When did your Health Anxiety start?

[MagpieWitch]

I've been looking back on my childhood and I realized I've had health anxiety for most of my life.

I remember when I was 10 I would often ask my mother or father if I have cancer which they will tell me children don't get cancer (I didn't have Dr. Google back then)

I would also call my mom whenever I cut myself, whenever I got pain and if I saw a wasp, asking her if I could die. My friends actually made fun of that, but she was reassuring.

I also remember that I heard my grandparents talk about a friend of theirs who died from aneurysm and I didn't know what that is so I thought it's when your neck artery bursts suddenly. So I was too afraid to sleep and would lay in bed with the adult channels on on the TV and holding my hand over my neck just to make sure, until the sun rose at 4am and I finally fell asleep.

It's terrible how much fear I lived with ever since I was a child. I mean at 4 years of age I couldn't sleep and kept asking my mother what happens after we die. I was 4 years old.

I think the most terrible health anxiety for me began at 16 and it hasn't improved since (I am 22)

What about all of you?

[lucymarie]

Gosh that certainly sounds difficult Magpie, particularly so young :sad:

For me it was in 2016, a few years after my dad died from Cancer. I had some routine bloods and then got called in and told I had some elevated results and needed a brain scan. That was it. It was all very poorly handled IMO. I have a compulsive need to understand things and I wasn’t content not knowing what was going on so went home and googled. First mistake.

Once the C word started popping up I thought oh god, it’s come for me too and that was me in a puddle on the floor and it’s spiralled ever since. The issue itself turned out fine but now my brain is programmed to always think the worst with google as my crutch. I have since lost other loved ones to the disease and I think the trauma mixed with my anxiety disorder just latched onto each other. :unsure:

[Graceski]

Mine started when I first started experiencing panic attacks out of the blue 9 years ago. I had no idea what panic attacks/anxiety was at the time and I went home and Google'd my symptoms. There were loads of negative things to explain my symptoms, fainting, anaemia, heart attacks, you name it.

Then after that every time I had a panic attack I thought something was seriously wrong! My Googling went out of control and I convinced myself I had so many problems I never had.

[Jarofflies]

Mine about 10 years ago. I thought I was choking on food. It did stick in my throat for a while, but it went down

I was actually ok then for the past 4 or so years, but lately it's coming back again

[Sollace]

When I was 5, there was this advert on the television about a heart struggling and having a heart attack- it was supposed to be a reminder for people to take care of their cardiac health, and be mindful of the symptoms of heart attacks. Shortly afterwards, I began developing pains in my chest whenever my heart beat, and after telling my Mum I ended up over in the hospital having an ECG. I was completely fine, however here I am now, 15 years later.

[Limeslime]

Christmas Day last year. I had a bath using some lovely bath bombs and pamper products that I’d been given as gifts. When I got out the bath I noticed a purple blotch on my boob and vaguely remembered noticing a lighter version of it two weeks earlier. I kinda thought excema or some kind of infection, so I googled it. Literally hundreds of pages told me it was inflammatory breast cancer! Being Christmas, I couldn’t get an appointment with my GP until 3rd January, and in that time my panic grew and grew. I was convinced that boob was painful, and I did so many self breast exams that I ended up being able to squeeze discharge from my nipple which freaked me out even more! My boob became so red from constantly prodding it, but I saw the redness as another symptom of IBC.
I sometimes wonder if I’d been able to see a doctor sooner that maybe my HA wouldn’t have developed and grown like it did.
When I finally saw my GP she reassured me that everything seemed ok and to come back in a month if I was still worried. Of course, in my mind that meant she wasn’t sure and my HA kept snowballing.
Looking back I think I really went a bit crazy. Unknowingly self harming and spending like mad! I got put on medication in early feb and things started to improve but the HA and obsessive checking is still an everyday part of my life! But I don’t feel as “out of control” as I did back then!

