What to do for the best

[trinity]

Hi
I have been with my partner for 3 and a half years now and I thought i was used to his panic attacks, he usually takes himself off to bed, covers his eyes to block out the light and goes off to his own special place. I have no problem with this and I am lead by him most of the time and if he wants to be alone thats fine. But the other night he didn't get to bed soon enough and scared me half to death, I found him on the hall floor curled up in a ball groaning, retching and sweating. At first I thought he was having a heart attack but he managed to say "panic" to me. After about 15 mins of me just sitting there with him trying to talk calmly I managed to get him to crawl to the sofa so he could be more comfortable and I lifted him onto it as he had no strength. Its amazing what strength I found to do this, dunno how, but i did.
He mumbled that he wanted a towel and a pillow which I provided. The towel he places over his eyes to block out the world and the pillow he clutches.
He was groaning as he breathed and I found this frightening. Anyway I sat with him rubbing his back, neck and shoulders until his breathing calmed, then I just sat and waited. After what seemed forever, but was prob only about an hour he managed to say he thought he could get upstairs to bed, which we did.
The next day he said that on a scale of 1 to 10 that 1 was a 9. It has taken him 2 days to get back to his old self. But now, and this is going to sound selfish, I am terrified it really scared me and I have felt on edge since, almost like i am waiting for it to happen again. I know this is silly and irrational because in all the time I have known him this is the first one of this severity he has suffered.
He has no specific trigger and so I am at a loss. I love him to bits and we are getting married next April (2nd time around for both of us) I just want to be able to help and understand more about what he is going through. He is happy to talk about it and I asked hundreds of questions.
I wondered if anyone here has had similar severe attacks and can give me any pointers on helping and understanding.

Sorry for this long scrawl but I felt I had to tell someone what I experienced and only those who either go through it or support those who do will understand and hopefully help.

[Jaco45er]

Hiya Trinity

Has he seen a GP or got any help for this?

I have had the odd extreme panic attack in the last few years, but I tend to go into overdrive and pace it off, rather than sit on the sofa. Infact, when having extreme anxiety I can't sit still, I motor up and down (which is why I put a wood floor down, to save on living room carpets ;)).

In my experience, and talking to others, extreme panic attacks are not frequent, but after the sufferer has had one, then there is always this underlying fear that another will return, which can keep the suffer in a "state of anxiety".

There are a number of ways for him to approach dealing with anxiety, including:


Talk to the GP, get a check up to make sure there is no other problem causing anxiety, he may even suggest meds
Therapy, again usually guided by the GP
Self help, my personal favourite is Hope and Help for your nerves, by Claire Weekes
Exercise, exercise had the biggest impact on my life with regards to keeping anxiety at bay
Eat better, sleep better/regular
Some food and drink can cause anxiety/panic, including caffiene, alcohol, spicy foodsHe may just be having a phase of bad anxiety at the moment, I had a similiar bad spell a few years back that lasted a fair while, but with actively helping himself he will start to overcome anxiety.

The key with anxiety is not to get trapped into thinking this is it for the rest of your life. Anxiety is a direct response to how you think, and once you can overcome how you think, the physical symptoms of anxiety subside after time.

Good luck

Jaco

[trinity]

Thanks for the speedy replies folks.

My partner has seen his GP and is on medication, he exercises regularly and we watch his diet as we know certain triggers. basically he is doing all the right things but sometimes even these don't seem to work as i am sure you can appreciate.
Thanks again for the support.

[PUGLETMUM]

:) hi trinity,

simple as it sounds the only other thing i would add to geting better is to not be frightened of it!?!

i hear you saying 'how can you not be frightened of it'?

well basically your partner isnt ill, and the panic attack although severe did go on its own didnt it?

the more you fear the worse it gets - it FEEDS it!!! all the things we do to try to get rid of it, just feed it because you are saying to yourself in effect well if i didnt do those things that panic would have finished me off!!! NOT TRUE, even if he did nothing, no pillow, no towel no you he would come out of it!!!

take it from me(im not alone on here many others have had the same) it can get worse and it does get worse!!! i have been in that cycle for days and days, anxiety, panic, anxiety ,panic anxiety panic!!!! i have had about five episodes of this since age 14 where one panic of scale 10 went only to be followed by another panic of severity 10, i have been sleepless for nights on end and i have lost a dramatic amount of weight each time!!!

but the upshot is, i never died, or went mad, or was hospitilised and on only one of these occasions did i take medication to help!!! it is no illness, just an internal battle between your fight or flight system and your rational brain - the good news being that eventually (even after years) the rational brain will win!!!

you just need to STOP being frightened by the experience of a panic attack. because he has no trigger he is actually in a better place to come out of it, because they are random if he becomes frightened he will end up in the panic cycle, and then he will see that it does and can get worse but STILL nothing happened, it is only anxiety caused by fearful thoughts that there is a physical emergency imminent - there isnt and the panics are not a sign that anything is wrong, in fact the problem just is the PANIC. once youve had one your always going to have more until you stop being frightened!!!!

harsh as htis sounds if your other half ever gets therapy for his panics he will be told exactly the same thing, and it may not be a truth he wants to hear, but hear it he must and he must do it himself!!!

all the best:winks: