Scottyboy
24-09-18, 02:51
Hi everyone
I am looking for some insights. I have read a few books the last month about worry and anxiety I have been writing down my thoughts and have been looking at my behaviours. Some insight would be appreciated.
I always remember being preoccupied with worry, catastrophe and disaster as a kid. I was never at ease and thought something bad would happen. I grew up catholic and expected the worst (hell, fire , god is watching etc). However as I grew older the worry got worse and now the irrational fears and catastrophe have gotten much more intense. They are out of touch with reality. They aren’t stresses that are normal day to day stress. And they morph once one passes a new one comes up.
I’ve spent a fair bit of time reading about generalized anxiety disorder and I’ve come to realize that I engage in a lot of reassurance seeking behaviours that seem to align more closely with OCD than generalized anxiety. I am going to be seeing a psychologist in the coming weeks but was curious about those who have come to a similar insight, if they could comment or those familiar with the distinction between the two. I started to compile a list of things I’ve done over the years and have noticed a pattern that resembles the compulsive reassurance seeking of OCD. I just never saw it because I don’t wash my hands or check the stove ten times. Some examples include:
- getting tested for hiv even though I am in a committed monogamous relationship for many years
- Transforming a bug bite into a bat bite and going to emergency room for rabies shots (dr. Laughed at me)
- Going to the doctor for a dog scratch thinking I would get rabies
- Googling my name to see if misinformation is being spread about me online (I’m not a famous person so I don’t know why i think this would happen)
- Thinking I had prions diseases including fatal familial insomnia
- Checking twitter incessantly to see if a photo of me was posted
- Blocking people from my past who I haven’t spoken to in years because I decided they might try to ruin my life for some reason
- Crawling on my hands and knees around my parents basement for an hour looking for mouse poop thinking I have to make sure I can’t get hantavirus
- Placing all of my clothes in large plastic ziplock bags when I go to a public gym because I’m afraid of bed bugs in lockers
- Hiding my face on public transit because I’m afraid people are filming me
- Purposefully going to talk to people at work just to confirm they aren’t mad at me
- Shaking my head at various points in the day to confirm I don’t have a headache
- Googling and reading about potential for hiv from haircuts
- Deleted Facebook because I was scared about people knowing about my life
- At one point I was obsessed with North Korea and fantasized about bombs and where I would hide. I read about nuclear fallout and how to survive.
.. and the list goes on. I realize they are all irrational fears but the behaviours and constant reassurance seeking just keeps the cycle going. Is this ocd or anxiety?
I have spent a lot of time trying to relax and I actually can chill out but the worrying intrusive thoughts just keep coming back.[COLOR="blue"]
---------- Post added at 01:51 ---------- Previous post was at 01:04 ----------
I am looking for some insights. I have read a few books the last month about worry and anxiety I have been writing down my thoughts and have been looking at my behaviours. Some insight would be appreciated.
I always remember being preoccupied with worry, catastrophe and disaster as a kid. I was never at ease and thought something bad would happen. I grew up catholic and expected the worst (hell, fire , god is watching etc). However as I grew older the worry got worse and now the irrational fears and catastrophe have gotten much more intense. They are out of touch with reality. They aren’t stresses that are normal day to day stress. And they morph once one passes a new one comes up.
I’ve spent a fair bit of time reading about generalized anxiety disorder and I’ve come to realize that I engage in a lot of reassurance seeking behaviours that seem to align more closely with OCD than generalized anxiety. I am going to be seeing a psychologist in the coming weeks but was curious about those who have come to a similar insight, if they could comment or those familiar with the distinction between the two. I started to compile a list of things I’ve done over the years and have noticed a pattern that resembles the compulsive reassurance seeking of OCD. I just never saw it because I don’t wash my hands or check the stove ten times. Some examples include:
- getting tested for hiv even though I am in a committed monogamous relationship for many years
- Transforming a bug bite into a bat bite and going to emergency room for rabies shots (dr. Laughed at me)
- Going to the doctor for a dog scratch thinking I would get rabies
- Googling my name to see if misinformation is being spread about me online (I’m not a famous person so I don’t know why i think this would happen)
- Thinking I had prions diseases including fatal familial insomnia
- Checking twitter incessantly to see if a photo of me was posted
- Blocking people from my past who I haven’t spoken to in years because I decided they might try to ruin my life for some reason
- Crawling on my hands and knees around my parents basement for an hour looking for mouse poop thinking I have to make sure I can’t get hantavirus
- Placing all of my clothes in large plastic ziplock bags when I go to a public gym because I’m afraid of bed bugs in lockers
- Hiding my face on public transit because I’m afraid people are filming me
- Purposefully going to talk to people at work just to confirm they aren’t mad at me
- Shaking my head at various points in the day to confirm I don’t have a headache
- Googling and reading about potential for hiv from haircuts
- Deleted Facebook because I was scared about people knowing about my life
- At one point I was obsessed with North Korea and fantasized about bombs and where I would hide. I read about nuclear fallout and how to survive.
.. and the list goes on. I realize they are all irrational fears but the behaviours and constant reassurance seeking just keeps the cycle going. Is this ocd or anxiety?
I have spent a lot of time trying to relax and I actually can chill out but the worrying intrusive thoughts just keep coming back.[COLOR="blue"]
---------- Post added at 01:51 ---------- Previous post was at 01:04 ----------