[Pamplemousse]

I'd be about ten at the time. I can even remember the trigger - my cousin saying I could break my neck and DIE! whilst we were playing in a rough-and-tumble manner. It wasn't so long after my grandfather died - the first reasonably close relative to me to die - so it had an impact. From then, it was newspaper scare stories of black widow spiders, lassa fever and other things on an impressionable young mind.


Although it has waxed and waned over the years (it didn't really trouble me in my mid/late teens to my mid/late twenties) it's still here now.


And I'm 54 next week.

[unsure_about_this]

2011 wheb my dad recived his bowel screening kit (poop sample) in post I saw the letter, all his tests have come back fine


However my anxiety about health could have started before.


I am still struggling because I worry every symptom I have is cancer. I keep thinking every symptom I get is cancer,


I been to gps/doctors lots of times

[Mike998e]

My Health anxiety started in 2013. I was 15 years old that time. It started off slowly where I was occasionally thinking I might develop cancer or get meningitis. But the weeks after that the anxiety built up more and more and was becoming very severe, I would constantly check my vital signs( blood pressure, temperature, oxygen level and pulse), I then started to make many Gp appointments ( 2-3 per week!!. At that point I was very convinced I was going to die. The illnesses i was most scared about were Meningitis, Heart attack, stroke , appendicitis, Stevens Johnson’s syndrome and Guillan barre syndrome. When I was at the Gp surgery I would demand for certain tests to exclude whichever illness I thought I was having or would get. I had plenty of tests done constantly and nothing ever came up. My anxiety didn’t get any better though. I kept thinking the results were someone else’s and not mine.. after some time my Gp offered me treatment for my anxiety as it was so severe. He put me on Sertraline and Lorazepam. And referred me to CBT therapy. After about 2 years the anxiety finally but slowly vanished over time. And I am now back to my normal self

[unsure_about_this]

I been to the gp lots of times, had scans, so far I thought I had bowel cancer, testicle cancer, anal cancer, brain tumours etc.

At the moment I think I have either testicle cancer or bowel cancer as I am worried about my stomach, back pains and feeling I want to go sometimes.

I been told by my gps I have health anxiety.

[Pea Tear Griffin]

Gosh that certainly sounds difficult Magpie, particularly so young :sad:

For me it was in 2016, a few years after my dad died from Cancer. I had some routine bloods and then got called in and told I had some elevated results and needed a brain scan. That was it. It was all very poorly handled IMO. I have a compulsive need to understand things and I wasn’t content not knowing what was going on so went home and googled. First mistake.

Once the C word started popping up I thought oh god, it’s come for me too and that was me in a puddle on the floor and it’s spiralled ever since. The issue itself turned out fine but now my brain is programmed to always think the worst with google as my crutch. I have since lost other loved ones to the disease and I think the trauma mixed with my anxiety disorder just latched onto each other. :unsure:

Mine is very similar to this I got health anxiety after a family member died of Cancer and now I keep thinking its coming for me or who is next :weep:

[Purple Blood]

Back in January I had nosebleeds for about a week(because I kept blowing my nose,nothing serious)and I got pretty scared and started googling assuming that I had leukemia
Then a few weeks later I got the flu and went to the doctor.She started examining my abdomen and thought that she felt "something",scared the shit out of me until she was like "oh no it's just fat":shrug:
Well after that I became obsessed with the idea of having stomach cancer,then thyroid problems because I lost a kilo,then I found a mole in my ear that I thought was cancer,then a swollen lymph node and so on...
Anyway,I've noticed that when I'm generally stressed about other things I tend to "search" for symptoms so that I can shift my worries to the potential of a disease.

[LiveLaughLove]

Mine started when I was 8. My grandpop died, and my grandmother didn't want to sleep alone. SO even though I lived down the street with my mom and dad and brother, I would go over there everynight to sleep, She would sit on the step with her lady friends at night, and they all talked about illnesses and symptoms. As an 8 year old, I sucked that all in. and the rest, as they say, is history. (sigh)

[Anxiousamyj]

I’ve basically had it since I was a child, around the age of 10. It has waxed and waned over the years, but my latest flare up (worst ever!) which is pretty much calmed now, started June of 2017 with phantom smells and a brain tumor fear. Since that had been proven false with a scan, I was off to the races with other symptoms that changed constantly. I went through a litany of disease fears, many tests, finally in February of this year, I sought help from a therapist, a psychiatrist, and had an open conversation with my GP who decided to run some final tests to reassure me. The diagnosis of all that is HA. There is some OCD there as well. I used to google my symptoms up to 10 hours per day, prod my body until it was bruised, and weigh myself dozens of times per day. I broke the cycle with therapy, meds, and good old fashioned willpower. I still get weird symptoms, but I’m able to see them for what they are now without freaking out. I think approaching a milestone birthday (40) which happened in June was part of the reason for my terrible time. Maybe a midlife crisis of sorts. I’m not saying I’m cured, but I do feel like I have many more tools in order to fight against it. I would urge anyone who is suffering with this awful HA to seek help. It really can get better!

[MagpieWitch]

I am so sorry to everyone that started having this as a child, because I did too and I know that my childhood has been living hell of fears and sleepless nights when most of my friends were carefree :(

[Malsais]

For me it started when i was a kid, my brother told me that when its doomsday, we all going to die, i run and cry but it all triggered on and off.
Recently it hit me the most, im 31 and 10 years ago my father passed away cause of colon cancer, he is a strong and selfmade man, he work his business from scratch with just hugh school certificate. It really hit me ever since, If my dad who i really think is so strong is losing the battle, what is the chance im winning it? He is 57 when he past away.
Recently i have a swollen anus, it struck me that i might get the C. Im seeing doctor last week and she said its hemorrhoid. Due to my HA, im going to second doctor.
The scenario 'what if' is really killing me, during my life i have made a bad choice and wrong judgement. I think that also triggers me, what if im wrong this time?

[nirvanainchains]

It started when I was on my 4th year college, about 5-6 years ago. I had a bad cough, sneezing and chest pain, I googled and read about lung cancer to HIV, and my world crumbled apart. Now, although I cured myself from this curse called Health Anxiety, still there are some days that it comes back to me, and actually, I just posted a topic now about prostate cancer symptoms. I don't want to go worrying again and make myself a mess.

[snowflake293]

It started in about 2012 possibly earlier. My Mom had just been diagnosed with c-word and I had a lump that needed investigating at the same time. My uncle was also dying with c-word and I had to have surgery on my stomach for a separate issue to my lump. My relationship at the time was also breaking down.

As a child my Mom would take me to the doctors a lot and would panic a lot about me being poorly. I also spent a lot of time in hospitals with sick grandparents.

My anxiety got better a few years ago, but then last year me and my husband lost a baby then a few months after I had a suicidal breakdown and all my fears came rushing back. I got help though thank god and I am sort of ok at the moment.

I have found both CBT and CFT combined with meds very helpful. I thinking looking back at when your anxiety started can help you understand better. It has certainly helped me.

[BamaGirl]

Ugh mine started at 13 when I had my first panic attacks. Ever since I always think every illness and every pain means in dying. I google all day and have convinced myself I have cancer of the urethra since I get recurrent utis...ive convinced myself of having a brain tumor because I have chronic dizziness...its so crazy!

[ErinKC]

Mine sort of started with my first panic attack, which was while sitting on an airplane that was malfunctioning, waiting to take off. I felt totally out of control because I was with a friend's family. I was 18. Thankfully, we ended up taking a different flight because this plane was actually broken, but I sparked my anxiety disorder. I spent that whole summer obsessed with every feeling I had since I was new to anxiety and didn't know all the cardiac and other symptoms were panic-related. It then went away for many years, resurfacing for like a week at a time very, very intermittently until 4 years ago when my daughter was born. My postpartum anxiety was intense and kicked my health anxiety up intensely as I became terrified of something happening to me and leaving my baby. I'll have long periods without anxiety, but I have never gotten back to my pre-motherhood place. I think the reason I have health anxiety vs. other anxiety is because my mom has it and I grew up watching her worry about her health and my health constantly. I was able to ward it off for a very long time, but the staggering life change of motherhood was too much to overcome.

[NancyW]

As far back as I can remember.

I remember a fears I had when I was 5.
I don't know why I am like this but I have worried my entire life. Always with that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and many, many times escalating to literally shaking.

I had a great childhood, the early trauma was my father died when I was 1.

[48tce]

gosh, when i was about 13? i had gone to the doctors for a slight fever and later that day i ended up in the ER because my heart rate was way too high. been terrified of every little out of the ordinary feeling since.

[Fishmanpa]

While I don't suffer, because my wife's illness started with psychotic behaviors, I am hyper aware of everything pertaining to my wife since her illness. Due to the extreme rarity of her illness and the possibility of recurrence, I'm always concerned when she has a headache or her speech gets wonky or she acts out of sorts.

Funny though, when it comes to me and my heart or cancer, I barely give it a second thought. Yeah, I have angina and I take nitro when needed, but other than that 5 minutes or so until the nitro kicks in (if it doesn't help, it's hospital time), I'm good :)

Thinking back, I remember my Mom probably had HA about us. She was always running us to the doctor for every little thing. Maybe that's why I avoid doctors and ignore niggles now... who knows :shrug: But I do know when something is seriously wrong with my heart and can recognize something amiss in my head and neck area and wouldn't ignore those symptoms.

Positive thoughts

[megan91]

I was coming back from vacation from the Outer Banks, I think I was 20? and my stomach or back was hurting. I googled and something about kidneys and it just snowballed from there. That was actually my lowest point, thinking everything was wrong with me. Now my anxiety is on and off, but it was constant then.

[Mocky444]

Around 10 for me

[Shadowhawk]

So, I have had blips here and there through the years (upcoming blood test, or some "symptom" persisting for a bit). But I would visit the doc, and would be told things are ok, and would be able to move on (generally).


However, the start of this year was a huge breaking point for me. On Dec 30, my divorce was complete, and the ex-wife moved out of the house, away from me and our daughter, to live with her lover across the country.

At this same time, I started my CPAP therapy (desperately needed), which provided the initial fuel to kick off my worry. I would look at the data, and post on forums for advice and help in tuning my therapy, and along the way, have people tell me that is was breathing too fast, or had a warning sign in my breathing for my heart. Well, that was the initial trigger, where I started worrying about my heart, which has led to literally this whole year being a spiral.
I got massively anxious about my heart, till I finally went to the hospital, and got checked. Following that, I had really trashed my stomach, so followed up with the doctor about that, which led to the docs following me for fatty liver (due to slightly high ALT levels) and eventually a colonoscopy because of pain and bleeding.


As it is, I am still not fixed, and it is just brutal to be stuck in worry, as well as bouncing to doc to doc.. I don't know how to manage it all really...

[Malsais]

So, I have had blips here and there through the years (upcoming blood test, or some "symptom" persisting for a bit). But I would visit the doc, and would be told things are ok, and would be able to move on (generally).


However, the start of this year was a huge breaking point for me. On Dec 30, my divorce was complete, and the ex-wife moved out of the house, away from me and our daughter, to live with her lover across the country.

At this same time, I started my CPAP therapy (desperately needed), which provided the initial fuel to kick off my worry. I would look at the data, and post on forums for advice and help in tuning my therapy, and along the way, have people tell me that is was breathing too fast, or had a warning sign in my breathing for my heart. Well, that was the initial trigger, where I started worrying about my heart, which has led to literally this whole year being a spiral.
I got massively anxious about my heart, till I finally went to the hospital, and got checked. Following that, I had really trashed my stomach, so followed up with the doctor about that, which led to the docs following me for fatty liver (due to slightly high ALT levels) and eventually a colonoscopy because of pain and bleeding.


