this maybe I will look into more anxiety treatment. My anxiety very much comes in waves / seasons so its when I'm feeling better its hard to feel motivated to great treatment because I'm feeling fine and not really worrying about anything. Then when I start worrying about a health topic I feel debilitated until I get to the bottom of that first.
I really hope it's nothing, but I honestly fear it is lymphoma. I have read stories, even on hypochondria forums, of people being diagnosed with lymphoma after like 8 months of getting nowhere with doctors. That's what really scares me.
But how many of them have all the different types of cancers you've had in the last couple of years?
Yes, some people are failed by doctors but they are thankfully the minority.
utrocket09
04-05-19, 01:48
I haven't done anything specific to address my anxiety in a while. I wasn't feeling super anxious until I started feeling like my groin node was getting a little bit bigger after like 8 months of seeming to be the same size.
Once I get through this maybe I will look into more anxiety treatment. My anxiety very much comes in waves / seasons so its when I'm feeling better its hard to feel motivated to great treatment because I'm feeling fine and not really worrying about anything. Then when I start worrying about a health topic I feel debilitated until I get to the bottom of that first.
I really hope it's nothing, but I honestly fear it is lymphoma. I have read stories, even on hypochondria forums, of people being diagnosed with lymphoma after like 8 months of getting nowhere with doctors. That's what really scares me.
Darkside, that is your problem...HOW MANY ILLNESSES WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO GET HELP?
YOU ARE NOT SICK.
darkside4k
04-05-19, 14:39
But I am sick I believe. My lymph node in my groin HAS gotten slightly bigger. Why would it have gotten slightly bigger a month ago or so and it never gone down?
But I am sick I believe. My lymph node in my groin HAS gotten slightly bigger. Why would it have gotten slightly bigger a month ago or so and it never gone down?
Constant poking and prodding have likely made it shotty. "Told Ya So Gang" on standby ;)
Positive thoughts
utrocket09
04-05-19, 17:37
But I am sick I believe. My lymph node in my groin HAS gotten slightly bigger. Why would it have gotten slightly bigger a month ago or so and it never gone down?
Well let's see poking it can make it bigger...and slightly bigger does not mean anything over the course of 9 months.
Yes, you are sick...but not with cancer, with a mental illness that needs attention.
MyNameIsTerry
05-05-19, 02:05
I haven't done anything specific to address my anxiety in a while. I wasn't feeling super anxious until I started feeling like my groin node was getting a little bit bigger after like 8 months of seeming to be the same size.
Once I get through this maybe I will look into more anxiety treatment. My anxiety very much comes in waves / seasons so its when I'm feeling better its hard to feel motivated to great treatment because I'm feeling fine and not really worrying about anything. Then when I start worrying about a health topic I feel debilitated until I get to the bottom of that first.
I really hope it's nothing, but I honestly fear it is lymphoma.
I have read stories, even on hypochondria forums, of people being diagnosed with lymphoma after like 8 months of getting nowhere with doctors. That's what really scares me.
But how many of them have all the different types of cancers you've had in the last couple of years?
Yes, some people are failed by doctors but they are thankfully the minority.
And what about all the other times you were certain?
darkside4k
07-05-19, 15:34
I went to a primary care doctor this morning to let him feel the groin node. He said it could be a lymph node and it doesn't feel too significant right now but to come back if it gets bigger / is easily felt just lightly brushing across the skin.
I don't know. Feel like the whole was kind of a waste of time. I do still 100% believe the groin lymph node has gotten slightly bigger over the last month or so and is definitely lymphoma. But, it sounds like I'll just have to sit around and let it get bigger before anyone will do anything. Just let the cancer progress even further I guess. So depressing.
utrocket09
07-05-19, 15:38
I went to a primary care doctor this morning to let him feel the groin node. He said it could be a lymph node and it doesn't feel too significant right now but to come back if it gets bigger / is easily felt just lightly brushing across the skin.
I don't know. Feel like the whole was kind of a waste of time. I do still 100% believe the groin lymph node has gotten slightly bigger over the last month or so and is definitely lymphoma. But, it sounds like I'll just have to sit around and let it get bigger before anyone will do anything. Just let the cancer progress even further I guess. So depressing.
What cancer!? If you had cancer, they would not have let you leave the appointment without further testing.
You have got to stop with the nonsense.
darkside4k
07-05-19, 16:18
But you and I both know that is not true. Doctors aren't concerned about something that ends up being serious *all the time*. I have been feeling this lymph node off and on for the last 9 months. I know it feels different now. It feels like two little lumps now instead of just one. That is a symptom of lymphoma.
I guess I will make another appointment somewhere else. I'm so depressed about this.
utrocket09
07-05-19, 16:28
But you and I both know that is not true. Doctors aren't concerned about something that ends up being serious *all the time*. I have been feeling this lymph node off and on for the last 9 months. I know it feels different now. It feels like two little lumps now instead of just one. That is a symptom of lymphoma.
I guess I will make another appointment somewhere else. I'm so depressed about this.
I can tell you that it is true. So now, you are going to waste more time and resources on something that is not serious, nor is it cancer. What happened to the other serious illnesses you were so sure you had?
If someone has cancer, they do not normally question it. They know they are ill, and usually others around them can tell they are ill.
If you are so sure you have cancer, then I guess go make an appointment at a cancer center then.
MyNameIsTerry
07-05-19, 16:46
But you and I both know that is not true. Doctors aren't concerned about something that ends up being serious *all the time*. I have been feeling this lymph node off and on for the last 9 months. I know it feels different now. It feels like two little lumps now instead of just one. That is a symptom of lymphoma.I guess I will make another appointment somewhere else. I'm so depressed about this.Training for lymph node checking is pretty basic and they use it constantly for benign things like infections. I think they are a bit more objective about what constitutes a concern over someone who has been "definitely" sure they had how many cancers in the last couple of years?
If you are so sure you have cancer, then I guess go make an appointment at a cancer center then.
Unless you have a diagnosis, that will be a total out of pocket expense and a huge one. I was diagnosed locally and wasn't comfortable with the doctors or game plan. I contacted Johns Hopkins for a 2nd opinion, had all my records forwarded and had an entire team of oncologists and other specialists take on my case.
Anyway... we all know the deal here. I think there should be a sub-forum called SSDD. There are more than a few members who's posts and threads would qualify.
Positive thoughts
utrocket09
07-05-19, 18:51
Unless you have a diagnosis, that will be a total out of pocket expense and a huge one. I was diagnosed locally and wasn't comfortable with the doctors or game plan. I contacted Johns Hopkins for a 2nd opinion, had all my records forwarded and had an entire team of oncologists and other specialists take on my case.
Anyway... we all know the deal here. I think there should be a sub-forum called SSDD. There are more than a few members who's posts and threads would qualify.
Positive thoughts
That is the whole point, if darkide is as ill as he says he is, he might as well just to a cancer center. Seeing as he wants to waste time and resources.
That is the whole point, if darkide is as ill as he says he is, he might as well just to a cancer center. Seeing as he wants to waste time and resources.
IF they'll even see him. There has to be a reason to do so. There are actual cancer patients that are more important than a severe hypochondriac. That said, he can pay for unnecessary tests and 2nd opinions till the cows come home and we'll still see him here crying wolf :lac:
Positive thoughts
Just let the cancer progress even further I guess.
:emot-rolleyes: (This is the only eye-rolling emoticon I could find, but it doesn't really do the job)
darkside4k
07-05-19, 19:19
The thing is I don't feel ill at all. I feel fine. It's only the node that is concerning me. I discovered in August 2018. But, I *SWEAR* it has gotten a little different last month.
This could well be because of you prodding it.
This could well be because of you prodding it.
Exactly. Wouldn't be surprised if they're shotty by now.
Positive thoughts
nomorepanic
07-05-19, 19:42
So once again it isn't cancer then - so move on and dare I say treat the anxiety
What does shotty mean FMP, I hear our US friends using this word about lymph nodes ?!
Of course its the prodding and poking, any human tissue will respond with inflammation.
Shotty: Resembling shot or pellets of lead, shotgun pellets and, hence, hard and round.
Can we please restrict Americanisms to one shot per day. Thank you :shades:
What does shotty mean FMP, I hear our US friends using this word about lymph nodes ?!
Of course its the prodding and poking, any human tissue will respond with inflammation.
When you poke and prod too much, nodes can not only react and enlarge a little, they can and do become permanently enlarged and hard, or "shotty". Totally harmless.
Positive thoughts
Shotty: Resembling shot or pellets of lead, shotgun pellets and, hence, hard and round.
Can we please restrict Americanisms to one shot per day. Thank you :shades:
I made you google for me......lol......like I had no ability to do it myself. Ha ha !
The thing is I don't feel ill at all. I feel fine. It's only the node that is concerning me. I discovered in August 2018. But, I *SWEAR* it has gotten a little different last month.
You are absolutely ill, though mentally and not physically. 🤷*♂️
MyNameIsTerry
08-05-19, 01:41
If a man fondles his groin all day long it's hardly surprising if something "firms" up :winks:
darkside4k
08-05-19, 01:43
In all seriousness it should not start feeling like TWO bumps instead of ONE though, even with prodding. That is what is concerning me a lot. 1) it definitely feels a bit bigger and 2) I can now feel 2 small bumps right next to each other. I truly know of no benign explanation for that. Nothing.
Darkside, you are only causing a problem for yourself and nobody else. I am a healthcare professional and actually work full time in a cancer center with CANCER patients. We will not see anyone that doesn’t have a consult from their doctor suspecting they have cancer. You do not have cancer. You do not have lymphoma. A doctor or trained medical professional would not let you leave their office if they thought something was wrong. If everyone on this forum checked their body WE WOULD ALL find a lymph node enlarged somewhere I am sure of it. I have a couple of shotty lymph nodes on the back of my neck. Am I pounding on the door of my doctor? No. Am I convinced I have cancer? No. Lymph nodes swell when we are sick with the flu, a virus and even ALLERGIES cause lymph nodes to swell. If you refuse to believe your doctor and others on this forum you are only hurting yourself and will continue to live in fear. YOU DO NOT HAVE LYMPHOMA. I treat patients with lymphoma everyday. You do not have it. Please relax, a stressed body is bad for the immune system and you can honestly make yourself sick. Enjoy your life and RELAX. You are fine. Best wishes
MyNameIsTerry
08-05-19, 03:46
Darkside, you are only causing a problem for yourself and nobody else. I am a healthcare professional and actually work full time in a cancer center with CANCER patients. We will not see anyone that doesn’t have a consult from their doctor suspecting they have cancer. You do not have cancer. You do not have lymphoma. A doctor or trained medical professional would not let you leave their office if they thought something was wrong. If everyone on this forum checked their body WE WOULD ALL find a lymph node enlarged somewhere I am sure of it. I have a couple of shotty lymph nodes on the back of my neck. Am I pounding on the door of my doctor? No. Am I convinced I have cancer? No. Lymph nodes swell when we are sick with the flu, a virus and even ALLERGIES cause lymph nodes to swell. If you refuse to believe your doctor and others on this forum you are only hurting yourself and will continue to live in fear. YOU DO NOT HAVE LYMPHOMA. I treat patients with lymphoma everyday. You do not have it. Please relax, a stressed body is bad for the immune system and you can honestly make yourself sick. Enjoy your life and RELAX. You are fine. Best wishes
^ listen to this, darkside. Deal with the elephant in the room.
BIB - which explains why it shouldn't be promoted as an option on here then.
I had to look up BIB on the acronym dictionary ! :roflmao:
Nothing we say makes a jot of difference here, nothing, and never has. You have imaginary cancer. Your illness isn't physical, as someone else said on the last page. You just don't want to deal with it for some reason...the elephant in the room.
...the elephant in the room.
I fear the NMP floor will give way and collapse with all these elephants in the room! :wacko:
darkside4k
08-05-19, 22:52
I don't understand why everyone is so convinced I *don't* have lymphoma. I have felt my node changing. :/ ... I know I have been a pain in the past but eventually I may be right about something and I really feel like something is going on with me this time. I'm hoping I can see another doctor next week.
I don't understand why everyone is so convinced I *don't* have lymphoma. I have felt my node changing. :/ ... I know I have been a pain in the past but eventually I may be right about something and I really feel like something is going on with me this time. I'm hoping I can see another doctor next week.
