I really believe that I am dying and I don't know what to do

[Andromeda]

I have had chronic pain in my right lower back, side, hip, right upper abdomen, pelvis and thigh since May.

This pain started as what they believed to be a UTI but after a bunch of antibiotics the UTI cleared and I was still left with these pains.

In May I had bloods done (which just showed inflammation markers) a chest x-ray, abdominal x-ray, and ultrasound all of which came back normal.

I have been back to the doctors about 10 times with these pains because they are ruining my life. I have been referred to both a urologist and a gynaecologist for further investigation but I have absolutely worked myself up and convinced myself I have cancer.

This has gone beyond my normal anxiety and I am utterly convinced that this is cancerous due to the persistent nature of the pain.

I can't stop crying. It's completely consumed me. I'm terrified of further testing, what they will find, what I will have to have done and also dying itself. I've never had persistent symptoms like this, this is different to any other health anxiety episode I've had which is why I'm convinced that this time it's the real deal.

5 long months of chronic pain really takes its toll. I have no energy, I feel lifeless, I am so fed up and utterly terrified all at the same time and I feel like I'm just a ticking time bomb now. I don't know what to do.

[katniss]

Hi! I actually had nearly identical symptoms earlier this year. Literally from January to May. I had right sided back pain, thigh pain, pelvic pain and constant cramps (felt like my menstrual period was coming). I even had some bleeding in between cycles. It was insanity. I knew there was something wrong. I got one ultrasound done as well as some UTI tests and blood tests, all was clear. The pain remained. But it eventually faded and now it is all but gone. I still don’t know what it was. I’m assuming it was a small cyst. They did say there was a small 2 cm cyst in the ultrasound, but it was small enough to be a follicle and therefore of no consequence. They actually didnt even tell me about it. I had to ask my doctor. According to them everything was clear. It was on my right side, so I do think that was the cause of my pain.

Have you asked your doctors if there were any small cysts or follicles in your ultrasound? Did you get a transvaginal? Again, your tests and fine and you ARE fine :) I went through the same thing so I can understand how scary and frustrating it is.

[Andromeda]

Hey thank you for your reply and taking the time to share your experience !

I had a transvaginal ultrasound in June and it came back completely clear so no cysts at all

I'm trying to rationalise that my tests were fine back in May but my head just says well we're in October now and I'm still not okay, if I was tested again things might have changed, especially as the pain has changed and it feels almost like a stitch in my right side and right abdomen.

---------- Post added at 10:35 ---------- Previous post was at 07:08 ----------

I’m entirely consumed with this. It’s seriously affecting my ability to function. I’m recovering from a nervous breakdown that happened in January and caused me to develop agoraphobia where I was entirely housebound during the start of this year.

I’ve made so much progress with my agoraphobia, I’m doing a phased return to work, I’m
not housebound anymore but these pains are feeding my anxiety and feeding the agoraphobia.

I’m beginning to be afraid to go anywhere or do anything because I fear this is serious and I’ll just drop dead

[Andromeda]

I really feel like I can't cope anymore. I didn't sleep last night because of the pains and i'd convinced myself I was dying.

I've had to get up and come to work today (I'm on a phased return after 8 months off with the agoraphobia) and i just want to give it all up.

I have no more fight. I can't take the constant suffering. It's too much for me and it's making me wish i didn't wake up in the morning

[escapeartist]

Hi Andromeda,

I am sorry to hear of your pain and of your panic. I am in a very similar position with a different set of symptoms, and I am also certain I am dying of pancreatic cancer. So I know how you feel. I have had symptoms for 3 months and have gone back and forth to doctors too, similar bloods etc.

Physical aside, I know that I have very... suggestible and creative mind that has in the past convinced me I have suffered from brain tumours, MS, bowel cancer, stomach cancer, DVT and Rheumatoid arthritis. So for me it is a (small) consolation to know that I have spent other times in the past absolutely 100% convinced of something, only to find it was nothing, or something really benign.

Have you got a similar history with health anxiety and somatisation, or is this your first panic of the sort?

Big hugs!

---------- Post added at 11:23 ---------- Previous post was at 11:18 ----------

I have just read some of your older posts, and I feel like I am glimpsing my own history :) I also understand that just because you suffer fro HA does not mean that you cannot get sick (if only it were so), so I am not dismissing your fears.

What I will suggest is that you try and distance yourself just a bit from them. Try and write a list of actual symptoms (objective) and subjective ones ( like pain) and see if you can balance out your thoughts.

Have you ever had CBT? Do you know of any useful techniques?

Of course, the fact that this has gone on for so long must be a worry in yourself. I have been suffering for 3 months and keep on thinking 'surely it can't be in my head only this time'. But keep in mind that the more you worry the more you may exacerbate your symptoms and therefore keep the pain going.

What tests have you had done? What alternative diagnosis are the doctors giving you?