Ive had enough now..

[animal-mad-nikk]

Hi,
Yet again Im posting as I feel terrible, and is worse then ever.

Im Sat here crying big-time writing this.

I really dont know where to start writing about things, Ive been badly hurt by someone that I was close to. She cant handle all I say but why say I can tell talk to her about anything and then all this. I just need to know I have SOMEONE that I can talk too no matter when or how to get hold of her and then say she doesnt want me anymore. FFS.. What have I done???????

I go to the doctors and get no futher with things, I may as well go back to my old self and continue cutting 24/7 again and wanting to end things. After hardly doing for a while. I dont want to go back to doing it but I have no choice now. I have to blame for all of this, for what else will happen and what has happened before. I can turn to drink/drugs and hope for the best but I dont want to do this.

No wonder Im EXTREMELY scared to talk to people now but not just people but Im TOTALLY scared to do anything. I want to talk but I cant, I doubt I ever will be able to NOW, Im scared to try anything incase I mess up. I guess its for the best now for me to struggle alone forever, No-one wants me, no-one wants me to be ok, no they just want to hurt me and make me feel so much worse than I should be feeling. Im even that scared I cant even talk to the people I know I can trust.

I cant cope with this, What Is the meaning of all this now? To hurt me even more, to make me feel worse then I should be, To prove what Ive been through is ALL my fault etc.. I dont know anymore, I may as well not go to college/back to football coaching like I was going too do and just stay shut in my room and have NO contact to the outside world. I wanna curl up and not move till things are better but it WONT get better at all.

Ive always been let down by people, thought all my life, I have no light at the end of the tunnel now, there never will be, its gone on too far now.

Why is this like it is? surely I can have people I know I can trust and not be laid of after talking about all my hurtful things, that I find hard to say. This cant be right anymore. Having all this now is making the flashbacks more and more bad and frequent.

Sorry for going on. Ive just completely had enough of things now, I have no future ahead of me being like this now.

Nikk xxx:hugs:

[Granny Primark]

Hi nikk,

Youve obviously hit rock bottom now. You cant and wont get any worse im sure.
There is only one way to go now and thats up. You must believe this nikk.
Write down everything you feel and go back to the doc and insist on getting help.
Youve got people who have become close to you from nmp but now its time to get the proffessional help you obviously need.
Im always here for you nikk. I just wish i lived closer cus id take you by the hand and take you to the docs and insist he/she got you that help.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Take care
Loads of love
LYNN xx

[DavidJ85]

Dont worry Nikki I'm feeling a hell of a lot of depression and pain through all my anxiety and a lost love but I know we'll get there in the end....at least that's what I've trained my brain to think.

[lorac]

Nikk , you can always talk to me if you want to. So sorry to hear you feel so bad but I agree with Granny things can only get better from now and you do have to try and believe this be a little easier on yourself Nikk you are a worthwhile person and I believe you can do this. Sending you loads of hugs Nikk and don't forget people on Nmp really care about you

Be kinder to yourself
Carol xxxx

[bearcrazy]

:hugs:
Nikk, hope its not me you're referring to.
I had a bad day yesterday, n found it difficult to talk. i wouldnt want to hurt you for the world.
((((((((((((bear hugs))))))))))

[hoppipolla]

aww nikki, hiya :)

i was just chatting to you on the phone and it was lovely to hear you laughing and happy with your friends when you called, I hope things get a lot better for you I do care about you, and life CAN get better for you nikki. You give out good vibes, just chatting to you has made me feel much better and my head has cleared a bit as my anxiety was bad.

Thank you :)

I'm always here for you and thank you for caring about me

Mike / Hoppi :)

[Lindalou64]

AWWWWWW NIKK HUN DONT BEAT YSELF UP LIKE THIS IM SURE WHO EVER YOUR FIREND IS THAT YOU THINK IS UPSET WITH YOU DONT LET IT GET TOO YOU THERE ARE MANY WHO CARE FOR YOU.WHEN WE ARE DEPRESSED SURE WE FEEL LIKE WE LET PEOPLE DOWN BUT IN REALITY WE DONT.......AND KNOW THIS YOU WONT BE ALONE FOREVER.THERE ARE SOME WONDERFUL PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD.NOT EVERYONE IS A BAD EGG HUN..NO ONE IS WORTH HARMIMG YASELF FOR......YOU WILL MOVE ON NIKK.THE BEST THING IS TO GO CBACK TO COACHIN FOOTBALL .PLEASE DONT DWEEL ON THE PAST THINGS THAT HAPPENED IT GET US NO WHERE.......JUST KNOW I CARE ABOYUT YA AS IM SURE MANY DO NIKK.YOUR JUST HAVING A HARD TIME AT THIS MOMENT IT SHALL PASS...DONT ALLOW PEOPLE TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD EASY SAID THEN DONE I KNOW....I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST AND I KNOW SOON YOUR GONNA BE JUST FINE.KEEP YA CHIN UP OK........LINDA XXXXXX

[margaret911]

Sending you lots of hugs Nikk and dont give up just remember the best is yet to come

love Mags xxxxxxx

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Nikk,

I hope you are feeling better today. Just try and take one day at a time. Hang in there.

:hugs:,

Laura

[groovygranny]

Hi Nik,

I don't know you but it's quite obvious you have many friends here who care about you.

As Lynn says, when you hit rock bottom the only way is up.

The trouble is we can't convince ourselves to believe this when we feel ourselves hit the ground.

But you just have to hold on to even the slightest bit of hope - even when you think there is none.

Please believe that you are worthy of that hope - we all are.

Regrettably I have no words of wisdom for you - just some hugs and a little encouragement to not let go ok?

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

:flowers: