View Full Version : GAD and new drivers
Hi all, sorry for a long post, but I was wondering how my fellow GADders handled being a new driver?
I passed my driving test about four weeks ago - which seeing as I'm in my late 30s is a big deal! I always presumed I was going to be crap at driving, learnt ten years ago and gave up after failing three tests, but started again last year and passed my first one this time (which absolutely shocked me!).
Since then I've been a very wary driver, but have pushed myself to take off on my own and try things. At first I was programming detours into the satnav to avoid big roundabouts and tricky junctions, but have tried to avoid doing that over the last week, and have driven some of my least favourite parts of the city.
Sadly last night my confidence was shook a bit because I came onto our drive at the wrong angle and scraped the car on the wall, which has done enough damage to prevent the passenger door opening so will need a call to the insurers. Our house is on a hill, and the drive is a fairly tricky manoeuvre up a narrow slope with a wall on one side and a drop on the other into next door's garden, and my paranoia at overshooting the drop side meant I was a little careless and overcompensated too much wall side. I'm really annoyed - a very quick loss of no-claims! - but trying not to dwell on it and take it to heart - I'm new, it's a tricky drive, and that's what's insurance is for - though I was very hard on myself last night after doing it.
So today I took the car out and a lot of confidence had gone, and I had to leave the event I was at to check on my car because I parked it on a hill and my GAD voice whispered the idea I may have left the handbrake off, and I imagined it rolling onto the main road and causing a major accident. I tried to resist the thoughts, but I heard emergency sirens and this panicked me that it had actually happened, so I had to go and double check - needless to say the car was safe and sound where I left it!
When I got home I've road-parked as I'm not quite ready to attempt the drive again...
So what I'm asking is has other people's anxiety get in way of driving when new, and how have people overcome confidence shocks when they've had a bit of a prang that's shook them up a bit?
Got into old habits today, found out we won't get a courtesy car from the insurance until the car is assessed as fixable, which may be a few days away, and started Googling scare stories of cars that were written off with minor damage. Can't stop panicking that my stupidity has left us without a car now. Amazing how everything has the same pattern as health anxiety, eh?
This post really hasn't struck a chord has it? I thought other GAD sufferers would relate but obviously not...
Well done for passing your test!
Can't offer much, but little incidents will happen. I can understand how it has dented your confidence; but the more you drive the more confident you'll become.
If it's a new ish car then i doubt it will be written off. If it's an older car then maybe. My advice would be, if it's an older car and your insurance want to write it off then don't have it go through the insurance, it's only cosmetic and you really don't won't a write off on your records. If it's just light panel damage you'd be suprised how cheap repair shops are. My Dads car was hit last year dented and scraped both side doors and it was only about £300. My car bumpers keep getting marked and scratched when people park and rub it and i thought about having both totally re-sprayed and when i enquired it was only quoted at £200. Is it just light cosmetic? If so you could always just use it as is until you get your confidence back.
As for worrying about your handbrake, leave your car in gear.
MyNameIsTerry
25-09-18, 02:53
For a minute then I was expected this to be a rant about installed updated drivers on a PC http://yoursmiles.org/msmile/compgame/m19095.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/m-compgame.php?page=4):biggrin:
The GAD board's quiet, I wouldn't read into a lack of replies.
Yep, up bank park in gear. We have too as we live on a steep hill. Twice now a vehicle has actually slipped and headed directly for my dad's car. Both times it's been minor repairs though and one of those was a flatbed transit. The other was a brand new car and the electronic handbrake slipped, which is known to happen. But that's what insurance is for and it could be someone else doing it to you at any time hence it's to be filed under the "shit happens" of many things anxiety.
I think this is common to new drivers for the most part so anxiety just jumps on top of that are tries to make it an even bigger issue. Accept that part of it is quite natural as it's about experience to build your confidence.
Keep with the exposure with driving because it's one of those that lends itself to avoidance. My GF went through it when she started having panic attacks on the motorway but it was all about too much stress and with keeping going with exposure she is through it now.
My aunty had a crash which shook her up. She couldn't get in the car after that and she was drifting towards not doing so again with being elderly. So, my dad spent a few days with her getting back on the horse and she got through it.
It's just more of an uphill struggle for us as we already have a disorder twisting the most minor of things into mountains.
So, it's too early to tell right now. Accept it for what it is and that doesn't have to mean a new theme in your anxiety as this could go if you get yourself back on the horse. Much of our problem is confidence after all.
I think plenty will understand how you feel. Nic's own story talks about her motorway panic and recently Venus went through a tough time where a lot centred around her driving.
Thanks all, a lot of this is guilt too because we're a one car family and I'm depriving my wife of the car while it's getting fixed, which will be even longer if it's a write-off. I also can't bear the thought of being someone who "wrote the car off within a month of passing".
I suppose why it's shook me is one tiny mistake - misjudging a corner by a couple of cm - has had knock-on consequences, and my brain is going to what if the next tiny mistake causes something dangerous to happen? But I keep telling myself people way more stupid than me drive cars...
Think of all the idiots that have a licence, axolotl. It's because you are "cautious" and conscientious-both qualities which invite anxiety to come flooding in.
I admit that I have terrible "handbrake anxiety". I could no more leave a car in gear on a hill than fly..(hence I don't park on hills). Yes, avoidance but I'd rather do that than not be able to leave the car...
4 years ago I had 2 car write-offs in 4 months. Neither of them were my fault but your scrape sounds very minor and the most important thing is that nobody was hurt. I've had plenty of scrapes in my car when I was younger. It happens. I'm sure like Matt says that you can get this sorted without going through insurance and at a reasonable price. I think that you're thinking far too far ahead-why not get some quotes from a few local garages?
Yeah too late sadly, already set the ball rolling. Hopefully all will be fine, and it does mean we'll get a courtesy car while it's fixed. Last time something happened we got a far better car for a couple of weeks!
---------- Post added at 15:44 ---------- Previous post was at 15:43 ----------
Just got back from a motorway lesson, btw. My knuckles are still white, but it's injected some more confidence!
MyNameIsTerry
26-09-18, 01:48
Is it possible to refuse and have the car back to fix yourself if it's cheap? I know my GF has had to do this before with hers when it has come to write offs where she would have been worse of for it. It might be different for minor repairs though.
I wouldn't have thought you would be looking at a write off anyway from what you've described, more cosmetic damage. You've bent the door frame but that happens plenty with dings to wings and I wouldn't have immediately have thought it was the kind of chassis damage you expose from a collision at speed.
I'm sire your wife understands, it's an annoyance but you are a new driver. There is a reason our parents always told us as teenagers to get the cheapest car going and it wasn't just because of the insurance premiums. :winks:
Good on you for getting back out there and on the motorway too! I think the government are changing the laws on motorway driving for new drivers as it doesn't make much sense not to get them learning about them earlier...and like many drivers will tell you despite the scary speed issue it's not as fraught with dangers as town driving anyway.
One of my dad's pub mates, who lives just down the road from us, had a top of the range Jag sports car (convertible too!) when his Jag saloon was in for repair once...:winks:
My write-offs were pretty obvious and the cars were teenagers! And they were as a result of collisions with other cars.
Very well done on the motorway driving-that'll add to your confidence.
MyNameIsTerry
27-09-18, 01:50
My write-offs were pretty obvious and the cars were teenagers! And they were as a result of collisions with other cars.
Very well done on the motorway driving-that'll add to your confidence.
My GF tends to have old cars as a run around. Her current one must be a teen by now!
She was coming out of a parking space and a young woman crashed into her. It destroyed the woman's car but didn't do much to my GF's. But still the insurance company tried to write it off simply because it was old and the cost of repairs outweighed the value. She refused and found a mechanic who did it for a good price. It would have been worse having to buy a newer car.
That's the trouble with older cars sometimes.
Mine's now 17 but passed its MoT easily and was very well looked after by the previous owner. I've had it for 4 years now after the 2 write-offs in such a short space of time. I dread having to get a newer car as I feel safer in an old car strangely.
I passed my driving test at 30. I wasn’t remotely interested in driving so my partner bought me a lovely old banger and drove around with me for as long as I needed to get my confidence. I was recently out of a bad bout of health anxiety, and my confidence was very low. But I loved that car, and I soon started to love driving. We have a really steep drive and I rolled the car into my neighbours garage door after a few weeks. I’ve also lost count of the dings and dents on it. Then it got stolen, and so I got my next car (also got stolen [emoji849]).
Anyway, my point is that confidence will come. Keep doing little trips & you will gain experience and get more comfortable. Motorway driving leaves me white knuckled too sometimes! Just remember to breathe!
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Thanks for the comments, everyone. I know you'll all be on tenterhooks, so to let you know the car's being fixed and we got a courtesy car for the weekend. I nearly bottled it, but drove it from Sheffield to Nottinghamshire and back and clawed back a bit of confidence!
Brilliant!
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Hey, well done on passing your test! I have mine in Nov, dreading it - an hour alone in an enclosed space with a stranger under pressure to perform - yuk! You've done brilliantly to get through the lessons and the test. All new drivers have bumps and scrapes, I'm sure you're confidence will grow with experience x
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