Just so scared / all day anxiety

[TRISTAN]

So I have been struggling for last 5 years but this year has been the worst ever , lost my job due to I’ll health and every day I wake up scared , full of anxiety and dread

I’m getting very scared of this now and just want to give up , on so many meds I really don’t know what to do .

I’m married with 3 kids and life is just so hard right now , I’m a mess and really can’t cope anymore , wife has had enough of me now and about to loose everything at this rate

Rant over , can anyone give me some advice please

[pulisa]

I'd certainly get your meds regime assessed, Tristan. Sounds like you are being overloaded which is not necessarily helpful with anxiety. Are you confident in your psychiatrist's ability to monitor you?

[TRISTAN]

Not one bit , just on so much just to feel crap all the time , mornings are the worst and quite often wake up suicidal

List of meds

Pregabalin 400 in split doses
Propanol 160 mg slow release
Venaflaxine 75
Mirtazapine 15 mg
Zoppyclone 7.5
Lorazepam 4mg in split dose
Quetiapine 300 mg , 200 at night and 100 in morning

I only have depression and anxiety ffs

[pulisa]

I'm surprised you can stand up, Tristan. How often are you seen by the psych because that's a hell of a lot of meds to take with little effect? Is he/she just adding meds into the mix in the hope that one drug may make a difference?

I'd certainly be asking questions..

Sometimes less is more especially if you are on the agitated end of the spectrum.

[TRISTAN]

Just keeps adding , so fed up of feeling this way now , some days I just wish I was dead

If it wasn’t for my family I prob would be .

[Sleepy]

Tristan, I can’t believe how much medication you’re on. I’m dealing with horrible side-effects from just one.

Can you see someone else? You shouldn’t have to go through this.

[ankietyjoe]

Not one bit , just on so much just to feel crap all the time , mornings are the worst and quite often wake up suicidal

List of meds

Pregabalin 400 in split doses
Propanol 160 mg slow release
Venaflaxine 75
Mirtazapine 15 mg
Zoppyclone 7.5
Lorazepam 4mg in split dose
Quetiapine 300 mg , 200 at night and 100 in morning

I only have depression and anxiety ffs

Quite honestly I find this ridiculous.

I was tested and measured as having severe anxiety and depression (twice over the period of ten years) and never took any medication and recovered.

Maybe (and this HAS to be something you want to do), tell your psychiatrist that you have decided you want to come off the medication and use that as a life goal for the next year or so.

I agree with Pulisa that the combination of drugs you are on is possibly causing as many issues as it's potentially solving.

I know exactly how you feel because I've been there. I have a family, two kids and A/D robbed 3-4 years of my life from me, and from them. But, I know it can be beaten without having to rely on drugs. My anxiety is 99% gone, and my depression is 100% gone. It can be done.

[pulisa]

I agree. Having a goal to come off/reduce some/all of these powerful meds will give you a purpose, Tristan. You need to take some control back. Unless your psych has a definite plan as regards your meds regime I would challenge the decision to keep on adding in meds on your already overloaded nervous system.

And for the record I've had 2 hospitalisations myself and am not on any meds. It can be managed without a cocktail of meds. I hope at least you are being regularly monitored and not left to your own devices with little support?

[ankietyjoe]

I agree. Having a goal to come off/reduce some/all of these powerful meds will give you a purpose, Tristan. You need to take some control back. Unless your psych has a definite plan as regards your meds regime I would challenge the decision to keep on adding in meds on your already overloaded nervous system.

And for the record I've had 2 hospitalisations myself and am not on any meds. It can be managed without a cocktail of meds. I hope at least you are being regularly monitored and not left to your own devices with little support?

Yeah, I was hospitalised 4 times for my anxiety, three times was tachycardia that lasted over 24hrs (over 120bpm the entire time) and the other time was described as a kind of shock after a heavy workout. You can definitely do it without meds, but you'll need to work closely with your psychiatrist to come off them slowly if you decide to do so.

I was told by a therapist AND my GP that I wasn't going to get better without meds. Which I'm still quite angry about.

[pulisa]

On the NHS it's difficult to work closely with a psychiatrist unless you are in hospital though.

It's very wrong that you should have been told this, Joe and completely inaccurate. Designed to put pressure on an already vulnerable patient. The whole picture needs to be presented without the influence of the drug companies.

[ankietyjoe]

On the NHS it's difficult to work closely with a psychiatrist unless you are in hospital though.

It's very wrong that you should have been told this, Joe and completely inaccurate. Designed to put pressure on an already vulnerable patient. The whole picture needs to be presented without the influence of the drug companies.

Oh yes I agree. Back when my anxiety really kicked in I was given 10 sessions with a therapist to pre-empt the CBT I was on the waiting list for. It was her that suggested 'it will be very difficult to overcome without medication'. Then a couple of years later when anxiety was bad again my GP actually said 'well you're not going to beat this without anti-depressants'. Word for word. He even told me that he took them. I think it's very irresponsible on both their parts, but luckily for me I'd already had experience of people close to me being on AD's so I knew 100% it wasn't something I was going to do.

I'm just assuming that the OP is under the guidance of a psychiatrist given the list of medication he's on. I cannot imagine that a GP is monitoring that.

[TRISTAN]

They are talking about taking me off propanol then venaflaxine and work down from there but I’m so scared as I’m no good with med changes and think I would be better off in hospital while they did it but can’t get in , god knows I’ve tried

It’s all getting to much for my body and mind to deal with and just want to jump off something high and get it over with , saw cpn today and they now think it’s a personality disorder

[ankietyjoe]

They are talking about taking me off propanol then venaflaxine and work down from there but I’m so scared as I’m no good with med changes and think I would be better off in hospital while they did it but can’t get in , god knows I’ve tried

It’s all getting to much for my body and mind to deal with and just want to jump off something high and get it over with , saw cpn today and they now think it’s a personality disorder

You're in charge here, and it can get better.

I highly doubt it's a personality disorder unless you suffered any kind of trauma or abuse, especially in childhood. I know a fair amount about this.

My partner has a severe personality disorder (DID) and was on a combination of three of the medications you're on, and she described what your'e feeling while being on them and just stopped taking them cold turkey. Completely against her psychiatrists advice, but she feels a lot better off them than on them. I am absolutely not suggesting you do that, but although the transition might be uncomfortable, you might feel better afterwards. This has to be something you want to do though.

Are you under the care of a psychiatrist? What connection to you have with professional medical help?

[pulisa]

They are talking about taking me off propanol then venaflaxine and work down from there but I’m so scared as I’m no good with med changes and think I would be better off in hospital while they did it but can’t get in , god knows I’ve tried

It’s all getting to much for my body and mind to deal with and just want to jump off something high and get it over with , saw cpn today and they now think it’s a personality disorder

I presume they are thinking BPD? Your meds must definitely be reassessed then. Did you tell the CPN that you have suicidal thoughts?

---------- Post added at 20:34 ---------- Previous post was at 19:19 ----------

It's pretty scary on a psychiatric ward-or at least it was for me-so you may be better off at home provided you have regular contact with your CPN.

[TRISTAN]

I was on the ward last March and it wasn’t to bad for me but now they have banned smoking it might well be a different experience ,

Told cpn I was suicidal and didn’t seem that interested tbh

[ankietyjoe]

Why do you feel you need to be hospitalised? Is it just because you fear how you'll feel coming off the medication?

Why were you in a ward in March?