It appears that you are posting here for reassurance, many here are trying their best to help you and give you that with their honest opnions.
Are we wrong? Do you not want reassurance at all?
Do you want us to agree with you?
Darkside4k you feel you have enlarged lymph nodes of the many benign things it "could" be, on that list is lymphoma.
I'll keep good thoughts for you, please let us know what the dr diagnoses you with.
I don't understand why everyone is so convinced I *don't* have lymphoma.
Perhaps because in the last 16 months you've been convinced you or a loved one had ALS, leukemia, skin cancer, colon cancer, cervical cancer, prostate/bladder cancer, brain cancer, lymphoma, esophageal cancer, thyroid cancer etc....
Positive thoughts
nomorepanic
08-05-19, 23:27
I don't understand why everyone is so convinced I *don't* have lymphoma. I have felt my node changing. :/ ... I know I have been a pain in the past but eventually I may be right about something and I really feel like something is going on with me this time. I'm hoping I can see another doctor next week.
this is the boy who cried wolf to be honest
I don't understand why everyone is so convinced I *don't* have lymphoma. I have felt my node changing. :/ ... I know I have been a pain in the past but eventually I may be right about something and I really feel like something is going on with me this time. I'm hoping I can see another doctor next week.
That's an extremely disingenuous comment - and you know it - because when members HAVE agreed with you in the past (to prove a point), you've displayed a very negative reaction - as expected. Would you tell another poster their symptoms sound like cancer and to get it "checked out" ASAP if you firmly believed it?
Thought not :lac:
utrocket09
09-05-19, 02:20
I don't understand why everyone is so convinced I *don't* have lymphoma. I have felt my node changing. :/ ... I know I have been a pain in the past but eventually I may be right about something and I really feel like something is going on with me this time. I'm hoping I can see another doctor next week.
Eventually being the key word...you have not been right so far in over a year. What are you going to do next week when you see another doc and they tell you again that you are fine?
Are you going to come back and argue again ?
Yeah, eventually.....probably when you are like 85 or something. Yep, eventually you WILL be right.....as we do all die in the end. Yeah eventually you definitely will be right.......and have wasted your WHOLE LIFE.
That's an extremely disingenuous comment - and you know it - because when members HAVE agreed with you in the past (to prove a point), you've displayed a very negative reaction - as expected. Would you tell another poster their symptoms sound like cancer and to get it "checked out" ASAP if you firmly believed it?
Absolutement!
eventually I may be right about something
Yeah, eventually.....probably when you are like 85 or something. Yep, eventually you WILL be right.....as we do all die in the end.
Just think... YOU could get the last word in too! ;)
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/de/0f/5a/de0f5a01018f4f44abe206eb64cb4d49.jpg
Positive thoughts
darkside4k
13-05-19, 00:37
So scared today. I know the groin node feels different than it did before. I at least know that for 100% certain.
I feel like I need to push for further exploration on this because nobody cares about my health like I do. If a doctor thinks it’s too small and it later ends up being cancer... I’m the one that pays the price.
I will make another appointment this week.
yeah, pushing prodding, checking and so on......
Stop playing with your groin!
So scared today. I know the groin node feels different than it did before. I at least know that for 100% certain.
I feel like I need to push for further exploration on this because nobody cares about my health like I do. If a doctor thinks it’s too small and it later ends up being cancer... I’m the one that pays the price.
I will make another appointment this week.
And it seems no one cares less about your mental health than you do. Please tell me you are getting some help along those lines. Your mind is part of the same body that you suspect is riddled with disease, why neglect it? Take care of it too, as you know it *does* have a problem.
darkside4k
14-05-19, 17:00
I saw another primary care doctor today and he felt the node and said we could do an ultrasound to see exactly what it is / how big, etc. I'm pretty concerned... why would he suggest an ultrasound if he thought it wasn't potentially lymphoma? Obviously he thinks it is a possibility. He said they should be able to schedule my ultrasound this week or next.
nomorepanic
14-05-19, 17:14
Probably to reassure you that it isn't
darkside4k
14-05-19, 17:23
He did not seem to be doing it just to reassure me.
You're getting what you want and if they blew you off you wouldn't be satisfied either so..... CYA medicine.
Positive thoughts
utrocket09
14-05-19, 18:10
I saw another primary care doctor today and he felt the node and said we could do an ultrasound to see exactly what it is / how big, etc. I'm pretty concerned... why would he suggest an ultrasound if he thought it wasn't potentially lymphoma? Obviously he thinks it is a possibility. He said they should be able to schedule my ultrasound this week or next.
To be blunt...they are doing it to shut you up!
nomorepanic
14-05-19, 19:56
I nearly replied with that as well urocket :blush:
utrocket09
14-05-19, 20:25
I nearly replied with that as well urocket :blush:
Aw! thanks guys! ☺️
AMomentofClarity
14-05-19, 21:39
I generally disregard Darksides threads, but this is a new low. Seriously dude?!?! You won’t listen to doctors because you don’t trust they know what they’re feeling for, but now you’re freaked out that they’ve ordered tests.
You seem like a smart guy, surely you can see how asinine that is
darkside4k
14-05-19, 22:05
I'm a hypochondriac. This board has a bad habit of treating hypochondriacs as if they should think like normal, rational adults about their health. This is a hypochondriac forum. It is full of irrational people.
This is a new doctor so he was not doing it to "shut me up" as this was literally the first time he had seen me at all.
I'm a hypochondriac. This board has a bad habit of treating hypochondriacs as if they should think like normal, rational adults about their health. This is a hypochondriac forum. It is full of irrational people.
This is a new doctor so he was not doing it to "shut me up" as this was literally the first time he had seen me at all.
Your reply to being challenged was very rational and normal. Why is it that some of he most irrational members post so succinct and rationally when their train of thought truly challenged? It's like you're defending a loved on for goodness sakes. Its like I said about HA being a co-dependent relationship.
Positive thoughts
AMomentofClarity
14-05-19, 22:09
I'm a hypochondriac. This board has a bad habit of treating hypochondriacs as if they should think like normal, rational adults about their health. This is a hypochondriac forum. It is full of irrational people.
This is a new doctor so he was not doing it to "shut me up" as this was literally the first time he had seen me at all.
I think the assumption is people are coming here for help. If you just want indulged every time you have a fear, what’s the point? It’s an endless cycle atbthat point
I think the assumption is people are coming here for help. If you just want indulged every time you have a fear, what’s the point?
The truth indeed.
Your recognise the problem you have, yet year after year, here we still are - with you presenting with the monthly cancer. DO you think that s what the forum is for, just giving you reassurance? Trying to convince you each time that you don't have an illness? It is meant to be people trying to get better, but after 3 years....
darkside4k
14-05-19, 22:16
If this lymph node is not cancerous I will never post on this forum again.
If this lymph node is not cancerous I will never post on this forum again.
Darkside, oh never mind.........:roflmao:
If this lymph node is not cancerous I will never post on this forum again.
You can stay* :D
*With a small $50 donation to NMP.
nomorepanic
14-05-19, 23:04
That's a bit selfish after all the help we have given you just to leave with no thanks or helping anyone else.
utrocket09
14-05-19, 23:27
If this lymph node is not cancerous I will never post on this forum again.
Bahaha...yea, right. Till you develop another cancer.
MyNameIsTerry
15-05-19, 01:59
Maybe you will pop up here again, maybe under a different name or you will just head off to one of the many online forums and repeat the cycle but it will continue.
Lofwyr is right, we are all more concerned about your mental health than you are. Even if you had something your mental health would still be a concern yet you are typically so fixated on the physical side you are willing to let the rest suffer.
I think your wife needs more involvement in your health. Being here does allow you the convenience of not having to confront things. Certainly you get some negative comments, and I don't accept the "the person changes when challenged" nonsense as anyone upset or in pain lashes out and aren't just puppies sitting getting kicked, but it's largely a negative experience for your anxiety as you take so little from it.
Read about anxiety disorders. Read about things like OCD. The behaviours, the cycles. Try to at least accept in yourself that you need help.
AMomentofClarity
15-05-19, 02:45
Maybe you will pop up here again, maybe under a different name or you will just head off to one of the many online forums and repeat the cycle but it will continue.
Lofwyr is right, we are all more concerned about your mental health than you are. Even if you had something your mental health would still be a concern yet you are typically so fixated on the physical side you are willing to let the rest suffer.
I think your wife needs more involvement in your health. Being here does allow you the convenience of not having to confront things. Certainly you get some negative comments, and I don't accept the "the person changes when challenged" nonsense as anyone upset or in pain lashes out and aren't just puppies sitting getting kicked, but it's largely a negative experience for your anxiety as you take so little from it.
Read about anxiety disorders. Read about things like OCD. The behaviours, the cycles. Try to at least accept in yourself that you need help.
Well said
He did not seem to be doing it just to reassure me.
Or to make an easy buck?
He is being pretty laid back about scheduling an ultrasound so he obviously isn't concerned.
You promised during one of your previous episodes of dying that if you got the all clear that you would do something about your mental health and would also post to help other members.
Neither one of these have happened?
This is why we challenge you. You just keep repeating the cycle and have made no effort to break it.
I'm a hypochondriac. This board has a bad habit of treating hypochondriacs as if they should think like normal, rational adults about their health. This is a hypochondriac forum. It is full of irrational people.
This is a new doctor so he was not doing it to "shut me up" as this was literally the first time he had seen me at all.
So you don't want to stop being a hypochondriac? You don't want to be challenged? You wear your hypochondria badge with pride?
I do get the impression Darkside enjoys the dramatic aspects of his condition, at least on some level.
I do get the impression Darkside enjoys the dramatic aspects of his condition, at least on some level.
I agree but we will be challenged on this!
I challenge you BOTH! :D
To a game of Scrabble with Scrabble-meister Champion KK :shades:
If this lymph node is not cancerous I will never post on this forum again.
You can surely see, looking back, how badly this comes across !?
You've dropped into this forum for years (and another set of forums prior to this), always with a new deadly illness, and garner as much reassurance as you can from the other members. You reject all implications that your HA is causing the new illness, refuse to take action to deal with your hypochondria, pick out and ignore posts that you don't like the look of, disappear, never post anything for or to anybody else, don't update and then come back with another illness to 'take' again.
So, does your comment tell me that you intend on finding a new internet home, where you can start again with your continual depressing fears for some more years...until those members too 'find you out' and get fed up or start challenging you ? Does your comment tell me that you want to squeeze the last bit of anything we can give, our last 'give'...then you will throw this place aside as its all been pointless anyway? OR Does it mean that you think that this is your last brush with hypochondria, and you will be magically cured if you just get an all-clear this time? I know which version/s I think it is. It will do you NO GOOD going down this path again, and to be honest neither will moving anywhere else. Darkside, you don't like the replies you get here, but they are the most helpful things right now you could be told.
I challenge you BOTH! :biggrin:
.....:roflmao:
darkside4k
16-05-19, 20:40
I had my ultrasound. The lymph node in my groin was 1.5cm long on ultrasound. That is basically all the information I have at this point. I will have to wait for my doctor to call me with the full results. I am very depressed as I was hoping it was smaller than that.
AMomentofClarity
16-05-19, 21:14
I had my ultrasound. The lymph node in my groin was 1.5cm long on ultrasound. That is basically all the information I have at this point. I will have to wait for my doctor to call me with the full results. I am very depressed as I was hoping it was smaller than that.
Have you begun thinking of your next illness?
I looked back at the start of this thread, it was about a 2 cm one in your neck, right, way back last summer ?
So, I guess you moved onto poking this one instead.....
Come on DArkside, how long out of your life are you going to waste looking for signs of illness and death ?
darkside4k
16-05-19, 21:20
I don't have the full results from this yet. Also, yes I do still fear the node in my neck as well. It is still there. Maybe I should be more focused on that one instead.
How much of your life have you wasted on these silly fears?
darkside4k
16-05-19, 21:24
How much of your life have you wasted on these silly fears?
We literally have no idea if they are silly yet. I haven't heard from the doctor. All I know is it was 1.5cm long, which is not exactly "tiny".
See......heres the thing Darkside.....the majority of the population don't check lymph nodes. They don't even really know where they are, let alone their sizes. (I've only actually felt one under my jaw that got very large with an infection.) I might have one that is large, or more for all I know, but as I have no symptoms of anything I know that I'm ok. You however go looking, pushing, compulsively checking and even get your Mum to do an ultrasound on your neck! That isn't normal and it isn't healthy.
We literally have no idea if they are silly yet. I haven't heard from the doctor. All I know is it was 1.5cm long, which is not exactly "tiny".
Think about all the times you've been convinced you had a horrible disease before.
The sad thing is, for all the histrionics (and yes, they are histrionics) you really are in the grip of a vile, debilitating, life-wrecking disease. It's just one you refuse to adequately acknowledge.
nomorepanic
16-05-19, 21:40
Is there really any point updating us when you are about to leave the forum anyway? I hope a nice donation will be coming my way :yesyes:
darkside4k
17-05-19, 00:02
I will leave if it’s not cancerous; however, we know nothing yet because I haven’t heard from Doctor.
I will leave if it’s not cancerous; however, we know nothing yet because I haven’t heard from Doctor.
Doctor Who?
We know quite enough about your HA mind to come to our own conclusions, DS :lac:
I haven't read a lot of this thread so forgive me if I'm a little bit off the mark. It seems like you're worried about a lymph node in your groin. I had one if these once. It was totally benign, but I poked at it so frequently that it hung around for a few months. Maybe this pertains to you as well?
I haven't read a lot of this thread so forgive me if I'm a little bit off the mark. It seems like you're worried about a lymph node in your groin. I had one if these once. It was totally benign, but I poked at it so frequently that it hung around for a few months. Maybe this pertains to you as well?
Yep... it would behoove you take a look at Darkside's post history. Its enlightening to say the least :whistles:
Positive thoughts
darkside4k
17-05-19, 01:46
I would not have a 1.5cm node in my groin if I did not have lymphoma.
MyNameIsTerry
17-05-19, 02:05
We literally have no idea if they are silly yet. I haven't heard from the doctor. All I know is it was 1.5cm long, which is not exactly "tiny".
We do know they didn't happen and everything that preceded them was anxiety. We know this because you are still alive for one and undiagnosed with any of them, which would be advanced by now.
Isn't 1.5cm pretty much normal?
MyNameIsTerry
17-05-19, 02:21
I would not have a 1.5cm node in my groin if I did not have lymphoma.
Science disagrees with you. Above 1cm can be abnormal for certain types, ranges up to 12mm for others and some argue 1.5cm is fine too.
So, if a swollen lymph node at your size could only mean lymphoma all the other causes of swollen lymph nodes would have to be such a tiny range. Likely?
I would not have a 1.5cm node in my groin if I did not have lymphoma.
Thing is, generally, a lymph node of 1.5 to 2 cm size in the axillary and inguinal regions is considered normal. And you've been poking and prodding so its irritated. Anyway.... you're convinced as you were with all your other illnesses so :shrug:
Positive thoughts
I would not have a 1.5cm node in my groin if I did not have lymphoma.
Ok then. I'm sorry to hear you have lymphoma, best wishes as you go through treatment and I wish you a full recovery.
Jebus, how long can this guy's threads go...
Jebus, how long can this guy's threads go...
Im with you :doh:
It was totally benign, but I poked at it so frequently that it hung around for a few months. Maybe this pertains to you as well?
Yes, you are spot on! Having not even read all his post history and all the thread, you have got to the point, congrats.
darkside4k
17-05-19, 18:39
Well, I am pretty depressed. I haven't heard from doctor yet but the scan results were posted on my online chart from the facility that did the Ultrasound:
"Underlying the area of concern is an oval mixed echogenic solid structure 2 x 0.6 x 1.6 cm. Centrally this is of mixed hypoechoic echotexture with more peripheral echogenicity. This may reflect an inflamed structure. Lymph node or other solid nodule."
Do you have any clue what any of that means?
darkside4k
17-05-19, 18:43
The lymph node being 2 x 0.6 x 1.6cm is VERY concerning to me. To me that is not "long and skinny" like most people talk about benign nodes being. It's more round - just kinda flat ... like a thick pancake or something.
So, no, it's just the same old fears and melodrama.
nomorepanic
17-05-19, 18:51
The lymph node being 2 x 0.6 x 1.6cm is VERY concerning to me. To me that is not "long and skinny" like most people talk about benign nodes being. It's more round - just kinda flat ... like a thick pancake or something.
When did you become an expert on lymph nodes then :shrug:
"Underlying the area of concern is an oval mixed echogenic solid structure 2 x 0.6 x 1.6 cm. Centrally this is of mixed hypoechoic echotexture with more peripheral echogenicity. This may reflect an inflamed structure. Lymph node or other solid nodule."
Well, I'm astounded that complex medical details are posted 'online' before a doctor has even spoken with you. I have NO IDEA what it means at all, have you any idea at all about any of that terminology ? I'm reading the last sentence that says 'inflamed lymph node' ! I mean , doesn't that just say what you already knew, that there was an inflamed lymph node ?!
darkside4k
17-05-19, 19:04
Literally everything I read about these measurements is bad news. It's over. I have lymphoma or some other cancer causing the node to swell. It finally happened to me. I mean, I guess over a period of years I couldn't be wrong forever. :( ...
This is probably the lowest I have ever been. Truly.
Just ask your Mum? I believe you said she was a sonographer?
utrocket09
17-05-19, 19:21
Well, I am pretty depressed. I haven't heard from doctor yet but the scan results were posted on my online chart from the facility that did the Ultrasound:
"Underlying the area of concern is an oval mixed echogenic solid structure 2 x 0.6 x 1.6 cm. Centrally this is of mixed hypoechoic echotexture with more peripheral echogenicity. This may reflect an inflamed structure. Lymph node or other solid nodule."
what it means is you have a solid structure, Echogenicity has to do with sound waves in an ultrasound. It is an inflamed node. Let it go. If it was bad, they would have called you.
nomorepanic
17-05-19, 19:54
Literally everything I read about these measurements is bad news. It's over. I have lymphoma or some other cancer causing the node to swell. It finally happened to me. I mean, I guess over a period of years I couldn't be wrong forever. :( ...