As it is, I am still not fixed, and it is just brutal to be stuck in worry, as well as bouncing to doc to doc.. I don't know how to manage it all really...

That's is really tough, specially when your exwife takes your daughter away, I could only imagine, you are not alone, Positive thoughts

[Carlton]

I have been a worrier my whole life. I have always been a part of a religious family, and as a child, I was so scared of the Devil and Hell. I was scared of Nuclear War, this was in the early 80's. I was in hospitals a lot as a child for a birth defect, so I guess for some reason, my actual health never came much into my mind, since it was just a regular thing for me.


Anyway, my HA really started big time when my daughter was born 10 years ago. Then I started worrying about dying and leaving her with one parent, and the effect my death would have on her.



Then my lifelong best friend died of Sudden Cardiac Arrest at age 41 on his way to work, leaving his 2 kids. He was a type 1 diabetic. I am a type 2 diabetic for 20 years now. That pushed my HA to a whole different level in Summer 2013, as I basically had a nervous breakdown about 6 months after his death, thinking I was dying of everything you could imagine, from Heart Attack, to Colon Cancer, to Pancreatic Cancer. I had thousands and thousands of dollars worth of tests. All found nothing.


So it calmed down for a bit, but we made a major life change almost 2 years ago, a big move to a different state, where I left the job I loved and what friends I did have, for my wife's career.


I have been jobless, and majorly depressed ever since. Not to mention I got Frozen Shoulder in my right arm 11 months ago, with me being right handed that has been a major hassle and very painful, gained a lot of weight, have been in constant achy pain in my back and legs, and now just had that episode where I urinated blood 2 weeks ago, kicking my cancer fears into super high gear.


I take meds for depression and anxiety. I go to a therapist. But I feel alone even though I am married. My daughter is growing, and concerned with her changing life. I have no friends here. I really couldn't feel much worse, barring me losing my daughter somehow, which I could never survive.


I really just feel miserable pretty much all the time, every day, and just so tired of feeling this way, scared and hopeless. There are so many times I wish I had never been born just so I wouldn't have to feel this way.

[Kingdawson]

2013 a couple of years after my dad passed.

[Blue23Blent]

It's been on and off for years. Started back in High School. Flared up in 2012 with a cyst on back.

Then went away and flared up again and I've been having throat issues since June.

[rebelleepoque]

I was always a nervous kid, and have a family history of anxiety and mental illness (dad and brother both have GAD with OCD features; mom has major depression) but my HA specifically started at about twelve, when I was referred during a routine eye exam to a neuro-ophthalmologist for suspected swelling in my optic nerves. I ended up not having the swelling (and the ophthalmologist got written up for the shoddy diagnosis) but I underwent a whole lost of testing, including a lumbar puncture. I think not having anything wrong should have made me feel better, but it instead set off about ten years of preoccupation with body "noise," thinking every headache was a tumor/aneurysm, every cold was meningitis etc. My dad is a doctor so I also grew up with more awareness of things that COULD go wrong than the average person, I think, even though my dad was always very straightforward with me about how unlikely I was to have any of the diseases I thought I had!

My HA diminished from about the ages of 22-26 (though I did develop a preoccupation with being pregnant and not knowing it, which I managed through CBT), but it came roaring back with a vengeance while studying for my Ph.D exams, which spurred me to get on some medication and get back under a doctor's care, since I knew I wouldn't be able to pass my exams with this much stress and anxiety about my body. I'm lucky to have a doctor who specializes in mental health and anxiety and who has been understanding of my issues. I have always thought of myself/been described as a type A personality, and I think the root of my HA is my own fear of loss of control--the idea of having to be cared for, to be incapacitated etc. is very difficult for me. I have been exploring this fear with my doctor and hopefully I will be able to gain enough perspective on it to manage my HA and my general anxiety.