This is probably the lowest I have ever been. Truly.
If you had put in place coping mechanisms to deal with the anxiety you wouldn't be so low but you chose not to so I am afraid you are going to have deal with this terrible news now.
Do I still get a donation though :whistles:
darkside4k
17-05-19, 19:57
If the node is not cancerous I will leave the forum and give a donation, as long as I can give the donation anonymously. However, right now all signs point to it being cancerous.
nomorepanic
17-05-19, 19:59
No they don't !
Why do you have to leave if it is not cancer - that is like throwing all the help I have given you back in my face.
utrocket09
17-05-19, 20:08
If the node is not cancerous I will leave the forum and give a donation, as long as I can give the donation anonymously. However, right now all signs point to it being cancerous.
And what other signs do you have that it cancer? If that was such the case, you would have been set up for a possible biopsy to see what is going on.
If the node is not cancerous I will leave the forum and give a donation
Please explain your reasoning on this senseless comment ?
darkside4k
17-05-19, 21:26
Because people really believe I have been wasting everyone's time and there is nothing wrong with me. If there is truly nothing wrong with me this time, I think it's time to just move on from this forum and not be a distraction anymore, and I am fine with making a donation to help out a board I have used quite a bit.
I still believe there is no way my node would have the measurements it does if it was benign. It's clearly malignant.
Because people really believe I have been wasting everyone's time and there is nothing wrong with me.
People think you have been wasting their time as you have done nothing to deal with your HA despite advice offered and support given for a few years. You have taken no steps in all these years to do anything to address your catastrophic thinking, your assumption that everything is cancer, and your constant searching for symptoms and illnesses. Nothing that we have said has made any difference to you, it is ongoing reassurance you crave all the time about the death sentence of the month. Actually, no its not really reassurance, it is like you trying to convince us you are dying.
So, have you asked your Mum what she thinks about this lymph node then, seeing as you've just had a second ultrasound done on it......?
You are correct, one day you will be right after years of crying wolf, but before then you will have wasted precious living time in fear of illness and death. Even then if you DID have a diagnosis of something, having the right attitudes and skills in dealing with anxiety are hugely beneficial. The irony that people have tried to get across to you; you are fearful of not being alive, but aren't living.
darkside4k
17-05-19, 21:46
I haven't involved my mom in this. It's a separate lymph node (she did the one on my neck)... this was for the node in my groin. I don't want to bother her or stress her out.
Why not ask her, she has expertise clearly ? (Yes, I forgot the one in your neck)
nomorepanic
17-05-19, 22:05
I haven't involved my mom in this. It's a separate lymph node (she did the one on my neck)... this was for the node in my groin. I don't want to bother her or stress her out.
or get reassurance it is nothing cos that goes against everything you do.
darkside4k
17-05-19, 22:58
I don’t want to stress her out or involve her in this.
I can’t believe I actually have lymphoma.
I’ve had swollen lymph nodes in my groin for years. Poking and prodding will irritate lymph nodes and in fact cause them to swell. They don’t always return to their previous size. I’m sure at any given point people have random swollen lymph nodes throughout their bodies, we have HUNDREDS, they just don’t notice them because they’re not poking around obsessively.
utrocket09
17-05-19, 23:08
I don’t want to stress her out or involve her in this.
I can’t believe I actually have lymphoma.
You don’t have it till you have an official diagnosis, which you do not have yet. You also have no other symptoms. What you do have is a mental illness that you are not addressing.
nomorepanic
17-05-19, 23:22
Ok enough now - this thread will be closed if you continue like this
darkside4k
18-05-19, 01:39
Sorry, I’m just really worried. Has anyone ever had lymph nodes of this size that were benign? 2 x 0.6 x 1.6cm?
I just can’t stop thinking about my kids crying at my funeral.
AMomentofClarity
18-05-19, 02:23
Sorry, I’m just really worried. Has anyone ever had lymph nodes of this size that were benign? 2 x 0.6 x 1.6cm?
I just can’t stop thinking about my kids crying at my funeral.
Dude, I’ve got to be honest. You’re pathetic. You added that last sentence hours after the first bit because you haven’t gotten your desired level of attention. Be a man....scratch that, start with trying to be a person. Just once on here, stand up and be a real human being and not a bottom feeding attention *you know what.*
MyNameIsTerry
18-05-19, 02:35
The lymph node being 2 x 0.6 x 1.6cm is VERY concerning to me. To me that is not "long and skinny" like most people talk about benign nodes being. It's more round - just kinda flat ... like a thick pancake or something.
I've had a pancake like lump under my arm for a couple of years now. Moves, can be irritated and made sore (thought it was a pimple at first). I showed my mum once to see if she thought it was an inflamed follicle. Both of us were of the mind it was just one of the bodies little imperfections that appear.
Two years. Still here. In the last few months it has disappeared. It was pretty large, a good few mm out of the skin and near a cm diameter outside the skin. Never explained, never even asked a GP. Why? Because my parents being elderly they have enough experience of seeing things like this on bodies so they were always a good 2nd opinion about whether I needed to bother with come cream or something for it and I've seen my dad have various lumps on his body as he aged, enough to know things just happen like this with no meaning. He spent years with some lumps and only had them removed when they began to cause irritation with clothing.
No lymphoma. But according to you he could only have had such a thing.
Have you thought about a GP looking at that node recently? Was his reaction "OMG I need to get this person onto a fast track cancer treatment ward right NOW" or was it "dunno, worth a quick scan though, eh?". That GP had a good look, and feel, and wasn't interested in it. I wonder how many thousands he has felt in his career? I wonder how many early cancers he has picked up in his career?
Rocket has explained what the medical guff means. They are just terms for finding a hard lump with some hardness on the boundaries. The rest are medical terms for what it was measured with.
And lets remember how long it's been there and how cancerous stuff swells up into sizes no doctor can miss.
We can also remember all the other advanced cancers you have had over the past couple of years. You are still here, although you panicked just as bad then.
You will leave if it's not cancerous? Why? What does that achieve? It does let you disappear off onto another forum and start this again without addressing your mental health. And why stay if is cancerous? That would open the door to you legitimately joining those cancer forums who are better placed to support you anyway.
i just can’t stop thinking about my kids crying at my funeral.
Okay, tough love time here.
Firstly, I always get the impression you quite enjoy these maudlin little fantasies.
Secondly, if you carry on with this obsession, when you do pass on (after reaching a ripe old age) your kids will be talking about how you damaged them by being more focused on your imaginary cancer than on their growing up.
Knock it off, before your relationship with them is irreparably damaged and you become a part of the reason for them needing the therapy you were unwilling to get yourself.
darkside4k
18-05-19, 19:21
Well even more bad news.... I remembered 2 months ago when I had blood work my monocytes were elevated. Just googled that... Lymphoma. Great.
No you didn’t.
Stop lying.
darkside4k
18-05-19, 19:35
I’m not lying? At all.
nomorepanic
18-05-19, 19:53
I am sure all we become clear soon one way or another so let's not keep going over it.
When do you get the official results?
Well even more bad news.... I remembered 2 months ago when I had blood work my monocytes were elevated. Just googled that... Lymphoma. Great.
So what did your haematologist say?
utrocket09
18-05-19, 20:04
Well even more bad news.... I remembered 2 months ago when I had blood work my monocytes were elevated. Just googled that... Lymphoma. Great.
If that was the case, they would have either re done your blood work or sent you to a specialist to examine you.
darkside4k
18-05-19, 22:21
Regarding the monocytes... I had blood work done when I was going through this worry (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?228892-Worried-I-m-becoming-Anemic-Lymphoma/page3) with the elevated heart rate, which I still get sometimes though honestly has seemed better the last 3 weeks or so. I went to a walk-in clinic here and told them my heart rate was high and I was wondering if I was anemic - so they did basic blood work and since I was mainly worried about the RBC which was normal my brain didn't focus too much on the elevated monocytes. The doctor didn't really point them out as he was mainly looking at red blood cells as well. I just noticed they were out of range and high on the paperwork.
Best case I had some sort of virus or illness back then that was causing that. Back on the thread you can see I didn't have much appetite either which maybe I had some sort of stomach virus. I really have no idea. Worst case is it is another sign that is pointing towards lymphoma... :(
I should hear *something* from my primary care doctor Monday regarding the ultrasound since the results are posted now. I should hear what he wants to do as far as next steps. Not sure what to expect there. I don't know if he will want to do blood work himself or just go straight to biopsy or what. I actually had blood work just 2-3 weeks ago at a cardiologist for my cholesterol and they did CBC as well but I do not know what the full results of that were. They just called me to tell me my cholesterol was high and started me on 10mg Lipitor daily. I don't know if they would have mentioned the monocytes if they were slightly high. They did not mention any other aspect of the blood results and I can't get the online system to work to login and check the full results.
nomorepanic
18-05-19, 22:35
You shouldn't be checking results - let the doctor do that and tell you what to do next.
Hopefully you will have results next week and we can put this to bed once and for all.
Sad thing is it took me to accuse you of trolling before you actually opened up.
Is there any chance at all that you’ll listen to us? For once, just accept that your problem is actually mental and not physical?
How about it? Stop talking utter garbage about your fantasy illness and really engage in trying to deal with the real illness?
You’ve got a huge deal of support ready and willing here, but you keep giving us the cold shoulder. You keep trawling out the same tired rubbish about your kids grieving and how you’re “literally” the most depressed you’ve ever been.
Why can’t you stop this? Why can’t you at least try to be civil?
I assure you that nobody, including me, wants to get on your case here. We genuinely care, but at a certain point we need to stop caring.
darkside4k
18-05-19, 23:34
I'm not trying to ignore people. It's just that I don't personally believe this is all in my head. Mainly because I'm the only one that can actually feel this node and how it has changed over the last month or two. *I* am the only one here who can feel it and say "yep, that's definitely bigger". I wouldn't come on here and post that I was worried if it wasn't. The doctor apparently thought it was big enough to warrant an ultrasound to get a better image of it.
So, I don't believe I'm in the clear by any stretch. In fact, this is probably the closest I have come to an actual possible cancer diagnosis... and that really scares me.
I get that you're scared, but there's something very uncomfortable about these fantasies you keep on sharing with us about your grieving children.
nomorepanic
18-05-19, 23:43
You have been here over and over again and every time you are dying and sure it is cancer and still you won't get help for the HA.
You will still be here in 20 years if you don't
darkside4k
19-05-19, 00:54
But, I'm just bothered because I can't think of any benign reason my groin node would be enlarging and not going away.
Because I’m certain you’re constantly poking and prodding at it. I’ve been down that road.
darkside4k
19-05-19, 20:48
I sincerely hope and wish that is the only reason. :/ ... honestly though I’ve been feeling this lymph node for 9 months now and it only started feeling bigger over the last 1 or 2. :(
I’ve been feeling this lymph node for 9 months now and it only started feeling bigger over the last 1 or 2. :(
Nine months of poking and prodding? I would imagine that would make any node swell and go shotty.
Positive thoughts
nomorepanic
19-05-19, 23:15
We are going round and round and round here.
Update us once you do not have cancer but I know you won't cos you say you are leaving then anyway so I suggest people just stop replying to be honest.
darkside4k
20-05-19, 23:15
Heard nothing today. Even left a message with nurse to ask about next steps. No call back.
Here's the thing. Any time I have tests done my doctor tells me that she'll post it online and if it's anything she needs to discuss with me she'll call me. So, the fact that no one has contacted you yet is a pretty good indication that nothing serious is going on. I know people get annoyed with you, but I have a lot of empathy for your situation and I feel very sad when I read your posts. If you don't want to get help for yourself, do it for your kids. My mom's health anxiety is the reason that I have it and it ate up a lot of my life, particularly the first few years of my daughter's life. All of my anxieties trace back to the ones I observed in my mother growing up. If you get help, not only will you live a better life and be there for your family, but your kids can see you seeking out help for yourself. I talk to my daughter a lot about my anxiety and why I go to a therapist and what it all means because I don't want her to end up with anxiety, too. Think about your family.
I'm so sorry this is your experience. I hope one day you're able to see things more clearly and find the help you need.
darkside4k
22-05-19, 01:41
Got a call today. They basically repeated what I had already seen from the ultrasound report from the imaging center. They said they were going to give me antibiotics in case it’s from an infection (it’s not - I’m not sick and it has been this way for at least 2 months now). If it does not get smaller they said will refer me to a general surgeon for a biopsy.
So, they do think it is serious enough to biopsy if the antibiotics do not help. I know they won’t because it’s been there for a long time. It’s not infection related.
So, to be honest it still looks likely that I have lymphoma. I’m not sure this is even a case of health anxiety anymore?
MyNameIsTerry
22-05-19, 01:52
So, what they actually are doing is trying to treat it first and if it doesn't respond only then will do perform a biopsy which can be determined as ruling out procedure. The alternative is they know it's cancer so are wilfully negligent or having a laugh at making someone very ill or terminal. Why would they do that? Are they so desperate to lose their licences and end up in a prison for years? How many patients do these psychopaths kills each year?
Which option is more likely?
darkside4k
22-05-19, 02:06
Most people never even make it the ultrasound stage because the doctor isn’t concerned. Mine was concerned enough for ultrasound and now is concerned enough for biopsy if it doesn’t go down with antibiotics. That speaks volumes.
MyNameIsTerry
22-05-19, 02:43
So, you think your doctor is either a) incompetent b) negligent or c) enjoys prolonging cancers?
The human body is a funny thing. You should know that by now. It’s also very resilient. The general surgeon that biopsied one of my lymph nodes (was enlarged for about a year, didn’t end up being cancer), told me in my fit of panic that he’s had one in his neck that has been enlarged for as long as he can remember. Sometimes it just happens. It’s not always so black and white... i.e.- It’s been enlarged for months, I’m not sick, must be cancer. Uhhhh, no. Could be a million different things. There’s not always an explanation and that’s okay. Your Dr. trying to treat it first and then sending you for a biopsy is him/her doing their job. They’d otherwise be considered negligent, in which case their license is on the line. Because they mentioned a biopsy doesn’t mean they think cancer. It means they’re doing their duty as a medical professional.
Most people never even make it the ultrasound stage because the doctor isn’t concerned. Mine was concerned enough for ultrasound and now is concerned enough for biopsy if it doesn’t go down with antibiotics. That speaks volumes.
Yes it does. No doctor messes around with antibiotics if lymphoma is suspected. It's straight to biopsies.
Got a call today. They basically repeated what I had already seen from the ultrasound report from the imaging center. They said they were going to give me antibiotics in case it’s from an infection (it’s not - I’m not sick and it has been this way for at least 2 months now). If it does not get smaller they said will refer me to a general surgeon for a biopsy.
So, they do think it is serious enough to biopsy if the antibiotics do not help. I know they won’t because it’s been there for a long time. It’s not infection related.
So, to be honest it still looks likely that I have lymphoma. I’m not sure this is even a case of health anxiety anymore?
Well, thanks for the update Darkside. I have nothing much to say that will help you at all, or make any difference, as its all been tried and even if one day you do get ill then you have no skills to deal with it, as have never taken that step. One final word of advice - You'd do well to not be poking and prodding it AT ALL, AT ALL, get it !
Most people never even make it the ultrasound stage because the doctor isn’t concerned. Mine was concerned enough for ultrasound and now is concerned enough for biopsy if it doesn’t go down with antibiotics. That speaks volumes.
Load of BS,like pulisa said is correct.
I will tell you Again. You DO NOt HAVE LYMPHOMA.
Get a grip ds.
utrocket09
22-05-19, 12:44
I sincerely hope and wish that is the only reason. :/ ... honestly though I’ve been feeling this lymph node for 9 months now and it only started feeling bigger over the last 1 or 2. :(
Darkside, did you inform the doctor you have been poking and prodding at it ? In addition, if you actually had cancer, which you don’t, you would not be on antibotics. You can most certainly have an infection and not feel ill.
utrocket09
22-05-19, 15:22
Most people never even make it the ultrasound stage because the doctor isn’t concerned. Mine was concerned enough for ultrasound and now is concerned enough for biopsy if it doesn’t go down with antibiotics. That speaks volumes.
This is 100% BS. My husband had a similar issue with a large lump on the back of his leg. He went right for an ultrasound and got treated with antibotics just as you did.
MyNameIsTerry
22-05-19, 16:22
This is 100% BS. My husband had a similar issue with a large lump on the back of his leg. He went right for an ultrasound and got treated with antibotics just as you did.Utrocket, exactly and I bet everyone else on here could poke huge holes in his logic from their experiences. For instance, both my father and brother have actually had biopsies on lumps in the body purely to ensure it backed up the consultants diagnosis (pre treatment, non cancerous) yet darkside's doctor isn't even getting that far despite It "definitely" being cancer.
Utrocket, exactly and I bet everyone else on here could poke huge holes in his logic from their experiences.
Hasn't poking things only exacerbated the problem so far? :whistles:
Poking NEVER does any good, anytime, anywhere.
MyNameIsTerry
22-05-19, 16:51
Poking NEVER does any good, anytime, anywhere.Try telling that to our doctors ("now did that hurt?"). I'll resist mentioning naughty types of poking :whistles:
MyNameIsTerry
22-05-19, 16:52
Hasn't poking things only exacerbated the problem so far? :whistles::notworthy::yesyes:
Well, ok, constant poking around on yourself rather than someone medical doing it as a one-off. :roflmao:
If the node is not cancerous I will leave the forum and give a donation, as long as I can give the donation anonymously.
I can't remember his name but there was a member with a similar pattern and fear of lymphoma a several years ago. He was obsessed with his nodes. He had seen countless doctors and had dozens of tests that were all negative. He poked and prodded his nodes endlessly and made them swollen and shotty. He finally found a doctor that did an invasive biopsy on a groin node. It was negative of course. He STILL didn't believe it! :wacko: He left the forum shortly after he got similar feedback from the forum.
All I can say is good luck Darkside. It's been real :yesyes:
Positive thoughts
You promised during one of your previous episodes of dying that if you got the all clear that you would do something about your mental health and would also post to help other members.
Neither one of these have happened?
This is why we challenge you. You just keep repeating the cycle and have made no effort to break it.
???
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